My goal this past year was to read more books than previous years.
I succeeded. In honor of my complete success, I share the best eight books I read in 2011, instead of a mere five. Those extra three are free. You’re welcome.
8.The Snowman (Jo Nesbø, 2011) – I’ve started reading these mysteries from Norway. The protaganist, Harry Hole, hunts a serial killer. So far all of the books I’ve read in this series are good, but this is the best one.
7. The Opposable Mind: How Successful Leaders Win Through Integrative Thinking (Roger Martin, 2007) – Something you must read.
6. Lost in Shangri-La: A True Story of Survival, Adventure, and the Most Incredible Rescue Mission of World War II (Mitchell Zuckoff, 2011) – Entertaining and worthy of your time, but lacks the real drama and suspense of another WWII tale (see #2).
5. First, Break All the Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently (Marcus Buckingham & Curt Coffman, 1999) – If you are not prone to reading, break your rule and start reading this.
4. Out of Captivity: Surviving 1,967 Days in the Colombian Jungle (Marc Gonsalves, Keith Stansell, and Tom Howes, 2010) – The unbelievable story, as told by each of the three survivors, of persevering over five years as prisoners of the FARC.
3. The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins, 2010) – Now being made into a movie, this is the first in a trilogy about a future where children get forced to compete in a gladiator style death match. Only one can survive.
2. Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption (Laura Hillenbrand, 2010) – Simply an amazing story about an Olympic runner turned airman, whose plane crashes on a routine mission over the Pacific Ocean. Stranded for 47 days on a life raft, only to fall into the hands of the Japanese and held as a prisoner of war for over two years. Talk about the worst luck. Epic.
1. A Game of Thrones (Fire and Ice Series Book 1) (George R.R. Martin, 1996) – With all the hubbub from the new HBO TV series Game of Thrones, I thought it prudent to start reading this epic series (now five tomes strong). Brilliant. Deep. HUGE cast of characters. I’ve gotten through the first three novels. They’re only between 900-1200 pages each. Light reading for sure. Start reading and never sleep again.
May you participate in zero book burnings in 2012. Even if the world ends.
2011 was probably my record low in total movies watched. I staggered around enough to see 53 movies. One of my 2011 goals was to read more. I succeeded, but at the expense of movies. Some of the good movies I saw this year were released in late 2010, so the list probably reads a little like last year’s Oscar race.
Best
11. Cowboys & Aliens – James Bond and Indiana Jones fight invading aliens! Better than expected.
10. The Secret in Their Eyes – Murder mystery from Argentina. The rest is a secret.
9. Limitless – I just want to take that mind-expanding drug. Maybe I’ll stop forgetting things. What was I saying?
8. Hall Pass - A decent year for comedies. This was among the better options. And who doesn’t hit Applebee’s to pick up women?
7. Cave of Forgotten Dreams - A fascinating look at the Chauvet caves in France. where the oldest known cave paintings are found. Werner Herzog gets in there, which is off-limits to all of us peons, shows the paintings in all their glory and adds in a bit of philosophizing for effect.
6. X-Men: First Class - An epic load of comic book adaptions hit the big screen in 2011. The ones I saw were all serviceable (thankfully I missed The Green Hornet). The origin story of Magneto and Professor X was the best one, over such tent poles as Capitan America,The Green Lantern and Thor. Thor was a close second.
5. 127 Hours – Watching someone go through the mental process of deciding to cut off his hand to survive is disturbing. A cautionary tale for all adventure seekers.
4. Crazy, Stupid, Love. - An exploration of what it means to be in love. Heartbreak, joy, redemption.
3. The Fighter - Mark Wahlberg – good. Christian Bale – great.
2. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - The Hollywood version with Daniel Craig and Mara Rooney. Remaking foreign language films is always a dicey proposition, because most of the time, why bother? But this is still a great story, and the remake is well done. My only complaint was the opening credits. Why the weird black, stylized James Bond-like sequence that didn’t have any relevance to the movie?
1. The King’s Speech – This won the 2010 Best Picture, but I didn’t see it until 2011. You already know it was good. If you didn’t see it, you probably thought Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked should have been on this list.
Worst
5. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides - Complicated and pointless. And boring. Even hot mermaids couldn’t lure me under this sea.
4. The Black Swan – What is this? Awful.
3. Winter’s Bone – Winter can keep its bone, thank you very much.
2. Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - As a kid, this was my favorite book from the Chronicles of Narnia. Now watching the crisp, unreal visuals of the ship, the wooden acting, and the zero moments where I cared about any of the characters, I want to punch someone…
1. Sucker Punch – My eyeballs still need a scrubbing after watching this stupid turd squish before my eyes.
2011 saw the opening of many new restaurants in the Capital Hill area. Ramen. Burgers. Shawarmas. Cajun. Pho. Pretentious drinks. And much more. Below I rank the new ones I visited throughout the year.
My continuing goal is to eat at all the restaurants on or near Capital Hill. I define this as anything south of H St NE, east of 15th NE/SE, north of I St SE, and west of 1st St NE/SE. This is a big area, and includes such destinations as Barracks Row (8th St SE between D and I Sts), Eastern Market (7th St SE between Pennsylvania Ave and Independence Ave), the Atlas District (H St NE between 9th and 15th Sts) and much more.
Obviously the task doesn’t get easier when new places keep opening left and right. 2012 is already shaping up to be a big year as well. On the horizon: Boundary Road, Sweet Charleston’s, Sol Mexican Grill and much, much more.
Location key: (H) = H St NE, (A) = The Atlas District, (B) = Barrack’s Row, (C) = Capital Hill other, (E) = Eastern Market, (U) = Union Station
19. Khan’s BBQ (H) – The food is fine as a Mongolian BBQ stir-fry, but I don’t like the set-up nor the atmosphere.
18. DC3 (B) - Now serving trendy hot dog concoctions. I probably wouldn’t order the same dog again and I wasn’t enamored with the other options.
17. Inspire Bar-B-Q (H) - Good pulled-pork BBQ and sides courtesy of Groupon. I think the space is too small, even for a walk-up counter, and the staff was friendly but apparently still learning what to do. Will try again.
16. Church & State (A) – I’m not a big fan of pretentious drinks (e.g. those that cost more than $12) and that is about all you can get here. If you want to take a date for a drink before having dinner in the Atlas District, this is your place. It is small and intimate.
15. Red Palace (A) – Combines the old Red & Black and Palace of Wonders into one venue with a decent size concert venue upstairs.
14. Pho Bar & Grille (A) - Really good dumplings and decent pho (based on my limited experience with pho), but they can’t figure out how to serve people. The first time I went, it must certainly rank as one of the most annoying ordering experiences ever.
13. Bojangles (U) – Good fried chicken!
12. Marvelous Pizza (H) – A new late night pizza joint on H St. You can also order egg rolls with your slice.
11. Shawafel (A) – Good shawarmas. Didn’t have the falafel.
10. Impala Tacos (A) – Tacos served in the winter at the Philadelphia Water Ice counter (since it’s closed for the season, why not serve tacos?). I hear they are developing a permanent place for this on H street.
9. Bullfeathers of Capital Hill (C) – This place completely remodeled and is nice space and good food.
8. Tru Orleans (H) - A New Orleans themed restaurant. Have the catfish reuben and Hurricane slushies.
7. Smith Commons (A) – Three levels with couches and patios. A nice place for a drink upstairs. The one time I ate there, the fish and chips were not what you might expect but still not bad.
6. Chipotle (U) – The old lunch stand-by. Meat and beans and cheese rolled up in a tortilla. When they have the A team serving, the line zips along.
5. Pound the Hill (E) – A new coffee shop near Eastern Market. They make their mochas with Nutella…mmmm.
4. The Big Board (H) – A small bar a mere two blocks from my house that serves good burgers (try the Chicago Fire) that tries to sell its beers by giving discounts (shown on The Board) to the most popular selling options. Not sure that the concept works yet and they need to get better beer.
3. Senart’s Oyster and Chop House (B) – Didn’t have the oysters. A nice looking building and interior. The menu was a bit pricey, but the Beer Battered Cod Sandwich was the right price.
2. The Queen Vic (A) – Styled as a British pub, it has good, traditional British fare (have the Sunday roast!) and is a fine place to watch a game with a pint of cider in hand.
1. Toki Underground (A) – Excellent ramen noodles and tasty dumplings in a small kitschy space filled with anime figurines and skateboards for footrests. It only seats 20 people at a time, so it seems to always be busy.
Bonus: Biergarten Haus Roof Deck (A) – Though Biergarten Haus is not new in 2011, expanding the capacity of the already largest restaurant in the area by 1/3, it makes for a formidable beer swilling and German food noshing destination.
Another year, another cacophony of music options. Much of it was good.
I added 63 new albums to my library. I attended 18 concerts. I got a new iPhone and haven’t had to use my iPod Touch in months. Although, I didn’t listen to as much music this year as last. Let’s explore some lists. You know I like lists.
Top Albums Listened to in 2011*
“Brothers” by The Black Keys,
“Wasting Light” by Foo Fighters,
“Codes and Keys” by Death Cab For Cutie,
“Angles” by The Strokes,
“Young the Giant” by Young the Giant,
“Something to Die For” by The Sounds,
“Body Talk” by Robyn,
“Ceremonials’ by Florence + The Machine,
“21″ by Adele,
“Wounded Rhymes” by Lykke Li,
* Does not have to have been released in 2011.
Bonus #1: Top Concerts of 2011
Sara Bareilles (Ram’s Head Live)
Mumford & Sons (Merriweather Post Pavilion)
Soundgarden (Patriot Center)
Foo Fighters (Verizon Center)
Death Cab for Cutie (Merriweather Post Pavilion)
Bonus #2: Most Listened to Songs in 2011*
‘Let the Rain’ – Sara Bareilles (N/A)*
‘Tighten Up’ – The Black Keys
‘You Are A Tourist’ – Death Cab for Cutie
‘Under Cover Of Darkness’ – The Strokes
‘My Body’ – Young the Giant
‘Ain’t No Talking’ – The Pipettes
‘These Days’ – Foo Fighters
‘Dance With the Devil’ – The Sounds
‘Howlin’ For You’ – The Black Keys
‘Paradise’ – Coldplay
‘Dancing On My Own’ – Robyn
‘England’ – The National
‘The Writer’ – Ellie Goulding
‘Codes And Keys’ – Death Cab for Cutie
‘Back & Forth’ – Foo Fighters
‘Cough Syrup’ – Young the Giant
‘Tokyo’ – Wombats
‘Rolling In the Deep’ – Adele
‘Conversation 16′ – The National
‘Make Some Noise’ – Beastie Boys
‘Austere’ – The Joy Formidable
‘Laredo’ – Band of Horses
‘Ruby’ – Kaiser Chiefs
‘Only If For A Night’ – Florence + The Machine
‘I Follow Rivers’ – Lykke Li
*My home computer died, so I lost all the iTunes song stats about midway through the year. So this list is more the 2nd half of the year and a guess at some songs.
Bonus #3: All Albums Acquired in 2011
“Brothers” by The Black Keys,
“Under the Blacklight” by Rilo Kiley,
“Adore” by The Smashing Pumpkins,
“Siamese Dream” by The Smashing Pumpkins,
“Heligoland” by Massive Attack,
“Everybody” by Ingrid Michaelson,
“The Chair In the Doorway” by Living Colour,
“Hello” by Tristan Prettyman,
“Winter of Mixed Drinks” by Frightened Rabbit,
“Elephant” by The White Stripes,
“Showroom of Compassion” by Cake,
“Cease to Begin” by Band of Horses,
“A Brief History of Love” by The Big Pink,
“Are We All Forgotten EP” by Paper Route,
“Tourist History” by Two Door Cinema Club,
“In Ghost Colours” by Cut Copy,
“The Big Come Up” by The Black Keys,
“Citrus” by Asobe Sesku,
“Portishead” by Portishead,
“Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum,
“Full Moon Fever” by Tom Petty,
“Willy and the Poor Boys” by Creedence Clearwater Revival,
“Lights” by Ellie Goulding,
“III/IV” by Ryan Adams,
“Young the Giant” by Young the Giant,
“Wounded Rhymes” by Lykke Li,
“Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?” by Metric,
“Something to Die For” by The Sounds,
“Angles” by The Strokes,
“Earth vs The Pipettes” by The Pipettes,
“The Big Roar” by The Joy Formidable,
“Crystal Castles” by Crystal Castles,
“21″ by Adele,
“Little Plastic Castle” by Ani Difranco,
“The Lady Killer” by Cee Lo Green,
“The Fall” by Gorillaz,
“Awesome As F**k” by Green Day,
“Kiss Each Other Clean” by Iron & Wine,
“Yours Truly, Angry Mob” by Kaiser Chiefs,
“Tiger Suit” by KT Tunstall,
“Hands” by Little Boots,
“Alphabetical” by Phoenix,
“Greatest Hits…So Far” by Pink,
“Body Talk” by Robyn,
“Safari Disco Club” by Yelle,
“Move Like This” by The Cars,
“Codes and Keys” by Death Cab For Cutie,
“Hot Sauce Communication Part Two” by Beastie Boys,
“Pop Up” by Yelle,
“Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry,
“Torches” by Foster the People,
“Wasting Light” by Foo Fighters,
“Back to Black” by Amy Winehouse,
“So Jealous” by Tegan & Sara,
“The White Stripes” by The White Stripes,
“Come Around Sundown” by Kings of Leon,
“Zonoscope” by Cut Copy,
“No Wow” by The Kills,
“The Wombats proudly present…This Modern Glitch’ by The Wombats,
Welcome. Here, lovingly crafted for your enjoyment (or dismissal), I present my blue mood towards my favorite sports teams.
This also is a tell-tale sign that the end of 2011 is nigh, and I could be writing a bunch of end-of-year reviews. Or something. May be time for you to go on vacation. I am.
2011 was a blue year. Very blue indeed for Seattle sports. Blue is the prominent color of many Seattle sports teams, but that is not the blue I refer to. I mean blue as is melancholy. Blue as in sing the blues. Blue as in break out a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and curl up in front of reruns of Hill Street Blues. Get your shot glasses ready.
Seattle Mariners (ML B – baseball)
The Mariners are hard to root for. They can’t score runs. They trade all their good pitchers for hitters that never produce. They do nothing. It’s depressing. Ichiro’s numbers declined. King Felix didn’t match his Cy Young season of 2010. We traded away Doug Fister right when he was pitching well. You can’t finish much worse than 67-95. And no good prospects for next year.
Success Indicator: 2/10. Whiskey shots: 4
Seattle Seahawks (NFL – football)
After improbably winning their division last season (with a NFL history worst 7-9 record), and then miraculously beating the Saints in the playoffs (only to lose to the Bears), the Seahawks looked like they were back in the business of sucking for 2011. They started 2-6. They lost to Cleveland 6-3. Enough said. Yet, somehow they seem to have poured spinach on their Wheaties, because they are kicking butt, winning five of their last six games. At 7-7, they have a very small chance at the playoffs. But small is better than zero, so let’s see if they can pull off another miracle in their final two games.
Success Indicator: 6/10. Whiskey shots: 3 (5 if they don’t make they playoffs)
University of Washington Huskies (College football)
The Dawgs started strong at 5-1. Then they started playing good teams. And they got crushed three out of four games. Then they lost to Oregon St. (WTF?) and it looked like the wheels had fallen off. To just salvage the season, they had to whip the Cougars in the Apple Cup. They finished with a 7-5 record, good enough to get a bid to the Alamo Bowl in San Antonio, Texas against #15 ranked Baylor. Robert Griffin III, Baylor’s QB, won the Heisman Trophy, so it should add a bit of heightened excitement to the game on December 29. But they should have been better.
Success Indicator: 6/10. Whiskey shots: 6 (One for every loss, and two for losing to OSU)
Seattle Sounders FC (MLS – soccer)
The Sounders had their best season ever. That’s why it’s also the worst. Expectations were high. But not fulfilled. They finished 18-7-9 (63 points), 2nd best in the league. Yet they lost again in the first round of the playoffs. Three years in a row. Erg! There was a silver lining. They won the US Open Cup tournament for a 3rd straight time, tying a record for most consecutive times a team has done this and the first MLS team to do it. They also played extremely well in the group stage of the CONCACAF Champions league tournament (24 of the top club teams in North America, Central America and Caribbean) and have a spot in the knock-out stage that starts next April.
Success Indicator: 7/10. Whiskey shots: 5 (would have been 6, but for the secondary tourneys)
Other teams I follow:
Washington Nationals (MLB – baseball)
The Nationals had the 2nd best season since they’ve moved to Washington, D.C. (80-81). I managed to attend 10 games (two doubleheaders) while eating lots of nachos and Shake Shack burgers. Teddy Roosevelt continued to lose in epic ways in the 4th inning President’s race.
University of Washington Huskies (College basketball – men’s and women’s)
The men’s team was solid (24-11) and won the Pac-10 Tournament Championship for the 2nd straight year. They beat Georgia in the first round of the NCAA Tournament but then lost a close one to North Carolina.
The women’s team (11-17) continued to suck.
Success Indicator: 7/10
Chelsea Blues (English Premier League – soccer)
The 2010-2011 Chelsea team (71 points) was up and down all year. And finally they were too far behind Manchester United and finished in 2nd place 9 points clear of 1st.
Success Indicator: 7/10. Whiskey shots: 2 (for letting Man U win)
Seattle Storm (WNBA – women’s basketball)
Yep, they still play professional women’s basketball. Seattle finished 21-13 and got bounced from the playoffs in the first round. Blah.
Success Indicator: 6/10. Whiskey shots: 0 (no reason to waste any here)
Washington Capitals (NHL – hockey)
The Capitals continue to be an enigma. In 2010-2011 they were again the best team in the Eastern Conference (107 points). They beat the New York Rangers in the first round of the playoffs, but lost to the Tampa Bay Lightning four games to zero. Another season wasted.
Success Indicator: 6/10. Whiskey shots: 4 (one for every loss to Tampa Bay)
DC United (MLS – soccer)
DC United played better this year, finishing 9-13-12 (39 points). But they failed to make the playoffs despite a weak Eastern Conference.
University of Washington Huskies (Capital Alumni Network - co-ed flag football)
Year two of DC Dawgs’ (UW Alumni) participation in flag football went better. We finished 4-6 (playoff seed #34 out of 58 total schools). Our division was stacked with a few of the best schools in the league so in a different division, we would have done even better. We played #31 Cornell in the playoffs, but lost a close game 20-12. They stopped us on the goal line at the end of the game. Also, we were shorthanded as many of our players were in NYC for a UW vs. Duke basketball game. There’s always next year…
Whenever you visit England, it’s good to have a goal. Maybe you want to get a glimpse of the Queen. Maybe you want to eat a heaping plate of bubble and squeak. Maybe you want to frolic in the fountains of Trafalger Square. Maybe you simply want to get rapped in the cakehole by a bobby brandishing a truncheon after a ruck with a pack of hooligans who have lost the plot. Whatever the goal, make it count. Make it your own.
My goal was to have cream tea. Simple. Elegant. Sophisticated. I failed (sort of). Let’s find out why.
After soaking up the British culture in Newport Pagnell for a week doing work, I hopped on a train to London. The plan: spend a few days, see some places I hadn’t been to, eat some proper British food and down a pint or three.
The first full day was to meet up with friends and explore Hampstead in North London.
Fenton House - after a late lunch off the high street of Hampstead, we peeked into a historic house (turned museum) with a large garden and orchid. The owner had collected harpsichords and clavichords like they were going out of style. Actually they were, because do you even know what a harpsichord is?
The house was also full of paintings and other such things that accumulate in old houses over hundreds of years. A small deck on the top floor overlooked downtown London. The garden and orchid were quite nice for a stroll. Cream tea sightings = 0.
Hampstead Heath - you could call it a massive park full of rolling fields of grass and shrubbery, clear lakes, and walking paths lined with weeping willows. Or you could call it heath. Either way, after cavorting on an oddly fallen tree and using the heathland as my stage for a Julie Andrews (a la The Sound of Music) impression, we spied a singular looking mansion in the distance. Luring us. Beckoning us. Tea or not to tea.
Kenwood House & Estate – a set location for the movie Notting Hill (which is not that impressive unless you like Hugh Grant), this gigantic house is surrounded by more idyllic lawns, pathways and lakes.
The house itself boasts an imperial number of paintings and other things snobby, rich people revel in. Such as ballrooms and candlesticks and beauties in gowns and beasts in ruffled suits. After wandering about the museum part aimlessly; maybe perusing the china and baubles, gazing at the portraits of stuffy, unamused people and admiring the art with snobby aloofness; one could be tempted to visit the garden café on the ground level. Maybe something teaish or creamish will be on offer.
Walking along the outside, you soon come to a stone gateway and stairs. The sign on the inside of the gateway says ’Flask Walk’. My kind of place. You take the stairs down and then walk to the café and the large, spacious outdoor seating areas. This place must have cream tea. It’s gonna happen!
The café boasted a British line-up of options. I darted between the various refrigerated displays…seeking, searching. I spied a scone and suddenly stopped. Cut in half with jam and some light, frothy cream (not clotted) inside. Arrggghhhh! So close, but not proper cream tea at all! I bought one anyway, cursing under my breath. I ate it but my quest was in shambles. Time to move on.
Rose Hill – it was time to head over for some evening activities and our lengthy walk passed through Rose Hill, with a nice view of the London Zoo and other things. As the evening dusk began to settle, we continued our quest to…
Camden Town - where we learned upon arrival at the first bar that Amy Winehouse was dead. Her house was mere blocks away. We could have walked over. But that just seemed way too depressing, so we headed over to Hawley Arms Pub, where she was a regular, and had a number of pints that totaled more than one. Some may have been in her honor.
Tea requiem - other things happened in London, that’s another story, but my quest for cream tea did come full circle, in a surprising way. As I was waiting in Heathrow Airport to board my flight home to DC, the customer service desk announced my name. I walked up and they proceeded to upgrade me to FIRST CLASS for FREE. Yes, read that again. Because that’s how I roll. With a cheesy grin on my face, I tested all the various doodads and whatchamacallits and entertainment options that make up the 5% of the plane my lavish seat occupied. Then shortly after take off, the flight attendant brought me…wait for it…CREAM TEA! Warm scones, strawberry jam, clotted cream and a spot of tea.
It’s the 11th day of November (being the 11th month), in the 2011th year after that Jesus guy was born (actually he was probably born around 2 BC or so …so it really should be like 2009). Also, for you numerous Chinese readers, it is the year of the tenderly cooked and elegantly seasoned Rabbit, in the 4709th year since some dynasty or other began.
In other news, today marks the 3-Year Anniversary of this A Random Journey blog. Woo. Or more accurately, it’s a future National holiday. A day to go down in infamy. A day to replace Veteran’s Day.
I hired the crack research team, Kuma Consulting, to do some trending analysis and feed me the stats about this blog I most want to believe.
Random Stats
1) Total posts: 132
2) Total posts with an audience benefit ratio of +/- 20%: Three
3) Total posts about wieners: Nine (88% of those included the word ’dog’)
4) Total posts posted in the presence of an adult beverage: 103 (48% of those as a direct result of)
5) Total posts about nothing: Zero (the legal department recommended falsifying this stat to avoid being by sued by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld)
6) Love connections made by reading this blog: Data withheld (the legal department asks for your cute interns to call in to arrange for an info swapping meet and greet)
7) Total number of people impacted by this blog: Six (apology letters are already in the mail)
8 ) Number of random music playlists: Nine
9) Minutes wasted by readers searching for valuable nuggets of content in this blog: Varied results
10) Number of posts featured on ‘Freshly Pressed’ (on the WordPress.com homepage): One
After a spinning, dizzy time on this planet, I’ve made some profound observations with my keen and scientifically rigorous studies. I didn’t write anything down, so I’ve promptly forgotten everything.
In order to say anything useful here (as if), I had to invent a few observations. Just keep that between you and me. I don’t want my Junior Scientist of the Week Award (from 2nd Grade) revoked.
Let’s get to some hard-hitting and earth-shattering observations with a bit of analysis and evidence thrown in at random.
Observation #1: The proportion of women sporting sundresses in July is 1000% greater than in January. Also, so is my attention.
