Things That Rub Me Wrong

Read at your own risk.

Plastic water bottles – unless you are traveling in a country where the water options are of dubious and mysterious quality, there is no need to buy water in a plastic bottle. We live in the United States of America. We have everything, including tap water that the Olympic gods would be proud to dribble down their chins. And if that still isn’t good enough, we have more filtering options than Zeus has offspring. It’s ridiculous that we spend so much money polluting our planet with bottles filled in someone’s bathtub or straight from the garden hose at the bottling plant. You are not getting artisan spring water or dew drops from Eden, so stop buying water in plastic bottles. Capish? (On a Positive Note: In one scenario where you may be stuck buying bottled water, a concert, I was pleasantly surprised that Lollapalooza’s water offerings came in recycled cartons made from paper. Woo.)

Bottle service – $300 for a tiny table and a $30 bottle of liquor? Ah yes, I see your logic. I don’t blame the clubs or restaurants that charge for this service, they are only taking advantage of stupidity. I blame the fools that plop down good money to wallow in their own pretension.

Bathroom dudes – Bathroom attendant, why oh why do you exist? Why can’t a guy use the toilet in the privacy he so desires? Why do I need help turning on the faucet, applying soap and getting a towel? Frankly, I don’t. In the realm of pointless jobs, this has to be among the most unnecessary. A friend reminded me that in this time of recession, everyone needs a job. No. Not if it involves smiling knowingly at me after I’ve just finished my business and offering an array of scented soaps. No. In an age where you can’t do anything without having to tip someone for some nonservice, I choose to not hand over my hard-earned dollar bills to you, bathroom attendant. Believe it.

DC cab drivers – for every one cab driver that is decent and wants to confide in you about how crazy all the other cab drivers are, there are ten that are actually crazy. And of course the decent one is still a dangerous driver. None can drive worth a lick, most are rude, and they all charge nit-picking fees…$1.50 for a piece of luggage in the trunk? A wait time charge at traffic lights? Bah!

‘The Power of Print’ campaign – I happen to read and like a few magazines. But I cannot understand an ad campaign of full-page spreads on why magazines are still viable and will not die in the digital age. The obvious message they are trying to disspell is that print media are a dying breed. And maybe, someday soon, they will die. But why target an ad at someone already reading a magazine?!?! Why are you telling me that print is alive and well, when I’m already holding your product in my hand? I’m confused. Maybe you should try getting your message out via other media channels! Just saying.

Justin Bieber – can anyone explain why a 16 year-old Canadian kid from YouTube fame, with only a couple of questionable teen-pop hits to his credit, has suddenly taken over the world?  Music, Twitter, book deals, FunnyOrDie.com videos, acting gigs on TV shows, and on. It never ends and its only going to get worse. We just live in his world. Someone please stop the madness! Whoever orchestrated this hostile Bieberesque takeover, tense up for a punch to the throat.

Cupcake Craze – $3.50 for a single speciality cupcake? No thanks, I’ll stick to two mashed together Hostess cupcakes for $.99. Enough said.

Whew. I feel better already.

Random iPod Playlist: Lollapalooza

Here is a good starter kit for enjoying Lollapalooza 2010. I did not see all of these bands (not enough time!), but they all played at this year’s festival. In bold are the ones I did see.

1. ‘Sweet Disposition’, The Temper Trap
2. ‘Gimme Sympathy’, Metric
3. ‘Bloodbuzz Ohio’, The National
4. ‘The Cave’, Mumford & Sons
5. ‘Fell On Black Days’, Soundgarden
6. ‘O.N.E.‘, Yeasayer
7. ‘Pick Up The Phone‘, Dragonette
8. ‘Islands’, The xx
9. ‘Lasso’, Phoenix
10. ‘Know Your Enemy’, Green Day
11. ‘Walking On A Dream’, Empire of the Sun
12. ‘Got Nuffin’, Spoon
13. ‘I Got Mine’, The Black Keys
14. ‘Last Nite’, The Strokes
15. ‘Electric Feel’, MGMT
16. ‘Rebellion (Lies)’, Arcade Fire
17. ‘Fixed’, Stars

out

That’s One Lolla of a Palooza You Got There

(Grant Park, Chicago) – A sea of humanity ripples and sways in the baking sun. You have arrived at Lollapalooza 2010. You are not alone. You weave between 80,000 strong moving, dancing, singing, sweating, gyrating, swilling beer, gulping water, seeking shade, eating, making plans, chatting excitedly and exhaustedly, sitting, standing, dosing in hammocks, or resting on the ground. You are all in for an eternity of music. Nonstop. Unwavering. Relentless. Three days. Eight stages. 152 bands.

It was clear upon entering the 2010 version of Lollapalooza, the hot sun would be a factor. Ridiculous. Just past the North gate I entered through, I noticed an epic bottleneck to access the Playstation stage area. Craziness. It was only later, after I’d walked around and got the lay of the land, that I saw just how well-organized and easy to navigate the grounds actually were. I had simply been caught with new people like me, unsure of where to go so were just following the crowd. Not a good strategy. Once I’d mingled with the crowd a bit, I noticed the wafting weed giving me a contact high and the dizzying number of sundresses. Oy.

Grant Park is ideal to host the event. There were two main stage areas on either end of the grounds. With a solid 10 minute walk between them, you had to plan ahead. Each area had two huge stages, where they would rotate the acts. This meant there was always a band playing. After one finished, you simply turned around and walked over to watch the next band start. This accounted for four of the eight stages. The other four smaller stages sat in between, but were far enough apart that the neighboring blasts of music didn’t interfere.

The whole point of my coming to this year’s event was to see Soundgarden. Back together after 14 years. But there was much music to hear before that. I was ready with my list of bands to see and a handy chart of who’s where. It’s on. 

Saturday

I arrived later on Saturday afternoon and the first act I wanted to see literally started as I walked in. Metric performed a strong set and got me energized for the evening. The only complaint, which happened elsewhere too, was that the sound would be one volume then get louder and back down at random intervals. I couldn’t tell if it was my ears adjusting after the flight to Chicago or something wonky with the sound system. I pick wonky. It wasn’t such a big deal except when they played ‘Sick Muse’ it got quieter and the lead singer’s (Emily Haines) voice cracked a bit so it was hard to hear. The volume and energy went right back up for their enthusiastic ‘Stadium Love’.

After Metric, I turned around and ambled to the opposite Budweiser stage to catch Spoon’s set. There are many songs I like from them, but overall the songs in between those didn’t grab me as much. And I was really hot and antsy. The cool thing about the Budweiser stage was that about 20 or so people could watch the show from platforms on either side of the stage. I don’t know how they got the tickets, but it would have been fun to be so close to some of the later bands.

The headliner for Saturday was Green Day. All the headliners played on the Foundation stage at the far end of the grounds. I’d seen them twice before, so there were no surprises, just a lot of energetic, loud music. After the first hour of their set, I was determined to see the last half of Phoenix’s set so I trekked all the way back to the Budweiser stage.

Phoenix is a band I’ve really enjoyed this year. There “Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix’ album is among the best I’ve heard all year. They didn’t disappoint. They ended at the proper time of 10pm after an encore of the danceable ‘1901‘. Earlier, Billy Jo of Green Day had loudly proclaimed that ‘everyone could (insert word of choice here) themselves because they were not going to stop playing at 10pm even if they (use same or different word here) cut the power’. So I had to trek all the way back over to verify his claims, and indeed I was able to catch the last 15 minutes of their over 2-1/2 hour set. I loved his enthusiasm but exhaustion had kicked in after standing and walking for five hours. And I was planning an even longer day tomorrow.

My Saturday Day 2 lineup

• Metric
• Spoon
• Green Day
• Phoenix

 

Sunday

I arrived a little earlier on Sunday to see Mumford and Sons on the Playstation stage. I’d heard a couple of their songs after a friend in the UK had said they were the best thing since sliced bread. I didn’t get that impression from the recorded tracks, but their live performance was brilliant. Now I need to re-listen and re-evaluate. Sliced bread still holds the edge, but it was a fun show and they would be worth seeing again when they come back to DC (I missed them the first time).

