Not to rely on the overly dramatic or get you into a tizzy, but here are a few things that have the potential to unravel the fabric of the entire universe.* These are the game changers. Be warned. Be wary.
Pittsburgh Steelers ‘2011 Super Bowl Champions’ clothes – This bundle of pre-printed joy is heading to developing countries. It needs to go anywhere but the United States. Nothing says hope and progress like a T-shirt with lies printed on it.
Zombies – Once the hordes of these undead masses rise up to subdue the planet, it will be hard to recover from. Watch The Walking Dead on AMC to learn survival tips.
Hope – We can do it! (Maybe)
Fear – We can’t do it! (More likely)
eReaders – The world can finally, legitimately, pretend to read ‘the classics’ while actually downloading photos from the 2011 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition app. Everybody wins.
Social Media Advertising – Gone are the ads we just look at impassively for TV, print, billboards, etc. Instead, now we can have brand ‘conversations’ and online ‘interactions’ with our biodegradable soap on a rope or our eco-friendly SUVs with Starbucks coffee makers in the dashboard.** This is Reality 2.0. If you’re not living it now, are you alive?
The Creation Museum (in Kentucky) – Finally Christians everywhere can breathe freely. Evolution debunked! Humans certainly strapped saddles to and rode cuddly dinosaurs just 6000 years ago. If it’s in a museum, it’s true.
Watson Supercomputer – The machines are coming to defeat us. Soon. The only question is: will it be the machines from Terminator aka Skynet or Battlestar Galactica aka Cylons?
Jersey Shore – Will film their next season in Italy. Much like Godzilla wrecking havoc in Tokyo, the cast of Jersey Shore is sure to topple the Roman ruins in their drunken, prankster wake. Finally the Roman Empire will fall.
Hippopotamidae Flu – Surely the next panic-inducing global pandemic on par with Swine and Avian Flu. Just don’t blame the hippos.
Wikipedia – Because fact-checked encyclopedias are better suited as a doorstop than purveyors of information. User-generated truth will prevail!
WikiLeaks – Because state secrets via Anonymous tips in drop spots in the park are better suited for spy novels. Let everyone know everything! Now! Or Anonymous will find you. And hurt you.
*Author’s Note: This post contains no actual truth or analysis. Nor is it particularily informative. Amusing? Probably not. Yet if you do believe any of these things will change anything, it shows you are wise beyond words. You may even consider buying some ocean-front property in Idaho.***
** Or conversations and interactions with the St. Pauli Girl, natch.
*** Suck it, Arizona.
A Random Journey 