Observation #2: 70% of all people alone on the street stare at and text on their cell phones. The other 30%? Joggers listening to their iPods.
Observation #3: A wiener dog’s primary goal in life is to lick your face. The only difference between individual wieners is how aggressively they pursue this goal.
Observation #4: I have access to infinite information via countless modalities, yet I am dumber than I was 10 years ago. Evidence: I assume, because I can’t remember 10 years ago.
Observation #5: Our children, with their texting and tweeting, will give the keepers of dictionaries a heart attack. The English language will revert to the dark ages of spelling. Evidence: IMHO they r teribl spelrs n r PPL w/o a POV. RBTL. WTF. #typosforever.
Observation #6: Mother Nature was extremely peeved at the East Coast this summer. Evidence: Hurricane Irene, a 5.8 earthquake and multiple 100+ degree days.
Observation #7: Hurricane Irene was more bark than bite. More Charlie Sheen than warlock. More scorned first date than scorned wife. More chihuahua than wiener dog.
Observation #8: People overreact to the slightest things. Evidence: New York City closed down its metro service for the first time in history to avoid getting blown away and flooded by a hurricane. Analysis: Wusses.
Observation #9: Give me an umbrella and I’ll give you a milk carton with a ‘Missing Umbrella’ notice on the side.
Observation #10: If you pay someone a small kindness that goes wrong (like breaking their leg while saving their life), they will still have no problem suing you.
Observation #11: I prefer to talk to people after they’ve had their coffee.
Observation #12: If you typically wear full body paint to a sports game, you probably don’t care what people think of you. Or your father dropped you as a baby. During a game.
Observation #13: People that complain about the weather in the Pacific Northwest, didn’t grow up in the Pacific Northwest.
Observation #14: The default setting for many people these days is as a self-centered, lazy, unmotivated procrastinator. Evidence: No World Peace. People dying of hunger. Animal cruelty. US politicians saying nothing and doing less. Child trafficking. Pollution. Epic amounts of waste (trash and food). Yet we accept these things as normal. Analysis: Do something. Change your setting.
Observation #15: Observation #14 was a bit of a downer.
Observation #16: Puppies are cute. Evidence: Observe a puppy at play.
Observation #17: People that wake up by 5:00 am every morning are old, farmers or crazy. One can be all three.
Observation #18: Most corporate meetings are a colossal waste of time. Evidence: Dilbert.
Observation #19: You are smarter than you look. Evidence: I really hope this is true, because otherwise you need to start worrying.
Observation #20: I didn’t have anything good to blog about. Evidence: This post. Analysis: I’m self-centered, lazy and unmotivated to the point of procrastination.
Obseration #21: People that demand perfection, need to get out in the real world more often. Evidence: That bumper sticker saying ‘Nobody’s Perfect’. Analysis: I left some tipos hear to realy miess with u perfecktionolists.
Observation #22: I’m directly responsible for wasting 2:20 minutes of your day. Evidence: You are reading this last observation (assuming you didn’t just skip to the end). Analysis: You won’t sue me, because you’re smart.
The Fall season is finally here. Now we have plenty of football, soccer and television to look forward to. Are you ready?
Every year I look at the crop of new TV shows and pick out a few that I would like to watch. I likely won’t, because I don’t have time for new shows (still trying to catch up on the regular shows I watch…). But here’s to dreaming. Here’s my ode to what could be, should be and may be.
Terra Nova - Dinosaurs! Steven Spielberg! Time travel! T-Rexs! This show has been delayed for some time as it works out its epic scope and monster special effects. There’s a chance it won’t work, but of all the shows on this list, it will be the one that I do actually watch from the beginning. I liked Jurassic Park. I liked Land of the Lost (as a kid…). I liked Avatar. I like science fiction. I am a geek. This is geek gold.
Pan Am - Going for the 1960′s appeal, this follows the lives of Pan American World Airways flight attendants and pilots. Scripts were often taken from true accounts from real flight attendants. Because nothing is stranger than real life.
Person of Interest – J.J. Abrams! Michael Emerson of Lost! Jesus Jim Caviezel! This show looks at what it takes to stop criminals before they commit a crime. Very Minority Report of them.
Prime Suspect - A new detective show (one of millions on air at the moment) with Maria Bello, as a remake of a British show that starred Helen Mirren. Why bother with a tired formula? Because I said so.
Free Agents – Hank Azaria, newly divorced, takes on the whole romance in the workplace shtick. Could be funny. Also a British comedy remake.
Bonus shows to not peek at since time won’t allow: New Girl and Revenge.
With a few months of Apple product usage under my belt, I’ve started to get a newbie (bordering on genius) perspective on what apps I use the most. Now, granted, I’ve downloaded a TON of apps, based on good recommendations from many people. I just don’t use all of them. Yet. Call it laziness. Call it app overload. Call it ‘I have other things to do’. Call it whatever you want, but let’s stop this rambling and look at the top ten apps that I actually use on a regular basis.
foursquare - This allows you to ‘check-in’ at businesses, restaurants and other places to earn badges and allow friends to see where you’re at. If you check-in enough times you can become ‘mayor’ of a place. It’s set-up as a bit of a competition - for points, mayorships and number of badges you earn. I like the competition aspect, but the primary reasons I like to use this are; a) it will keep an electronic record of places I’ve been (so I don’t have to write them down as I’m wont to do if I ever decide to write about it), b) sometimes you get free stuff for checking in or being mayor, and c) it has a ‘recommendation’ and ‘trending’ feature that shows you the places that are hopping nearby. This is especially useful if you’re visiting a new city or in a neighborhood you’re not familiar with. We’ve found a couple good places in New York using the ‘trending’ feature.
Spotcycle - This shows the number of bicycles and empty docks at each Capital Bikeshare station in the system (for DC and Arlington). It also works for other cities that have bikeshare programs (like London, Melbourne, Toronto and Boston). Since there are so many users in DC now, it is nice to know which stations are full or empty, so you can plan out your riding trip in advance.
Evernote - On the go or in meetings or conferences, this allows you take notes (and add photos, etc.) quickly and easily. What makes this better than the default note taking app? It allows you to sync all your notes and photos for access from all your devices, including your laptop or computer. Take notes for a work meeting on your iPad and pick them up again on your laptop. Edit them, then read them on your iPhone as you’re out and about. With zero effort.
OverDrive - Got library? Now you can check out ebooks from the public library, right on your iPhone/iPad! For free! The selection is not vast as of yet (at least for the DC Public Library system) but how can you beat checking out free virtual books? (Especially those of you too lazy to go to the actual brick and mortar library). It seems you can choose just about any public library system in the USA (it has London, UK; Pierce Country, WA; and DC – good enough for me to make this claim). You do need to have a library card in good standing to check out the ebooks.
RunKeeper - Using GPS, it helps track how fast and far you run, bike, walk and a few other activities. (Someone please explain how you’re supposed to use the swimming option using your iPhone…) It saves your previous activities so you can compare your results. It even sends you congratulatory emails when you break distance and speed records.
Yammer - If you can’t wait to read and respond to all the discussions and knowledge sharing your work colleagues are engaged in, every minute of day, than the Yammer app is a must. No comment will escape your prying eyes with the notifications turned on. You could also grab the Facebook, Twitter and other social networking apps if you so desire.
Flipboard – Read and page through news, your blog feeds and other interesting things (check out the ‘Flickr Interesting’ for some cool daily photos) in a nifty format. Instead of going to multiple sites, read it all from one place.
AppAdvice - Can’t get enough apps? Then you need this app that helps you navigate the sheer volume of options by doing the testing and reviews for you. Need apps for Surviving Tough Economic Times? Read up on their13 lucky recommendations. Want to use your iPad as a TV? See what they have to say. Need apps for a Day at the Beach? There are tons of apps for that. Want to take a nap in your hammock? Well, then put down your device and go outside.
LivingSocial - The daily deals and instant deals are taking over. With Groupon and a truckload of copycats, if you sign-up via email your Inbox is immediately inundated. But rest assured, if you get this app you can access only when the mood strikes. The instant deals allow you to buy a deal for a restaurant or elsewhere, which expires within a limited time. From the daily deals, I bought myself a half-off skydiving adventure – still need to use it!
ESPN ScoreCenter - Need your sports score fix while taking care of business? ESPN’s app gives you an easy way to track the progress of all your favorite teams. Sadly, my teams aren’t making me want to check this very often.
Bonus: Dilbert Mobile – Daily Dilbert comic! Oh yeah!
While walking the wiener dog around the block after Hurricane Irene, you could instantly see the havoc shrewn about in the form of whole sticks and leaves. Even some weak branches fell victim.
So far estimates are between $7 and $13 billion of damage in the wake of the hurricane. Washington, D.C., consider ourselves lucky. Now get out the brooms.
It’s the crossroad where we start forgetting about the movies we didn’t have time for this summer and start looking towards the movies we won’t have time to see this fall. After reading Entertainment Weekly’s Fall Movie Preview and watching a truckload of trailers, here are the movies I will do everything in my power to see in the next 4 months. Maybe.
Moneyball – Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill and the inner-workings of baseball.
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - I’m interested to see how Hollywood adapts this book after the already brilliant Swedish version set the bar.
War Horse – Steven Spielberg directs this film about World War I. And horses…
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows - Like the first Sherlock Holmes movie, the trailer looks great. Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law look outstanding. I just hope it’s not quite of a letdown as the first one was.
Hugo - a strange choice of a movie, a fantasy fable set in 1930′s Paris, for Martin Scorcese to direct, but I’m curious.
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy - Great cast (Gary Oldman, Colin Firth), interesting premise (Cold War, spies) based on a John Le Carré spy series. Sold.
In Time - A future where people are engineered to die when they turn 26, unless they can steal or buy more time to keep living.
J. Edgar - Leonardo DiCaprio as J. Edger Hoover, directed by Clint Eastwood.
Carnage - A seemingly boring premise (parents talking about their kid’s fighting) turned into a witty war of words. Also based on a play.
The Adventures of Tintin - I’ve never read any of the Tintin books, but now that it’s been adapted (and animated) for the big screen by Steven Spielberg (again!), I’m willing to give it a try.
I am enabled. Enabled to do bad, bad things. And you are the victim (or the beneficiary).
First, I purchased a sleek new iPad 2 and have downloaded more apps than there are snowflakes on Mt. Rainer.
Second, I just received my brand new iPhone 4.
Now, all social media and networking possibilities are at my fingertips. I can pump out content like Charlie Sheen pumps out craziness. On location. Live. Every waking second of the day.
I can drop nuggets of truth at the slightest provocation. My wittily crafted missives can clog up your dozens of social networks. Instead of considered and time appropriate content delivered via my laptop, I can overpower your social media feeds with off-the-cuff, stream of consciousness, unrelenting brilliance. My every whim is your new reality. All thanks to Apple and Steve Jobs. A round of applause, please.
How do you benefit?
1) I can check-in and earn badges everywhere I go via Foursquare. Benefit: The cool restaurants and bars will show up on your ‘trending’ searches.
2) I can tweet and retweet until I’m blue in the face. Benefit: You will have access to wisdom beyond your years.
4) I can write something once and channel it to multiple social media outlets via Hootsuite. Benefit: You can get the same content multiple times – less risk you will overlook it.
5) I can Skype on the go. Benefit: You can chat with me anytime.
6) I can start doing stuff on Google+ (beware it will be brilliant!). Benefit: Access to uncharted content.
7) I can yam away all day and night on Yammer (for work). Benefit: I am the 9th most influential yammerer, so you know what I say is impactful.
8) I can accept invitations from friends and colleagues on LinkedIn. Benefit: You will see I am also professional or something.
9) I can wistfully remember when MySpace mattered. Benefit: You too can be wistful.
10) And I can of course continue to blog until the cows come home right here on WordPress. Benefit: Life-long learning and knowledge of the world.
There are ways you could benefit even more, but let’s save it for the sequel. Now I need to tweet out the contents of my brain.
The results are in for the Hill Rag’s 2011 Pet Photo Contest. The competition was fierce and all entrants fought tooth and nail (sometimes literally) to win the coveted chance to appear in full photo glory. After all the ballot boxes were stuffed and counted thrice, the bribes pocketed, the attack dogs chained, and the catnip had worn off, July’s Hill Rag proudly showcased the cream of the crop of dogs and cats of Capitol Hill.
Except the creme de la creme, Kuma the wiener dog, only won Honorable Mention in the Most Laid Back category. Clearly not enough bribes reached the right pockets or the attack dogs didn’t terrify the right people to vote the right way. Since he’s too laid back to care that much, all acts of vengeance to correct this slight are on hold until further notice.
An analysis of this year’s contest shows that there were three wiener dogs represented. Given the number of wiener dogs that live on the Hill, this remains a mysteriously underwhelming disappointment. I’ve noticed a healthy influx of new wiener dogs in just my neighborhood alone. (New: Beastie, Otto, Moochie, Dodger, Bo. Stalwharts: Kuma, Gage, Jasper, Mr. Big, Olive).
The goal for 2012 is a 100% wiener winner in all categories. Best Photo? Wiener. Top Dog? Wiener. Cutest? Wiener. Funniest? Wiener. Top Cat? Wiener.
Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability. – Sam Keen
The bigger the summer vacation the harder the fall. – Unknown author
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. – Russel Baker
The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful. – Jimmy Buffett
Summer is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces up, snow is exhilarating; there is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather. - John Ruskin
Last year, I shared my poor attempt at food photography (in The Joy of Food Porn). Well, having no desire to quit while I was ahead (and frankly having no filters at all), I’ve congregated another crude and carelessly constructed collection of food porn. I use the term ‘food porn’ because I have a sneaking suspicion more people will ’find a reason’ to read this post. It’s only a theory. I did it all for the cookie (sadly, no cookies…next time) and the readership bump.
This collection comes from Thailand, home of one of my favorite cuisines. I recently spent a couple weeks there and happened to find my camera in my pocket a few times. Imagine that. Let’s start off with a cascade of chocolate.
Flowing chocolate in the hotel lobby
Good old Pad Sa Ew
Something to combat the heat
A boat full of bananas
Fish balls on a stick
Duck curry
One evening I followed some ‘foodies’ to Sirocco to attempt their ridiculously priced Chef’s Tasting Menu. Sirocco perches high over Bangkok, with a mighty view from the 64th floor of the State Tower. Featured in the movie, The Hangover Part II, it has a stunning panorama of every inch of the city. For some perspective, a normal beer costs $10 and a typical glass of wine costs $15. If you are curious to read the full descriptions of the tasting menu, go here. Otherwise, have a gander at what silly money gets you.
Green and White Asparagus Velouté
Scottish Salmon Crudo and Tartare
Let's close in on the crudo
Pan Seared Soulard Foie Gras
Cleanse your pallette
Roasted USDA Prime Beef Tenderloin
Yogurt Mousse Cake
Now that you’re warmed up, here’s a random assortment of other foods I’ve consumed recently.
Oh my, a churro with melted chocolate in Costa Rica
Stage 2: 10K – Mountain bike (Course: Muddy, hilly road)
Stage 3: 10K – Whitewater rafting (Course: III/IV Class Mae Tang River)
Total distance: 25K
Completion time: 4:20 hours
Elephant Stage
The 1st ever Chiang Mai Triathlon began with a bang and a curt whack from the driver’s crooked metal prod to the elephant’s hairy skull. The race is on!
Out of the gate, the elephants lumbered at a blistering pace matched only by a hunched-over old woman carrying a bag of bananas and sugarcane.
The elephant course wove through a small village with a panorama of mountains on all sides. Eight stations were strategically placed, each containing an old hunched-over women waving bunches of bananas and sugarcane, tantalizingly tempting the elephant’s trunk into action. After the elephant quickly grabbed and gorged on a bunch o’ bananas, the lady chastised me to pay 20 baht (69 cents or so). I quickly learned that this great banana racket was going to suck my wallet dry and I wasn’t going to get a single banana for my own self. When new stations came into view, I dismissed each successive banana-racketeer with a wave and a head shake. They harrumphed me and my elephant probably hated me, but I remain devout in my goal of a scam-free existence.
The race took a tragically cute turn, when a baby elephant bustled across our path. Awwwwwww.
Maetaman Elephant Camp
The staging area
Banana station #1
A crooked elephant head whacker
Banana station #3
The jockey and his pony
Get your fresh bananas and sugarcane stalks here!
20 baht or die
Awwwww!
Nap time
The 5K course ended and we quickly transitioned to our van ride to the…
Mountain Bike Stage
Our goal was to ride to the whitewater rafting put-in point, a mere 10 kilometers away. We did this thusly: Hill, mud, hill, mud, mud, hill, hill, hill, mud, hill. Repeat.
Choose your weapon
Pit stop
Pit crew
Only 15 more hills to go
Whitewater Rafting Stage
The final leg of the triathlon began after a tasty lunch of phad thai, lychees and sliced mangoes in a local village. After a safety overview and a run down of paddling commands, we hopped in the raft and entered the swift current of the Mae Tang river.
A series of class III and class IV rapids greeted us, mostly by throwing lots of water at us. After almost being swamped with churning water (fabulous invention, the self-bailing boat) and hung up on massive boulders, we made it to a stretch of calm water. Our guide suggested we jump in and float down the next set of rapids. Already full of adrenaline and overconfidence, we did just that. Unfortunately, my life jacket wasn’t tight enough because I spent most of my whirlwind float trying to keep my head above water, while avoiding looming rocks. Not that almost drowning in a muddy river is of any consequence.
We soon came to the final stretch of the triathlon, soaked through with dirty water (watch for my white shirt changing to brown) and preparing for our victory speech.
When you want to fly the friendly skies, let me tell you where to go. Go to a freshly certified (certifiable?) pilot waving his (probably fake) license from the cockpit of a 1968 Cessna. Bring your own peanuts and check in advance for plenty of barf bags.
The flight of the Cessna set out from Thun Field Airport (Pierce County, WA), flew over the rooftops of our family’s houses, buzzed motorboats on Lake Tapps, flitted by Northwest Trek, invaded the airspace of McChord Air Force Base, ventured over the Puget Sound, escaped the gun sights of the McNeil Island prison, jetted past the Narrows Bridge and had a peek at the top of the Tacoma Dome, all before crash landing on the Lost island.*
Let’s relive the action together…
Too many misters, not enough sisters at Thun Field
Planes of the world
A wing and a mountain
Propeller? Check
Rudder? Check
No banana in the tailpipe? Check
Flight Crew? Check. Pilot (left) and Stewardess (right)
Gauges and yokes? Check
The most beautiful gauge in the plane (depending on the plane)
Whole plane? Check
It's business time
My parent's 'hood
Lake Tapps
Lake Tapps
Somewhere near Enunclaw
Up high, like 2500 feet
Tacoma Narrows airfield and the Puget Sound
Tacoma Dome, I-5 and beautiful parking lots
A smooth landing at Thun Field? Yes!
* The crash landing on the Lost island may or may not have been a figment of the author’s imagination. Much like the finale of Lost, this will remain a mystery.
On my ‘bucket list’ or ‘life to do list’, or whatever you want to call it, the eighth item scrawled on my scrape of paper is “Climb Mt. Rainer”. At 14,411 feet, it is not necessarily the easiest thing to have on such a list.
I’m sure many people have proclaimed climbing a mountain as something to be done before the coffin lid slams shut or the urn stopper is corked, but they may not care about which mountain. Any mountain will do. For me too, I’d be interested in climbing a few different mountains, including Mt. Fuji and Mt. Kilimanjaro, neither of which are technical climbs. You basically hike to the top; not easy, but not technical.
But those mountains aren’t bucket listed, they are just things to do if the opportunity were to present itself. Not Mt. Rainer, it’s both technical and hard, and it’s the only mountain on my list.
Tackling this big one may be particular to only those that grew up in Washington State. Mt. Rainer towers above us at all times. It’s something we’ve hiked on, camped on, road tripped on, explored, photographed, built igloos and shelters on, had snowball fights on, sledded on, and generally became one with nature on. There is something ingrained deeply within us to try, not to conquer – that would be impossible, but to at least tame, if only for a brief moment, the big one that is never far from our minds.
I’ll be climbing Mt. Rainer in 2009 and as that fateful trip draws nearer, I’ll be talking about it some more. Stay tuned.
For anyone that is considering climbing a mountain and needs convincing, have a listen:
I wanted to bring you a well researched, thoughtful exposé on climate change and the green revolution, but I realised that would involve more then five minutes of effort. So instead, let’s talk wiener dogs:
As a long-suffering Seattle sports fan, I can say without hesitation or debate that 2008 was the worst year in history for Seattle sports.
Let’s look at the performance of the professional and collegiate teams that get the most interest in Seattle:
Seattle SuperSonics (NBA – basketball)
With a record of 20-62, the 2007-08 season was the worst in the franchise’s 41 year history. The Sonics hadn’t played well lately, only make the playoffs once in six years, but this drop-off in performance (11 games from the previous year) was staggering even by those lowered standards. Bad trades and a squabble about the owner moving the team probably contributed. They did have the rookie of the year, in Kevin Durant, foretelling hope in building the team back up, but this season was a complete failure.
Failure Indicator: 10 out of 10
Seattle Mariners (MLB – baseball)
With a record of 61-101, the 2008 season was the 4th worst in the team’s history. It marked the 4th time that they had lost 100 games in a season (a very dubious distinction), the last time being 1983 when the team was still young and terrible. In 2007 the Mariners were close to making the playoffs, but in 2008 they won 27 fewer games – an epic drop-off in baseball terms. There was high expectation to make the playoffs in 2008; in the other three 100 loss seasons, there were no expectations. That the manager quit in the middle of the season and that there was a glut of injuries did not help the situation.
Failure Indicator: 10/10
Seattle Seahawks (NFL – football)
Currently at 2-10, the Seahawks are in danger of one of their worst seasons ever. Even if they were to magically win the rest of their games (they play three playoff contending teams), 6-10 would still rank as a complete bust of a season. After five consecutive years of making the playoffs (no other NFC team has done that, not even the Giants) and a Super Bowl appearance, the Seahawks have fallen into the ranks of the worst teams this season. Naming a coach-in-waiting during Mike Holmgren’s last season is a complete crock and very likely contributed to the terrible season. Injuries to almost all wide receivers and losing Matt Hasselbeck for 5 games only added fuel to the fire of their craptasticness.
Failure Indicator: 10/10
University of Washington Huskies (College Football)
At 0-11, with one game left to play (and not winnable), the Huskies are in the nightmare state of complete and utter failure. No Huskies team in its 100 + year history has ever been this bad. Losing in double overtime to the supposedly worse Washington State Cougars only drives this point home. None of the other 119 BCS eligible schools are winless. No Pac-10 team has ever gone 0-12. Outscored 152-415, they didn’t just lose, they got destroyed by an average of 38-14. Tyrone Willingham, you’ve been served. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
Failure Indicator: 12/10
University of Washington Huskies (College Basketball – Men’s and Women’s)
The men’s team went 16-17 (7-11 Pac-10) and missed the NCAA Tournament for the second straight year.
The women’s team went 13-18 (8-10 Pac-10), missed the NCAA Tournament and did nothing worth noting.
Failure Indicator: 7/10
As performance is not the only indicator, let’s look at some intangibles:
The Seattle SuperSonics are stolen from Seattle by greed and a declining and increasingly irrelevant league and re-located to Oklahoma City. The NBA is dead to me.
There is nothing quite like being stuck in an airplane next to a nutty conspiracy theorist that leans over and tells you matter-of-factly about the way the world really works. Don’t worry, some day we’ll all experience these things…or not…
Did you know that our planet Earth is actually called ‘Shan’ by higher beings? You don’t say!
Did you know that those same higher beings include some 80 reptile species; many that pose as humans? ‘V’ Alert!
Did you know that Al Gore and George Bush are reptile beings? Gasp!
Did you know that there are cities as big as Los Angeles underground? And that all the missing children pictured on milk cartons can be found there? Poor little Timmy!
Did you know that not only does Earth rotate around our Sun, but our solar system rotates around a great star (it takes millions of years to make one circuit)? Use the force!
Did you know that all life is based on frequencies and as we rotate around the great star our frequencies change? And as frequencies change the reptile beings cannot keep their human shapes? And that Al Gore must wear a vial of something to drink to stay human? Oh Gore, you sly dog!