Next, I did an about-face and watched Yeasayer perform on the Budweiser stage. They played a few songs I liked and they seemed enjoy themselves. I cut out a bit early as I wanted to wander around and see everything. (http://www.lollapalooza.com/assets/images/in_the_park/map/2010_lolla_map_big.png) I didn’t have a band on my list for the next hour so I poked my head into a couple of the smaller stages and listened to a song or two of whatever was going on.

The food choices were remarkable. Quite a number of local restaurants had set up a line of booths on both sides of the grounds. There was no want for options. The first day I wanted to buy a burger at the booth called ‘Kuma’s Corner’ (my dog is Kuma!) but the cue was out of this world long. On Sunday the line was still long, but I sucked it up and got a mammoth Kuma burger just before Mumford and Sons started. Later I tried some pork belly sliders with kimchee…why? Disgusting.

Unplanned, I ventured to the Sony Bloggie stage, which had ample shade and a few places to sit – awesome!, where I listened to Frightened Rabbit, two Scottish brothers. I knew nothing about them but they put on a good show and there was the ever needed place in the shade so I lingered and enjoyed myself. This stage had the best location. I then wandered back over to the hot and crowded Playstation stage and saw the last half of MUTEMATH. They were okay. Right after their beats faded, MGMT started their set on the Budweiser stage. I listened for about 30 minutes, and enjoyed ‘Electric Feel’ but soon grew bored and began reminiscing about the shade so I made a beeline back to watch The Temper Trap, which I enjoyed much more.

Another band I was looking forward to seeing was The National. The lead singer has a very deep and hypnotic voice and while the music is somber at times, it grabs hold of you quickly and won’t let go. ‘Everyone’s Ghost’ and ‘Bloodbuzz Ohio’ (could be Johnny Cash singing) were especially amazing.

Finally, after two days of music, I began my final trek to the Foundation stage and Soundgarden. Tired, overheated and in a daze I wound my way eagerly through the throngs of happy but spent masses. I could hear the first song, ‘Searching With My Good Eye Closed’, pounding before I was halfway there. Soon the stage was only a gigantic field away and as I crept closer and closer they started playing ‘Spoonman’ and all the thirty-something white guys in my vicinity started dancing like they were smashed (they were). Even the thirty-something chicks and younger people got into it. Then it was all a blur for 30 minutes or more, as I stood entranced behind a group of rowdies waving beer cans in front of me. Finally, ‘Outshined’ throbbed in my ears, and it suddenly clicked, I am watching Soundgarden! Who I had last seen in their farewell concert back in 1996! I was suddenly alive and needed a beer. As soon as I had the Bud Light can in hand, I realized how easy it would be for me to weave my way to the front of the stage while avoiding the massive crowd. I cut in edge wise and found myself a mere 30 feet from center stage. I could see Chris Cornell’s long, early 90’s hair and the sweat beading down the band’s faces. And for the next hour, Soundgarden kicked our asses with music. And it was good.

My Sunday Day 3 lineup

• Mumford and Sons
• Yeasayer
• Frightened Rabbits
• MUTEMATH
• MGMT
• The Temper Trap
• The National
• Soundgarden

 

Metric on the Playstation stage

Spoon on the Budweiser stage

Food!

Gut-busting Kuma burger

Lollapalooza

Soundgarden! Terrible photo but see if you can't find Chris Cornell

Random iPod Playlist: Can You Dig It?

A few songs I’m digging at the moment. No theme to unite them, so play at your own risk.

1. ‘The Great Salt Lake’ by Band of Horses
2. ‘Wish’ by Paper Route
3. ‘Rocket’ by Goldfrapp
4. “Your Decision’ by Alice in Chains
5. ‘Little Secrets’ by Passion Pit
6. ‘Sick Muse’ by Metric
7. ‘Lasso’ by Phoenix
8. ‘New Fang’ by Them Crooked Vultures
9. ‘Dog Days Are Over’ by Florence & The Machine
10. ‘Starlight’ by Muse
11. ‘Diplomat’s Son’ by Vampire Weekend
12. ‘No Sunlight’ by Death Cab For Cutie
13. ‘No One Sleeps When I’m Awake’ by The Sounds

Keep those ear buds clean!

Five Random Albums: Best of 2009

This, I promise, is my last shout out to 2009. Before we close out the year that was, I give you a list of some of the better albums I listened to. A couple were released in 2008, but who’s complaining? I admit I didn’t buy a whole lot of albums this year (thank you library), but I did listen to quite a few. At least enough to pick five good ones.  In no particular order:

• Backspacer by Pearl Jam
• It’s Blitz by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
• Ladyhawke by Ladyhawke
• 21st Century Breakdown by Green Day
• Hook Me Up by The Veronicas

 

Bonus #1: Five Best Concerts of 2009

1. Chris Cornell (at 9:30 Club, Washington, D.C.)
2. Green Day (at Verizon Center, Washington, D.C.)
3. No Doubt (at Nissan Pavilion, Virginia)
4. The Ting Tings (at O2 Academy Brixton, London)
5. Jimmy Buffett (at Nissan Pavilion, Virgina)

 

Bonus #2: Ten Most Listened to Songs of 2009

1. “This Love“, The Veronicas
2. “Let Go“, Frou Frou
3. “My Delirium“, Ladyhawke
4. “Crazy World“, Ladyhawke
5. “Love Gives Love Takes“, The Corrs
6. “Softshock“, Yeah Yeah Yeahs
7. “Great DJ“, The Ting Tings
8. “Let Me Go“, Cake
9. “Never Miss A Beat“, Kaiser Chiefs
10. “Messages“, Filthy Dukes

The Best Non-Required Christmas Letter 2009 (Narcissistic Edition)

Let’s be clear, this letter is all about me, me, me. There’s no need to deny it or pretend otherwise. This is my chance to brag about what I’ve done, what I know, and how awesome I truly am. It’s where I yell “LOOK MA!” as I hit that bulging hornet’s nest with a big stick. In other words, I speak before I think. And I never expect to get stung.

But since this is after all, the season of giving, I’m willing to cut you in on my conceit. At least once a year, I’m willing to take the focus slightly off me, and give you some attention as well. I’m sure you deserve it. So if you send me your ‘me, me, me’ letters, I will read them (as far as you know). I’m also willing to go a step further and thank you for your attention now, even if, deservedly, it lasts but briefly. So, I am humbled by those that read every word of this letter, grateful to those that skim through it (looking for juicy parts), and wholly forgiving of those that press delete before opening it (even though they won’t know it). Let’s get started.

2009 was a year. Profound. But what type of year was it?

Was it an up year? Or a down year?

Was it a smack you in the face year? Was it a lay quietly in your snuggie in front of the TV year? Was it a throw down your top and drive off into the sunset year?

Did it make you laugh? Did you make you cry? Did it make you sing karaoke against your will? Did it throw caution to the wind? Did it excel in every way?

Who cares. 2009 was what it was. Don’t over think it. Let’s pause here to look at a few of the non-required highlights.

Breweries – Let’s all shout an ode to beer, the joyous liquid. In my questionable wisdom, I made a point to check out a barrel-full of beer making places. In Maryland, the District of Columbia, Ohio, Michigan and Washington. The real question is, why am I writing this drivel instead of sitting at the local brewpub? Hmmm, this letter may end up shorter than usual…see ya!

London, England – Okay, I’m still here. You lucked out. I’ve been to London a number of times over the past few years, but this was the first time I’ve stayed on the East side, in the Shoreditch district. Nearby is Brick Lane, with its overabundance of tasty Bengali Indian cuisine and curry restaurants. Conveniently, the 2nd Annual Stag & Dagger music festival thumped on the first night we arrived. 100 bands in 20 venues, all within spitting distance of the hotel. Of course, we also had to lay waste to messy shwarmas and salt beef bagels (liberally slathered in sinus clearing mustard) sold in the late night walk-up stands. And we drank caipirinha from fishbowls for good measure. Somehow we also managed to visit the Westminster Abbey and Winston Churchill’s Cabinet War Room (the underground command bunkers during World War II).

