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Archive for October, 2013

Words To Never Use

Learnings – Learning is not plural, people! If you learns nothing else, learns that!

Meetings – Only masochists like saying this word.

Twerking – Just say ‘shake your ass provocatively’. Or better yet, don’t say anything. And don’t do it.

Hilarious – If you have to utter ‘That’s hilarious’, it’s not. If it’s funny, laugh.

Deliverables – Just say ‘output’ or ‘content’ or anything. My yearly deliverable is to stop these syllables from leaving your tongue.

Literally – I literally just jumped out of my seat, shaking my fist, to tell you this is the most pointless word ever. And no one uses it correctly. P.S. I literally did not just jump out of my seat. I’m too lazy for that.

LOL – Is this a word or a phrase? Either way, stop laughing at me out loud! LOL

Robust – Unless you are talking about my biceps, avoid this robustly overused word.

Ridonkulous – The word to use is ‘ridiculous’, but it’s ridiculous how ridiculously over saturated our minds are with this literally robust sounding word.

Seriously – Seriously, are you serious? Stop. Seriously.

Flexible – Are you a gymnast? Do you manufacture rubber bands? No? You know what to do. Seriously.

Cray cray – This defines both this list and the disintegration of the English language. Not that I care.

Word to your mother.

Word

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As the Boston Red Sox are in the World Series against the St. Louis Cardinals, let’s muse on my recent visit to Fenway Park in Boston.

My quest to see a game in all MLB stadiums continues. Only seven more to go (San Diego, Colorado, Arizona, St. Louis, Kansas City, Houston and Texas).

Fenway Park (Boston, Massachusetts) – Home of the Boston Red Sox

Highs

  • Right in the heart of the Fenway neighborhood and near the Back Bay neighborhood, it’s the perfect place to watch a game and find a drink after (say at….The Baseball Tavern or Yard House – with a mere 150 beers on tap).
  • Cozy is the word. Very quaint (capacity is 37,400) compared to most other parks.
  • Old school design with green everywhere. I like how the concession areas are loudly labeled with arrows so you don’t go astray. Clamoring ‘Beer and nuts’, ‘Cold Beer’, ‘Pizza’ and ‘Burgers and Fries’.
  • The Italian sausage was solid. The beer was wet and frothy.

Lows

  • Boston squeaked by the lowly Chicago White Sox, 4-3, after almost blowing a 4-0 lead.
  • The Green Monster (the name of the wall in left field) is iconic lexicon in baseball. But not that interesting…although it does date back to the original 1912 design. And it had a longer history as not green and known as ‘The Wall’.
  • Wally the Green Monster (official mascot) is unnecessary. Stop that.
  • The bleacher seats are like squeezing into a matchbox. The guy in front of me gesticulated his arm into my space to talk at someone nearby and knocked my beer, spilling 18.7% on my lap (I measured). Not complete disaster as I didn’t lose all my beer and I don’t care what I smell like.

Verdict: In the top 3 or 4 of all 26 stadiums I’ve visited. But not the best! I haven’t really tried to rank them all. Someday.

It’s a home run!

Welcome to Fenway!

Welcome to Fenway!

Go

View from the bleachers

View from the bleachers

Play ball

Play ball

Just follow the sign

Just follow the sign

It's about that time

It’s about that time

Stop that, Wally

Stop that, Wally

Green Monster

Green Monster

Next up: PNC Park

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Do I ever get annoyed? Sure, why not.

Shutdowns – Congress you are stupid. Let’s vote you out of office.

Clocks (with different times) – All four clocks I can see from my work desk show different times! The digital clock on my desk phone says 6:02pm. My iPhone 4 says 6:00pm. My laptop says 5:57pm. The wall clock says 6:01pm. Errrgggg! Why?

Dan Snyder (owner of the Washington NFL Football Team) – Just change the racist name of your team already. This controversy is over.

Melons – No to honeydew. No to cantaloupe. No to watermelons. No to fruit salad that is all melon. Just no.

Miley Cyrus – Stop. Sticking. Out. Your. Tongue.

University of Oregon football – Hate. Also, worst color combinations. Ever.

Losing – I don’t like to lose. I should always win.

Southeastern Conference (SEC) (football) – I do not like them. Nor green eggs and ham. East Coast bias, damn.

Cleaning the apartment – Don’t want to.

Lists of annoying things – I’ll try not to be annoyed.

Take heed.

Annoyed

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We are all assholes. It’s true.

I’m not calling you an asshole per se (at least not to your face), but there are times when you are one. And yes, there are also times when I’m an asshole.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

When you are a driver of a motor vehicle (AKA motorist), all pedestrians and bicyclists are assholes.