Did you know that bear-like creatures with donkey-like heads roam the wilds of Idaho? No!
Did you know that the higher beings stopped nuclear events like Chernobyl and 3-Mile Island? And that the reason the higher beings are so interested in us humans is that nuclear energy is not natural and is very destructive and it needs to be destroyed? Of course, it’s all so clear!
Did you know that the Earth has been completed evacuated over 100 times in its history? No way!
Well, if you didn’t know these things, you certainly do now! Go out and spread the word! Or do something useful!
If Stephen King can use his monthly column in Entertainment Weekly to list his top songs as played by his iPod, then certainly I’ve earned the right to do so as well. No? That’s not how it works? Too bad, I’m doing it anyway!
So, according to iTunes, these are the songs I’ve listened to most and the number of plays in (brackets) since 2006:
What, you ask, can you do with a few days in Kenya? Let’s see…
Dik-Diks
Somewhere it is written (quite possibly here) that everyone should experience an African safari. Maybe get a peek or two at the big five animals. So I did. A day-long journey through the East Tsavo National Park, no less.
Tiny Dik-Dik
I spyed with my little eyes at least one type of animal (elephant). It took my guide, Gilbert, to spot the other 30 or so types of animals. He spotted animals that were even hidden from themselves. The baby elephants, running giraffes, antelopes, zebras and the Kenyan Express (3-4 warthogs running in single file) were all well and good, but it was the tiny dik-diks that really deserves a shout out here. Repeatly calling them baby antelopes (and repeatly being corrected), these guys are midget Bambis, always in pairs. Am I allowed to call a lion’s tasty snack as cute?
Wahoos
Plunking down $350 for a half day deep-sea fishing excursion, you’d hope that the massive predator fish would practically jump out of the angry sea, straight into the boat. Not so. A fishing pole is a must.
Fish!
Heaving and tossing against the waves, the boat soon became a hot-bed of sea-sickness for this gilligan. In between laying prone and disgorging my guts repeatly into the sea, a hefty fishing rod would be thrust by the crew into my hands and so would ensue an epic duel of man versus beast. Mostly little tuna beasts. In one long, grueling struggle, I managed to yank a great trevally from the fathomless depths of the Indian Ocean. Ugly and sharp. Another friend, who stoically pretended not to flaunt his lack of seasickness, landed a giant wahoo. So pleased was he, there are currently more photos of him with this particular wahoo, than exist of all other wahoos ever. His may have been longer, but mine had more girth. The fish, people, the fish.
Lions
A feast of kings
In true nature channel form, lions are killers. This should not come as a surprise. We chanced upon a pride of six majestic beasts gorging themselves on buffalo in a grisly feast of blood and bowels. Less then 8 metres from a flighty herd of hushed and yet furiously photo snapping safari vans, I fascinated as these massive cats plunged their heads right into the belly and came out dripping red. Get too close to your sibling’s spot? Expect a severe rebuke, in the form of snarling claws and fangs. Such a spectacle is very rare, yet alone so close to the dirt roads where tourists can feel part of the action. Coming back a few hours later, all six were bloated, fly-covered and napping in the shade. One lioness got up and limped mightily, as if injured. One can only imagine the coordinated attack and subsequent battle needed to pull down 2,000 lbs of furious and terrified buffalo. Steak tartare for breakfast anyone?
Once again, I’ve found you. There is no escape from this annually joyous attempt at season greetings. Since you likely have no other distractions; give me your full attention and let’s get down to the business at hand…to put the year that was, 2008, into a little perspective.
I know that the number of Christmas letters you’ve already dismissively wadded up and chucked into the wastebasket, along with all that fruitcake and eggnog you’ve gorged yourself on, will affect your reading of this; so I’ve decided to make it easy for you. First, it’s not a letter at all, it’s an email. No extra energy needs to be expended to get rid of it. Second, it has virtually nothing to do with Christmas. Sure, the title gives you that impression, but it’s really just a dirty* laundry list of all the wackiness that was 2008. Third, stop reading this introduction and get to the good stuff below. Fourth, I try to use simple words for simple folk like you. Sure, this means extra effort on my part, but…wait a minute. Forget it, there will be no pandering to the masses. You get what you get, and like it. Fifth, it is not required reading at all, nor should it be confused with anything relevant and timely that could impact your life in a meaningful way. Sixth, seriously, this intro is over. Get on with it.
Hang gliding (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil) Let’s get this started off with a bang. You presumably know what hang gliding is. You’ve likely heard about (or been to) Rio. You probably understand the concept of swooping over the tops of high rise hotels. You have it within you to visualize a long, graceful descent onto a white, sandy beach. You are surely capable of wrapping your head around a scene showing a short burst of sprinting with your appointed pilot and glider attached, and a brief, sudden tandem free-fall before catching air and soaring peacefully over every postcard view of Rio you’ve ever seen. Yes? Good job! I’m so proud of you!
The Game of Baseball (Worldwide)
I took in the Japanese version of baseball in Osaka with the Orix Buffaloes playing the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters (sponsored by Nippon Ham). What have they done to our beloved game? Only turned it into an enthusiastic circus of bright colors, silly mascots, and crazy slogans! Case in point, “One heartbeat, close to you”, supposedly will entice you to attend a Buffaloes game. Hmmmm…yes, I see. I also saw home games of the Toronto Blue Jays, the Philadelphia Phillies, and the Washington Nationals. And boy did my heart skip a beat when I discovered $2 Tuesdays in Toronto!
Safari (East Tsavo National Park, Kenya) Thirty different types of animals participated in my dusty, bouncing, day-long photo shoot. And not a single one smiled. So disappointing. The closest I got to a smile was from six massive lions feasting on succulent buffalo. Oh, and a baby giraffe played coy for the camera until warming up after I offered her the cover of National Geographic. Sucker!
9:30 Club (Northwest, Washington, D.C.) Definitely the best venue to see a concert in the city (standing room and balconies for 900), I took it upon myself to see all kinds of bands and artists while skipping between the three bars, each with different beer offerings. I witnessed Super Diamond (twice), Sara Bareilles, The Ting Tings, Cut Copy with the Pre-Sets, Hot Chip, Shiny Toy Guns, and Vampire Weekend. Although this may be the first time you’ve heard of some of these, don’t waste this rare opportunity you’ve been granted to expand your horizons. (Hint: iTunes)
Dr. Granville Moore’s (Northeast, Washington, D.C.)
Fancying itself as a Belgium gastro pub, Granville Moore’s dishes fantastic mussels and frites (as seen on the Food Network) and entertains around 60 different Belgium beers before offering them up to eager patrons. This row house turned restaurant is seemingly unfinished on the inside, with exposed dry wall, and flourishes church pews for seats. Not that anyone would notice with a face full of frites and Framboise.
Niagara Falls (Ontario, Canada) Big and wet. You expected more?
Music Whatever your taste in music is, remember, this is my list. So when I say that the albums from Sara Bareilles, Vampire Weekend and Coldplay are the ones you should buy (now) and listen to (again, now), then you might want to take heed. Even should you choose to ignore my expert advice, I’ll happily enjoy them without you.
Books Yes, I read some books, but let’s not dwell on it too much. The two to buy or hold-up the local library for are: “Despite Good Intentions: Why Development Assistance to the Third World Has Failed” by Thomas W. Dichter (the title also acts as a synopsis!) and “The World Without Us” by Alan Weisman (an interesting thought experiment on what would happen to the planet if humans no longer existed – can you guess?).
Movies Some of the best movies of the year included: “The Dark Knight” (a no-brainer), “Iron Man”, and “The Visitor”.
Food This world is full of good food and by any means necessary, get these dishes into your salivating piehole as soon as possible! Japanese okonomiyaki (pancakes with plenty of what you like), fugu (poisonous pufferfish), Kobe beef (marbled, mouthwatering meat), Dominican mofongo (puréed plantains with pork), Khmer (Cambodian) fish amok (the name says it all), Brazilian feijoada (sizzling stew with steaming beans, pork and beef), Kenyan ugali (doughy cornmeal), Canadian poutine (frites with fromage and fancy gravy), and British cream tea (tea and scones with clotted cream and jam). Oy!
Cherry blossoms (Kyoto, Japan)
What does strolling along the meditative Philosopher’s path, exploring any of 1,800 temples, jostling through the bustling (bursting?) streets of the Gion district, cramming onto crowded buses, and meandering through countless, breathtaking Japanese gardens all have in common? In early April, you can do none of these things without a pink and white explosion of cherry blossoms (sakura) in every direction. And a vast array of sakura flavored sweets, including the cream puff that explodes pink goo onto your shirt.
Corcovado (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil) Arms wide for a welcoming embrace, the Christ the Redeemer statue (120 feet high) sits atop the mountain of Corcovado, overlooking Rio and its white beaches. Considered one of the ‘new 7 wonders of the world’, the statue commands your full attention from every angle. Then, inevitably, you have to take time to be distracted by the breathtaking view. But, out of the corner of your eye, Christ is still ready to hug you.
Mt. Misen (Miyajima, Japan) Any sorry attempt on my part to describe the majestic panorama of sights from the high temples of this island mountaintop, overlooking the red, floating torii gate (considered one of Japan’s three most scenic views) and neighboring islands; and the arduous ascent through primeval forests and fiery cherry blossoms to reach it; and the perfect warm instant noodles and crisp Kirin beer bought from the Mom and Pop café at the summit; would only pale in comparison to the real thing. Sorry to disappoint.
London, England Over repeated trips to England without giving London its proper due, I finally decided to invest a couple of days to really take LDN in again. First lesson: Use the money you theoretically saved on that cheap hotel with a shared bathroom (60 pounds a night) on a Fuller’s London Pride beer and a greasy order of fish and chips. Then go bankrupt. Second lesson: Go see Monty Python’s Spamalot. Third lesson: Take your iPod and stroll around Hyde Park and The Serpentine lake during sunset. Fourth lesson: The village of Greenwich and the Greenwich Mean Time line is acceptable to visit in the rain.
Pub Quiz Nights (Fado Irish Pub, Washington, D.C.) A rich winter tradition of pencil in hand, sipping from pints of frothy Guinness, nibbling on corned beef and cabbage, writing down answers to random questions, and handing them in after each round – all with the hope of out-dueling the other, lesser teams for cash money – always ended in tears as we failed to live up to our own hype. Next time…
Flight of the Conchords (Television show)
So ridiculously funny, you will surely snort milk out your nose (even if you’re not drinking any!). The title refers to a very low-rent, no gigs, two shlub band from New Zealand, who, along with their manager, get into random misadventures, and then sing about them. As you decipher the lyrics, and nod your head to the beat, keep an extra pair of underwear handy in case a laughing accident ensues.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
I’ve lived on the East Coast now for a few years and only just now made it to Philly. So to make up for lost time, we swaggered into Philly foot loose and fancy free. Philly cheese steaks, a Phillies baseball game (World Series Champs!), Broad Street, pub crawling, cheering on the Kentucky Derby while quaffing mint juleps, and a random Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination exhibit and you’ve got yourself a weekend.
Malindi, Kenya
Whether seasick while deep-sea fishing; enjoying a fine meal at the Old Man and The Sea restaurant (Hemingway did not make an appearance); staying at the quiet and cheap Cloud Nine
hotel (not in any guidebook); cooking fresh fish in banana leaves; strolling the seaweed choked beaches; or watching the resilient sailboats, made by the local boys from cast-off detritus (flip-flops for outriggers and plastic bags for sails anyone?), brave the ocean’s wind and waves; Malindi is a worthy place to unwind and pretend the world really is this small.
Temples of Angkor (Cambodia)
The Khmer empire was pretty busy between 850-1200 AD, building temples like they were going out of style. Then most of these temples were abandoned for hundreds of years and they became part of the encroaching jungle. Angkor Wat is by far the largest and most well-known, but it’s the temples of Ta Prohm and Beng Mealea that are among the most amazing. These have been allowed to stay mostly overgrown and ruined. There is a certain amount of peace and awe one feels when traversing over and around the tangled roots of giant fig strangler trees and the tumbled stones and carvings that once were grand galleries and massive buildings of ancient kings. At least it seems that way, if I do say so myself.
Blog Can’t wait until next Christmas for another injection of insipid, indelible insights? Keep track of all the random hilarity at: www.jeremybailey.wordpress.com
Bonus Question! (Guess correctly for a cool prize!)**
How many countries did I visit this year? (Hint: One paragraph lists them all)
When confronted with copious quantities of snow in every direction, one may wonder what the best ways to enjoy it are. Here are a few ideas:
Blizzard Bowl ’08 As the New York Jets battled the Seattle Seahawks at Qwest Field, an epic blizzard waged war on the fans. We were able to fight back by throwing snowballs at each other (e.g. Jets fans) and the onto the field (e.g. Jets players). That it was also cold and wet is hardly worth mentioning as the Seahawks defeated the Jets, 13-3. P.S. I was not among the snowball throwers!
360° Pirouettes Minding my own business on Highway 410 in Sumner, WA, while blazing through snow and ice, I suddenly found myself struggling to keep control of my non-snowmobile (car). Then I implemented a complete wild 360° and miraculously finished in the same lane, going in the same direction. But not before a big truck slammed on its brakes behind me. Fresh underwear not included.
Night Skiing A few hours of skiing at Boreal Ski Resort in California, should relax one. Just stay on the lighted runs…they don’t like it when you stray.
Tire Chains and Mountain Passes Spending 2-1/2 hours to cross Donner Pass, California in chains is always a good way to enjoy the snow. Or not.
Ice slipping and Photo Ops Watch your step while trying to take scenic photographs of the pristine Emerald Bay on Lake Tahoo. Those that had come before, turned the area into an ice rink of absolute slipperiness. But, as we all know, any good photo op entails a bit of danger.
Xmas Snowballs for Dad Possibly the best single use of snow is the making of snowballs. The best single use of any snowball is throwing it at someone. The best single way to anger your Dad is for him to be the target of said snowballs while he tries to free his car from the deep snow. He gets anger management courses for Christmas next year.
In the year that was 2008, I managed to subliminally see 105 movies. Some on a plane. Some on a couch. Some in a theatre. Here are the best and worst:
Best
11. WALL-E – loves EVE! And the human race has a fat ass future in store. What else is new, except Pixar once again doing what they do best? Entertaining us.
10. The Counterfeiters – What would you do to survive a Nazi internment camp? Well, if you knew anything about making counterfeit dollars and pounds, probably flood the world with the perfect counterfeit money.
9. Sicko – Michael Moore’s peek into the health care industry is probably something you should care about. But what do I care?
8. In Bruges – Colin Farrell is finally in a good movie!
7. Definitely, Maybe – I’m a sucker for Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks and Rachel Weisz. Put them all together and stir.
6. Persepolis – A look at the life of a young woman growing up in Iran, then leaving and trying to re-integrate after the fall of the Shah and the new rule of the Islamic fundamentalists. BTW – it’s a cartoon.
5. The Bank Job – Could you rob a bank without messing it up? Not likely, and these guys are no exception. Best new torture instrument: a heat gun!
4. Enchanted – Oops, I’m also a sucker for Amy Adams, cartoons and merry songs.
3. The Visitor – This guy befriends the squatters in his never used New York apartment; he learns life lessons, plays the drums, gets caught up in the fiasco that is US immigration, falls in love. That type of stuff.
2. Iron Man – Robert Downey, Jr. in a flying, ass-kicking movie.
1. The Dark Knight – Someone, somewhere is trying to write something new about this movie. Not me.
Worst
I saw three of these movies on an airplane…and as I ate the tasteless airplane food, my mood grew darker with each passing minute.
5. Journey to the Center of the Earth – Brendan Fraser sucks. Please stop making movies?
4. The Happening – M. Night Shyamalan is officially squeezing out turds. Mark Wahlberg is a badass, and you turn him into a wuss? Why, oh why?
3. You Don’t Mess With the Zohan – Okay, point taken. Take heed.
2. Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium – The only thing wonderful about this, is…it rhymes? Nope, not even that.
1. Meet the Spartans – Do not meet these guys. Stay away. Stay far away.
Self-importance - Who better to share the best, most creative, most useful content on the planet, than you? If not you, who is going to uncover all the intricate, comprehensive, critical and witty minutia from your daily life? Please, absolutely regale us with your crafty, well-thought out missives on life and truth and your pets and every loving detail of your two-week trip to Peru. You. Are. The. Most. Important. Person. Alive. Please share.
To keep an active mind – As opposed to the times when you’re not blogging, and your mind is stagnating. Just don’t let it happen.
Maintain discipline - It’s hard to maintain a routine as taxing as blogging. Hit keyboard randomly, press Enter, spell check, click mouse thingy a few times, paste something here or there, click some button on the screen, wait…, wait some more, curse, click the mouse thingy furiously while waiting, curse some more…and voila – a blog is born! Now do that once a week or once a month and that’s a mean case of discipline for you.
You heard there was cake - This is a myth. Blogging is not a party. Nor are there prizes for most creative blog or best use of a cat photo. Blogging is its own reward.
To let the creative juices flow - Wait, what? Sounds disgusting.
To relieve boredom - Blogging or staring listlessly at that booger you flicked onto the wall. Either way, it accomplishes the same thing.
You could be the next ‘that guy with a book based on his blog’ - Probably you won’t be, but it’s worth a try. Actually, given that there are well over 110 million self-important blogs (plus whatever they’re doing in China) and more added by the millisecond, good luck with that. Maybe you can get a book published about your unquenched love of Mandarin duck written in Cantonese.
Chicks dig the wordplay - My telephone number is 202-253-99…wait, send me your photo first!
So, you’ve found yourself in South Africa, somewhere near Johannesburg. Now what? Let’s take a gander…
Meat – whether it’s biltong, boerewors, sosaties, kudu, bushbuck, chicken, beef, lamb, or boring old crocodile, you will have a hard time being a vegetarian in South Africa. Unless you don’t mind a spot of pap covered in sauces usually used for meat or that bruised, forgotten piece of lettuce over there.
Villaggio italiano – to taste gelato while strolling by dozens of restaurants and shops in a quaint Italian village, or to enjoy an Italian feast with white wine in an open-air plaza with a synchronized fountain of colors and music, are great ways to… Wait, stop! This is still about South Africa, right? Indeed, it is. All to be had at Montecasino, the friendly, neighborhood, Vegas-sized, Italian-themed casino.
Charging Elephant – a young bull elephant, when in must (heat), is something of a big deal, at least in his own mind. If it looks like you might supply a bit of competition in his bid for the ladies, shift your love van into reverse and then give it some serious gas. He’s coming!
Leopards – it’s rare to spot a leopard in the wild, so imagine my delight in seeing two in 20 minutes! Or don’t, it’s no spot off my back.
Sunrises – for some silly reason, when you go on a safari, they demand you to get up and be ready by 5:15 a.m. After washing down a biscuit with a spot of tea, the gates of the compound burst open and you’re free to drive furiously, jockeying with other cars, to be the first to find the undisturbed animals laying out on the road for your voyeuristic pleasure. Then the sun rises in full glory and you forget about the animals and the fact that it’s so damn early.
Editor’s Note:
Humps in South Africa are known as speed bumps in the USA.
Rumble humps in South Africa are known as rumble strips in the USA.
Hooting in South Africa is known as honking in the USA.
The title of this post had nothing to do with its content. Sue me.
I stand on the threshold of utter despair. A great and powerful sadness has overcome my very being, and I can barely move my fingers enough to type these words. Oh, the humanity! The agony! The woe! It’s crushing me flat, I can barely breathe. Short, incoherent gasps are all I can muster from my deflated and listless lungs. I feel flushed and hot and am spiraling down, down, down…only the pits of hell can put a stop to my unmitigated freefall. Misery, please take me! Ahhhhhhh!
So, what in the world am I talking about? Of all the random, stupid things that could come to pass in this short, somewhat tragic life, I’ve managed to accomplish one of the more stupid of what’s possible.
I dropped my iPod in the toilet, where it remained for 2.5 seconds (ish) until I could swoop down and pluck it from the encroaching waters of discontent. Now it makes feverish, gasping death noises and refuses to perform anything that could be construed as music. ‘Grinding Gears’ by Misery Loves Company (I would assume, should they decide to cut that track) is probably the best it will ever do again. The screen only displays the sad, pathetic URL: www.apple.com/support/ipod that can do nothing to fix either my trusty portable music conveyor or my very soul.
This comes after another recent bout with the dreaded toilet, where my cell phone became the victim of a deep sea, spelunking accident. There’s a reason cave scuba divers need extra certification, once you get down deep enough, you’re probably not going to be coming back.
I vow to never use the deplorable, life-sucking toilet again. Or at least not to multi-task while using it. One does need to focus.
If anyone wants to give me their unwanted, cast off iPod, my sadness will surely incrementally improve. Until I use the toilet again.
(Conductor taps stick, the orchestral music swells, then softens…a voice booms overhead…)
NARRATOR: So begins a ‘short’ treatise on the temples of Angkor built by the Khmer kings a long, long time ago (790-1307 AD) in a place far, far away (Cambodia) in nine different architectural styles (trust me). Of the dozens of ruined, restored and random temples interspersed near Siam Reap, here are the ones I, the Narrator, and friends happened to visit, explore, scramble through and photograph. We begin with the best and work our way down. Break out your warm cans of Angkor and Anchor beer and settle in, this is about to get historical.
(Curtains open. The stage is a large stone temple with trees.)
NARRATOR: Ta Prohm – built by King Jayavarman VII (henceforth to be known as Jay the 7th) in the 12th century or so, this royal monastery is most famous for the many silk cotton and fig strangler trees growing from and causing the ruins of walls and galleries. Atmospheric and grand, the site has largely been left alone, letting the trees continue to thrive towards their ultimate destructive magic. Sit and contemplate life for awhile before your photo is taken in front of a storied and massive tangle of roots. Photos cannot do the tree’s roots even the slightest justice…
(Narrator pauses, Jay the 7th enters with a flourish.)
JAY THE 7TH: Jai Ho!
(Beautiful dancers run onto the stage and an epic rendition of “Jai Ho” from Slumdog Millionaire ensues around the roots of the giant tree. Exit all.)
NARRATOR: Beng Melea – built by some dude in the 12 century, this temple, which means ‘Lotus Pond’, could be best described as finding a lost, ruined civilization in the overgrown, unknown jungle. No inscriptions or markings were found to indicate who is responsible for erecting this site, but over 800 years of nature have not been kind. Left virtually untouched (a few walkways were added to minimize sprained ankles), you scramble, squeeze and scrap your way through, between and around the jumbled stones, mosaics and pillars. You could stop and marvel at one or two of the massive galleries that survived complete destruction, but then you would never have time to see it all.
(Conductor allows soothing orchestral music to reach a crescendo. Slowly it mellows.)
NARRATOR: Angkor Wat – built by King Suryavarman II in the early 12th century, the name means the ‘city (that became a) pagoda’, and is among the largest religious temples in the world. Adorned by countless (by my count) bas reliefs and carvings, Angkor Wat is huge and covered in art. One such is the “Churning of the Sea of Milk” that depicts the Khmer origin story and is especially violent, given all that furious churning. We arrived just before sunrise (too early) and waited as the sun slowly crept up and up, mirroring the pyramid towers of Angkor Wat perfectly on the lotus pond. Photos were snapped. Explorations were had. Awe was struck.
(Conductor continues the orchestral music for a brief interlude. It fades…)
NARRATOR: Bayon – built by Jay the 7th, in 1200 or so, this temple was among those used as a film set to show off Angelina Jolie’s more refined attributes (seeLara Croft: Tomb Raider, natch). Not that you care. More impressive are the 49 towers (37 still standing) loaded up with huge carved faces on each. The original number of faces is disputed but it’s safe to say there are a lot of semi-smiling dudes staring at you from every angle. As fascinating and numerous as these faces are, the temple also has a series of massive bas-reliefs that completely circle both inside and out. The outer ones, of which there are at least eight, are 35 meters long and 3 meters high and depict epic battles of the Khmer versus the Cham from long ago. Intricate and ambitious, these carvings do not seem to leave a single detail uncarved.
(Jay the 7th returns and does a mean Riverdance jig, set to Irish music. Suddenly, a loud boom erupts offstage and 10 Cham warriors rush Jay the 7th. He battles and taunts them one by one with a scimitar, as he does his masterful jig. They cannot smite him. The Cham are vanquished. Exit all.)