Baseball – In my quest to see a baseball game in every Major League stadium, I added three new stadiums in 2009, in Cincinnati, Detroit and Cleveland. Each stadium had its own charm (like gigantic tiger statues in Comerica Park). In two of the games my team, the Seattle Mariners, lost badly. Crap. The M’s lone highlight was Ken Griffey, Jr jacking a solo homerun. Also on the agenda was watching the ground crew making the field playable after a rain delay, feasting on hot dogs, and other impressive things. Next year…maybe a visit to Chicago?

Leavenworth (Washington state, USA) – It’s a small Bavarian village on the other side of the Cascades. A good place to enjoy Oktoberfest, a bit of bratwurst, the fall foliage, and visit a few vineyards and wine tasting rooms.

Books – Instead of this letter, please read “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” by Stieg Larsson and “Outliers: The Story of Success” by Malcolm Gladwell.

Paphos, Cyprus – First, rent a car in Larnaca. Second, learn to drive on the wrong (left) side of the road. Third, enjoy. We took a leisurely drive from Larnaca to Paphos, through a few quaint villages along the coast of the Mediterranean Sea. We sat on the waterfront and enjoyed a lunch infused with seafood and beer. Then we drove around with no particular destination and no goal. Scenic and refreshing.

Icicle Ridge Winery – Not to be outdone by its sudsier cousin (our good friend beer), I also managed to raise my pinky finger during tastings at 13 different wineries in Northern Virginia and Washington state. Yes, that’s right. I may now qualify as something of an expert wino, even though I retained none of the possible knowledge that I could have attained. Icicle Ridge Winery (WA) was the best of the lot, with a free tasting (11 wines!) and a great setting. Also good were Village Winery and Vineyards (VA) and Chrysalis Vineyards (VA).

Music – I rocked out to a load of concerts (18), listened to a few dozen new albums and used my airline miles to buy a new iPod Touch to keep them all at my fingertips. Of the concerts, I enjoyed Green Day and Chris Cornell. The Barack Obama inauguration concert with a ‘yes we can’ variety of artists on the National Mall was also worth noting. Garth Brooks played three songs and proved why he is still a great entertainer. Of the albums, I enjoyed the Yeah Yeah Yeahs ‘It’s Blitz! and Pearl Jam ‘Backspacer’.

Road Trip (Ohio and Michigan, USA) – Traveling a hefty 2,197 miles through the states of Ohio and Michigan, with your wiener dog as a co-pilot, while blaring CDs over and over, is a fine way to spend a week or so. I managed to attend some ball games, nosh good food, sip some beer, take in a few sights and generally make a nuisance of myself. Especially interesting were slipping about the University of Michigan campus, gaining potential music knowledge at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (none retained), and sifting sand between my toes along the shore of Lake Michigan.

Hiking – I’ve been missing out on hiking over the past few years, mostly because I’d be off traveling or because I’m just flat lazy. So one of my 2009 New Year’s resolutions was to do more day hikes. And lo! I succeeded! I joined the local Capital Hiking Club and managed to trek about Virginia and Pennsylvania. I also did a hike in Washington making about 12 day hikes in all. A majority of the hikes were along portions of the Appalachian Trail that runs from Maine to Georgia. One day I might have to tackle that whole beast.

US Open Cup Championship (soccer) game (Washington, D.C., USA) – The expansion Major League Soccer team, Seattle Sounders FC, enjoyed a fine first year of existence. They played well, made the playoffs, and broke multiple attendance records. Additionally, all US soccer teams at all levels of play participate in an annual domestic tournament called the US Open Cup. The Sounders advanced to the championship game against DC United and pulled out an incredible victory on DC’s home pitch. We came adorned in blue and green to witness an energetic game and proved that US soccer fans can have a bit of passion for the game. Case in point, over 100 Sounders fans traveled all the way from Seattle to attend the game, while singing songs and shouting like only hooligans can. Oy! Now bring on the World Cup!

Shenandoah National Park (Virginia, USA) – Whether is was camping in the rain or hiking among trillium flowers or standing still to escape notice of that bear or swimming underneath freezing waterfalls or pausing dramatically to allow that rattlesnake to get the heck out of my way or scrambling over rock formations to see the incredible view, I spent a good amount of time in Shenandoah National Park. Thought you should know.

Television – Surprisingly there are quite a number of decent new shows to look out for, including Community and FlashForward. Others to either keep watching or start watching at all cost are:  Fringe, Dexter and Lost.

Truck Bed Sledding – If you think that using a black inner tube or a regular sled are the correct ways to careen crazily downhill, then you are wrong. The actual correct way is to find a cast-off truck bed liner in the woods, pull it to the top of a precipitous drop and then on the count of three, have six or so screaming diehards jump in and hold on for dear life. Sanity and medical insurance not included.

Tower of London (London, England) – The Tower is a sprawling fortress bursting with historical intrigue, death and Beefeaters. It consists of 20 total towers, with the largest, the White Tower as the most famous. Our Beefeater gave us a rousing tour of the grounds and told of horrific beheadings, disappearing young princes whose bodies turned up hundreds of years later in the tower wall, wars, and crazy kings. Basically the history of England could almost be summed up within these walls.

Kruger Park (South Africa) – If you like near death lions, lithely trotting leopards, angrily charging elephants, curious rhinos, trapped in your room bats, baby giraffes extending their necks for food, muddy snorting hippopotamus’, racing zebras, suspicious buffaloes, bashful bushbucks and more impalas then you can shake a stick at, then you’d do well to book a three-day safari through Kruger Park. If you like breathtaking sunrises, curious rock formations, sparse forests, post-wildfire plains, high bluffs with views forever, gigantic baobab trees, dusty scrub brush, flowing rivers, darkness illuminated with spotlights, and an occasional camp or lodge in the distance, then drive around in your white 4-wheel drive for hours on end. If none of this appeals you? All the more for me.

peace and merriment to you and yours

View the Wordle version: http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/1507817/2009

Copacabana, Corcovado e Caipirinhas

   

On top of ol' Corcovado

  

Welcome, my children. With a warm embrace from Christ the Redeemer, I offer you your very own cut-out journey of Brazil.  Last year I went to Rio de Janeiro and São Paulo, and somehow failed to share. Let’s correct that now. 

Cristo Redentor

Cristo Redentor, Corcovado  – Jesus, thats a big statue. Oops, I mean that’s a big statue of Jesus. At the pinnacle of Corovado, stands the 130 foot statue of Christ the Redeemer, overlooking the city and slums of Rio, the multitude of beaches and sunbathers, and the endless Atlantic ocean. Iconic.  

   

  

Feijoada – a humble stew of black beans, beef and pork that is such a hearty and filling lunch, you really do wish the siesta was practiced in Brazil. Best eaten over a long, lazy afternoon with a lively jazz band across the room. 

 

Farofa – a type of flour made from manioc that looks like sawdust (yet is edible and tasty) and is used as a topping for other dishes like feijoada.  

Ice cream flavors – I have to say that I love ice cream, but sadly I did not love the Brazilian flavors at all. Many of them, I couldn’t spit out fast enough. I can’t remember which ones I did like, but here is a sampling of some of the flavors available to give you an idea of the randomness of options one encounters:  

• graviola – made from something that is kind of like a custard apple
• cupuaçu – made from a chocolaty kind of fruit
• açai – made from a fruit like a grape
• milho verde – made from a type of sweet corn

  

Ipanema Beach

 

 Ipanema Beach  – deep, fluffy, white sand to squeeze between your toes as you stroll up and down this vista of tanned bodies, crashing waves and crystal blue sky. In three directions, mountains tower over this expanse of simple beauty. Granted you do have to hide your bemusement when you notice ‘the please don’t show skin people’ flapping in the wind or camped forever in the sand. You know who they are. To complete the journey, we did need to find the famous Girl from Ipanema from the song. Turns out the place is now called Bar Garota de Ipanema (called Bar Veloso when the song was written), but the girl wasn’t there to greet us. She’s likely too old and flabby by now, and probably already on the beach… 

   

A Painting of?

