No Hooting on the Rumble Humps

So, you’ve found yourself in South Africa, somewhere near Johannesburg. Now what? Let’s take a gander…

Meat – whether it’s biltong, boerewors, sosaties, kudu, bushbuck, chicken, beef, lamb, or boring old crocodile, you will have a hard time being a vegetarian in South Africa. Unless you don’t mind a spot of pap covered in sauces usually used for meat or that bruised, forgotten piece of lettuce over there.

Villaggio italiano – to taste gelato while strolling by dozens of restaurants and shops in a quaint Italian village, or to enjoy an Italian feast with white wine in an open-air plaza with a synchronized fountain of colors and music, are great ways to…  Wait, stop! This is still about South Africa, right? Indeed, it is. All to be had at Montecasino, the friendly, neighborhood, Vegas-sized, Italian-themed casino.

Charging Elephant – a young bull elephant, when in must (heat), is something of a big deal, at least in his own mind. If it looks like you might supply a bit of competition in his bid for the ladies, shift your love van into reverse and then give it some serious gas. He’s coming!

Leopards – it’s rare to spot a leopard in the wild, so imagine my delight in seeing two in 20 minutes! Or don’t, it’s no spot off my back.

Sunrises – for some silly reason, when you go on a safari, they demand you to get up and be ready by 5:15 a.m. After washing down a biscuit with a spot of tea, the gates of the compound burst open and you’re free to drive furiously, jockeying with other cars, to be the first to find the undisturbed animals laying out on the road for your voyeuristic pleasure. Then the sun rises in full glory and you forget about the animals and the fact that it’s so damn early.

Editor’s Note:

  • Humps in South Africa are known as speed bumps in the USA.
  • Rumble humps in South Africa are known as rumble strips in the USA.
  • Hooting in South Africa is known as honking in the USA.
  • The title of this post had nothing to do with its content. Sue me.

Why Blog?

Self-importance – Who better to share the best, most creative, most useful content on the planet, than you? If not you, who is going to uncover all the intricate, comprehensive, critical and witty minutia from your daily life? Please, absolutely regale us with your crafty, well-thought out missives on life and truth and your pets and every loving detail of your two-week trip to Peru. You. Are. The. Most. Important. Person. Alive. Please share.

To keep an active mind  – As opposed to the times when you’re not blogging, and your mind is stagnating. Just don’t let it happen.

Maintain discipline – It’s hard to maintain a routine as taxing as blogging. Hit keyboard randomly, press Enter, spell check, click mouse thingy a few times, paste something here or there, click some button on the screen, wait…, wait some more, curse, click the mouse thingy furiously while waiting, curse some more…and voila – a blog is born! Now do that once a week or once a month and that’s a mean case of discipline for you.

You heard there was cake – This is a myth. Blogging is not a party. Nor are there prizes for most creative blog or best use of a cat photo. Blogging is its own reward.

To let the creative juices flow – Wait, what? Sounds disgusting.

To relieve boredom – Blogging or staring listlessly at that booger you flicked onto the wall. Either way, it accomplishes the same thing.

You could be the next ‘that guy with a book based on his blog’ – Probably you won’t be, but it’s worth a try. Actually, given that there are well over 110 million self-important blogs (plus whatever they’re doing in China) and more added by the millisecond, good luck with that. Maybe you can get a book published about your unquenched love of Mandarin duck written in Cantonese.

Chicks dig the wordplay – My telephone number is 202-253-99…wait, send me your photo first!


Main Reasons Not to Care

…because whatever they’re talking about, it’s not about you.

…because you already swallowed all the pills.

…because it’s not on Facebook.

…because melting glaciers will drown the planet anyway, probably as early as next week.

…because it’s not yours and you wouldn’t want it even if they gave it to you.

…because your name is George W. Bush and your work is pretty much done.

…because you already figured it all out.

…because Bono didn’t organize a huge benefit concert for it.

…because it wasn’t on The Daily Show.

…because…frankly you don’t have to explain yourself… so take a hike.

…because you weren’t in on the joke.

…because this list is done.