NARRATOR: Ta Nei – built by Jay the 7th (yes,this dude is a temple building fiend when not slaying Chams) in the late 12th century, Ta Nei is still overgrown and far off the beaten path. We had to walk a solid 20 minutes down a random dirt road to find this place, which made it all the more exciting to finally discover, since the alternative was being lost forever in the woods with only a lonely, slow death to look forward to. The best part was getting kicked off the temple roof (rubble?) by one of the curators who was not amused by our climbing and exploring endeavors.
Bakong – built by King Indravaran I in 881, we reached this giant stone temple just as the sun was about to set, after a long road trip to Beng Melea in crazily slow tuk-tuks. Loaded up with cans of warm Angkor and Anchor beer (from roadside vendors), we sat and scrutinized the slowly sinking sun while savoring the succulent swill. A couple of local girls sat nearby, waiting patiently for us to finish the beers so they could run off with the cans (recycling plunder). As the sky darkened, we soon realized that no one else was hanging around. A group of tough looking monks soon came with flashlights and we hightailed it out of there before we were questioned and gleefully thrown into a pit of tigers.
(Conductor plays “Interstate Love Song” by Stone Temple Pilots. Jay the 7th and King Indra enter and begin a slow swaying dance. Soon locals run onto the stage, pursued by tigers. Jay the 7th and King Indra, run for their lives. King Indra is caught and tackled by a tiger, rolling offstage. Horrible noises ensue.)
(Curtains close.)
Intermission
(Curtains open. The action continues on a temple overlooking Angkor Wat, again during sunset.)
NARRATOR: Silence!! You in the back, sit down! Where was I, oh yes… Phnom Bakheng – built by King Yasovarman I around 907, the best way to reach this hill-top temple is by elephant. Of course, you could walk…but that’s no fun. My elephant was very laid back and received a severe rapping upside the head every two seconds by the handler’s evil hooked stick. Not sure I would have put up with that. The elephant of my friends was not as laid back and was off like a flash and out of camera range in less then 60 seconds.
(Conductor plays “Pink Elephants on Parade” from Dumbo. Enter elephant stage left. Exit elephant stage right.)
NARRATOR: Phimeanakas (and the royal palace) – originally built by Jayavarman V in the late 10th century, and added to by others, this small temple gave a nice excuse to climb to the top and sit around. Nearby, a large man-made pond, next to where the Royal Palace once stood, gave an equally good reason to sit around and relax.
Banteay Kdei – built by Jay the 7th in the late 12th century, we didn’t so much as see this temple as simply walk through it on the way to Ta Prohm. Looked okay, we just had other priorities.
(Jay the 7th runs out on stage and takes a bow. Conductor plays “Don’t Be Cruel” by Elvis Presley. Hips sway. Women swoon. Jay the 7th bows again and exits stage left.)
NARRATOR: Srah Srang – built by King Rajendravarman in the mid 10th century, this is a massive royal bath (more like a lake) built so that King Raj over there would have a ridiculously ornate place to bathe and frolic. As the sun’s fire mirrors on the shimmering lake you can pretend you’re worthy to clean yourself in these waters. You’re not – it’s off limits to you and elephants.
Bapuon – built by King Udaya (something) around 1060 AD, this has a reclining Buddha made of bricks, that doesn’t look so much like a reclining Buddha as a brick wall. Nice try though. One of the many drawbacks of the Khmer Rouge regime in the 1970′s is they stopped all restoration and research on the temples for many years. As a result, you can still see all the hundreds of scattered stones, waiting, like a nightmare jigsaw puzzle, to be reintegrated into this pile of stones passing as a temple.
(Conductor begins to play “Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2″ by Pink Floyd. King Udaya, King Raj and three elephants enter stage and start marching to the music.)
KING RAJ: We don’t need no education!
(Exit all. Conductor ends song.)
NARRATOR: Preah Palilay – maybe built by King Jayavarman VIII in the 13th century, this small sanctuary had great promise, at least based on the guide book, which espoused ‘its attractive forest setting’. Imagine our chagrin when we sauntered up and found that the bums had cut down ALL the trees growing around the tower! And not more then a few days before we arrived. Made me sick.
SuorPratTowers – built by King Indravaman II in the early 13th century, these towers are supposed to have been where tight rope walkers balanced and entertained the king before he fed them to the rampaging, hungry elephants. I jest.
Now please leave quickly, we have another performance in 10 minutes. Go!
(Orchestra music fades. Narrator berates audience until last person has left the theatre. That means you.)
Sources:
Direct observation by Narrator (Jeremy Bailey), Intrepid Explorer, December 2008
Ancient Angkor by Michael Freeman and Claude Jacques
Exposed below, we find a larger-than-life missive on the sport of soccer, also known as football by the hostiles, that contains a brilliant, irrefutable argument on why Chelsea (West London) will win the UEFA Champions League tournament, crushing the hopes and dreams of lesser teams like; Liverpool, FC Barcelona, and Manchester United. The argument proceeds thusly:
Because I said so.
It is flawless. It’s brilliant in its simplicity. There is no room to inject counter arguments or rebuttals. Where would you even put them?
Notice the extra emphasis on the word “I”. It appears that this tactic is being used to convey some extra level of significance to this particular word. Ingenious, this.
It’s almost as if the author (me) is calling himself out as having some superior level of knowledge and intellect. I mean really, how can he (I assume it’s a he, since it’s me) be so confident in his bold assertion? It’s likely beyond your ability to comprehend. Confused, you scratch your head, and repeat the immortal mantra aloud for yourself “Chelsea will win, because I say so.”
Yes, that’s the spirit! You’ve got it just right! The infliction. The cadence. The whole thing, just perfect. Try it again. Go ahead.
”Chelsea will win, because I say so.”
Ha! Brilliant! It’s almost as if the argument is self-perpetuating. It will surely spread like a reckless wildfire or a bad rash just before a first date.
The Quarter-Finals are in two weeks. Start chanting your new-found mantra every day before bed. Soon you will be correct. Chelsea will beat Liverpool. This will be the 5th time in five years that these two clubs have met in the Champions League. Last year, Chelsea knocked Liverpool out, and rightly so. Just as they will do this year.
“Chelsea will beat Liverpool, because I say so.”
April 8, 2009 – Chelsea battles Liverpool at Anfield. Prediction: Draw 1-1
April 14, 2009 – Liverpool travels to Stamford Bridge, where they will be tossed aside by the waving blue flags. Prediction: Chelsea 1-0.
Chelsea advances with a 2-1 aggregate score! Go Blue!
I have little desire to be original, as a Google search will likely take you to scads of similar lists with many of the same entries. Suffice it to say, you are not reading those lists, you are reading this one. You know where the truth lies, so start now to discover the TV shows that got criminally canceled by the clueless suits that clearly hated their careers. Commence.
Firefly (FOX) (14 episodes + 1 feature movie) – ‘An epic spaghetti western in space’ might read the original pitch for Joss Whedon’s brilliant and tragically short-lived show, yet it’s so much more. It easily ranks among the best shows ever not to be given a chance. Scheduled on Fridays (geek night – though I watched it), only 11 of the 14 episodes were aired. The network also tampered with the story and didn’t show the pilot (the two-hour first episode!) until the end of its run. Buy the DVD. Watch all the episodes. In order. It will make the tragedy that much more palatable.
Arrested Development (FOX) (3 Seasons) – The funniest show ever that only 4.2 million people watched. Chock full of non sequiturs, asinine and idiotic characters, ridiculously complex stories and in-jokes that thread throughout each episode, and David Cross, as the most clueless character ever conceived. If only we could all be ‘never nude’ or have a fascination with the Blue Man Group like Cross’s Tobias Fünke. I take that back, compared to the Bluth family, Tobias is completely normal.
Veronica Mars (UPN then CW) (3 Seasons) – ‘A long time ago, we used to be friends but I haven’t thought of you lately at all’. As the theme song reverberates through your brain, you might want to recall how good this show was. Kristen Bell was great as a high school super sleuth and Enrico Colantoni was well cast as her private investigator father. The first season is among the best TV has yet to offer, as Veronica Mars tries to solve the murder of her best friend. If you don’t watch this show, don’t come crying to me when life no longer makes sense.
Karen Sisco (ABC) (10 episodes) – Based on the U.S. Marshall character from Elmore Leonard’s novel Out of Sight (and the movie where Jennifer Lopez played opposite George Clooney), you could tell this show was going to be good. It wasn’t given a chance to find its audience. With Carla Gugino as Karen and Robert Forester as her father, the only analysis worthy of noting is this show got a raw deal.
Futurama (FOX) (4 Seasons + 4 made for TV movies) – Much like its predecessor which continues today, The Simpsons, Matt Groening’s take on humanity 1000 years in the future is parts hilarious, ridiculous and poignant. It deserved to live on if only to hear more from the heads in jars. Al Gore on about the environment? Nixon’s head escaping and chewing on Fry’s arm? Tasty.
fin
P.S. FOX deserves some sort of kick in the ass for leading the pack in canceling good shows. Conversely, maybe not too hard of a kick since they had the foresight to give these shows at least a chance.
First, let me apologize for my most sincere apology.
Second, let me profusely apologize for apologizing for my most sincere apology.
I’m very sorry to have apologized so profusely while apologizing for my most sincere apology. Sorry about that.
Why has ‘sorry’ and apologizing become so common in our everyday discourse? What on earth are we so sorry about?
When we take the bus or the train or fly in an airplane, it may be the only word we say for hours at a time. It means so many things.
‘Sorry.’ without looking at the person (I just invaded your personal space.)
‘Sorry.’ (For putting my seat back into your face.) while not moving it out of their face
‘Sorry!’ with eyebrows raised (I just stepped on your foot! But watch where you’re going.)
‘Sorry!’ while furrowing your brow (You’re out of that particular menu item, yet I had the audacity to order it.)
‘Sorry!’ while shrugging your shoulders and shaking your head (I wish I knew the answer to your question! But don’t waste my time if you’re too much of an idiot to know where the toilet is on this airplane.)
‘Sorry?’ while tilting your head (What did you just say to me?)
‘Sorry…’ while pointing to the guy next to you (It wasn’t me that just dropped a stinkbomb…it was that guy.)
‘Sorry!?!?’ while balling up your fists (Are you crazy!?!? Get out of my way, jackass!)
‘Sorry!!!’ while cowering (For even existing!!!)
“Sorry’ is now an accepted standby for all conversation.
I’m mournfully apologetic that I had to bring this your attention. Sorry does not even begin to describe my remorse. I lament that you will never forgive me.
Here are some unfortunate food or drink items I recently attempted to ingest. I wouldn’t even subject my dog* to these awful concoctions:
Those sambuca shots – pretty self-explanatory.
That dense ‘chocolate coconut cake’ thing at Ebenezer’s coffee shop – okay, it did look good in the display and I didn’t know there was coconut in it.
That chickenesque deli sandwich in South Africa – what was that? Chalk? Sadly, if that was a chicken, it died in vain.
That mummified ground beef from the freezer – surprisingly, taco seasoning mix cancels out all other potential tastes.
Those Obama cookies – did not try them, but just have to ask, why? No, we can’t.
That ”cinnamon flavored” whiskey called Fireball - I probably don’t even need to add a wry comment here.
That Mexican food in Truckee, California – the mole sauce might refer to the burrowing kind.
That ‘snack’ on South Africa Airlines – 98.3% bread, 1.6% meat, .1% sauce. 100% trash bin.
That Verizon Center popcorn during a college basketball game – it might have been leftover packing peanuts from my move to DC 5 years ago.
Cyprus fruit of doom
That candied fruit in Cyprus – a new way to puke without being sick. People eat this for dessert? They are better people than me…
* My dog has discerning tastes, and enjoys an occasional ripe dish of cat poop tartare garnished with blades of grass. Dessert is a small swath of my bed sheet to clean out the colon.
Jonesing for some historical knowledge that will impress your friends at the next dinner party? Say no more. You’ve come to the exact right place at the exact right time.
Not interested in history? Don’t have any friends? Sigh…I think American Idol is on now…
Read these books at your own peril. You might learn something. Which in your case, might be a first.
The PirateCoast (Richard Zacks, 2006) This tells of the United States’ involvement in the Barbary Coast and the shores of Tripoli in the early 1800′s. A man leads the country’s first marines to depose the pasha of Tripoli by putting the less than deserving brother in his place. Covert affairs, the US begins. Also, it tells of the war against the Barbary pirates and the primary rationale for the early US navy.
Ghost Soldiers (Hampton Sides, 2002) Made into an decent but not great movie (The Great Raid), this is an excellent story detailing the rescue of the surviving prisoners of war from the Bataan Death March in the Philippines. If you even remotely like epic, incredible stories or anything about World War II, make sure you read this book.
Isaac’s Storm (Erik Larson, 2000) Even worse than Hurricane Katrina, this hurricane in 1900 rips through Galveston, Texas and kills 6000 people. The tale is recounted from the perspective of one meteorologist who didn’t know what he was dealing with.
Endurance: Shackleton’s Incredible Voyage (Alfred Lansing, 1999) Ernest Shackleton went to the the South Pole and got stuck. This is the epic tale of how he and his crew survived for 1-1/2 years and what they had to do.
Under the Banner of Heaven (Jon Krakauer, 2004) Explores how religious fundamentalism can poison the human condition through the eyes of the Mormon faith and two brothers that killed their sister-in-law and niece because God told them to. Scary and yet true.
Well, maybe not completely unashamed… For some reason, I’ve decided to share my utter shame with you in the form of a freshly minted random playlist. Let’s be frank, if one were to like any of these songs, that person should not be so eager to admit it in public. Yet, I feel you deserve my trust, dear reader, so I will expose my innermost, darkest secrets and hold my head up high while doing it! Blah, blah, blah, I made that trust part up. It’s just a collection of songs, don’t get all soft on me.
If you dispute the validity and merits of any of these, well you probably have a good point, but point it in the other direction. I’m shameless.
“Shameless“, Garth Brooks
“Don’t Walk Away“, Bad English – as this list is just getting started.
“Jai Ho (You Are My Destiny)“, Ar Rahman with the Pussycat Dolls – sadly, yes you are.
“Hot N Cold“, Katy Perry
“Forever and for Always“, Shania Twain
“Hey Mama“, The Black Eyed Peas
“Starry Eyed Surprise“, Oakenfold – you know you’re moving to this right now.
“I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’“, Scissor Sisters – I want so much to hate this song!
“Believe“, Cher – urgghhh, Cher! Yet somehow I believe.
“Tell Her About It“, Billy Joel – I did and she didn’t care.
“I Am A Man of Constant Sorrow“, The Soggy Bottom Boys
“Come On Over Baby (All I Want is You)”, Christina Aguilera – alright! Now we’re talking!
“My Moves Are White (White Hot, That Is)”, Cobra Starship
“Days Go By“, Dirty Vegas
“Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl)“, Looking Glass – yes, yes she is.
“Open Arms“, Journey
“Dancing in the Moonlight“, King Harvest
“Take A Chance On Me“, ABBA – frankly any ABBA song will do…
“September“, Earth, Wind and Fire
“I’m Coming Out“, Diana Ross – and “Upside Down” too
Did we just end that playlist with a bunch of disco songs? Indeed.
Wait…I see you dancing! Don’t deny it. Now let the healing begin.
So, you’ve sauntered into the heart of London with a gleam of mischief in your eye and wallet full of pounds. While the sun is in the sky, oh why oh why would I want to be anywhere else? What to do, what to do…here’s a few things…
2nd Annual Stag & Dagger Festival - 100 bands in 20 venues! Oh the humanity! The first night in London we spent checking out some bands and wandering around the East side of the city. The Filthy Dukes at the Vibe Bar kept us entertained for a bit.
Tower of London - after multiple visits to London, the Tower had never made my excursion list. Until now. We had a right jolly Beefeater (a Yeoman Warder of the Tower) give us a tour and clue us in on bits of the sordid history of England. Best story was when Jack Ketch, the executioner, gave James Scott 5 blows with his axe before having to use a carving knife to finish the gruesome beheading. Or the time where two princes went missing in 1483, leaving Richard III as the king. The princes were found 180 years later in a wooden box behind one of the White Tower walls as it was knocked down for renovation. We also saw the Crown Jewels…
Westminster Abbey - pretty much where everyone to ever live in England is buried…even with the copious number of graves and memorials, still a beautiful and reverent place.
O2 Academy Brixton - seems to be the happening spot to see live music in London. We saw The Tings Tings one night in this cavernous and well appointed venue.
Churchill Museum and Cabinet War Rooms – the underground bunker where Winston Churchill and his cabinet planned and executed their World War II plans against the Nazis. Churchill would often go outside and watch the Luftwaffe destroy London with their biltzkrieg. While smoking his cigar.
What to eat and drink…
Caipirihnas in a fishbowl - exactly what it sounds like, with exactly the effect you would expect. Fish not included.
Salt Beef Bagel – late night eating, especially when everything else is closed early on Sunday for the Bank holiday, deserves a stop for salt beef slapped on a bagel with a dollop of nasal cavity burning mustard.
Cream Tea- a spot of tea and a couple scones, with jam and clotted cream on the side. Oiy.
Indian food on Brick Lane- everywhere you walk, hawkers try to entice you into their restaurant. But choices abound. We let a Londoner pick for us. Try the Balti lamb korma.
What not to do…
Tate Modern- ummmm, yes… if you like modern art in all its various motiffs, then this is certainly the place for you. But if you can do without strange movies (Blood and Feathers anyone?) and randomly weird artistic expression, than there is plenty else to do in London.
You’ve awakened, against your will, in the middle of a campsite. There’s a tent nearby. (Why aren’t you in it?) Someone is stoking a crackling fresh fire. A picnic table is being wiped off. Camp chairs set up. A folding camp stove transforms to life. Bugs buzz. Caterpillars crawl. Rain drizzles. It’s all in your periphery. You can sense them all. Feel them. But what is it that you see right in front of you? Where has your sleep walking taken you? To the bags and coolers full of delicious, delicious food. Time to fight off the bears, its chow time!
Camping food you cannot do without
Hobo’s stew – meat, butter, potatoes, carrots, butter, onions, butter, salt, and pepper all wrapped in tin foil, lightly coated in butter, and thrust into the coals of your blazing fire. Pull it out, unwrap and swoon.
S’mores – Hershey’s chocolate squares and gooey toasted marshmallows squished between two graham crackers. Slip in some strawberries for a new sensation.
Bacon, eggs and coffee – in exactly that order.
Beer – I cannot stress how critical the perfect beer style, in just the right quantity, is for your camping experience. Minimum of 2-3 coolers full. Can be substituted for a bottle of wine in a pinch.
Hot dogs – good for baseball games and camping trips. Add chile or cream cheese and you’re sure to be a contestant on the next season of Top Chef.
Munchies – Doritos, gummy worms, cracker jacks, granola bars, beef jerky, berries, trail mix, or whatever you so desire, as long as there are lots and lots of options for your many, many moods. You will never eat as much in life as you do when you’re camping.
Mickey Mouse pancakes – wait…your Dad didn’t make you pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse’s head while camping? That explains a lot.
Squeezable tube of peanut butter and jelly and a smashed loaf of white bread – not just for kids, this is fun for the whole family!
Camping food you can throw to distract the bears as you run away
Bacon chocolate – combining two brilliant things together does not equal one brilliant thing.
Freeze dried food – you are not an astronaut. You are not overnight hiking 20 miles a day. So don’t intentionally eat this crap! Ice cream sandwiches are not meant to be crispy.
Instant Top Ramen Noodles – you are not in Boy Scouts nor are you a broke college freshman anymore. You have a real job, with real wages. Now act like it and stop buying this nasty instant stuff.
Slop Soup – throw all of your leftovers into a big boiling pot. Remove from fire, hang from tree and run. The bears have lost patience.
When you gather a group of wannabe sommeliers and turn them loose in Northern Virginia wine country, strange things are bound to happen. These events are real, and the names have not been changed to protect anyone.
So begins a robust blending of the noble and the elegant from the 4th Annual Running of the DC Wine Tasters:
We are winos - much wine was consumed throughout the day. Much recovery was needed. If you read no further, at least know this.
The Enomatic Wine Serving System - this big contraption at the Boxwood Winery tasting room in Middleburg contains dozens of bottles of wine. You stick in your $20 pre-paid card, push a button for a 1, 3 or 5 ounce pour and BAM you’ve got a huge mess on your hands. You forgot to put the wine glass under the spigot. Can’t you follow instructions? The other disadvantage of this cold, shiny HAL impersonator, is that there is no human touch or detailed explanation of the wines you are tasting. Sure, you can’t complain too much with all that wine at your fingertips, but it’s all very pricey. I’ll stick to the old school tastings, thank you very much!
Mariposas and papillons- at Chrysalis Vineyards we had a good German sommelier (schmetterling) educate us on their various offerings. 12 wines, mostly reds, were tasted with much lip pursing and pinky finger raising. Given the name of the vineyard, the names of many of the wines in other languages, and the bottle label depicting a women with butterfly wings, it is clear they love themselves some butterflies.
Norton Hears a Who - did you know that Virginia has a native grape called Norton? Chrysalis grows 40 acres ands sells them to other vineyards. Because it’s native to America, they affectionately called it the “In-Your-Face” grape…
Goombas and grapes- sure the Quattro Goombas (4 friends) winery had regular crackers, but they exceeded all expectations by adding chocolate morsels to the tasting mix. We. Are. Your Friends. They get most of their grapes from California and Chile, but they thought they would get into the game for real and plant their own grapes this year (it will be 3-5 years before the vines are ready). Also try their sangria, if you dare. And the chocolate pate. And the cheese loaf and crackers. And maybe some more wine.
Breaking bread – a nice stop for lunch at Hunter’s Head Tavern broke the day up just as it was about to start pouring rain. Luckily the rain didn’t last. The warm, crusty bread served at the table didn’t last either. More please.
Not your average Swedish Bikini team – Swedenburg Estate Vineyard blasted through the tasting with little commentary and little time to savor their wines. Strictly an in and out operation. No bikini team either…sigh.
Milwaukee’s Best – nothing like an end-of-day sampling of sweets at Milwaukee Frozen Custard to jump-start a much needed suger rush.
Random Stats:
Number of days on wine tour = 1
Number of wineries visited = 4
Number of bottles of wine consumed = Unquantifiable
If you could only pick one, which would you choose and forego all the rest? Could you give any of these up permanently? That is the question you must answer in our random little thought experiment.
Below are six categories that comprise much of our produced entertainment opportunities (I’ve skipped sports, outdoor activities, social media, etc.). The idea of this thought experiment is to pick only one of these six for the rest of your life. The ones you don’t choose, you can never do again.
First, let’s acknowledge that many of these forms of entertainment overlap, intersect and meld together. That’s inescapable. Second, if you have a problem with the exact details, write to: c/o: Nobody Here at 123 So What Lane, Nevercareville, North Dakota. Your letter will be thoughtfully and painstakingly ignored.
So, remember you can only pick one of these at the expense of the other five. Are you prepared to take the challenge? I don’t think you can do it, quite frankly. These are all too much a part of our lives, there is too much at stake. Good luck. You’ll need it.
Books/Comics - Included:All published books in print or online; all comic books; all graphic novels; all audio books; all books on portable readers (e.g. Kindle). Not included: Books on fire at the neighborhood book burning (too hot to handle).
Stage – Included: all live stage productions (musical, drama, stand-up comedy, poetry/book readings, circus); all stage productions found on DVD/video or online. Not included: Anything just mentioned found on TV; musical soundtracks of stage productions.
Television – Included: All shows produced by and for television/cable networks (dramas, sitcoms, cartoons, reality, game shows, talk shows) either watched on television, internet or DVD; news and sports on TV; the edited movies shown on the prime time networks; made for TV movies; mini-series documentaries; music videos shown on TV; live concerts shown on TV; stand-up comedy shown on TV. Not included: Pay-per-view movies; music videos found online or anywhere outside of TV; Cop Rock (it should go without saying).
Movies – Included: All movies (foreign and domestic) and documentaries released in theatres; all direct to DVD/video movies; all pay-per-view movies on TV; all movies downloaded from the internet; all movies shown on airplanes/trains/buses. Not included: Made for TV movies; anything by Ed Wood (obviously).