 Night market at Copacabana – artists out in force, ready to sell their wildly colorful and brilliantly alive paintings, or their pieces of shiny jewelery, or their statues carved of rock and wood, or their leather works, or their, well…just about anything they want. 

  

      

Fly Away

 Hang gliding – on paper it seems like a crazy idea. There’s a quick lesson and gear to fit into and glider to get strapped to. And when you’re overlooking the tableau of city skyline and the ocean is so tiny, maybe there’s good reason to have a fear of heights. It didn’t help that my ‘pilot’ didn’t show up until 30 minutes after my other friends had already took the leap and soared away. Literally alone with no one I knew and a faint unease, I stewed until the ‘pilot’ made his appearance. Some girl just ahead of us would not go, so finally they told her off and all the other waiting gliders had to back up and make room for her anticlimactic exit stage left. Then suddenly…my turn! A short spurt of running off the ramp, a slight downward arc and then…peace. Floating in space, overlooking all the postcards you’ve ever seen of Rio. It was so easy (of course, the ‘pilot’ did all the steering and work) and relaxing. The only advantage of having to wait so long is that my friend was able to take a long sequence of photos of my entire journey down. Cool. 

Caipirinhas – made with healthy amounts of cachaça (say: ca-sha-sa), dollops of sugar, ice and a few lime wedges, it goes down smooth and fast. This is Brazil’s national drink, so try to keep up, because we’re about to go… 

Samba – dancing in style. At a seemingly random neighborhood in São Paulo, we walked into Bar Mangueira to the blast of a live band rocking samba music. The place, with its funky atmosphere, soon became overcrowded with enthusiastic revelers moving to the beat. An impromptu dance lesson from our wonderful host, an unhealthy amount of caipirinhas, and the rubbing of shoulders with what quite possibly was a clique of the  Brazilian mafioso, gave us just what we needed to get into the spirit of things. Forget that we all had to attend the last day of a conference in a mere 3 or 4 hours… 

paz 

Not Me

Me, Way Up High

Nice View

  

Coming in Fast

Landing in Rio

   

Random Things That Should Be Annoying, But Aren’t

You might mistake these as annoying, but you’d be wrong…

“Fireflies” by Owl City – it gets in your head and at some point you think it should start driving you crazy, but it doesn’t.

Philadelphia Phillies fans – normally after making the World Series two years in a row, they would be insufferable, but anybody that battles against the Yankees and A-Roid is a friend of the blog. Too bad they couldn’t beat those damn Yankees.

This wiener dog that keeps jumping on my lap – I put him down, but he just keeps coming back for more. Who can fault such persistence?

New TV Shows – so many new (and good) TV shows this year, you’d think that all those options and so little time would be annoying. Not so.

Zombieland – funny and surprising, and just when you think those shuffling zombies will be boring, they aren’t.

This broken clock on my wall – time is relative anyway, who needs a working clock?

Pearl Jam – if you thought they’d be past their prime, you’d be wrong. Oh so wrong.

Hiking in the rain – you might believe that getting wet in the middle of the woods would be a downer, well put on your rain jacket and take a look at the sights all around you. Not so bad after all.

Constant talk about how the BCS system is broken – all the sports pundits keep talking about how we need a playoff system for college football. Year after year, argument after argument, over and over they expound upon how the current Bowl Championship Series (BCS) system is broken. Good on them. Until its fixed the complaints and the pointing out of obvious flaws will never be annoying.

Using ‘aren’t’ at the end of a sentence – all these things should be obvious, but sometimes they aren’t.

Ten Things I Hate More Than You

Yes, I do mean you! Today we focus on the negative and how I hate these things more than you do. If that claim angers you in any way, don’t keep it bottled up. Blog it out!

I hate…

The New York Yankees in the playoffs – somebody please beat them like a red-headed step-child already.

Sean Kingston – horrible. Stop singing. Please. ‘Dial 9-1-1, shorty’s fire’s burning on the dance floor.’ Enough.

Kanye West backlash ad nauseam – it’s over. Go buy a Taylor Swift album if you need to assuage your guilt.

Ten Oscar Best Picture Nominees instead of five– so the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences decides to wrest more dollars from your dirty, scrooge-like fists by adding five more nominees to the Best Picture race? Sham! Outrage! I predict Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen as Best Picture. Word.

Sixburgh Nation – shut up, Pittsburgh Steelers fans. No one likes insufferable blowhards. Unless we happen to be that insufferable blowhard. But today we’re not, so stop talking about winning six Super Bowls already. We heard you the first two thousand times you yelled in our ears.

Celebutards– Paris Hilton, that means you. You have no business on our TVs. Or in our pure and un-sullied tabloids. You have done nothing worthwhile, so stop wasting our time so we can focus on how much our favorite TV stars weigh…

Greed – if you have too much money, then give some to me. Stimulate me and our economy in one fell swoop!

The New York Yankees – again. You can never have enough hate for these guys. Especially when they build a stadium for $1.2 billion and then go and charge $2,600 for a single ticket behind home plate. For a baseball game. Against the Royals.

Washington Redskin’s lawyers – if you are a loyal Redskins fan and enter into a season ticket contract with a soulless, corporate greed factory, you better believe they will take advantage of you and have horn-headed lawyers slap you with a lawsuit and take your sorry ass to court if you even hint at de-faulting. Then you better believe they’ll re-sell your tickets and get twice the profit. Fight oppression!

Making lists like this one – don’t make me do it again. Although, it does feel good to rage against the machine from time to time.

The Perfect…

The perfect rush…a six-person river raft, pounded and dwarfed by class V white water rapids, rowed in heart-thumping unison to survive head-on the next crushing wave.

The perfect burger…red onions, dripping BBQ sauce, melted pepperjack cheese, thick medium rare beef, jalapeños, toasted bun, crunchy bacon.

The perfect pizza…pepperoni, jalapeños and pineapple.

The perfect afternoon…beach, shade, hammock, beer, book.

The perfect dog…20 inches long, sausage shaped, soft, reddish brown, big soulful eyes.

The perfect morning…sleeping in.

The perfect beer…ice cold, crisp and chugged mercilessly after a long-day of hiking, diving, skiing, or playing.

The perfect place…surrounded by evergreen trees and early morning fog, in view of a glassy mountain lake, wildflowers, a small meadow, a winding bustling creek, with the still hum of nature.

The perfect business meeting…no one showed up.

The perfect road trip…radio blaring heavy base, whizzing by the endless Pacific ocean, that circles around massive sea stacks thrusting up between tumultous waves, and mossy rain forests, heading towards a picturesque seaside town.

The perfect pit stop…Chick-fil-A.

The perfect evening…a clear sunny sky, the smell of popcorn and BBQ, a light breeze, sitting in the stands, with a lordly view of the baseball game inside the stadium and the city skyline outside.

The perfect late night after party snack…cream cheese hot dog.

The perfect bar…ten or more beers on tap, cute bartender, a football or soccer match on, comfortable stools, a long wooden bar, greasy food, ten lords a leaping, nine ladies dancing and a partridge in a pear tree.

The perfect hike…overcast, 72 degrees, strolling by a mix of forest, lakes, waterfalls and meadows, slightly uphill with a spectacular view at the top.

The perfect blog post…this.

A Random Thought Experiment

If you could only pick one, which would you choose and forego all the rest? Could you give any of these up permanently? That is the question you must answer in our random little thought experiment.

