In the year that was 2008, I managed to subliminally see 105 movies. Some on a plane. Some on a couch. Some in a theatre. Here are the best and worst:
11. WALL-E – loves EVE! And the human race has a fat ass future in store. What else is new, except Pixar once again doing what they do best? Entertaining us.
10. The Counterfeiters – What would you do to survive a Nazi internment camp? Well, if you knew anything about making counterfeit dollars and pounds, probably flood the world with the perfect counterfeit money.
9. Sicko – Michael Moore’s peek into the health care industry is probably something you should care about. But what do I care?
8. In Bruges – Colin Farrell is finally in a good movie!
7. Definitely, Maybe – I’m a sucker for Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks and Rachel Weisz. Put them all together and stir.
6. Persepolis – A look at the life of a young woman growing up in Iran, then leaving and trying to re-integrate after the fall of the Shah and the new rule of the Islamic fundamentalists. BTW – it’s a cartoon.
5. The Bank Job – Could you rob a bank without messing it up? Not likely, and these guys are no exception. Best new torture instrument: a heat gun!
4. Enchanted – Oops, I’m also a sucker for Amy Adams, cartoons and merry songs.
3. The Visitor – This guy befriends the squatters in his never used New York apartment; he learns life lessons, plays the drums, gets caught up in the fiasco that is US immigration, falls in love. That type of stuff.
2. Iron Man – Robert Downey, Jr. in a flying, ass-kicking movie.
1. The Dark Knight – Someone, somewhere is trying to write something new about this movie. Not me.
I saw three of these movies on an airplane…and as I ate the tasteless airplane food, my mood grew darker with each passing minute.
5. Journey to the Center of the Earth – Brendan Fraser sucks. Please stop making movies?
4. The Happening – M. Night Shyamalan is officially squeezing out turds. Mark Wahlberg is a badass, and you turn him into a wuss? Why, oh why?
3. You Don’t Mess With the Zohan – Okay, point taken. Take heed.
2. Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium – The only thing wonderful about this, is…it rhymes? Nope, not even that.
1. Meet the Spartans – Do not meet these guys. Stay away. Stay far away.