Music – Included: All music released on CDs, vinyl, or internet; all music found on online music services; live concerts; concerts on DVDs/video or online; movie or stage production soundtracks; music videos online or on DVD/video. Not included: Anything just mentioned that is shown on TV (e.g. sorry Canadians, no Much Music); audio books.
Video games – Included: all video games on gaming consoles or computers; all video games on cell phones; all video games on portable devices. Not included: Video games played on TV at home or in hotel rooms; Elf Bowling (as fun as it might be…).
Discuss..
So, which would I pick, since I started this little thinking game? I’m honestly not sure I can pick only one. First, I would exclude video games and stage. I’ve played my share of video games, but I don’t play much anymore. I’ve seen quite a number of plays and musicals, etc. but it’s something that I could live without.
So, books, music, movies or television? Yikes…to be continued.
Back in 1998, the American Film Institute (AFI) released their list of America’s 100 Greatest Movies.
At that time I decided I would attempt to watch all of these great movies. I already had a bit of a head start, because a few years before I had taken up watching the Oscar winners for Best Picture. There is a good amount of overlap. So, over the course of the next 2-3 years I watched a good chunk of the 100 Greatest Movies, but my interest waned after awhile, and my task was left incomplete (on both fronts).
Fast forward to 2008, when AFI released a 10th Anniversary Edition of America’s 100 Greatest Movies, updating the original list with new rankings and 23 new movies (goodbye to the 23 that dropped off). It seems the only thing that didn’t change on the new list was Citizen Cane still at #1.
To me the AFI list now comprises 123 movies (100 original + 23 new). I’ve decided to take up the task again and finish watching all these movies. Only 25 to go. But in the meantime, here are some handy lists.
Five to watch first
The Godfather Part 1 – (New rank = 2, Old rank = 3)
Pulp Fiction – (New rank = 94, Old rank = 95)
Raiders of the Lost Ark – (New rank = 66, Old rank = 60)
Casablanca – (New rank = 3, Old rank = 2)
Schindler’s List – (New rank = 9, Old rank = 8 )
Five originals that should not have dropped off
See ya suckas!
Five excellent new additions
The Shawshank Redemption – (New rank = 72, Old rank = N/A)
Toy Story - (New rank = 99, Old rank = N/A)
Saving Private Ryan – (New rank = 71, Old rank = N/A)
Spartacus – (New rank = 81, Old rank = N/A)
The Sixth Sense - (New rank = 89, Old rank = N/A)
Random stats on 123 greatest movies
Decade with the most movies - 1st place: the 1970′s (22 movies); 2nd place: a tie between the 1950′s and the 1960′s (21 movies each).
Decade that added the most movies in the new rankings – the 1990′s (5 new movies for a total of 13)
Harrison Ford sightings – 5 movies
Katharine Hepburn sightings – 4 movies
Biggest jump in rankings – 84 spots, The Searchers (New rank = 12, Old rank = 96)
Biggest fall in rankings – 48 spots, The African Queen (New rank = 65, Old rank = 17)
Highest ranked new entry – The General (say what?) (New rank = 18, Old rank = N/A)
Biggest plummet off the list – 61 spots, Doctor Zhivago (New rank = N/A, Old rank = 39)
Editor’s note: Okay, so you were probably enticed to read this post from all that ‘skinny dipping’ in the title. Not to completely disappoint you, but no photos will be available nor was any actual nudity involved. Please continue. Or show your true colors by leaving to google ‘skinny dipping’…
Having spent a good deal of time exploring and hiking around Virginia’s Shenandoah National Park over the past few months, I feel compelled to share some of the highlights of the national park.
AT with white blaze
The Appalachian Trail – spanning 2,175 total miles, from Maine to Georgia, the Appalachian Trail (or the AT as it’s referred to by the serious about hiking sort) runs through the full length of the Shenandoah. About 101 miles of trail. I’ve done a range of different hikes in the park, and most of them included chunks of the AT. The AT uses white blazes (paint on trees and rocks) to distinguish it from the blue blazes used for other park trails (for hikers only).
Camp Hoover
Camp Hoover (or Rapidan Camp) – In 1929, President Herbert Hoover needed his very own fortress of solitude. He sent his minions out to find the perfect retreat to conduct state business while fishing and enjoying nature. The Marines built it smack dab in the middle of what would soon be the Shenandoah National Park. Camp Hoover was visited by other US presidents, but Roosevelt opened Camp David because it was not wheelchair accessible (get out your hiking boots if you want to go). The buildings that remain have been turned into a museum (the Brown House was Hoover’s residence) and showrooms in the middle of idyllic nowhere.
Dark Hollow Falls – with a nice 71 foot drop and a good climb, this is a great place for a scenic lunch and a few photos.
Matthew’s Arm campsite- Up north and slightly away from the crowds that go towards the middle of the park, this campsite had good sized sites and good shade. No showers, but then again, you do need that extra special scent to repel the bears and the mosquitoes.
Cemetery
Random cemetery - Until 1929, people actually lived where Shenandoah is now, but they got kicked out in favor of the National Park. There are still a few remnants of their existence, including one particular small, stone walled graveyard off Keyser Run Fire Road. A blue memorial plaque with a short poem describing their plight has been added, giving the place an even more melancholy atmosphere.
Trillium flowers
Trillium flowers - Big, white flowers (kind of like daffodils) everywhere along the trail, makes for a fine afternoon walkabout.
Stony Man Summit – One of the highest points in the Shenandoah (4010 ft elevation), this affords a startlingly, panoramic view of the surrounding countryside. The rock formations are impressive and a good place to practice not falling off of a high cliff.
Bears! – Yes, there are bears. Black bears, to be precise. One was ambling along about 10 yards from the trail, not really caring about the nearby hikers (must have already snacked on a park ranger). No one was mauled. Yet.
Little Devil Stairs – Don’t let the ‘little’ fool you. This trail is all devil, all the time. Climbing about 1500 feet in a short distance this trail, weaving over (but not under) the churning and falling stream many many times, will kick your butt. It doesn’t help when it starts to pour down rain when you get to the top. The angry rattlesnake waiting to lunge at your ankle is also unnecessary.
South River Falls – Another waterfall (83 feet) to add to your photo collection. Or not.
Swimming hole
White Oak Canyon Trail – descending a ridiculous amount (3,200+ feet), past a series of huge waterfalls, we finished at the bottom waterfall for a crisp, frigid dip in a nice deep swimming hole. Standing under the cascading waterfalls, you could get a bit of a water massage. Speaking of which…
Skinny dipping world record (July 11, 2009)- an attempt to set the Guinness world record for most skinny dippers at one time happened (I suppose) on July 11, 2009 at 3pm. Was it successful? No idea. While ‘dipping’ in the swimming hole on White Oaks Canyon trail, one of the hike leaders suggested we participate in the ‘skinny’ portion at 3pm. No one took him up on the offer. Besides, the water wasn’t going to do the guys any favors.
“No one cares about you. Almost no one even knows you exist.”- Seth Godin, “Who’s There?”
On that somber note, let’s first establish that neither of my grandmothers like cats. They are dog people, through and through. Just like me.
The reason I bring up the term ‘cat blog’, is that it’s been used by the author above to describe blogs about YOU. When you share and blog about details of your life, what you ate, where you went, what your cat did yesterday, etc. That’s considered a ‘cat blog’. As opposed to a second category of blogs that are for sharing ’ideas’ with the audience or providing them a service.
This blog is probably closer to the ‘cat blog’ realm, though I’d argue I occasionally dip into the sharing ‘ideas’ realm (as lame as they are). Before we continue, I’m dismissing the name and changing it to ‘dog blog’, because cats drool and dogs rule. And the reason I’m pontificating now is because today there can be no doubt about the fact that this particular post is all about the ‘dog blog’…
My dog’s photo was featured in the July 2009 DC Hill Rag’s (a monthly publication) Annual Pet Photo Contest! High Five! Kuma is cuter than those others dogs! Long live the wiener dog!
I know no one really cares (with all the tragedy happening on this planet), but after all this is my blog and I’ll write about whatever dog I so choose.
The perfect rush…a six-person river raft, pounded and dwarfed by class V white water rapids, rowed in heart-thumping unison to survive head-on the next crushing wave.
The perfect burger…red onions, dripping BBQ sauce, melted pepperjack cheese, thick medium rare beef, jalapeños, toasted bun, crunchy bacon.
The perfect pizza…pepperoni, jalapeños and pineapple.
The perfect afternoon…beach, shade, hammock, beer, book.
The perfect dog…20 inches long, sausage shaped, soft, reddish brown, big soulful eyes.
The perfect morning…sleeping in.
The perfect beer…ice cold, crisp and chugged mercilessly after a long-day of hiking, diving, skiing, or playing.
The perfect place…surrounded by evergreen trees and early morning fog, in view of a glassy mountain lake, wildflowers, a small meadow, a winding bustling creek, with the still hum of nature.
The perfect business meeting…no one showed up.
The perfect road trip…radio blaring heavy base, whizzing by the endless Pacific ocean, that circles around massive sea stacks thrusting up between tumultous waves, and mossy rain forests, heading towards a picturesque seaside town.
The perfect pit stop…Chick-fil-A.
The perfect evening…a clear sunny sky, the smell of popcorn and BBQ, a light breeze, sitting in the stands, with a lordly view of the baseball game inside the stadium and the city skyline outside.
The perfect late night after party snack…cream cheese hot dog.
The perfect bar…ten or more beers on tap, cute bartender, a football or soccer match on, comfortable stools, a long wooden bar, greasy food, ten lords a leaping, nine ladies dancing and a partridge in a pear tree.
The perfect hike…overcast, 72 degrees, strolling by a mix of forest, lakes, waterfalls and meadows, slightly uphill with a spectacular view at the top.
Okay, it seems Hollywood is hell-bent on destroying all of my not-so-precious childhood memories. I say, stop it already!
My brother and I grew up in the late 70′s and early 80′s very much in tune with the toy industry. We were Hasbro’s and LEGO’s and Mattel’s best customers (well, our parents anyway). We had all the good stuff. Star Wars toys and action figures? Check. G.I. Joe toys and action figures? Check. LEGOs of all kinds. Check. Plastic Army men? Check. Transformers? Oh yes, check. If you can think of it, we probably had one. And there is a good chance it was chewed (by dog or sister) or broken or both.
The cartoon and movie industries provided sound motivation for much of what we wanted, much of what would make us cool, and much of what we just HAD to have. Our parents, with fingers poised over the purse strings, didn’t stand a chance.
So, it is with some chagrin that I look at the recent crop of movies that Hollywood is churning out, and feel a twinge of despair rather then the intended nostalgia. Okay, some of the things we liked back then weren’t worthy even then (He-Man, you’ve been warned), but some things just need to stay as a somewhat fond memory. It all started 10 years ago with the new Star Wars movies:
Star Wars Episodes I, II and III (1999, 2002 and 2005) – the most anticapted movie (The Phantom Menace), probably ever, turned out to be a whiz-bang wow shiny, noisy, turd that tried to pander to kids. Were any of them good? Nah. Boo to George Lucas. The new toys were VAST in number and so lame in comparison to the originals we abused. The new Star Wars trilogy can never replicate the joy that many of us shared oogling the original three movies (thank you, Princess Leia as Jabba’s prisoner). Or inspire us to re-stage crucial battles with our armada of toy space ships and action figures. These skirmishes always ended in tears, as my brother didn’t quite understand that I always win.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) – we really didn’t have toys from the original Indiana Jones movies, but we did have copius amounts of collectable trading cards. And lunch boxes! There are so many stories you could tell with the Indiana Jones character, and George Lucas and Steven Spielberg had to tell the lamest one in this new, uninspired movie. Indiana survives a nuclear blast! Aliens! Rebels without a cause! Boo again! It did ‘fit’ the 1950′s setting, which they both grew up in, so maybe it meant something to them, in which case maybe we should give them a pass for trying to re-live their childhood. No!
Land of the Lost (2009) - haven’t seen this re-make yet, but I can tell you that it doesn’t look at all worthy of the ultra-cheesy, poorly made original TV show (1974-76). The original Sleestacks were freaky! The original dinosaurs were laughable! We didn’t have toys for this show, but I remember watching it every Saturday. There is no justification for re-making this as a movie, it wasn’t even all that good to begin with.
Transformers (2007) and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) – explosive dreck from Michael Bay (but then again, what isn’t when he’s involved?), the two latest Transformers movies would not have compelled me to seek out the original set of toys that were so much more then meets the eye. Some of the most interesting toys available (look Ma, a fighter plane that turns into a robot!), Transformers were exactly the right kind of action for young boys. Bendable, changable, breakable, frustrating puzzles that turned into cars and random assortments of cool things (planes, guns, animals). We retired our Rubik’s Cube after this. And sorry to say, but the Decepticons were much cooler then the Autobots.
G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra (2009) – haven’t seen this movie, but it sure doesn’t remind me of the G.I. Joe I remember. Flying soldiers in suits of armor? Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander? Marlon Wayans? I hope Cobra wipes the smile right off those flying ironjoes. A real American hero, my ass. Playing with my old school G.I. army would be much more interesting.
This blog isn’t trying to emulate Cosmo, so I don’t actually need to list 99 reasons. I can get away with this because a) I’m lazy and b) I’m not smart enough to think of that many. Take what you can get, and don’t complain.
Reason #1 – it’s your round to buy and you’re sick of your friend’s fruity, girlie concoctions that make your tastebuds wince in pain.
Reason #8 - Olde English 800 40 ouncers are on sale.
Reason #11 - someone brought a keg to this shindig. Free beer!
Reason #22 – you are thristy for liquid gold.
Reason #29 – ’cause it’s so crisp.
Reason #44 – you are challenged to a beer pounding contest by surly Germans.
Reason #55 – the Budweiser girls are smiling and giving away their wares.
Reason #63 – the work day is over and happy hour has begun.
Reason #67 - it’s a beautiful day at the ball game, and nothing would taste better then a refreshingly cool brewsky.
Reason #76 – it’s 9:00 am and you still have a hangover.
Reason #88- one does not need a reason. One only drinks with a smile on one’s face.
Reason #92 – the bar ran out of other, less tasty liver killing options.
Reason #99 - a stately Clydesdale, galloping in slow-motion, with flowing mane and uplifting music compels you to robotically open the fridge to crack open a cold one.
As I’ve told anyone that will listen (and even those that won’t), I have goal to see a baseball game in every Major League Ballpark in North America. Why? Because I can.
It’s not a goal I can do in a year or even two, but it will build over time. As long as I go to 3-4 new stadiums a year, I’ll be happy with the progress. And with 30 Major League Baseball teams out there waiting for my dollars to line their coffers, let’s call the task epic. Or crazy. Or random. But never impossible.
I’m still a bit away from accomplishing my goal. This year I’ll do a mini-road trip to three Mid-West cities (Cincinnati, Detroit and Cleveland) to add a few more to the list.
As this is a long-term goal, I’m going to create a new page on this blog called “The Baseball Project” (see along the top) to track progress. Mostly for my own amusement. Feel free to also be amused. Or bemused. Or confused.
So if anyone wants to organise a trip to one of the remaining cities for a game, or join me on one of my trips, I’m listening…
As a long-time subscriber to Entertainment Weekly, there are two issues I look forward to and enjoy more than any other. The Summer and Fall Movie Previews. The Fall Preview arrived fantastically just in time to take on my road trip. Not that I read and drive…
Are you ready for 112 new movies this Fall? Like me, probably not, but here’s my quick and handy list of the ones I’ll try to catch over the next four months.
I barely watched any of the movies from the Summer List, but there weren’t that many good ones in the end.
Must see…
The Informant! (September)
The Invention of Lying (September)
Extract (September)
Where The Wild Things Are (October)
Shutter Island (October – moved to February?)
The Road (October)
Nine (November)
Invictus (December)
Broken Embraces (November)
2012 (November)
Avatar (December)
Sherlock Holmes (December)
The Lovely Bones (December)
Might see…(if time)
The Men Who Stare at Goats
Amelia
Whiteout
A Christmas Carol
Unmade Beds
Make me see…(if you can)
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (really???)
When in the course of random events, it becomes necessary for someone to embark on a road trip, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind require that said someone should declare the highlights of said road trip in writing.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men need vacation, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are attending baseball games, drinking beer and the pursuit of hot chicks. That to secure these rights, Road Trips are instituted among Men, driving their full power from the consent of the driven, and blah, blah, blah.
As is my every right, I instituted a road trip through the states of Ohio and Michigan. What did I hope to achieve? A fine question.
First and foremost, to see Major League baseball games in three cities. Second and segundo, to imbibe as much of the local beer offerings as could be reasonably stomached. More on those in later posts.
With only three games to attend over 10 days and an inability to drink beer ALL the time, I needed something else to keep me busy. So here is a sampling of the more interesting sights and tastes during this ‘epic’ 2,197 mile road trip.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Three-Way Chile
Cincinnati chili - two fluorescent yellow dishes were placed before me at Skyline Chili. As I contemplated the larger dish, a strange assortment of mile high grated cheddar cheese, spaghetti noodles and the famous Cincinnati chili (a thin meaty sauce with cinnamon) known as a Three-Way, I mildly wondered how such a thing could come to pass. The smaller dish, a tiny hot dog slathered in the same chili and grated cheese known as a Coney, seemed almost reasonable in comparison. Enterprising immigrants brought this chili recipe to Cincy and it took off with a vengeance. You can add additional ingredients, like beans and/or jalapenos, to get a Four-Way or a Five-Way. Warranty not valid if you try too many more Ways. Worth eating? Sure, but don’t stare at it too long!
Northside - a small, trendy little neighborhood with a few restaurants and pubs. I peeked into a funky little coffee shop called Sidewinder for a read and a mocha then devoured an excellent sandwich at Melt, which has been voted the best sandwiches and best vegetarian food in Cincy for two years running.
Spring Grove
Spring Grove Cemetery & Arboretum – a sprawling mix of huge grave stones, winding roadways, ponds, vaults, mausoleums, and statues that turned out to be a pleasant setting to drive around (and get lost in).
Newport, Kentucky – just across the Ohio River sits Newport, almost as an extension of Cincinnati. With numerous restaurants and bars with live music, its a fine place to spend an evening. A huge shopping centre across the street and some sort of annual seafood festival along the river made for an interesting afternoon as well.
Ann Arbor and Michigan
Ottawa Beach
Lake Michigan -it’s big, let’s put it that way. Like an ocean. Get out a map of the US if you don’t believe me. A 3-1/2 hour drive from Ann Arbor to walk along Ottawa Beach (surprisingly big in its own way) and to stroll through the small, quaint town of Saugatuck is a perfectly good way to get some sun.
Carrot cake - a small restaurant en route to Lake Michigan claimed to have ‘The’ Carrot Cake. The cake was certainly good, maybe even ‘The’worthy, but the frosting I could eat all day.
U of M Arboretum
University of Michigan Campus - sadly class was not in session, but Ann Arbor has a small town feel with the U of M campus as the centerpiece. Beautiful landscape, unique architecture, a fine business district with good food and drink and an idylic Arboretum with a river running through it, almost made me not reminisce about the time that the University of Washington football team crushed Michigan in the 1992 Rose Bowl. Almost.
Zingerman’s Delicatessen – it took a couple mile bike ride, zipping through Ann Arbor traffic, to arrive at a ‘packed’ sandwich and cheese shop. This popular destination with the locals, though pricey, is a worthwhile lunch spot. The setting includes the main building and a large coffee house, with a huge courtyard in between. You order (after waiting in a long line), get in another line to pay, go find a seat, then the servers come outside with a tray piled high yelling your name as you wait eagerly in the courtyard. Of course, my friend had to put our name in as “Beyoncé”…
Cleveland, Ohio
Stuffed Cabbage and Pierogies
Sokolowski’s University Inn- this gets a shout out in all the guide books and even Anthony Bourdain went there for No Reservations, so why not find out what all the fuss is about? It’s a small, family-owned and run restaurant in the Tremont neighborhood that serves Eastern European food cafeteria-style. Stand in line, grab your dessert, pick up a bottle of beer (or pour a fountain drink, but why?), then order your food from the myriad of steaming options. Stuffed cabbage and pierogies! Tasty!
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum - yes, this is in Cleveland. Yes, it’s filled with memorabilia and facts and music and history and everything you could want to know about Rock and Roll. Especially interesting were the Jimi Hendrix collection and the displays showing the music scenes in different cities for different decades. Seattle in the 90′s display right next to London and New York display in the 70′s and 80′s!
Case Western Reserve University
Case Western Reserve University – a small research university just outside downtown Cleveland (about 10,000 students), this has a surprisingly picturesque campus and boasts the Cleveland Botanical Gardens nearby if you’re inclined to check it out. I wasn’t. The campus was enough for me.
Warehouse District – where all the Clevelanders seem to hang out on a Saturday night. Aside from being crowded with people, restaurants, bars and clubs, I liked that there was a restaurant called the Nauti Mermaid…I’m easy to please.
Here we explore some of the beer offerings I encountered on my road trip. Buckle up and put on a raincoat, this is about to get sudsy.
Tremont Taphouse (Cleveland, OH) – with 24 beers on tap and around 80 bottle selections, this small taphouse/restaurant would be my favorite place to hang out if I lived in Cleveland. Slightly out of the way in the Tremont district, it had cute bartenders and a neighborhoody, local vibe. They don’t brew their own, but at the time they were showcasing the Flying Dog Brewery now located in Maryland. Best Beer I had:The Old Leghumper – a porter from the Thirsty Dog Brewing Company in Ohio, with the motto ‘so many legs, so little time’. I agree.
Atwater Block Brewery (Detroit, MI) - this is a good little brewpub not far from Comerica Park on the Detroit River, in an area that doesn’t seem to get much traffic. Which is unfortunate, because it had a very congenial atmosphere with friendly staff. They win extra points for the bold sign out front “Beer is Good”. Indeed. Best Beer I had:Michigan Amber
Great Lakes Brewery (Cleveland, OH) - a lively brewpub where the tasters and the pint I ordered, were…well who can remember? Seems hazy… Best Beer I had:Lake Erie Monster- at 9.0% ABV this double IPA beast really smacks you upside the head. So potent they only give you half a taster.
McNulty’s Bier Markt (Cleveland, OH) - with around 100 beer options, this Ohio City district bar fancies itself as a Belgian Beer Bar. And rightly so, that’s about the only kind of beer available. Dark, cozy, with easy on the eyes bartenders, if you’re looking to sip a Belgian pint, this is your destination. Best Beer I had:Dilirium Tremens
Hofbräuhaus (Newport, KY) – a boisterous place that everyone in Cincinnati and Kentucky must go to, with a huge patio and live music inside, you are left to find your own seat in the multitude of picnic style tables. Once seated, you order a mammoth, gut-busting liter of beer. Then you order a sampling of Wursts, including mettwurst, bierwurst and bratwurst. Best Beer I had: In fact, the only beer I had was the Hofbräu Dunkel, Munich’s favorite beer. Another would have ended this trip early.
Grizzly Peak Brewing Company (Ann Arbor, MI) - a good place for the University of Michigan students to hang out, debate their love of Ohio State, talk politics, and hoist some serious pints. Best Beer I had: Bear Paw Porter
Arbor Brewing Company (Ann Arbor, MI) - another U of M brewpub across the street from Grizzly Peak, that can claim decent beers and good fish tacos. Best Beer I had: Red Snapper Special Bitter
Saugatuck Brewing Company (Saugatuck, MI) – located just outside a small seaside (lakeside?) town of the same name on Lake Michigan, it reminds one of an old community center turned into a brewpub with the eating part called The Lucky Stone Pub. We arrived on quiz night, but found the questions far too easy so didn’t participate. Best Beer I had:Vanilla Nutmeg Oatmeal Stout – it just sounds tasty, and it was.
This, luckily for you, is the final entry in my road trip trilogy of terror. Finally, we get to the root cause of why I roadtripped to begin with…baseball! Hold on for a short treatise on the highs and lows of each Major League stadium I sauntered through like a deluded dignitary. I suggest you pause now to get a hotdog and a beer. If you pause long enough, you may even escape reading this.