Below are six categories that comprise much of our produced entertainment opportunities (I’ve skipped sports, outdoor activities, social media, etc.). The idea of this thought experiment is to pick only one of these six for the rest of your life. The ones you don’t choose, you can never do again.

First, let’s acknowledge that many of these forms of entertainment overlap, intersect and meld together. That’s inescapable. Second, if you have a problem with the exact details, write to: c/o: Nobody Here at 123 So What Lane, Nevercareville,  North Dakota. Your letter will be thoughtfully and painstakingly ignored.

So, remember you can only pick one of these at the expense of the other five. Are you prepared to take the challenge? I don’t think you can do it, quite frankly. These are all too much a part of our lives, there is too much at stake. Good luck. You’ll need it.

Books/Comics – Included:All published books in print or online; all comic books; all graphic novels; all audio books; all books on portable readers (e.g. Kindle). Not included: Books on fire at the neighborhood book burning (too hot to handle).

Stage – Included: all live stage productions (musical, drama, stand-up comedy, poetry/book readings, circus); all stage productions found on DVD/video or online. Not included: Anything just mentioned found on TV; musical soundtracks of stage productions.

Television – Included: All shows produced by and for television/cable networks (dramas, sitcoms, cartoons, reality, game shows, talk shows) either watched on television, internet or DVD; news and sports on TV; the edited movies shown on the prime time networks; made for TV movies; mini-series documentaries; music videos shown on TV; live concerts shown on TV; stand-up comedy shown on TV. Not included: Pay-per-view movies; music videos found online or anywhere outside of TV; Cop Rock (it should go without saying).

Movies – Included: All movies (foreign and domestic) and documentaries released in theatres; all direct to DVD/video movies; all pay-per-view movies on TV; all movies downloaded from the internet; all movies shown on airplanes/trains/buses. Not included: Made for TV movies; anything by Ed Wood (obviously).

Music – Included: All music released on CDs, vinyl, or internet; all music found on online music services; live concerts; concerts on DVDs/video or online;  movie or stage production soundtracks; music videos online or on DVD/video. Not included: Anything just mentioned that is shown on TV (e.g. sorry Canadians, no Much Music); audio books.

Video games – Included: all video games on gaming consoles or computers; all video games on cell phones; all video games on portable devices. Not included: Video games played on TV at home or in hotel rooms; Elf Bowling (as fun as it might be…).

Discuss..

So, which would I pick, since I started this little thinking game? I’m honestly not sure I can pick only one. First, I would exclude video games and stage. I’ve played my share of video games, but I don’t play much anymore. I’ve seen quite a number of plays and musicals, etc. but it’s something that I could live without.

So, books, music, movies or television? Yikes…to be continued.

Random iPod Playlist: Simple Criterion

There is only one simple criterion for this playlist. It must be a song from a band or artist that I’ve seen in concert so far in 2009.

1. “American Pie” (Don McLean) covered by Garth Brooks* (at National Mall)
2. “Pride (In the Name of Love)” by U2* (at National Mall)
3. “Higher Ground” (Stevie Wonder) covered by Stevie Wonder, Shakira and Usher* (at National Mall)
4. “One Love” (Bob Marley) covered by Herbie Hancock, will.i.am and Sheryl Crow* (at National Mall)
5. “Listen to the Math” by Tokyo Police Club (at Black Cat)
6. “Stop the Show” by Scythian (at RFK Stadium – Shamrock Fest 2009)
7. “What About Everything?” by Carbon Leaf (at RFK Stadium – Shamrock Fest 2009)
8. “Great DJ” by the Ting Tings (at 9:30 Club)
9. “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” (Pat Benatar) covered by The Reflex (at 9:30 Club)
10. “I Am, I Said” (Neil Diamond) covered by Super Diamond (at 9:30 Club)
11. “The Geeks Were Right” by The Faint (at 9:30 Club)
12. “Runaway” by Ladytron (at 9:30 Club)
13. “Show Me How To Live ” (Audioslave) by Chris Cornell solo (at 9:30 Club)
14. “Song Beneath the Song” by Maria Taylor (at Rock n’ Roll Hotel)
15. “The Fear” by Lily Allen (at 9:30 Club)
16. “Messages” by Filthy Dukes (at Vibe Bar, London)
17. “That’s Not My Name” by the Ting Tings (at 02 Academy Brixton – London)
18. “4 Songs & A Fight” by The Sounds (at Nissan Pavilion)
19. “That’s What You Get” by Paramore (at Nissan Pavilion)
20. “Sunday Morning” by No Doubt (at Nissan Pavilion)

Start dancing. Sing karaoke. Make the world a better place. Anything. Just please get to it. 

* From Barrack Obama’s Presidential Inauguration celebration concert “We Are One”.

The Fishbowl, the Dukes, and the Beheading

So, you’ve sauntered into the heart of London with a gleam of mischief in your eye and wallet full of pounds. While the sun is in the sky, oh why oh why would I want to be anywhere else? What to do, what to do…here’s a few things…

2nd Annual Stag & Dagger Festival – 100 bands in 20 venues! Oh the humanity! The first night in London we spent checking out some bands and wandering around the East side of the city. The Filthy Dukes at the Vibe Bar kept us entertained for a bit.

Tower of London – after multiple visits to London, the Tower had never made my excursion list. Until now. We had a right jolly Beefeater (a Yeoman Warder of the Tower) give us a tour and clue us in on bits of the sordid history of England. Best story was when Jack Ketch, the executioner, gave James Scott 5 blows with his axe before having to use a carving knife to finish the gruesome beheading. Or the time where two princes went missing in 1483, leaving Richard III as the king. The princes were found 180 years later in a wooden box behind one of the White Tower walls as it was knocked down for renovation. We also saw the Crown Jewels…

Westminster Abbey – pretty much where everyone to ever live in England is buried…even with the copious number of graves and memorials, still a beautiful and reverent place.

O2 Academy Brixton – seems to be the happening spot to see live music in London. We saw The Tings Tings one night in this cavernous and well appointed venue.

Churchill Museum and Cabinet War Rooms – the underground bunker where Winston Churchill and his cabinet planned and executed their World War II plans against the Nazis. Churchill would often go outside and watch the Luftwaffe destroy London with their biltzkrieg.  While smoking his cigar.

 

What to eat and drink…

Caipirihnas in a fishbowl – exactly what it sounds like, with exactly the effect you would expect. Fish not included.

Salt Beef Bagel – late night eating, especially when everything else is closed early on Sunday for the Bank holiday, deserves a stop for salt beef slapped on a bagel with a dollop of nasal cavity burning mustard.

Cream Tea– a spot of tea and a couple scones, with jam and clotted cream on the side. Oiy.

Indian food on Brick Lane– everywhere you walk, hawkers try to entice you into their restaurant. But choices abound. We let a Londoner pick for us.  Try the Balti lamb korma.

 

What not to do…

Tate Modern– ummmm, yes… if you like modern art in all its various motiffs, then this is certainly the place for you. But if you can do without strange movies (Blood and Feathers anyone?) and randomly weird artistic expression, than there is plenty else to do in London.

LDN out

Beefeater

Fun Fishbowls

Westminister Abbey

  

Random iPod Playlist: Utterly Unabashedly Unashamed

Well, maybe not completely unashamed… For some reason, I’ve decided to share my utter shame with you in the form of a freshly minted random playlist. Let’s be frank, if one were to like any of these songs, that person should not be so eager to admit it in public. Yet, I feel you deserve my trust, dear reader, so I will expose my innermost, darkest secrets and hold my head up high while doing it! Blah, blah, blah, I made that trust part up. It’s just a collection of songs, don’t get all soft on me.

If you dispute the validity and merits of any of these, well you probably have a good point, but point it in the other direction. I’m shameless.

