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Archive for September, 2013

Since early 2010, I’ve listlessly listed the five (ish) new TV shows that look the most interesting for that season. That worked out to 20 different new shows.

I looked back at those lists and discovered the following morsels of unimportance:

  1. 10 of those 20 shows were cancelled during or after the first season. Although one was a 10-part mini-series, The Pacific.
  2. 8 of those 20 shows are still on the air. Most notable: Modern Family, Boardwalk Empire and Community.
  3. 12 of those 20 shows I actually watched some or all of.
    • 3 of these 12 shows I would highly recommend, Modern Family, Community and Caprica.
    • 2 of these 12 shows are epic turds. V and Revolution.

Here are the 2013 promising TV shows that I have a 50/50 chance of watching!

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – Marvel’s insurgence into the small screen after taking over the big screen the past few summers. Co-created by Joss and Jed Whedon, this I’ll definitely watch.

Brooklyn Nine Nine – Andy Samburg (from Saturday Night Live fame) plays a cop! And it’s a comedy!

Almost Human – Karl Urban (Bones on the new Star Trek) is a not a doctor but a cop with an android for a partner. In the future.

The Crazy Ones – Robin Williams. Sarah Michelle Gellar. It’s not Mork & Mindy but why not.

The Tomorrow People – Another superhero in high school show..maybe it will channel Heroes

Set your DVR to stun!

TV

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If you have it in your head to drive to Boston from Washington, D.C., pause and reflect on the following treatise. I’m only going to say this once.

Reason 1: It costs $45 in tolls. Each way. That equals $90 for you mathletes. Re-read that so I don’t have to type it again.

Reason 2: Traffic. Seriously, Boston? You guys stink. You have the worst traffic! I’ve been to such places as Tokyo, New York, San Francisco, Bangkok, Nairobi, Sao Paulo, Johannesburg, Los Angeles, Seattle, Washington, D.C., London and plenty more. Based on my replicable and highly scientific opinion and the fact that I was there only a week ago, you win. Congrats.

Reason 3: The design of the city roads makes no sense. Zero. Zilch. Nada. You can’t get to Point B from Point A. Can’t be done. Don’t try. You can get to Point Z, if you close your eyes and don’t care where Point Z is. You can check-in anytime you like, but you can never leave.

Reason 4: Emergency and service vehicles clog the roads. Is that a dead guy with five police cars and two ambulances on this tiny one way street? Yes, turn around if you can. Oops, is that another accident two blocks away blocking your detour of the last accident? Why, yes. Now that you’re completely off track, is that bridge closed because some drunk dude is blocking traffic? Absolutely. Pat yourself on the back if you manage to somehow sneak through this labyrinth of craziness.

Reason 5: Construction. Unions must have a deal with the city to churn up every road at 100 yard intervals and then sit around all day long. I’m picturing something out of The Departed, with construction crews busy burying broken bodies…

Reason 6: Traffic lights. I spent 25 minutes at one intersection, that had to be the worst designed and most poorly timed light on Earth. But I rather enjoyed it, because at least I understood what was happening. Unlike Reasons 3-5.

Reason 7: Gas prices. That’s a solid 900 mile (both ways) road trip without detours. It won’t cost as much as a flight, but when you add in a rental car, it sure is close.

Reason 8: Enough complaining. Maybe now I’ll write something about my trip.

Good Reasons to Drive to Boston

Reason 1: You have a wiener dog riding shotgun.

Reason 2: Cool wind in my hair, the warm smell of colitas rising up through the air.

Reason 3: Detours. You can go to places like Newport, RI, Cape Cod, Plymouth Rock and Stamford, CT.

Reason 4: To listen to all the music and podcasts you need to catch up on.

Read this again for the first time!

Boston

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If you need free advice on critical issues that impact your life, please keep reading. If you’re looking for minor chuckles, please proceed to the latest Dilbert comic strip.

Fresh Advice: Unless it’s food or flowers, don’t use the word fresh to describe anything.

  • Wrong: Funky fresh. Fresh content. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The freshest fashions of Fall.
  • Correct: Fresh roses. Fresh milk. Fresh dog feces.

Oral Fixation Advice: Unless it’s yours, don’t put it in your mouth. Even if it’s fresh.