Great American Ball Park (Cincinnati, Ohio) – Home of the Reds
Highs
A great view of the bridges spanning the Ohio River that link Cincy to Kentucky and the quaint town of Newport.
The Washington Nationals were in town and they won 5-4. Which doesn’t happen very often…
I inhaled a tiny Coney hotdog. It was satisfying for 4.5 seconds.
Lows
At the 4.6 second mark, I was still hungry.
The confusing number of mascots. One is almost too many, but four? Gapper (looks like a retarded, red Phillies Phanatic), Mr. Red (looks like a spastic baseball headed Mr. Met), Mr. Redlegs (a mustached baseball head, which tells you all you need to know) and Rosie Red (because otherwise there’d be too many dudes).
Comerica Park (Detroit, Michigan) – Home of the Tigers
Highs
Tigers! Everywhere there are tigers! To say that Detroit doesn’t like its team name is to fly in the face of numerous tiger statues and leering tiger heads looking down from every direction. Very impressive.
A ferris wheel and other rides for the kiddies.
The home team scored two runs in the bottom of the 9th inning to win in dramatic fashion.
First a torrential downpour, then a rain delay, and then the clearing of the infield tarp and then the crew drying and making the infield playable again. How often do you get to see that? Kinda cool.
Lows
A 45 minute rain delay, there is such a thing as waiting too long.
David Aardsma gave up two runs in the bottom of the 9th inning and the Seattle Mariners lost in traumatic fashion. (errrgg!!!!!!)
The Detroit skyline had the least interesting view of all the stadiums but it was smack dab in the middle of the city, in a relatively nice area.
Progressive Field (Cleveland, Ohio) – Home of the Indians
Highs
Ken Griffey Jr. (Seattle Mariners) hits a homerun!
The view of the city skyline is picturesque.
Heritage Park is the home of the Indian’s Hall of Fame, split into two sections; those players that are actually in the official Major League Baseball Hall of Fame (in Cooperstown, NY),and those that are only good enough to make the team’s Hall of Fame. It was historical.
A perfectly positioned food court and bar, behind center field, that allows one to enjoy the game, a brew and an italian sausage all at once. Brilliant.
Lows
Felix Hernandez pitches terribly and the Mariners lose again, 6-1.
There is a race during the game with the mascots Ketchup, Mustard and Onion. Original. Their kid-friendly mascot is Slider (which looks like Barney the Dinosaur on crack).
There was a cool looking cemetary across the street, so after the game I went out and strolled through like the locals. Then I became terribly lost, and could not remember the street I was parked on, nor the name of the parking garage. 30 minutes of random city exploring later, I roared out of the parking garage just as it started to rain. Booyah!
Verdict: Originally, I was going to give Comerica Park the edge as the best of the three (those tiger statues!), but Progressive Field (originally called Jacob’s Field until 2008) was among the first of the new wave of retro stadiums built, and it just grows on you the more you think about it.
Welcome, my children. With a warm embrace from Christ the Redeemer, I offer you your very own cut-out journey of Brazil. Last year I went to Rio de Janeiro and São Paulo, and somehow failed to share. Let’s correct that now.
Cristo Redentor
Cristo Redentor, Corcovado – Jesus, thats a big statue. Oops, I mean that’s a big statue of Jesus. At the pinnacle of Corovado, stands the 130 foot statue of Christ the Redeemer, overlooking the city and slums of Rio, the multitude of beaches and sunbathers, and the endless Atlantic ocean. Iconic.
Feijoada - a humble stew of black beans, beef and pork that is such a hearty and filling lunch, you really do wish the siesta was practiced in Brazil. Best eaten over a long, lazy afternoon with a lively jazz band across the room.
Farofa – a type of flour made from manioc that looks like sawdust (yet is edible and tasty) and is used as a topping for other dishes like feijoada.
Ice cream flavors – I have to say that I love ice cream, but sadly I did not love the Brazilian flavors at all. Many of them, I couldn’t spit out fast enough. I can’t remember which ones I did like, but here is a sampling of some of the flavors available to give you an idea of the randomness of options one encounters:
graviola – made from something that is kind of like a custard apple
cupuaçu - made from a chocolaty kind of fruit
açai – made from a fruit like a grape
milho verde – made from a type of sweet corn
Ipanema Beach
Ipanema Beach - deep, fluffy, white sand to squeeze between your toes as you stroll up and down this vista of tanned bodies, crashing waves and crystal blue sky. In three directions, mountains tower over this expanse of simple beauty. Granted you do have to hide your bemusement when you notice ‘the please don’t show skin people’ flapping in the wind or camped forever in the sand. You know who they are. To complete the journey, we did need to find the famous Girl from Ipanema from the song. Turns out the place is now called Bar Garota de Ipanema (called Bar Veloso when the song was written), but the girl wasn’t there to greet us. She’s likely too old and flabby by now, and probably already on the beach…
A Painting of?
Night market at Copacabana - artists out in force, ready to sell their wildly colorful and brilliantly alive paintings, or their pieces of shiny jewelery, or their statues carved of rock and wood, or their leather works, or their, well…just about anything they want.
Fly Away
Hang gliding – on paper it seems like a crazy idea. There’s a quick lesson and gear to fit into and glider to get strapped to. And when you’re overlooking the tableau of city skyline and the ocean is so tiny, maybe there’s good reason to have a fear of heights. It didn’t help that my ‘pilot’ didn’t show up until 30 minutes after my other friends had already took the leap and soared away. Literally alone with no one I knew and a faint unease, I stewed until the ‘pilot’ made his appearance. Some girl just ahead of us would not go, so finally they told her off and all the other waiting gliders had to back up and make room for her anticlimactic exit stage left. Then suddenly…my turn! A short spurt of running off the ramp, a slight downward arc and then…peace. Floating in space, overlooking all the postcards you’ve ever seen of Rio. It was so easy (of course, the ‘pilot’ did all the steering and work) and relaxing. The only advantage of having to wait so long is that my friend was able to take a long sequence of photos of my entire journey down. Cool.
Caipirinhas - made with healthy amounts of cachaça (say: ca-sha-sa), dollops of sugar, ice and a few lime wedges, it goes down smooth and fast. This is Brazil’s national drink, so try to keep up, because we’re about to go…
Samba - dancing in style. At a seemingly random neighborhood in São Paulo, we walked into Bar Mangueira to the blast of a live band rocking samba music. The place, with its funky atmosphere, soon became overcrowded with enthusiastic revelers moving to the beat. An impromptu dance lesson from our wonderful host, an unhealthy amount of caipirinhas, and the rubbing of shoulders with what quite possibly was a clique of the Brazilian mafioso, gave us just what we needed to get into the spirit of things. Forget that we all had to attend the last day of a conference in a mere 3 or 4 hours…
Okay, first let’s acknowledge that I haven’t read everything. It’s a big planet with millions of monkeys pecking away at millions of keyboards (including this one). I haven’t read all the classics. Not even close. No Jane Austin. No Ulysses. No Tolstoy. (Plenty of Hardy Boys.) Yet, somehow, I’ve managed to read my share of good novels. Certainly I can pick five of my favorites. Can’t I?
With so many contenders, it’s not as easy as you might think. With the classics out-of-the-way, I don’t need to pander to expectations nor give off a whiff of pretension. I can just be me. Which leads to a different kind of whiff.
The first three novels listed are locks. They stand (no pun intended) head and shoulders above all other novels I’ve read. The last two I agonized over. I had to contemplate, compare, contrast, categorize and consequently flip a coin. With much ado about nothing, read on.
Time and Again (Jack Finney, 1970) – A simple, elegant tale of love and mystery with the intriguing idea that one can travel back to 1882 by simply re-creating, all around you, the trappings of that time long gone. And when you’ve immersed yourself completely and you wholeheartedly believe you are in the past, you are.
The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas, 1844) – Revenge may not be your favorite weekend activity (or I may have mis-judged you), but there are very few things more satisfying, more demanding of your sense of right, then Edmond Dantès executing his intricate, complex web of retribution against his mortal enemies. In the final analysis, unless you’ve had everything ripped from you and then forced to spend 14 years in a souless prison stewing it over, you should, at the very least, have a hard time condemning his actions.
The Stand (Stephen King, 1978) - I’ve probably only read a handful of books more than once. This is one. Massive in scope, epic in execution, humbling in concept, the only thing missing is time to read it once more. It’s the story of the few survivors of a devastating virus, coming together, taking sides and the ultimate battle between good and evil. As Tom Cullen would say, “M-O-O-N spells excellent!”
Battlefield Earth (L. Ron Hubbard, 1982) – I enjoy a good science fiction yarn time and again. I’ve read Asimov, Verne, Heinlein, yada yada, but this 1,000 page behemoth by the creator of Scientology (insert Tom Cruise joke here) is brilliant. It’s about a boy that overcomes incredible odds and kicks some alien butt. It’s no literary masterpiece. Its better, because the action doesn’t let up long enough to feel like homework. Never, under any circumstance, watch the movie with John Travolta. The movie adaption is so terrible, so miserable, that the title is the only thing in common with the book.
Cryptonomicon (Neal Stephenson, 1999) – It’s hard to describe this 928 page-turning, black-covered tome using actual words from the English language. It’s really a journey you have to take on your own. It’s the emotion, the sense of awe, the spectacle, and the satisfaction of an experience well enjoyed. The plot, if it has a core, is too many things to summarize in a paragraph riff. It’s multiple stories take place during World War II and ‘today’. Look it up. Take the journey.
Honorable mentions: (okay, the coin flip didn’t take. I also cheat.)
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell (Susanna Clarke, 2004), The Road (Cormac McCarthy, 2006), and Wicked (Gregory Maguire, 1995)
Yes, I do mean you! Today we focus on the negative and how I hate these things more than you do. If that claim angers you in any way, don’t keep it bottled up. Blog it out!
I hate…
The New York Yankees in the playoffs – somebody please beat them like a red-headed step-child already.
Sean Kingston – horrible. Stop singing. Please. ‘Dial 9-1-1, shorty’s fire’s burning on the dance floor.’ Enough.
Kanye West backlash ad nauseam - it’s over. Go buy a Taylor Swift album if you need to assuage your guilt.
Ten Oscar Best Picture Nominees instead of five- so the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences decides to wrest more dollars from your dirty, scrooge-like fists by adding five more nominees to the Best Picture race? Sham! Outrage! I predict Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen as Best Picture. Word.
Sixburgh Nation - shut up, Pittsburgh Steelers fans. No one likes insufferable blowhards. Unless we happen to be that insufferable blowhard. But today we’re not, so stop talking about winning six Super Bowls already. We heard you the first two thousand times you yelled in our ears.
Celebutards- Paris Hilton, that means you. You have no business on our TVs. Or in our pure and un-sullied tabloids. You have done nothing worthwhile, so stop wasting our time so we can focus on how much our favorite TV stars weigh…
Greed – if you have too much money, then give some to me. Stimulate me and our economy in one fell swoop!
The New York Yankees - again. You can never have enough hate for these guys. Especially when they build a stadium for $1.2 billion and then go and charge $2,600 for a single ticket behind home plate. For a baseball game. Against the Royals.
Washington Redskin’s lawyers - if you are a loyal Redskins fan and enter into a season ticket contract with a soulless, corporate greed factory, you better believe they will take advantage of you and have horn-headed lawyers slap you with a lawsuit and take your sorry ass to court if you even hint at de-faulting. Then you better believe they’ll re-sell your tickets and get twice the profit. Fight oppression!
Making lists like this one - don’t make me do it again. Although, it does feel good to rage against the machine from time to time.
You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here? Such a tough question demands a long-winded response. By here I mean…
Leavenworth - With the dream of doing wine tastings in a slew of wineries, we embarked to this quaint Bavarian village just a couple hour jaunt over the Cascade mountain range in Washington state. Conveniently, Oktoberfest was also in full swing, so the beer options were exponential and the revelers were out in droves. On a typical weekend, this is a nice spot for a day trip with scenery, window shopping, and good eats. We failed at typical and landed instead in the middle of chaos.
Fall foliage - the drive to Leavenworth revealed why Fall is the best time of year. Brilliant colors – reds, yellows, browns, oranges - dotted the landscape in such profusion and vividness, you could barely close your dropped-jaw from the awe of it. Or something like that. I’d show you a picture but I prefer to write a thousand words about it instead.
Silvara Vineyards - after a bit of stop-and-go traffic through downtown Leavenworth and a few miles out-of-town, we arrived at the first winery. It was an unscheduled stop, as this is a brand new place we thought deserved our patronage. We had a brief tasting (just okay), chatted with the owner (friendly) for a few minutes then continued our quest.
Apples - forget Red Delicious, if you want crisp, sweet and sinfully delicious apples, bite down on a Cameo (word up) or a Honeycrisp or savor the juicy Gala. So many varieties are waiting for you to snack on, bake, juice, sauce or hand over to your sinister teacher in exchange for a just passing grade. Even though Washington state grows an unhealthy amount of apples (for one sitting), don’t wait long or someone will eat yours. (Insert Good Will Hunting catchphrase here). We stopped at a roadside fruit stand (well, apple stand really) to stock up on apples and then had our way with apple samples and other good food options being sold from tents next door. At some point there should be more wine around here…
Icicle Ridge Winery - we strolled up towards this fairytalesque locale taking in the sights. Before us stood a stout log house (built like a ski chalet, no less), a good size pond in front, a gazebo overlooking all (too bad it was too cold to stay outside) and a variety of old-fashioned cars and machinery nearby all decorated to the nines with pumpkins and scarecrows and much more. Built by Lou and Judy Wagoner as their home, it was shared with the winery until recently, when they let the winery take over the whole house. The 5000 sq. ft. inside is filled with stuffed animal trophies (niiice bear), a huge stone fireplace and a lofty ceiling. After taking our seats at one of the many huge tables, they started serving the wine tasting. On and on it kept coming. Eleven different varieties…insane pours…and all complimentary. The Huckleberry Riesling and the Three Blondes Gewürztraminer were quite intoxicating. The bottles were a bit pricy to buy, but who cares if you don’t even have to pay for such an insane wine tasting?
Chicken heads and Brat - Oktoberfest has never been for the faint of heart. It’s a fest (parties need not apply) for the stout of constitution and eager of disposition. You gotta be willing chug beer until it flows down your red, tear streaked face. You gotta be willing chow down on bratwursts oozing with sauerkraut until the bile rises from the back of your throat. You gotta be willing to hold back that well-deserved punch to the face of those weirdos over there wearing chicken head hats like its something of a thing. Most of all, you gotta get into the spirit of revelry and debauchery. Since our mission was as the more refined, prim, and proper wine taster, we couldn’t quite walk the line between the two. That’s not to say we didn’t have our beers and our brats and our unthrown punches, we just didn’t have them to the excess required. Burp.
Other wineries - we stumbled into a few other tasting rooms in downtown Leavenworth, but only to keep the buzz alive. Really, at this point, little help was needed. Probably on their own, these would be decent places to go on a normal day, but given our previous predilections, they simply fall into the ‘other’ category.
You are in Seattle. You have a car and one day to explore. Your goal is to show someone who’s never been around the city. What to do? Let’s start with…
Hello Seattle
Kelly Park - up on Queen Anne hill, which is a much photographed, scenic view of the city skyline. You forget the exact street, so you’ll have to drive around, up and down a few blocks before you finally find the park and get your glorious snapshots. Next let’s see the infamous…
Fremont troll
Fremont troll - just across the Fremont bridge. You just need to take a quick detour under the bridge to see this crazy, giant troll holding his VW Beetle tightly. Now that you’ve seen it, let’s go to the…
UW Drumheller fountain
University of Washington campus - where there can be little doubt that you’ve arrived at the exact right place on the exact right day. I practically dare you to find somewhere that can even compare. You have complete reign to pick anywhere! Got nothing? Well, how about the…
Washington Arboretum - since you have decided that driving around and looking at even more beautiful scenery would be a fairly good idea. You regret not stopping at the Japanese Garden to admire the koi ponds, but feeling a bit nostalgic, you start driving around the local neighborhoods next to…
Lake Washington – and determine you’ve found the ideal distraction. But since you’re getting hungry, it’s time to head back towards downtown, with a pass by Lake Union and…
Ivar’s - for a nosh of fried salmon, crisp french fries and steamy clam chowder, while sitting right on the lake. With a complete view of the city and the landing seaplanes, you start to wonder why you don’t come here more often. Since logic is not part of this journey, you decide that after your lunch…
View from Alki
Alki Beach - is your next destination. You want a beach with a good view, even if it’s too fricking cold to enjoy it properly. Well, you soon discover that the weather is not a factor in your enjoyment, and frankly never has been. You’re from Washington after all. Next you decide the next random place you should go to is Ballard and the…
Ballard Locks
Ballard (Chittenden) locks – because that’s where you can see the mashup of the fresh waters of Lake Union and Lake Washington with the salt waters of the Puget Sound. Also, you can admire the many yachts and boats poised to pass between the two. With the day slipping by in a rush of fall colors, you believe that a quick jaunt downtown and entry into…
Elliot Bay Book Store – will inspire your creative juices. Exploring the nooks and crannies and random isles of books, with no goal in mind, you read a few book covers and then walk out for a look around…
Pioneer Square – to see the architecture and landscapes. Finally, finish the day at…
Beer and cheese
Pike Street Brewery – with a beer sampler, cheese plate, and a yummy pizza.
Okay, so that’s one hell of a random journey. If you’re a tourist with only one day or just a bored Washingtonian, throw out a couple of the above and make sure you add the Pike Place Market to your itinerary as well.
I read a few books in 2009. So let’s look at the best. Unless you have somewhere else to be?
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (Steig Larsson, 2008) – Steig Larsson tragically died in 2004 after delivering the manuscripts of three novels. This is the first. About a journalist solving a 30-year old mystery and a strange, genius girl who helps him. It will knock your socks off. You won’t stop reading it. Then pick up The Girl Who Played With Fire and read that too. Then wait until next April when the The Girl Who Kicked a Hornet’s Nest is released. If you’re having trouble waiting, re-read the first two.
Outliers: The Story of Success (Malcolm Gladwell, 2008) – there are no self-made men (or women if you strive for PC). You have to earn it. You have to practice your craft. You have to work hard. You have to have the right opportunities available at the right time. No exceptions. Even if you disagree with this premise, you will be completely immersed in the examples and case studies. Actually, you can’t disagree, it’s that convincing.
Made In America: An Informal History of the English Language in the United States (Bill Bryson, 1996) – I’ve read a lot of Bill Bryson lately, and now I’m starting to get to his earlier work. As a writer or just a simple user of the English language, discovering the origin of words, slang, and phrases is very cool. Doing it in a way that is compelling and fun? That’s Bill Bryson.
Empire of Blue Water: Captain Morgan’s Great Pirate Army, the Epic Battle for the Americas, and the Catastrophe That Ended the Outlaws’ Bloody Reign (Stephen Talty, 2007) – if the sub-title doesn’t sink your battleship, than maybe you should actually read this. It’s not a thick tome, so if you have even the smallest interest in the history of the ’privateers’ of the Caribbean (the English Crown endorsed Morgan, so he wasn’t a pirate for much of his career), and their cunning exploits in stealing from the Spaniards, you will not be disappointed. This is the stuff you should be learning in history class. The history of Jamaica? Yes. Port Royal? The epicenter city of its day. Now gone. Panama City? Burned to the ground. The city that exists today was built about 10 miles from the original site. Pirates? Oh yes, Johnny Depp would have fits.
Hot, Flat and Crowded:Why We Need a Green Revolution – And How it Can Renew America (Thomas L. Friedman, 2oo8) – climate change, globalization and a planet brimming with too many people. Any questions? Read this. Do this. Get off your ass. Peace.
You might mistake these as annoying, but you’d be wrong…
“Fireflies” by Owl City - it gets in your head and at some point you think it should start driving you crazy, but it doesn’t.
Philadelphia Phillies fans - normally after making the World Series two years in a row, they would be insufferable, but anybody that battles against the Yankees and A-Roid is a friend of the blog. Too bad they couldn’t beat those damn Yankees.
This wiener dog that keeps jumping on my lap – I put him down, but he just keeps coming back for more. Who can fault such persistence?
New TV Shows – so many new (and good) TV shows this year, you’d think that all those options and so little time would be annoying. Not so.
Zombieland – funny and surprising, and just when you think those shuffling zombies will be boring, they aren’t.
This broken clock on my wall - time is relative anyway, who needs a working clock?
Pearl Jam - if you thought they’d be past their prime, you’d be wrong. Oh so wrong.
Hiking in the rain - you might believe that getting wet in the middle of the woods would be a downer, well put on your rain jacket and take a look at the sights all around you. Not so bad after all.
Constant talk about how the BCS system is broken - all the sports pundits keep talking about how we need a playoff system for college football. Year after year, argument after argument, over and over they expound upon how the current Bowl Championship Series (BCS) system is broken. Good on them. Until its fixed the complaints and the pointing out of obvious flaws will never be annoying.
Using ‘aren’t’ at the end of a sentence – all these things should be obvious, but sometimes they aren’t.
In the spirit of the holiday season, here are a few things I’m thankful for:
Good friends – I’m thankful to all of you for enduring whatever I dish out. Thanks to my friends in Washington, D.C. Thanks to my friends in Washington State. And thanks even to those that move away or live in places where I don’t see you very often.
Family – I’m thankful for a crazy bunch of people, just like me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Cheryl Stock – I’m thankful for having known her. For her being the first person I met at World Vision. For her being the first friend I had at World Vision. Even for her letting me house sit and feed the cats. Cheryl just lost her battle with cancer and she will be missed.
Thanksgiving and Christmas parties – I’m thankful to my friends who organised and hosted great parties.
Opportunities - I’m thankful for the opportunities I have , the places I can go, and the things I can do, whenever I want. It’s a very small percentage of people who can lay claim to that, and it shouldn’t be taken for granted.
You – I’m thankful for anyone who happens to read this. Thanks for your time.
In this inglorious last year of the decade, I managed to see a bustle full of movies (115), in a variety of positions (not all of them comfortable). Here, in my humble opinion, are the best and worst:
Best
11. The Best Years of Our Lives - still working my way through AFI’s top 100 movies. A poignant look at veterans returning home during World War II and trying to re-learn how to get-by in real life.
10. Avatar - James Cameron must have a classic movie making recipe on hand. Throw in a hint of the Smurfs, a dash of Dances With Wolves, crack in some Starship Troopers, a dry rub of Aliens, with a sprinkling of Star Wars and you’ve got yourself an epic, eye-pleasing science fiction yarn.
9. Vicky Christina Barcelona - sign me up for Javier Bardem’s Wooing Women 101 course. My first assignment is Penelope Cruz. Extra credit is Scarlett Johansson.
8. The Hangover - a little over-the-top debauchery and shenanigans in Vegas never hurt anyone. Well, maybe these guys. If you’re looking for a laugh and liked Wedding Crashers, this flick has your name on it.
7. Up - sweet, funny, eye-popping, silly, adventurous (and that’s just this blog – the movie’s not bad either.) I think Pixar can officially do no wrong. The only misstep so far is Cars, which did have its moments. The best character in Up is Dug, the loyal pooch. ‘I have just met you and I love you.’ Yes.
6. Frost/Nixon - a showdown between an arrogant Richard Nixon and the reporter that wants him to admit to his failings and wrongdoing. Then he transforms into a giant robot and…wait, I don’t want to spoil it, sucka!
5. Up In the Air – it seems slight and trivial, but life is often that way. It even manages to give you a sound, unexpected gut-punch at the end. Do we all attempt to escape from reality, by shaping our lives to shut other people out? It’s for you to decide.
4. Gran Torino - Clint Eastwood directs himself in a tale of racism, redemption and sacrifice.
3. District 9 - a clear parallel to apartheid in South Africa, we follow one guy trying to overcome his own racism while hiding in the depravity of a refugee camp set up for aliens who appeared above Johannesburg 20 years earlier. A little bit of action, a little bit of humor, a little bit of tragedy and a lot of prawns on the side makes for a movie you should not miss.
2. Inglorious Basterds - everyone and their brother has said this is Tarantino’s best movie since Pulp Fiction. True. What’s most shocking is the movie’s insistence on a revisionist history of World War II. You may want look away during some of the more graphic Nazi killings, but you will nonetheless be riveted by the acting and dialogue.