1. “Shameless“, Garth Brooks
2. “Don’t Walk Away“, Bad English – as this list is just getting started.
3. “Jai Ho (You Are My Destiny)“, Ar Rahman with the Pussycat Dolls – sadly, yes you are.
4. “Hot N Cold“, Katy Perry
5. “Forever and for Always“, Shania Twain
6. “Hey Mama“, The Black Eyed Peas
7. “Starry Eyed Surprise“, Oakenfold – you know you’re moving to this right now.
8. “I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’“, Scissor Sisters – I want so much to hate this song!
9. “Believe“, Cher – urgghhh, Cher! Yet somehow I believe.
10. “Tell Her About It“, Billy Joel – I did and she didn’t care.
11. “I Am A Man of Constant Sorrow“, The Soggy Bottom Boys
12. “Come On Over Baby (All I Want is You)”, Christina Aguilera – alright! Now we’re talking!
13. “My Moves Are White (White Hot, That Is)”, Cobra Starship
14. “Days Go By“, Dirty Vegas
15. “Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl)“, Looking Glass – yes, yes she is.
16. “Open Arms“, Journey
17. “Dancing in the Moonlight“, King Harvest
18. “Take A Chance On Me“, ABBA – frankly any ABBA song will do…
19. “September“, Earth, Wind and Fire
20. “I’m Coming Out“, Diana Ross – and “Upside Down” too

Did we just end that playlist with a bunch of disco songs? Indeed.

Wait…I see you dancing! Don’t deny it. Now let the healing begin.

Angkor Temples! A Musical

(Conductor taps stick, the orchestral music swells, then softens…a voice booms overhead…)

NARRATOR: So begins a ‘short’ treatise on the temples of Angkor built by the Khmer kings a long, long time ago (790-1307 AD) in a place far, far away (Cambodia) in nine different architectural styles (trust me). Of the dozens of ruined, restored and random temples interspersed near Siam Reap, here are the ones I, the Narrator, and friends happened to visit, explore, scramble through and photograph. We begin with the best and work our way down. Break out your warm cans of Angkor and Anchor beer and settle in, this is about to get historical.

(Curtains open. The stage is a large stone temple with trees.)

NARRATOR: Ta Prohm – built by King Jayavarman VII (henceforth to be known as Jay the 7th) in the 12^th century or so, this royal monastery is most famous for the many silk cotton and fig strangler trees growing from and causing the ruins of walls and galleries. Atmospheric and grand, the site has largely been left alone, letting the trees continue to thrive towards their ultimate destructive magic. Sit and contemplate life for awhile before your photo is taken in front of a storied and massive tangle of roots. Photos cannot do the tree’s roots even the slightest justice…

(Narrator pauses, Jay the 7th enters with a flourish.)

JAY THE 7^TH: Jai Ho!

(Beautiful dancers run onto the stage and an epic rendition of “Jai Ho” from Slumdog Millionaire ensues around the roots of the giant tree. Exit all.)

NARRATOR: Beng Melea – built by some dude in the 12 century, this temple, which means ‘Lotus Pond’, could be best described as finding a lost, ruined civilization in the overgrown, unknown jungle. No inscriptions or markings were found to indicate who is responsible for erecting this site, but over 800 years of nature have not been kind. Left virtually untouched (a few walkways were added to minimize sprained ankles), you scramble, squeeze and scrap your way through, between and around the jumbled stones, mosaics and pillars. You could stop and marvel at one or two of the massive galleries that survived complete destruction, but then you would never have time to see it all.

(Conductor allows soothing orchestral music to reach a crescendo. Slowly it mellows.)

NARRATOR: Angkor Wat – built by King Suryavarman II in the early 12^th century, the name means the ‘city (that became a) pagoda’, and is among the largest religious temples in the world. Adorned by countless (by my count) bas reliefs and carvings, Angkor Wat is huge and covered in art. One such is the “Churning of the Sea of Milk” that depicts the Khmer origin story and is especially violent, given all that furious churning. We arrived just before sunrise (too early) and waited as the sun slowly crept up and up, mirroring the pyramid towers of Angkor Wat perfectly on the lotus pond. Photos were snapped. Explorations were had. Awe was struck.

(Conductor continues the orchestral music for a brief interlude. It fades…)

NARRATOR: Bayon – built by Jay the 7^th, in 1200 or so, this temple was among those used as a film set to show off Angelina Jolie’s more refined attributes (see Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, natch). Not that you care. More impressive are the 49 towers (37 still standing) loaded up with huge carved faces on each. The original number of faces is disputed but it’s safe to say there are a lot of semi-smiling dudes staring at you from every angle. As fascinating and numerous as these faces are, the temple also has a series of massive bas-reliefs that completely circle both inside and out. The outer ones, of which there are at least eight, are 35 meters long and 3 meters high and depict epic battles of the Khmer versus the Cham from long ago. Intricate and ambitious, these carvings do not seem to leave a single detail uncarved.

(Jay the 7th returns and does a mean Riverdance jig, set to Irish music. Suddenly, a loud boom erupts offstage and 10 Cham warriors rush Jay the 7th. He battles and taunts them one by one with a scimitar, as he does his masterful jig. They cannot smite him. The Cham are vanquished. Exit all.)

NARRATOR: Ta Nei – built by Jay the 7th (yes, this dude is a temple building fiend when not slaying Chams) in the late 12^th century, Ta Nei is still overgrown and far off the beaten path. We had to walk a solid 20 minutes down a random dirt road to find this place, which made it all the more exciting to finally discover, since the alternative was being lost forever in the woods with only a lonely, slow death to look forward to. The best part was getting kicked off the temple roof (rubble?) by one of the curators who was not amused by our climbing and exploring endeavors.

Bakong – built by King Indravaran I in 881, we reached this giant stone temple just as the sun was about to set, after a long road trip to Beng Melea in crazily slow tuk-tuks. Loaded up with cans of warm Angkor and Anchor beer (from roadside vendors), we sat and scrutinized the slowly sinking sun while savoring the succulent swill. A couple of local girls sat nearby, waiting patiently for us to finish the beers so they could run off with the cans (recycling plunder). As the sky darkened, we soon realized that no one else was hanging around. A group of tough looking monks soon came with flashlights and we hightailed it out of there before we were questioned and gleefully thrown into a pit of tigers.

(Conductor plays “Interstate Love Song” by Stone Temple Pilots. Jay the 7^th and King Indra enter and begin a slow swaying dance. Soon locals run onto the stage, pursued by tigers. Jay the 7^th and King Indra, run for their lives. King Indra is caught and tackled by a tiger, rolling offstage. Horrible noises ensue.)

(Curtains close.)

Intermission

(Curtains open. The action continues on a temple overlooking Angkor Wat, again during sunset.)

NARRATOR: Silence!! You in the back, sit down! Where was I, oh yes… Phnom Bakheng – built by King Yasovarman I around 907, the best way to reach this hill-top temple is by elephant. Of course, you could walk…but that’s no fun. My elephant was very laid back and received a severe rapping upside the head every two seconds by the handler’s evil hooked stick. Not sure I would have put up with that. The elephant of my friends was not as laid back and was off like a flash and out of camera range in less then 60 seconds.

(Conductor plays “Pink Elephants on Parade” from Dumbo. Enter elephant stage left. Exit elephant stage right.)

NARRATOR: Phimeanakas (and the royal palace) – originally built by Jayavarman V in the late 10^th century, and added to by others, this small temple gave a nice excuse to climb to the top and sit around. Nearby, a large man-made pond, next to where the Royal Palace once stood, gave an equally good reason to sit around and relax.

Banteay Kdei – built by Jay the 7th in the late 12^th century, we didn’t so much as see this temple as simply walk through it on the way to Ta Prohm. Looked okay, we just had other priorities.

(Jay the 7^th runs out on stage and takes a bow. Conductor plays “Don’t Be Cruel” by Elvis Presley. Hips sway. Women swoon. Jay the 7^th bows again and exits stage left.)