When you are a bicyclist, all pedestrians and motorists are assholes.

When you are a pedestrian, all bicyclists and motorists are assholes.

When you are riding high (on a bus or in a taxi), everyone else is an asshole.

When you chug along on a Segway, you are the only asshole. Stop that.

ahole

You know it’s true. From your unique perspective, it’s always the other person that’s the asshole. And from their unique perspective, you are the asshole. So yes, you are uniquely an asshole sometimes. To someone.

I’ve used every mode of transportation in Washington, D.C. and I can categorically say that however I’m getting around, the other person is at fault. The other person deserves to get run over. Or verbally violated. Or smacked upside the head. It is always their fault. Always. I am right. They are the asshole.

Okay, in theory, I know I’m not always right. But just try convincing me in the heat of road battle. In the thick of weaving and avoiding pesky people in my path. Won’t happen.

There is nothing quite like two-hour commutes, or being stuck in traffic, or someone not obeying traffic signs, or someone not waiting their turn that gets people in a mood. A foul mood. Road rage isn’t part of our lexicon by accident.

Getting around D.C. (or any city), requires us to have a certain understanding of our fellow travelers. We must recognize the rules, the nuances, the rights from wrongs of navigating within our concrete city-jungle. And we must be willing to follow and adhere to those ourselves.

Who

The problems arise when look at the three categories of travelers:

1) People who are oblivious. They aren’t paying attention or they’re focused on themselves. The world is small to them. They have important places to be or important calls to take. They must text or tweet now!

2) People who just don’t care about other travelers. They know what’s what, but they have to be first. They won’t wait or stop or play nice. They won’t give an inch and they care about you about as far as they could throw you.

3) People who are conscientious. They know what’s what and they follow the rules. They pay attention. Mostly they care. If everyone fell into this category, we would have far fewer accidents, incidents and anger.

Granted, there are times when we might be in more than one category, or we could just have a bad day. But in general, you can relate to one of these categories more often than not. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s your attitude that dictates what happens next. People in categories 1 and 2 will most often be the ones to start something or cause an accident.

Here’s a handy list of things you should do that will make our world a better place, with far fewer assholes:

bicyclists

GET OFF the sidewalk if there are pedestrians or someone is walking their dog. You can also walk your bike around them.

DO NOT blow through the Stop Sign or Red Light without stopping when there are OTHER vehicles or pedestrians. If the coast is clear, you have my permission to go for it…

Motorists

DO NOT wait for a speeding bicyclist coming up to a four-way stop. You got there first, if they blow through the intersection, run them over.

DO NOT ride your motorcycle in the bike lane. Or on the sidewalk.

DO NOT hold down on your horn when someone is a couple of seconds slow to move when the light turns green. A quick tap will do after all the cars in front of it have moved.

Pedestrians

DO NOT walk or jog in the bike lane. If you are in the lane to open a car door, step aside or wait when bikes are coming.

LOOK BOTH ways before jaywalking – even if it’s a one way street. Bicyclists sometimes ride the wrong way on a street.

DO NOT cut across the 4-way stop diagonally or cross two streets in succession. Your turn is to cross one street, then wait for the next traveller in line.

Segway-users

DO NOT exist.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Stop being an asshole.

Be nice. Be wrong. Be able to say when you’re sorry. And get out of my way.

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Shame On You

A meme is going around with people shaming their pets for doing bad things by taking a photo of the pet with a confession sign.

Example: http://www.viralnova.com/20-dog-shaming/

Not to be outdone!

kuma2a
kuma2

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No context necessary. Indulge.

Kuma's life-long dream was to attend Harvard. And pee in the Yard.

Kuma’s life-long dream was to attend Harvard. And pee in the Yard.

Is that a Red Sox logo in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Is that a Red Sox logo in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

What happens when a Pittsburgh baseball fan discovers Photoshop.

What happens when a Pittsburgh baseball fan discovers Photoshop.

Jeremy and Kuma go to White Castle.

Jeremy and Kuma go to White Castle.

Conundrum of the day: Do people in Portland like beer?

Conundrum of the day: Do people in Portland like beer?

Random.

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My random goal for October is to get out and about in the city of Washington, D.C.

To do something new.

After 9-1/2 years wandering about D.C., I’ve seen a fair amount. Yet there are a few places I haven’t made it to.

Let’s try to rectify that.

October Goal: Visit 12 new places in Washington, D.C.

I won’t list my ideas, because some are not open at the moment due to the Federal Government shutdown. I may have to find a few alternatives. Get out of my way, Republicans!

Be it a new restaurant, a museum, a park, a music venue or whatever, let’s go find it.

Capitol Building

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