1. Star Trek - beam me up, Scotty. The new J.J. Abrams adaption, reinvention, origin story (or whatever you want to call it) of the original Star Trek characters is sleek, funny and everything the previous movies and TV shows should have been. I am still more of a Star Trek: The Next Generation fan than the original show, but all these characters are iconic and I’m glad to see them back and kicking butt.
Worst
5. Miracle at St. Anna - it tries for epic but ends up treacly and hollow. The payoff is lame. But by the time you get there you already don’t care.
4. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - there is only one possible reason to watch this movie. Eye candy. The eye candy of big, loud, bright explosions with the ‘pow’ of robots punching each other. And the eye candy that is Megan Fox. This reason is not compelling enough. Bah!
3. Meet the Robinsons – frantic, pointless, mind-numbing computer animation that just pisses me off.
2. Observe and Report - like a dark, angry version of Paul Blart: Mall Cop, except worse. Plus you get to see the flasher’s full monty, and that’s just not right.
1. Land of the Lost - umm, so terrible. Makes the original TV show look like a work of genius. Will Ferrell, you are on notice.
Let’s be clear, this letter is all about me, me, me. There’s no need to deny it or pretend otherwise. This is my chance to brag about what I’ve done, what I know, and how awesome I truly am. It’s where I yell “LOOK MA!” as I hit that bulging hornet’s nest with a big stick. In other words, I speak before I think. And I never expect to get stung.
But since this is after all, the season of giving, I’m willing to cut you in on my conceit. At least once a year, I’m willing to take the focus slightly off me, and give you some attention as well. I’m sure you deserve it. So if you send me your ‘me, me, me’ letters, I will read them (as far as you know). I’m also willing to go a step further and thank you for your attention now, even if, deservedly, it lasts but briefly. So, I am humbled by those that read every word of this letter, grateful to those that skim through it (looking for juicy parts), and wholly forgiving of those that press delete before opening it (even though they won’t know it). Let’s get started.
2009 was a year. Profound. But what type of year was it?
Was it an up year? Or a down year?
Was it a smack you in the face year? Was it a lay quietly in your snuggie in front of the TV year? Was it a throw down your top and drive off into the sunset year?
Did it make you laugh? Did you make you cry? Did it make you sing karaoke against your will? Did it throw caution to the wind? Did it excel in every way?
Who cares. 2009 was what it was. Don’t over think it. Let’s pause here to look at a few of the non-required highlights.
Breweries - Let’s all shout an ode to beer, the joyous liquid. In my questionable wisdom, I made a point to check out a barrel-full of beer making places. In Maryland, the District of Columbia, Ohio, Michigan and Washington. The real question is, why am I writing this drivel instead of sitting at the local brewpub? Hmmm, this letter may end up shorter than usual…see ya!
London, England - Okay, I’m still here. You lucked out. I’ve been to London a number of times over the past few years, but this was the first time I’ve stayed on the East side, in the Shoreditch district. Nearby is Brick Lane, with its overabundance of tasty Bengali Indian cuisine and curry restaurants. Conveniently, the 2nd Annual Stag & Dagger music festival thumped on the first night we arrived. 100 bands in 20 venues, all within spitting distance of the hotel. Of course, we also had to lay waste to messy shwarmas and salt beef bagels (liberally slathered in sinus clearing mustard) sold in the late night walk-up stands. And we drank caipirinha from fishbowls for good measure. Somehow we also managed to visit the Westminster Abbey and Winston Churchill’s Cabinet War Room (the underground command bunkers during World War II).
Baseball - In my quest to see a baseball game in every Major League stadium, I added three new stadiums in 2009, in Cincinnati, Detroit and Cleveland. Each stadium had its own charm (like gigantic tiger statues in Comerica Park). In two of the games my team, the Seattle Mariners, lost badly. Crap. The M’s lone highlight was Ken Griffey, Jr jacking a solo homerun. Also on the agenda was watching the ground crew making the field playable after a rain delay, feasting on hot dogs, and other impressive things. Next year…maybe a visit to Chicago?
Leavenworth (Washington state, USA) - It’s a small Bavarian village on the other side of the Cascades. A good place to enjoy Oktoberfest, a bit of bratwurst, the fall foliage, and visit a few vineyards and wine tasting rooms.
Books – Instead of this letter, please read “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” by Stieg Larsson and “Outliers: The Story of Success” by Malcolm Gladwell.
Paphos, Cyprus - First, rent a car in Larnaca. Second, learn to drive on the wrong (left) side of the road. Third, enjoy. We took a leisurely drive from Larnaca to Paphos, through a few quaint villages along the coast of the Mediterranean Sea. We sat on the waterfront and enjoyed a lunch infused with seafood and beer. Then we drove around with no particular destination and no goal. Scenic and refreshing.
Icicle Ridge Winery - Not to be outdone by its sudsier cousin (our good friend beer), I also managed to raise my pinky finger during tastings at 13 different wineries in Northern Virginia and Washington state. Yes, that’s right. I may now qualify as something of an expert wino, even though I retained none of the possible knowledge that I could have attained. Icicle Ridge Winery (WA) was the best of the lot, with a free tasting (11 wines!) and a great setting. Also good were Village Winery and Vineyards (VA) and Chrysalis Vineyards (VA).
Music - I rocked out to a load of concerts (18), listened to a few dozen new albums and used my airline miles to buy a new iPod Touch to keep them all at my fingertips. Of the concerts, I enjoyed Green Day and Chris Cornell. The Barack Obama inauguration concert with a ‘yes we can’ variety of artists on the National Mall was also worth noting. Garth Brooks played three songs and proved why he is still a great entertainer. Of the albums, I enjoyed the Yeah Yeah Yeahs ‘It’s Blitz! and Pearl Jam ‘Backspacer’.
RoadTrip (Ohio and Michigan, USA) - Traveling a hefty 2,197 miles through the states of Ohio and Michigan, with your wiener dog as a co-pilot, while blaring CDs over and over, is a fine way to spend a week or so. I managed to attend some ball games, nosh good food, sip some beer, take in a few sights and generally make a nuisance of myself. Especially interesting were slipping about the University of Michigan campus, gaining potential music knowledge at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (none retained), and sifting sand between my toes along the shore of Lake Michigan.
Hiking - I’ve been missing out on hiking over the past few years, mostly because I’d be off traveling or because I’m just flat lazy. So one of my 2009 New Year’s resolutions was to do more day hikes. And lo! I succeeded! I joined the local Capital Hiking Club and managed to trek about Virginia and Pennsylvania. I also did a hike in Washington making about 12 day hikes in all. A majority of the hikes were along portions of the Appalachian Trail that runs from Maine to Georgia. One day I might have to tackle that whole beast.
US Open Cup Championship (soccer)game (Washington, D.C., USA) - The expansion Major League Soccer team, Seattle Sounders FC, enjoyed a fine first year of existence. They played well, made the playoffs, and broke multiple attendance records. Additionally, all US soccer teams at all levels of play participate in an annual domestic tournament called the US Open Cup. The Sounders advanced to the championship game against DC United and pulled out an incredible victory on DC’s home pitch. We came adorned in blue and green to witness an energetic game and proved that US soccer fans can have a bit of passion for the game. Case in point, over 100 Sounders fans traveled all the way from Seattle to attend the game, while singing songs and shouting like only hooligans can. Oy! Now bring on the World Cup!
Shenandoah National Park (Virginia, USA) – Whether is was camping in the rain or hiking among trillium flowers or standing still to escape notice of that bear or swimming underneath freezing waterfalls or pausing dramatically to allow that rattlesnake to get the heck out of my way or scrambling over rock formations to see the incredible view, I spent a good amount of time in Shenandoah National Park. Thought you should know.
Television – Surprisingly there are quite a number of decent new shows to look out for, including Community and FlashForward. Others to either keep watching or start watching at all cost are: Fringe, Dexter and Lost.
Truck Bed Sledding - If you think that using a black inner tube or a regular sled are the correct ways to careen crazily downhill, then you are wrong. The actual correct way is to find a cast-off truck bed liner in the woods, pull it to the top of a precipitous drop and then on the count of three, have six or so screaming diehards jump in and hold on for dear life. Sanity and medical insurance not included.
Tower of London(London, England) - The Tower is a sprawling fortress bursting with historical intrigue, death and Beefeaters. It consists of 20 total towers, with the largest, the White Tower as the most famous. Our Beefeater gave us a rousing tour of the grounds and told of horrific beheadings, disappearing young princes whose bodies turned up hundreds of years later in the tower wall, wars, and crazy kings. Basically the history of England could almost be summed up within these walls.
Kruger Park (South Africa) - If you like near death lions, lithely trotting leopards, angrily charging elephants, curious rhinos, trapped in your room bats, baby giraffes extending their necks for food, muddy snorting hippopotamus’, racing zebras, suspicious buffaloes, bashful bushbucks and more impalas then you can shake a stick at, then you’d do well to book a three-day safari through Kruger Park. If you like breathtaking sunrises, curious rock formations, sparse forests, post-wildfire plains, high bluffs with views forever, gigantic baobab trees, dusty scrub brush, flowing rivers, darkness illuminated with spotlights, and an occasional camp or lodge in the distance, then drive around in your white 4-wheel drive for hours on end. If none of this appeals you? All the more for me.
Last year I shat out a blog about the complete ineptitude of Seattle sports teams (see 2008: The Worst Year Ever). It came out sideways and it hurt.
This year, I’m happy to report, has been a bit rosier. Not brilliant, mind you, but definitely encouraging going into 2010.
Let’s see what happened:
Seattle SuperSonics (NBA – basketball)
errrgg…they are gone to the sorry, pointless city of Oklahoma City. Yes, you heard me. Sorry and pointless. I predict public interest in the team will precipitously drop after about 3-4 years and the NBA will look to move the team somewhere else, with egg all over their face. Bastards.
Do I Care Indicator: 0 out of 10
Seattle Mariners (MLB – baseball)
Finishing with a respectable 85-77 record, the Mariners improved on last year’s dismal season by 24 wins. It wasn’t quite enough to make the playoffs, but it bodes well for next year. 2009 also saw the return of Ken Griffey, Jr., and the Kid brought some serious energy to the clubhouse. And he got into tickle fights with Ichiro. Don’t try that at home, kids. Also, King Felix Hernández had a Cy Young worthy season (19-5, 2.49 ERA), but lost to Zack Greinke (16-8, 2.16 ERA) in the voting. The Mariners do need some more hitting to compliment Ichiro’s standard brilliance, so we shall see how that goes in the off-season.
Success Indicator: 7/10
Seattle Seahawks (NFL – football)
The Seahawks are strange this year. Sometimes they are listless, sometimes they are world beaters. But mostly they are underachievers. So far they’ve only managed a 5-7 record. It’s almost assured a playoff berth is out of the question this year, but they are doing better than the apathetic 4-12 team that didn’t bother to suit up last year. Now if they can only find a good running back and keep Matt Hasselbeck healthy, they might stand a chance.
Success Indicator: 5/10
Seattle Sounders FC (MLS – soccer)
The expansion Sounders FC* made their debut in 2009 and took Major League Soccer and the USA by storm! They did indeed do quite well, finishing with a 12-7-11 record (47 pts). That was good enough for 4th best in the league and a spot in the playoffs. They lost in the first round, but we can forgive them that because during the season they won the US Open Cup championship against DC United. I was there! Winning this domestic tournament also qualifies the Sounders to play in next year’s CONCACAF Champions League tournament with 24 other clubs in North and Central America. Very nice. Finally, the Sounders set MLS attendance records by averaging a stellar 30,897 fans per match in Qwest Field.
Success Indicator: 9/10
University of Washington Huskies (College Football)
Let the Steve Sarkisian years begin! With exciting wins over #3 USC, #19 California and an Arizona team that finished ranked #20, the Huskies played well at times and pulled off a 5-7 record (4-5 Pac-10), a vast improvement over 0-12. They lost a couple heartbreakers (I hate Notre Dame), but they also crushed the hapless Washington State Cougars 30-0 in the Apple Cup. Oh yeah, watch out for next year!
Success Indicator: 7/10
University of Washington Huskies (College Basketball – Men’s and Women’s)
The men’s team went 24-7 (14-4 Pac-10) and won the Pac-10 Conference regular season crown for the first time. They lost in the second round of the NCAA tournament and finished with a #16 ranking in the nation.
The women’s team went 8-22 (3-15 Pac-10) and pretty much sucked.
Success Indicator: 8/10
University of Washington Huskies (College Softball – Women’s)
They won the National Championship, baby! Woo hoo!
Success Indicator: 10/10
A. Better. Year.
*FC refers to Fully Cocked. Or Fans Crying. Or Football Club. I can never remember.
This, I promise, is my last shout out to 2009. Before we close out the year that was, I give you a list of some of the better albums I listened to. A couple were released in 2008, but who’s complaining? I admit I didn’t buy a whole lot of albums this year (thank you library), but I did listen to quite a few. At least enough to pick five good ones. In no particular order:
‘This music has no ASS’ – random quote from a bartender.
I acquired a healthy sampling of music albums in this annum. Downloaded off eMusic or iTunes, sent for from the depths of Amazon, or simply picked up and burned on speculation from the DC library, I added 96 potential masterworks to my library. Let’s spend a few minutes wading through some 2010 music lists. Feel free to peel away at any time to begin crafting your own tune inspired lists.
Top Albums Listened to in 2010*
“Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix” by Phoenix
“Contra” by Vampire Weekend
“Absence” by Paper Route
“Fantasies” by Metric
“Conditions” by The Temper Trap
“Kaleidoscope Heart” by Sara Bareilles
“The Suburbs” by Arcade Fire
“High Violet” by The National
“Swoon” by Silversun Pickups
“The Resistance” by Muse
* Album does not have to have been released in 2010 to qualify…guess who’s making the rules?
Bonus #1: Top Concerts of 2010
Lollapalooza Day 3 (Grant Park, Chicago) – including The National, Mumford & Sons, The Temper Trap and of course Soundgarden. (FYI – Day 2 was good too)
Vampire Weekend (Merriweather Post Pavilion, Virginia)
Sara Bareilles (9:30 Club, Washington, D.C.)
Phoenix (DAR Constitution Hall, Washington, D.C.)
Norah Jones (Lyric Opera House, Baltimore)
Bonus #2: Most Listened to Songs in 2010*
‘Run’, Vampire Weekend (37)
‘Young Blood’, Norah Jones
‘The Great Salt Lake’, Band of Horses
‘Come On, Come Out’, A Fine Frenzy
‘Wish’, Paper Route
’1901′, Phoenix
‘Hell’, Tegan and Sara
‘Sick Muse’, Metric
‘Last Time, Paper Route
‘Brick By Boring Brick’, Paramore
‘Horchata’, Vampire Weekend
‘Starlight’, Muse
‘Lisztomania’, Phoenix
‘Intro’, The XX
‘Phenomena’, Yeah Yeah Yeahs
‘Little Secrets’, Passion Pit
‘Rocket’, Goldfrapp
‘Sweet Disposition’, The Temper Trap
‘The Cave’, Mumford & Sons
‘Pick Up the Phone’, Dragonette
‘Anyone’s Ghost’, The National
‘Let The Rain’, Sara Bareilles
‘The High Road’, Broken Bells
‘No Sunlight’, Death Cab For Cutie
‘Gimme Sympathy’, Metric
‘Lasso’, Phoenix
‘Rill Rill’, Sleigh Bells
‘New Fang’, Them Crooked Vultures
‘Your Decision’, Alice In Chains
‘Bloodbuzz Ohio’, The National (20)
* According to iTunes.
Bonus #3: All Albums Acquired in 2010
“I Told You I Was Freaky” by Flight of the Conchords,
“Horehound” by The Dead Weather,
“Show Your Bones” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs,
“Bomb In A Birdcage” by A Fine Frenzy,
“Actor’ by St. Vincent,*
“Black Holes and Revelations” by Muse,
“Intimacy” by Bloc Party,
“Wait For Me” by Moby,
“Brand New Eyes” by Paramore,
“Contra” by Vampire Weekend,
“Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix” by Phoenix,
“Snow Angels” by Over The Rhine,
“Transference” by Spoon,
“Finally Woken’ by Jem,
“More Adventurous” by Rilo Kiley,
“Piece of Cake” by Mudhoney,
“We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank” by Modest Mouse,
“Scream” by Tokio Hotel,
“XX” by The XX,
“Crazy Itch Radio” by Basement Jaxx,
“Barenaked Ladies Are Men” by Barenaked Ladies,
“Living Thing” by Peter Bjorn and John,
“Sleep Through the Static” by Jack Johnson,
“Immigrant Road Show’ by Scythian,
“Axis: Bold As Love” by The Jimi Hendrix Experience,
“Them Crooked Vultures” by Them Crooked Vultures,
“It’s Never Been Like This” by Phoenix,
“Everything All The Time” by Band of Horses,
“The Open Door EP” by Death Cab For Cutie,
“Fever to Tell” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs,
“The Mirror Conspiracy” by Thievery Corporation,
“The Buffett Hotel” by Jimmy Buffett,
“Raditude” by Weezer,
“Valleys of Neptune” by Jimi Hendrix,
“Fantasties” by Metric,
“Black Gives Way To Blue” by Alice In Chains,
“Merriweather Post Pavilion” by Animal Collective,
“All In Good Time” by Barenaked Ladies,
“Lungs” by Florence & The Machine,
“Head First” by Goldfrapp,
“Plastic Beach” by Gorillaz,
“One Life Stand” by Hot Chip,
“The Resistance” by Muse,
“Ocean Eyes” by Owl City,
“Ocean’s Eleven Soundtrack” by Various,
“Ocean’s Thirteen Soundtrack” by Various,
“The Eternal” by Sonic Youth,
“Manners” by Passion Pit,
“Stone Temple Pilots” by Stone Temple Pilots,
“High Violet” by The National,
“Nimrod” by Green Day,
“Infinite Arms” by Band of Horses,
“Treats” by Sleigh Bells,
“Carnavas” by Silversun Pickups,
“Ultramega OK” by Soundgarden,
“The Best of Talking Heads” by Talking Heads,
“Attack & Release” by The Black Keys,
“Glee Volume 1: The Music” by Various,
“Under Great White Northern Lights” by White Stripes,
“La Roux” by La Roux,
“United” by Phoenix,
“Broken Bells” by Broken Bells,
“Odd Blood” by Yeasayer,
“The Suburbs” by Arcade Fire,
“Live It Out” by Metric,
“Conditions” by The Temper Trap,
“Boxer” by The National,
“Sigh No More” by Mumford and Sons,
“Mojo” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers,
“Bitte Orca” by Dirty Projectors,
“A Positive Rage” by The Hold Steady,
“This Is Happening” by LCD Soundsystem,
“Swoon” by Silversun Pickups,
“Sea of Cowards” by The Dead Weather,
“Time’s Up” by Living Colour,
“To The Sea” by Jack Johnson,
“Combat Rock” by The Clash,
“The Pains of Being Pure at Heart” by The Pains of Being Pure at Heart,
“Kaleidoscope Heart” by Sara Bareilles,
“Funeral” by Arcade Fire,
“Aligator” by The National,
“Champ” by Tokyo Police Club,
“Aladdin Sane” by David Bowie,
“Fancy Footwork” by Chromeo,
“Veckatimest” by Grizzly Bear,
“Alive 2007″ by Daft Punk,
“Glasvegas” by Glasvegas,
“A Balloon Called Moaning” by The Joy Formidable,
“Disconnect From Desire” by School of Seven Bells,
“Acolyte” by Delphic,
“Absolution” by Muse,
“White Blood Cells” by White Stripes,
“Fixin to Thrill” by Dragonette,
“Crazy Heart: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack” by Various,
Some people make New Year’s resolutions. Some people write out and plan their goals for the year. I, on the other hand, have bold predictions. Try not to get any on you.
In 2010, I predict that I will…
…explore more of this city that is DC.
…challenge nature head-on in at least 10 day hikes.
…cheer the USA soccer team on to World Cup victory.
…notice the small things.
…feast on hot dogs and beer at four new major league baseball stadiums.
…play a team sport.
…leap screaming from an airplane (then deploy parachute).
A man’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink. - W.C. Fields
My personal philosophy is not to undertake a project unless it is manifestly important and nearly impossible. - Edwin Land
Accept compliments and give praise - from my fortune cookie
When I bore people at a party, they think it is their fault. - Henry Kissinger
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost
Recently my niece, Alora, sent me her school project, known as Flat Stanley. The goal is for this little paper guy, colored to kindergarten taste, to see the world and for the recipient (me) to write about his exploits and take photos and all that. Seems like the wrong type of thing to expect out of me, but I sucked it up and painfully complied. Hold on for Episode I of an epic journey that surely will go down as the best two minutes of your day…
Meet Flat Stanley
Flat Stanley arrives in Washington, D.C. Sadly, he did not receive a personal welcome from President Obama himself.
Where in the world?
Ahh, Washington, D.C.!
Flat Stanley’s first trial was to survive the vicious jaws of the dreaded Kuma monster.
Help?
Flat Stanley is food
After almost losing his head, Flat Stanley tries on a scarf to hide his scotch tape surgery.
Oops, wrong city!
Flat Stanley tries his hand at chess. Unfortunately, he has no fingers to move the pieces.
Flat Stanley wonders what it’s like outside. Luckily, his host requires him to don a special protective suit.
Snow Suit!
Relaxing
Flat Stanley hops out of his suit to make a new friend.
Meet Frosty
Stay tuned for more…will Flat Stanley learn the customs of the strange natives of Washington, D.C.? Will the Kuma monster return? Will he lose more then his head? All this and more on the next episode…
Author’s note: Open your facial orifices with oomph for an onslaught of overwrought opinions that are completely otiose. They should oscillate just enough to cause odium. Don’t oppugn or outmuscle this orotund obstacle.
‘Tis the season for discourse on the 2010 Academy Awards. I have my opinion (obviously), and you have yours (ostensibly). Read on for some thoughts on who will win in nine of the main categories.
Best Picture – both Avatar and The Hurt Locker are front-runners, so it might make more sense to pick one of those two. But I think too much pre-buzz will convince voters to be edgy or contrary (just like when Shakespeare in Love won in 1998, say what?) and they will pick the next ‘best’ option, which is of course:
Avatar
The Blind Side
District 9
An Education
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds (Winner)
Precious
A Serious Man
Up
Up in the Air
Best Actor – I consider this pick a lock:
Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart) (Winner)
George Clooney (Up in the Air)
Colin Firth (A Single Man)
Morgan Freeman (Invictus)
Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker)
Best Supporting Actor – I can’t imagine how Christoph Waltz’ portrayal of the Nazi, Hans Landa, would not win in a cakewalk:
Matt Damon (Invictus)
Woody Harrelson (The Messenger)
Christopher Plummer (The Last Station)
Stanley Tucci (The Lovely Bones)
Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds) (Winner)
Best Actress - maybe Sandra Bullock could win, but really, no:
Sandra Bullock (The Blide Side)
Helen Mirren (The Last Station)
Carey Mulligan (An Education)
Gabourey Sidibe (Precious)
Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia) (Winner)
Best Supporting Actress – haven’t seen the movie Precious, but this seems to be a lock by all accounts:
Penélope Cruz (Nine)
Vera Farmiga (Up in the Air)
Maggie Gyllenhaal (Crazy Heart)
Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air)
Mo’Nique (Precious) (Winner)
Adapted Screenplay – I figure this movie won’t win much, so one token Oscar will come here:
District 9 (Winner)
An Education
In the Loop
Precious
Up in the Air
Original Screenplay – since it might not win Best Picture, voters will make up for it here in this category:
The Hurt Locker (Winner)
Inglourious Basterds
The Messenger
A Serious Man
Up
Best Animated Feature Film – no contest:
Coraline
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Princess and the Frog
The Secret of Kells
Up (Winner)
Best Director- please, the dude spent five years, invented new technology, and had to get actors to perform in ways they never dreamed of:
James Cameron (Avatar)
Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)
Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds)
Lee Daniels (Precious)
Jason Reitman (Up In the Air)
I think that the Academy will spread the love this year, but Avatar will end up with the most Oscars with five total.
Nearly 20 inches of snow dumped on Washington, D.C. over Friday and Saturday. I’d say that’s a solid haul for 24 hours. It is certainly the most snow that has fallen on a city that I was living in at the time.