NARRATOR: Srah Srang – built by King Rajendravarman in the mid 10^th century, this is a massive royal bath (more like a lake) built so that King Raj over there would have a ridiculously ornate place to bathe and frolic. As the sun’s fire mirrors on the shimmering lake you can pretend you’re worthy to clean yourself in these waters. You’re not – it’s off limits to you and elephants.

Bapuon – built by King Udaya (something) around 1060 AD, this has a reclining Buddha made of bricks, that doesn’t look so much like a reclining Buddha as a brick wall. Nice try though. One of the many drawbacks of the Khmer Rouge regime in the 1970’s is they stopped all restoration and research on the temples for many years. As a result, you can still see all the hundreds of scattered stones, waiting, like a nightmare jigsaw puzzle, to be reintegrated into this pile of stones passing as a temple.

(Conductor begins to play “Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2” by Pink Floyd. King Udaya, King Raj and three elephants enter stage and start marching to the music.)

KING RAJ: We don’t need no education!

(Exit all. Conductor ends song.)

NARRATOR: Preah Palilay – maybe built by King Jayavarman VIII in the 13^th century, this small sanctuary had great promise, at least based on the guide book, which espoused ‘its attractive forest setting’. Imagine our chagrin when we sauntered up and found that the bums had cut down ALL the trees growing around the tower! And not more then a few days before we arrived. Made me sick.

Suor Prat Towers – built by King Indravaman II in the early 13th century, these towers are supposed to have been where tight rope walkers balanced and entertained the king before he fed them to the rampaging, hungry elephants. I jest.

Now please leave quickly, we have another performance in 10 minutes. Go!

(Orchestra music fades. Narrator berates audience until last person has left the theatre. That means you.)

 

Sources:

• Direct observation by Narrator (Jeremy Bailey), Intrepid Explorer, December 2008
• Ancient Angkor by Michael Freeman and Claude Jacques
• No music rights were procured.

A Great Random Sadness Envelops Me

I stand on the threshold of utter despair. A great and powerful sadness has overcome my very being, and I can barely move my fingers enough to type these words. Oh, the humanity! The agony! The woe! It’s crushing me flat, I can barely breathe. Short, incoherent gasps are all I can muster from my deflated and listless lungs. I feel flushed and hot and am spiraling down, down, down…only the pits of hell can put a stop to my unmitigated freefall. Misery, please take me! Ahhhhhhh!

So, what in the world am I talking about? Of all the random, stupid things that could come to pass in this short, somewhat tragic life, I’ve managed to accomplish one of the more stupid of what’s possible.

I dropped my iPod in the toilet, where it remained for 2.5 seconds (ish) until I could swoop down and pluck it from the encroaching waters of discontent. Now it makes feverish, gasping death noises and refuses to perform anything that could be construed as music. ‘Grinding Gears’ by Misery Loves Company (I would assume, should they decide to cut that track) is probably the best it will ever do again. The screen only displays the sad, pathetic URL: www.apple.com/support/ipod that can do nothing to fix either my trusty portable music conveyor or my very soul.

This comes after another recent bout with the dreaded toilet, where my cell phone became the victim of a deep sea, spelunking accident. There’s a reason cave scuba divers need extra certification, once you get down deep enough, you’re probably not going to be coming back.

I vow to never use the deplorable, life-sucking toilet again. Or at least not to multi-task while using it. One does need to focus.

If anyone wants to give me their unwanted, cast off iPod, my sadness will surely incrementally improve. Until I use the toilet again.

fin

Random iPod Playlist: There’s That Word Again

1. “I Owe You A Love Song“, Shiny Toy Guns
2. “All You Need Is Love“, The Beatles
3. “You Can’t Hurry Love“, Phil Collins
4. “Power of Love“, Huey Lewis & The News
5. “You Look So Good In Love“, George Strait
6. “That’s What Love Is For“, Amy Grant
7. “Love Walks In“, Van Halen
8. “Sunshine Of Your Love“, Cream
9. “You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You’re Told)”, The White Stripes
10. “Say You Love Me“, Fleetwood Mac
11. “Hero Of Love“, Live
12. “Love Changes (Everything)”, Climie Fisher
13. “All The Love In The World“, The Corrs
14. “Only Love“, Wynonna Judd
15. “In Walked Love“, Exposé
16. “Pride (In The Name of Love)“, U2
17. “Best Of My Love“, The Eagles
18. “The Game Of Love“, Santana
19. “One Sweet Love“, Sara Bareilles
20. “Interstate Love Song“, Stone Temple Pilots

Seems pretty comprehensive. Have we left anything out?

http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/454752/Love

The Best Non-Required Christmas Letter 2008 (Clean Version)

Once again, I’ve found you. There is no escape from this annually joyous attempt at season greetings. Since you likely have no other distractions; give me your full attention and let’s get down to the business at hand…to put the year that was, 2008, into a little perspective.

I know that the number of Christmas letters you’ve already dismissively wadded up and chucked into the wastebasket, along with all that fruitcake and eggnog you’ve gorged yourself on, will affect your reading of this; so I’ve decided to make it easy for you. First, it’s not a letter at all, it’s an email. No extra energy needs to be expended to get rid of it. Second, it has virtually nothing to do with Christmas. Sure, the title gives you that impression, but it’s really just a dirty* laundry list of all the wackiness that was 2008. Third, stop reading this introduction and get to the good stuff below. Fourth, I try to use simple words for simple folk like you. Sure, this means extra effort on my part, but…wait a minute. Forget it, there will be no pandering to the masses. You get what you get, and like it. Fifth, it is not required reading at all, nor should it be confused with anything relevant and timely that could impact your life in a meaningful way. Sixth, seriously, this intro is over. Get on with it.

Hang gliding (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
Let’s get this started off with a bang. You presumably know what hang gliding is. You’ve likely heard about (or been to) Rio. You probably understand the concept of swooping over the tops of high rise hotels. You have it within you to visualize a long, graceful descent onto a white, sandy beach. You are surely capable of wrapping your head around a scene showing a short burst of sprinting with your appointed pilot and glider attached, and a brief, sudden tandem free-fall before catching air and soaring peacefully over every postcard view of Rio you’ve ever seen. Yes? Good job! I’m so proud of you!

The Game of Baseball (Worldwide)
I took in the Japanese version of baseball in Osaka with the Orix Buffaloes playing the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters (sponsored by Nippon Ham). What have they done to our beloved game? Only turned it into an enthusiastic circus of bright colors, silly mascots, and crazy slogans! Case in point, “One heartbeat, close to you”, supposedly will entice you to attend a Buffaloes game. Hmmmm…yes, I see. I also saw home games of the Toronto Blue Jays, the Philadelphia Phillies, and the Washington Nationals. And boy did my heart skip a beat when I discovered $2 Tuesdays in Toronto!

Safari (East Tsavo National Park, Kenya)
Thirty different types of animals participated in my dusty, bouncing, day-long photo shoot. And not a single one smiled. So disappointing. The closest I got to a smile was from six massive lions feasting on succulent buffalo. Oh, and a baby giraffe played coy for the camera until warming up after I offered her the cover of National Geographic. Sucker!

9:30 Club (Northwest, Washington, D.C.)
Definitely the best venue to see a concert in the city (standing room and balconies for 900), I took it upon myself to see all kinds of bands and artists while skipping between the three bars, each with different beer offerings. I witnessed Super Diamond (twice), Sara Bareilles, The Ting Tings, Cut Copy with the Pre-Sets, Hot Chip, Shiny Toy Guns, and Vampire Weekend. Although this may be the first time you’ve heard of some of these, don’t waste this rare opportunity you’ve been granted to expand your horizons. (Hint: iTunes)

Dr. Granville Moore’s (Northeast, Washington, D.C.)
Fancying itself as a Belgium gastro pub, Granville Moore’s dishes fantastic mussels and frites (as seen on the Food Network) and entertains around 60 different Belgium beers before offering them up to eager patrons. This row house turned restaurant is seemingly unfinished on the inside, with exposed dry wall, and flourishes church pews for seats. Not that anyone would notice with a face full of frites and Framboise.