Mom Advice: If you can’t say something nice, by all means blog about it.

Booty Call Advice: If you’re having trouble sleeping, the best course of action is to call someone and keep them awake as well.

Spirit(ual) Advice: If you have the choice between beer or wine, DO NOT choose one. Choose both.

Music Advise: If you’re debating whether to use your $1.19 to download Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus…you’ve already lost. No one can help you.

Trend Advice: If you don’t know what ‘twerking’ is, pause now and let out a huge sigh of relief.

Baseball Advice: If you think more than two countries should play in the World Series, that’s un-American. And un-Canadian (at least circa 1993).

I Don’t Always Give Advice But When I Do Advice: Do not let the most interesting man in the world buy you a Dos Equis. You won’t be interesting by association.

Shit Advice: If it smells like fresh dog feces, it is fresh dog feces. Clean it off your shoe immediately.

Life Advice: If you ask for forgiveness instead of permission, I won’t forgive you.

Buisness Model Advice: If you don’t want companies to run ads on your blog, pay them not to.

Best Advice: If you’re not willing to take free advice, you can always pay me for it.

advice

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A Random To Do List

Do Today

(or when I get around to it)

  1. Make a sandwich for lunch
  2. Eat it
  3. Go running – actually nope, fire my personal trainer (me) and eat a cookie instead
  4. Buy cookies for Tea Time at the office
  5. Feed the wiener dog
  6. Walk the wiener dog
  7. Make tacos
  8. Turn a phrase
  9. Scribble down some bad blog post ideas
  10. Schedule two tennis matches for this week and next
  11. Clean something, this place is dirty
  12. Buy a ticket to the Muse concert tomorrow
  13. Binge on a few Breaking Bad episodes
  14. Find another volleyball player for Fall
  15. Troll Facebook for whatever’s not happening
  16. Gloat after winning my opening weekend Fantasy Football games
  17. Start scheduling referee duties for my flag football team
  18. Laundry
  19. Adjust my Fantasy Baseball roster for the playoffs
  20. Do work
  21. Pick good days to go hiking in September and October
  22. Schedule an eye exam to get new contacts
  23. Check what albums I should buy on eMusic
  24. Get ready to go to Chicago this weekend
  25. Write this post or anything really

Done!

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In July and August both my random goals were about clocking miles and keeping the blood pumping. Since this is an exhaustively fact-based blog, I crunched a bevy of numbers and dug deep for timely, hard-hitting analysis. That is a fact.

Let’s roll up our sleeves and shoot our veins with sweet, sweet PEDs.

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August Goal: Run 21 miles AND play 3 tennis matches.

  • Running = 10.2 miles
  • Tennis matches = 4

Result: Fail

Analysis: I just couldn’t get off my tuckus enough times to run 21 miles (who comes up with these numbers anyway?). I don’t run more then 2-3 miles at a time, so I have to find more times to run. I did find time to play some tennis. I went 1-3 in the four matches, including a tense, down to the wire loss, 7-6 (7-5), 0-6, 6-7 (7-9). No. I. Didn’t.

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July Goal: Run, hike or bike 190 total miles.

Max for any category was 43% of total (81.7 miles).

  • Running = 26.6 miles
  • Hiking = 81.7 miles (.36 extra)
  • Biking = 81.7 miles (2.3 extra)

Total: 190 miles (plus 2.66 extra)

Result: Success

Analysis: Boom! I did it. It really sucked! Peace!

Yeah, this was really hard because I traveled to Washington State for the last seven days. I managed to get a good hike in at Mt. St. Helen’s (8 miles) and did some runs the last few days, including a last-minute (like 10pm on July 31st) 2.5 mile run to pull it off. I could have quit or stopped or said fuggedaboutit. Trust me, I really wanted to. I don’t win anything. I don’t make any money on this. But it’s forever immortalized on this insipid blog, so I went the extra mile to get those many miles. Now you know.

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Year-to-date monthly goals success/failure rate: 4-2

See all random goals

Many the Miles

‘There’s too many things that I haven’t done yet
Too many sunsets
I haven’t seen
You can’t waste the day wishing it’d slow down
You would’ve thought by now
I’d have learned something’Many the Miles by Sara Bareilles

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