Five Random Quotes: No Pun Intended

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself. – Doug Larson

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. – Groucho Marx

It’s not true I had nothing on. I had the radio on. – Marilyn Monroe

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. – Jackie Mason

I cannot smell mothballs because it’s so difficult to get their little legs apart. – Steve Martin

Danger! Danger! Imminent Social Media Overload

I am enabled. Enabled to do bad, bad things. And you are the victim (or the beneficiary).

First, I purchased a sleek new iPad 2 and have downloaded more apps than there are snowflakes on Mt. Rainer.

Second, I just received my brand new iPhone 4.

Now, all social media and networking possibilities are at my fingertips. I can pump out content like Charlie Sheen pumps out craziness. On location. Live. Every waking second of the day.

I can drop nuggets of truth at the slightest provocation. My wittily crafted missives can clog up your dozens of social networks. Instead of considered and time appropriate content delivered via my laptop, I can overpower your social media feeds with off-the-cuff, stream of consciousness, unrelenting brilliance. My every whim is your new reality. All thanks to Apple and Steve Jobs. A round of applause, please.

How do you benefit?

1) I can check-in and earn badges everywhere I go via Foursquare. Benefit: The cool restaurants and bars will show up on your ‘trending’ searches.

2) I can tweet and retweet until I’m blue in the face. Benefit: You will have access to wisdom beyond your years.

3) I can share the minutia of my day via Facebook. Benefit: Boredom will never be a problem for you.

4) I can write something once and channel it to multiple social media outlets via Hootsuite. Benefit: You can get the same content multiple times – less risk you will overlook it.

5) I can Skype on the go. Benefit: You can chat with me anytime.

6) I can start doing stuff on Google+ (beware it will be brilliant!). Benefit: Access to uncharted content.

7) I can yam away all day and night on Yammer (for work). Benefit: I am the 9th most influential yammerer, so you know what I say is impactful.

8) I can accept invitations from friends and colleagues on LinkedIn. Benefit: You will see I am also professional or something.

9) I can wistfully remember when MySpace mattered. Benefit: You too can be wistful.

10) And I can of course continue to blog until the cows come home right here on WordPress. Benefit: Life-long learning and knowledge of the world.

There are ways you could benefit even more, but let’s save it for the sequel. Now I need to tweet out the contents of my brain.

And the Wiener Is…

The results are in for the Hill Rag’s 2011 Pet Photo Contest. The competition was fierce and all entrants fought tooth and nail (sometimes literally) to win the coveted chance to appear in full photo glory. After all the ballot boxes were stuffed and counted thrice, the bribes pocketed, the attack dogs chained, and the catnip had worn off, July’s Hill Rag proudly showcased the cream of the crop of dogs and cats of Capitol Hill.

Except the creme de la creme, Kuma the wiener dog, only won Honorable Mention in the Most Laid Back category. Clearly not enough bribes reached the right pockets or the attack dogs didn’t terrify the right people to vote the right way. Since he’s too laid back to care that much, all acts of vengeance to correct this slight are on hold until further notice.

An analysis of this year’s contest shows that there were three wiener dogs represented. Given the number of wiener dogs that live on the Hill, this remains a mysteriously underwhelming disappointment. I’ve noticed a healthy influx of new wiener dogs in just my neighborhood alone. (New: Beastie, Otto, Moochie, Dodger, Bo. Stalwharts: Kuma, Gage, Jasper, Mr. Big, Olive).

The goal for 2012 is a 100% wiener winner in all categories. Best Photo? Wiener. Top Dog? Wiener. Cutest? Wiener. Funniest? Wiener. Top Cat? Wiener.

See Kuma’s photo spread:

Most Laid Back Category: Honorable Mention


Cutest Category: Entrant


Five Random Quotes: ‘Tis Summer

Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability. – Sam Keen


The bigger the summer vacation the harder the fall. – Unknown author


Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. – Russel Baker


The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful. – Jimmy Buffett


Summer is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces up, snow is exhilarating; there is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather. – John Ruskin

Food Porn Tackles Thailand

Last year, I shared my poor attempt at food photography (in The Joy of Food Porn). Well, having no desire to quit while I was ahead (and frankly having no filters at all), I’ve congregated another crude and carelessly constructed collection of food porn. I use the term ‘food porn’ because I have a sneaking suspicion more people will ‘find a reason’ to read this post. It’s only a theory. I did it all for the cookie (sadly, no cookies…next time) and the readership bump.

This collection comes from Thailand, home of one of my favorite cuisines. I recently spent a couple weeks there and happened to find my camera in my pocket a few times. Imagine that. Let’s start off with a cascade of chocolate.

Flowing chocolate in the hotel lobby
Good old Pad Sa Ew
Something to combat the heat
A boat full of bananas
Fish balls on a stick
Duck curry

One evening I followed some ‘foodies’ to Sirocco to attempt their ridiculously priced Chef’s Tasting Menu. Sirocco perches high over Bangkok, with a mighty view from the 64th floor of the State Tower. Featured in the movie, The Hangover Part II, it has a stunning panorama of every inch of the city. For some perspective, a normal beer costs $10 and a typical glass of wine costs $15. If you are curious to read the full descriptions of the tasting menu, go here. Otherwise, have a gander at what silly money gets you.

Green and White Asparagus Velouté
Scottish Salmon Crudo and Tartare
Let's close in on the crudo
Pan Seared Soulard Foie Gras
Cleanse your pallette
Roasted USDA Prime Beef Tenderloin
Yogurt Mousse Cake

Now that you’re warmed up, here’s a random assortment of other foods I’ve consumed recently.

Oh my, a churro with melted chocolate in Costa Rica
Feast of crabs in Delaware
What's a Taco Toss?
Tossed tacos in Delaware
Big ol' mess of nachos at Nationals Park
Blue Smoke BBQ at Nationals Park