Niagara Falls (Ontario, Canada)
Big and wet. You expected more?

Music
Whatever your taste in music is, remember, this is my list. So when I say that the albums from Sara Bareilles, Vampire Weekend and Coldplay are the ones you should buy (now) and listen to (again, now), then you might want to take heed. Even should you choose to ignore my expert advice, I’ll happily enjoy them without you.

Books
Yes, I read some books, but let’s not dwell on it too much. The two to buy or hold-up the local library for are: “Despite Good Intentions: Why Development Assistance to the Third World Has Failed” by Thomas W. Dichter (the title also acts as a synopsis!) and “The World Without Us” by Alan Weisman (an interesting thought experiment on what would happen to the planet if humans no longer existed – can you guess?).

Movies
Some of the best movies of the year included: “The Dark Knight” (a no-brainer), “Iron Man”, and “The Visitor”.

Food
This world is full of good food and by any means necessary, get these dishes into your salivating piehole as soon as possible! Japanese okonomiyaki (pancakes with plenty of what you like), fugu (poisonous pufferfish), Kobe beef (marbled, mouthwatering meat), Dominican mofongo (puréed plantains with pork), Khmer (Cambodian) fish amok (the name says it all), Brazilian feijoada (sizzling stew with steaming beans, pork and beef), Kenyan ugali (doughy cornmeal), Canadian poutine (frites with fromage and fancy gravy), and British cream tea (tea and scones with clotted cream and jam). Oy!

Cherry blossoms (Kyoto, Japan)
What does strolling along the meditative Philosopher’s path, exploring any of 1,800 temples, jostling through the bustling (bursting?) streets of the Gion district, cramming onto crowded buses, and meandering through countless, breathtaking Japanese gardens all have in common? In early April, you can do none of these things without a pink and white explosion of cherry blossoms (sakura) in every direction. And a vast array of sakura flavored sweets, including the cream puff that explodes pink goo onto your shirt.

Corcovado (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
Arms wide for a welcoming embrace, the Christ the Redeemer statue (120 feet high) sits atop the mountain of Corcovado, overlooking Rio and its white beaches. Considered one of the ‘new 7 wonders of the world’, the statue commands your full attention from every angle. Then, inevitably, you have to take time to be distracted by the breathtaking view. But, out of the corner of your eye, Christ is still ready to hug you.

Mt. Misen (Miyajima, Japan)
Any sorry attempt on my part to describe the majestic panorama of sights from the high temples of this island mountaintop, overlooking the red, floating torii gate (considered one of Japan’s three most scenic views) and neighboring islands; and the arduous ascent through primeval forests and fiery cherry blossoms to reach it; and the perfect warm instant noodles and crisp Kirin beer bought from the Mom and Pop café at the summit; would only pale in comparison to the real thing. Sorry to disappoint.

London, England
Over repeated trips to England without giving London its proper due, I finally decided to invest a couple of days to really take LDN in again. First lesson: Use the money you theoretically saved on that cheap hotel with a shared bathroom (60 pounds a night) on a Fuller’s London Pride beer and a greasy order of fish and chips. Then go bankrupt. Second lesson: Go see Monty Python’s Spamalot. Third lesson: Take your iPod and stroll around Hyde Park and The Serpentine lake during sunset. Fourth lesson: The village of Greenwich and the Greenwich Mean Time line is acceptable to visit in the rain.

Pub Quiz Nights (Fado Irish Pub, Washington, D.C.)
A rich winter tradition of pencil in hand, sipping from pints of frothy Guinness, nibbling on corned beef and cabbage, writing down answers to random questions, and handing them in after each round – all with the hope of out-dueling the other, lesser teams for cash money – always ended in tears as we failed to live up to our own hype. Next time…

Flight of the Conchords (Television show)
So ridiculously funny, you will surely snort milk out your nose (even if you’re not drinking any!). The title refers to a very low-rent, no gigs, two shlub band from New Zealand, who, along with their manager, get into random misadventures, and then sing about them. As you decipher the lyrics, and nod your head to the beat, keep an extra pair of underwear handy in case a laughing accident ensues.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
I’ve lived on the East Coast now for a few years and only just now made it to Philly. So to make up for lost time, we swaggered into Philly foot loose and fancy free. Philly cheese steaks, a Phillies baseball game (World Series Champs!), Broad Street, pub crawling, cheering on the Kentucky Derby while quaffing mint juleps, and a random Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination exhibit and you’ve got yourself a weekend.

Malindi, Kenya
Whether seasick while deep-sea fishing; enjoying a fine meal at the Old Man and The Sea restaurant (Hemingway did not make an appearance); staying at the quiet and cheap Cloud Nine
hotel (not in any guidebook); cooking fresh fish in banana leaves; strolling the seaweed choked beaches; or watching the resilient sailboats, made by the local boys from cast-off detritus (flip-flops for outriggers and plastic bags for sails anyone?), brave the ocean’s wind and waves; Malindi is a worthy place to unwind and pretend the world really is this small.

Temples of Angkor (Cambodia)
The Khmer empire was pretty busy between 850-1200 AD, building temples like they were going out of style. Then most of these temples were abandoned for hundreds of years and they became part of the encroaching jungle. Angkor Wat is by far the largest and most well-known, but it’s the temples of Ta Prohm and Beng Mealea that are among the most amazing. These have been allowed to stay mostly overgrown and ruined. There is a certain amount of peace and awe one feels when traversing over and around the tangled roots of giant fig strangler trees and the tumbled stones and carvings that once were grand galleries and massive buildings of ancient kings. At least it seems that way, if I do say so myself.

Blog
Can’t wait until next Christmas for another injection of insipid, indelible insights? Keep track of all the random hilarity at:
www.jeremybailey.wordpress.com

 

 

Bonus Question! (Guess correctly for a cool prize!)**

How many countries did I visit this year? (Hint: One paragraph lists them all)

* Clean version
** No, not really

Random iPod Playlist: The Play Count Does Not Lie

If Stephen King can use his monthly column in Entertainment Weekly to list his top songs as played by his iPod, then certainly I’ve earned the right to do so as well. No? That’s not how it works? Too bad, I’m doing it anyway!

So, according to iTunes, these are the songs I’ve listened to most and the number of plays in (brackets) since 2006:

1. “Sunrise“, Norah Jones (79)
2. “Everything I’m Not“, The Veronicas (56)
3. “Caraluna“, Bacilos (56)
4. “Old Town“, The Corrs (54)
5. “1979“, Smashing Pumpkins (54)
6. “Breakaway“, Kelly Clarkson (53)
7. “My Maria“, B.W. Stevenson (52)
8. “Love Song“, Sara Bareilles (50)
9. “Interstate Love Song“, Stone Temple Pilots (50)
10. “Between the Lines“, Sara Bareilles (50)
11. “Starts With One“, Shiny Toy Guns (50)
12. “It’s My Life”, No Doubt ( 48 )
13. “Shoot the Moon“, Norah Jones ( 48 )
14. “Time“, Chantal Kreviazuk ( 48 )
15. “Love On the Rocks“, Sara Bareilles ( 48 )
16. “Somebody’s Crying“, Chris Isaak (46)
17. “Listen To The Music“, The Doobie Brothers (46)
18. “Sugar, We’re Goin Down“, Fall Out Boy (46)
19. “Over My Head (Cable Car)“, The Fray (46)
20. “Somebody Told Me“, The Killers (45)

What can we learn from this list?

Probably nothing, but we sure had fun!

Quotes for the Random Person

Only boring people are brilliant in the morning. – Oscar Wilde

Call someplace paradise; kiss it goodbye. – The Eagles, from the song “The Last Resort”

There is no correlation at all between success and hours worked. – Seth Godin, from the book “Small is the New Big”

It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission. – Grace Murray Hopper

Despite of my rage, I’m still just a rat in a cage. – Smashing Pumpkins, from the song “Bullet With Butterfly Wings“