Here we embark on a brief photo journey of this ‘snowmageddon’ on Capital Hill.
The streets are alive with the sound of snowflakes:
You actually believe that I would offer up something useful? So gullible. You’d be lucky to get a single pointless tip out of me. Actually, here is a pointless tip…
Writing Inspiration
Often, while trying to sleep, I get a burst of inspiration. I throw aside my covers, jump up, crack my knee, blindly look for illumination and glasses, grab a pen that doesn’t work, fumble for paper, scratch said paper with said non-working pen, curse, scramble for another pen, and finally scrawl down my idea.
When I wake up the next morning, I’ve forgotten all about it. Except for the throbbing knee. Later (sometimes days), I will find some random scrap of paper laying about. I look at it from different angles, but for the life of me, I can’t decode the chicken scratch. Who wrote this? Then, much like a 3-year-old, I get frustrated and petulant. Maybe I throw something. Maybe I kick and scream.
After awhile, I chuck the paper and strike the thinking man’s pose. (Photos available) Then, explosively, I land on the perfect idea. Simple. Elegant. Brilliant.
I furiously play at the keyboard like it’s an out of tune piano. I try to wrestle this fresh idea into some semblance of sense. Letters, words, whole musical sentences, wildly careen off my fingertips and magically appear on the screen. Then I pause. I catch my breath. Now is the hard part. I must break this idea like a stallion, so it will be tame and pliable. Taking a deep breath, I jump back into the fray. Soon, it’s all over but the crying. I own that idea. Now I can shape it. It’s like silly putty. I give it a few more tweaks, slap on a witty retort, add a period (or not depending on my mood), and voilá…perfection. I have just crafted the Pulitzer blog post of the century. I click ‘save draft’ and go grab a beer.
Sometime later (usually sobered up), I peek in on my wonderous idea. My jaw drops open. What utter, useless crap! Bollocks! Did my dog puke this up?
I fall back in my chair, pursing my lips for an epic curse. But I refrain and simply click ‘publish’. I’ve got other things to do.
peace
“Of all the fatiguing, futile, empty trades, the worst, I suppose, is writing about writing.” – Hilaire Belloc
As a curious tourist to the nation’s capital, Flat Stanley decided to explore the famous National Mall with its memorials, monuments and museums. He donned his special snow suit once again and set out on a trek that would take him to the far-flung corners of Washington, D.C. Please look away now, if you don’t want to experience a flat journey songs will be written about.
Flat Stanley climbs a snow bank and lo! the US Capital building is in sight.
So Close!
Whipping whimsically in the wind, Flat Stanley looks out over the Tidal Basin to the Jefferson Memorial in the distance.
Don't let go!
Use both hands
Sadly, the blizzard broke lots of trees and branches nearby.
Scotch tape won't help this tree
Flat Stanley walks around the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial, and discovers FDR sitting quietly, thinking. Not to miss an opportunity, Stanley jumps up on his lap for a photo-op.
I Think Therefore I Am
Stanley gives Fala, FDR’s trusty Scotty dog, a biscuit in exchange for a photo.
Nice doggie
President Lincoln’s Memorial looks out over the National Mall. The sheer size of the buildings and statues makes Stanley seem so small.
Did you get my good side?
Flat Stanley says hi to Lincoln.
Is Abe looking at me? Awkward.
Flat Stanley peeks at the White House from the safety of behind the fence. Yet he wants to jump over and find President Obama to shake hands, but too many snipers wait diligently atop the roof. Stanley doesn’ t like being shot.
No Obama in sight
Flat Stanley is pretty tired after all that being carried around. He needs a nap.
Stay tuned for more…will Flat Stanley finally meet President Obama? Will he find any friends at all in DC? Will DC be the last city he visits? All this and more on the next episode…
Unfrozen ice turds - okay losers, just because it snowed 20 inches, doesn’t give you the right to kick snow over your dog’s business and skip away. Now that the snow is mostly melted, these chunks of wet poo are festering in the sun like bacon on a skillet. Disgusting.
Lingering regurgitation smell - whoever ralphed all over my condo building’s lobby before dying in the bushes (I presume), shame. The. smell. will. not. leave.
Skype spammers - I will hunt down the perpetrators with a vengeance and forgive them their sins. Then I will crack skulls.
Stupid Olympic ‘Events’ - the Biathlon? With its lycra suits, uphill skiing, and guns. A winning combination invented by polar bear hunters and stolen by the Russians. Curling? When you can’t afford to build a bowling alley and craft a round ball, you go play behind the shed on thin ice with sticks and stones. Snowboarding? Go back to bone-crunching into trees and face-planting into snowbanks. The world wants its medals back.
Facebook redesign – listen Facebook, everybody uses you. A lot. Stop trying to fit in and just be.
Magic Grow Creatures - Just add water! Bad impulse purchase in an attempt to relive my childhood. Slimy, gross, probably toxic, and vastly unimpressive. Now how to dispose of the other seven rubbery nuggets of vaguely safari shapes without killing whatever still lives in the Anacostia River?
Trying to be Canadian – no dice on the poutine, Good Stuff Eatery. Your burgers, tasty, but keep clear of the Olympic-themed cubes of cheese curds and gravy gruel. No one wins.
Blustery, gusty wind – you are frigid and friendless. Stop.
The Bitter End – I always fight until it. Seems I lose.
Flat Stanley left the cold climes of Washington, D.C. for a 10-day jaunt through the city of eternal spring, Medellín, Colombia. He arrived with a twinkle in his eye and a sombrero de fiesta on his head.
Stanley first tries to drive an escalera (a Chiva bus).
Not going to happen
Instead he finds the business end of a windshield.
Lucky I can't get any flatter
Stanley tries the zipline…is it safe?
Wait..what I am getting myself into?
aaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Okay, much better
Butterflies are pretty, and Stanley goes from one sweet flower to the next.
Come my butterfly
Be very quiet, I'm hunting butterflies
Next Stanley wants to climb El Peñon, a gigantic rock.
I get to climb THAT!
Are we there yet?
Woo! Don't look down!
After too much fun in Medellín, Stanley travels to the Finca.
And takes his afternoon nap with Choko…
zzzzzzzzzz....
Stanley gets in some rays…
Would you pass the sunscreen?
before going into the pool…
Daring rescue!
Time to dry off.
Sun dried Stanley
Stay tuned for the next episode, when people Stanley met in DC and Colombia smile for the camera.
What’s the best way to enjoy Medellín, Colombia? A few ideas…
El Bueno (The Good)
Go to a wedding: What could make a lengthy Catholic wedding service completely in Spanish better? Maybe a 25 year bottle of Dom Perignon saved for just such an occasion.
La Familia
Listen to a mariachi band: First cram 11 mariachi band members into a small living room, squeeze together all cozy and sardine like, make a few requests and enjoy.
Full service Mariachi band
Jaunt about Parque Lleras: Have a mojito or three at Wako, grab a bite at Orleans, or sip some brew at the Medellin Beer House, or grab a taco at El Loco Carnal, then continue bar hopping through the neighborhood designed to go out and be seen.
Eat a national dish: You can get bandeja paisa almost everywhere and believe me, I had my share. With generous helpings of chicharrón, arepas, beans, eggs, plantains, ground meat, rice, sliced avocado, chorizo, black pudding, and the kitchen sink; devouring this will not lead you astray.
Take it slow...
Make beautiful music: First things first. Don’t give a gringo a güiro (a long metal tube with ridges that one rhythmically rubs a rod over). Second, if you still insist on doing that, ensure plenty of Aquila beer and aguardiente are on hand so as to make the melodies that unfold less bracing. Or you can completely mask the gutteral sound of the güiro by accompanying it with maracas and a cantante that also plays the guitar.
Güiros, maracas, y guitarras
Stroll around Piedras Blancas Parque: Try the zip line over a lake (P.S. do pull the stop cord at the end…the side of the mountain is not your friend), hike on the numerous trails, go into the steamy butterfly habitat (and watch them flit from one sweet flower to the next), visit the nearby 4 star hotel with a stunning view, and drink a Club Colombia beer. Or not, but then why else did you go to this park?
A view to a lake
Relax at a finka: A finka (farm/vacation house far from the city); with hammocks, an orchid (with six kinds of mango trees, coconut trees, and sundry other fruit trees), a garden, a swimming pool, a sappo, a BBQ pit, a fountain, and around 20 beds for your whole entourage; is where you should plan to go to relax. Activities include; watching an epic storm front thunder past, playing a mean game of sappo (throw disks into holes for points - get it in the frog’s (sappo) mouth for 5000 points), card games, eating ridiculous amounts of mangoes, hammock naps, pool parties, eating ridiculous amounts of grilled meat, stuff like that.
Finka
Into the sappo's mouth
Hammock of the dogs
Climb El Peñol: 644 steps up. 644 steps down. And a view to a kill at the tippy top.
The Rock (minus Nicolas Cage)
What a view
Ride the metrocable: As you slide effortlessly up in a swinging box over the slums of the city, peer down at the ebb and flow of daily life. Once at the top, you can visit the freshly minted library (to improve this area) or you can take in the grandeur of the hilly city with warts and all.
Metrocable
Snack on obleas con arequipe: Tasty!
Explore a small colonial town: If you have no desire to remain in the comfort of your air-conditioned car, and believe a skip about the weekend market in a small town’s central square is more suited to your tastes…at least try some of the local tamarindo juice. Refreshing on a hot, muggy day. I suggest waiting until after your walk.
El Malo (The Bad)
Drive during pico y placa: There are solutions for mitigating traffic congestion in a city and then there are solutions. Pico y placa deserves its spot among the latter. This brilliant plan says you cannot drive during certain hours of certain days. So maybe 2 days a week, you won’t be allowed to drive during rush hour, or risk getting slapped with a fat ticket at one of the checkpoints. So what do you do to get to work or home during those times? Learn to be creative. Take risks.
Get sucked into the election fallout: I know little about Colombian politics, but I do know that when one tries to buy alcohol on the last weekend they are in country, one would hope that it would be that simple. Yet during the elections, the whole country shuts down its alcoholic options. They won’t sell it in the stores, they won’t sell in the restaurants, and even many bars just decide to close (what else you going to do there? Play sappo?). So it was with great chagrin that the last weekend turned out a wee dry.
No alcohol for you!
El Feo (The Ugly)
Do a photo shoot at Plaza de Botaro: Fernado Botaro does sculptures. Some that are decidedly strange. Indeed, many can be found all over the world. We walked around and ‘admired’ the numerous statues in the downtown plaza dedicated to his work. And by ‘admired’ I mean ‘thoroughly enjoyed’. And by ‘thoroughly enjoyed’ I intend sarcasm. And by sarcasm I intend you to stop reading now.
In a recent blog post, I called out the losers that had left their dog’s doo doo to freeze in the deep snow after the DC blizzard. And not surprisingly, shortly after that, I (not them) happened to take a mighty step into one of these piles of squishy foulness.
I didn’t realise my blunder until these faint whiffs of stink kept wafting around my cubicle desk. Was that you? Looking around I finally noticed the pressed, brown blob caked to the bottom of my shoe. After removing my shoe and dignity, I begin to scrap the gruesome mush from my sole. Early on I discovered that this would be no easy task. My shoe has a nice, detailed logo that received the full force of the poo. Using such tools as a coffee stirrer and wet paper towels, I spent a solid 10 minutes trying to work the sludge out from between the tiny cracks and letters of the logo. To this day, there remains the bits I couldn’t quite get.
I have been humbled. Did it teach me to keep my mouth shut? Nah, not so much.
Humble – (verb) to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; abase.
I keep hearing that TV is terrible. Or TV is dead. Or “I don’t have cable”. Or “I don’t even own a TV and I’m proud of myself”.
Hmmm, if you’re one of ‘those’ people, you probably don’t need to read this. You can go ‘read your books’ or ‘get outside’ or ‘see the world’ or ‘rock a concert’ or whatever it is you do without a TV. Have fun, I’ll do those things right along with you, and yet I happen to think TV can be fabulous. Don’t own a TV? Sorry, no soup for you! One year!
Now let’s be clear. It’s not all rosy. There is a considerable amount of crap on TV. More then considerable. There are rather epic amounts of stinky, pointless mind-numbing dreck. There are also too many options. No one (still sane) has the time to watch everything. Plus why? It’s not worth it.
On the other hand, there are more excellent shows available now with richer characters, smarter writing, more compelling and deeper plots, and finer acting than most of what’s on offer in movie theaters these days. Many serialized dramas are brilliant. Many sitcoms are hi-lar-ious. Can’t get to Italy this week? The Travel Channel and Anthony Bourdain will get you warmed up. Can’t afford those $1000 tickets to the game? No problem, ESPN’s vast armada of sports channels will overstimulate you and save your wallet. Ravenously hungry and like to be teased? The Food Network will dangle goodies right in front of your salivating face. Need an explosive belly laugh? Comedy Central’s Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are ready to stage dive onto your lap each night. Just want to catch up on Seinfeld? Jerry is on almost every channel, or you can rent/buy/steal the DVDs. Etcetera, etcetera, the list goes on.
After all that build up, here are a few new shows I’ve been watching (and enjoying) this year.
Community (NBC) – absurdity, wit, Spanish class, too small gym shorts, Señor Chang, an ass whopping by grandma, pottery class, smartassery, and Chevy Chase. A fool-proof combination.
Caprica (Syfy Channel) – with Battlestar Galactica having run its course (frack!), what better way to overcome the gaping hole in your soul, then a prequel? Set 50 years before the events of BG, this soap opera tells of the origin of the Cylons, William Adama as a boy, an immersive virtual reality world, the mob, corporate greed, terrorism, living in what appears to be the 1950′s (with spaceships and bowler hats), and much more.
Stargate Universe (Syfy Channel) – I never watched any of the other Stargate shows, but this one has a similar construct to Battlestar Galactica and Star Trek: Voyager, so I thought I’d give it a look. And it has Lou Diamond Phillips scamming on ex-wives and Robert Carlyle leading a mutiny. Not bad.
FlashForward (ABC) – It has an interesting premise, that I’m still not sure can sustain multiple seasons, but the acting is pretty good and the story line is interesting so far. We’ll see how it all plays out.
V (ABC) – For anyone that watched the original TV mini-series in the 80′s (and enjoyed watching Diana eat that hamster)…checking out this updated version is a no-brainer. So far, it’s been good and has potential. Although some of the acting sequences aren’t completely brilliant, it works.
Other new shows I want to check out: Modern Family and The Pacific
What is the lesson for today kids? Be selective, be smart, and most all enjoy yourself.
P.S. I do not condone hanging out with MTV’s Jersey Shore. Nor should you under any circumstance be Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
P.P.S. I love being right about TV: ‘Modern TV shows like “The Sopranos”, “The West Wing”, “Mad Men” and “Modern Family” are so superior to what went before—so much better written, better acted and better shot—that they almost seem to belong to a different medium.” – The Economist
In my eternal laziness, I haven’t put finger to keyboard to write anything about my recent trip to Colombia. Simply to whet your appetite (and appear like I’ve accomplished something), here are a few photos.
Here are some more photos. I am too lazy to write lately, true, but at least I can’t be accused of not giving you something to ‘oooohhhh’ and ‘aaaahhhh’ about.
These represent the 47 billion and 44th (47,000,000,044) through 47 billion and 51st (47,000,000,051) photos taken of the Washington, D.C. Tidal Basin during the cherry blossom season. But as you can clearly see, these photos are the best ever.
(Author’s Note (7/5/11): Since I wrote this last year, I’ve added 3 new eats to this list. Namely; Pho, Fois Gras and Spaetzle)
In this digital age of unreason, there will always be extremely random activities for those with little ambition or loads of time to kill. (Two thumbs pointing at this guy.)
One such is to take the ‘The Omnivore’s Hundred Challenge’. This allows you to test your own eating exploits against a very random and unscientific list of 100 types of food or drink. Find out more here: http://www.verygoodtaste.co.uk/archives/399
You can see how well I fared on this particular time-suck below. I scored a mere 63 out of 100. Somewhat disappointing. I better start consuming more.
Before you get there, and apropos of nothing, let me add to the nonsense by generating a list of my own 10 completely pointless and random things you should eat in Washington, D.C. Time is on my side.
Big Bowl of Frites (Granville Moore’s) – twice fried and twice good, use all of their dipping sauces* liberally.
Bucket of tater tots (Sticky Rice) – who thought of tater tots at a sushi place? Dunno, but I’d suggest you eat them with the special sauce* and stop asking questions.
Ethiopian coffee (Sidamo’s) – go on a Sunday and watch the coffee ceremony. Or don’t.
Pure cane Boylan soda (Taylor Gourment) – I suggest the Creme soda and while you’re there, why not have a hoagie?
Pomme frites (Argonaut) – use the lemon curry sauce* early and often while sipping on the bountiful Booty beers.
Mango mayo dipping sauce* (Good Stuff Eatery) – okay, they are known for their burgers, so have one of those too, but slather it in gooey mango sauce! Bathe in it!
Mini-burger (Matchbox) – good luck eating just one.
Cheesy poofs (The Pug) - have a PBR or a Pug Nasty draft, and pop a few of these into your mouth. Crunch. Swallow. Repeat.
Horchata and papusas (Tortilla Cafe) – because you always need these. Always. With the requisite curtido and salsa*.
Chicken shawarma (Shawarma Spot) – load it with veggies and coat on some of the tahini and yogurt sauces* so it drips all over your shirt.
*I like the sauce.
ARJ’s The Omnivore’s Hundred
Bold means I have eaten it or drank it, but not both.
1. Venison
2. Nettle tea 3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht 10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho(I have had many ethnic variations of beef noodle soup, just not the Vietnamese version)(Update: 7/5/11) 13. PB&J sandwich 14. Aloo gobi 15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses (I don’t remember if I had this particular cheese or not)
17. Black truffle 18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream (don’t recall, but I’ve had green tea ice cream!) 21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries 23. Foie gras(Update: 7/5/11) 24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper (I’ve had HOT, but not this hot) 27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava 30. Bagna cauda 31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl 33. Salted lassi (I’ve had sweet lassi) 34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar (yes, but not together) 37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat 42. Whole insects (if riding your bike with your mouth open counts…) 43. Phaal (I’ve had many types of curry, but not this hot) 44. Goat’s milk 45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more 46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut 50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear 52. Umeboshi 53. Abalone 54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal 56. Spaetzle(Update: 7/5/11) 57. Dirty gin martini 58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips 61. S’mores 62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin (no, this is clay…) 64. Currywurst
65. Durian (maybe, can’t remember. I’ve smelled it!) 66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis 69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette 71. Gazpacho 72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe (just had a couple of shots of absinthe) 74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu (nope, but had plenty of sake) 77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong 80. Bellini 81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky 84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant 85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate 91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa 94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox 97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake
When Entertainment Weekly‘s Summer Movie Preview landed in my mailbox last week, I geeked all over. Step up and let’s scope out the movies to see this summer.
Oh Yeah! It’s On!
Iron Man 2
The A-Team
The Girl Who Played With Fire
Toy Story 3
Salt
Robin Hood
The Expendables
Inception
Dinner for Schmucks
The Adjustment Bureau
Knight and Day
Perrier’s Bounty
Agora
The Other Guys
Could See It Happening
Grown Ups
Get Him To the Greek
MacGruber
Predators
Shrek Forever After
The Last Airbender
Ondine
The Killer Inside Me
Get Low
Fuhgeddaboudit!
Sex and the City 2 (probably the worst idea ever)
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (will be painful)
Life During Wartime (will hate it)
The Karate Kid (did you see Jaden Smith do the spilts?!? I won’t be party to such terrible abuse to men’s groins)
Marmaduke (only a live action Family Circus would be worse)
Who did Flat Stanley meet on his whirlwind adventures?
He met orange people playing in the snow
He met green people on St. Patrick’s Day
He met blue people
He met Kuma, the miniature dachshund
He met Choko, the springer spaniel
He met the Guinness toucan
He met another Flat Stanley from Puyallup, WA
He met Alex and Lina, while they were getting married
He met people that work at World Vision
He met George
He also met President Obama
He met many other people, but they were wise and sage-like and did not smile for the camera.
This concludes the epic adventures of Flat Stanley.
For those of you that bought the DVD, stayed tuned for some additional ‘outtakes’. For those of you that haven’t bought the DVD, good show of will power. Stay strong!
(American) Football season - regardless of what you call it (gridiron does have a nice ring), there are few things that have a more a passionate following than college and professional football. Go Huskies! Go Seahawks!
Coffee shops – read a book, sip a coffee, breathe in the atmosphere, relax.
Beer on tap - no matter where you drink your beer, whether it’s German pints at Biergarten Haus or cask ales at Churchkey or just a frothy pint at the local dive bar, everyone needs a cold one. Probably now.
Wine tastings – raise pinky finger, swirl the contents of your glass, sniff, sip, swish around in your mouth, swallow, gulp the rest, fill glass, repeat.
New things – new restaurants popping up on H street NE or new CDs and books or new places to visit or new episodes of your favorite TV show or new types of food to try or a new season of your favorite sport or new friends or anything new!
Hiking/Nature – get outside, tie your boot laces, shoulder your backpack, listen to the creek babble and the trees rustle, sniff the flowers, take a photo of the disinterested bear, wait patiently for the rattlesnake to leave the trail, take a ‘break’ far away from the poison oak, smile.
Wiener dogs - the only question is whether one is enough!
Hammocks – to nap in the shade is a must on a hot summer day. Ice cold beer within reach.
Baseball – try to visit all Major League stadiums or crave a foot long hot dog or feel the crisp evening air on your face or root for your favorite players, just enjoy yourself already.
Music – go to a concert, hear new music, listen to old favorites, take the iPod Touch everywhere, get stoked by band reunions, dance (preferably not you) in the streets.
Good books - read the Millenium trilogy or tales of trekking through the Brazilian Amazon or anything by Bill Bryson or whatever books you can’t do without.
(As told to this writer by Kuma, the wiener dog, of his chances after submitting two photos to the Capitol Hill Rag’s 2010 Pet Photo Contest.)
“I have the lion’s share of awesome. And by lion’s share, I mean I don’t share. In my clenched jaw, I hold all of the awesome available. Ever. You have none.
You could be wondering why I bring this up, as it is often de-motivating to discover someone is not awesome. Not awesome even in the slightest. Well, I can’t help myself. I have all the awesome and everyone will simply have to cry themselves to sleep each night with that knowledge.
I am telling you and your readers this so you can stop striving for awesome. Simply be. Simply exist. Don’t hurt yourself trying to rise to a level that is too far above you. Don’t be that person or dog that spends all his/her time trying to grab something just out of reach. You will never have it. It is mine and it is awesomeness.
You might think there is enough awesome for all who seek it. Not so. I have already obtained all awesomeness ever in the course of my being awesome. It is simply not possible for anyone else to even get a sliver. Or a splinter. Or a drop.
You may be speculating on how someone might snatch the awesome away. Or how to steal it when I’m not looking. Or how to kill me and pry my cold, dead jaws apart and take the awesome for themselves. Well, let me tell you. Don’t even try it. Earlier I misbarked. I don’t hold the awesomeness. I am the awesomeness. So when I die, all awesome dies with me. You can’t take it from me, without me going right along with it.
You could be wondering if this will be over soon. No. It won’t. Not until everyone acknowledges their inability to obtain any possible speck of awesome. Since people are likely speechless from shock and sadness, I’ll let it slide this once.
Just remember the lion. He did not get even a simple lick of awesome…it is all mine.
Awesome.”
(Editor’s note: Kuma finished 3rd in the ‘Funniest’ category. Photo available below. His anger is immense. Currently, Kuma is reviewing his revenge options: a) rampage through the Hill Rag offices – implementing maximum carnage, b) poop on the patio of all those that voted for the other non-awesome dogs or c) look at the voters with his big, sad eyes until they concede and reprint July’s Hill Rag with him on the cover.)
Instead, let’s talk soccer…World Cup style. After 11 days of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, what are some of the high and lowlights?
Highs
It’s good to be the underdog – with a Serbia 1-0 win over Germany, a New Zealand 1-1 tie against Italy, a Switzerland 1-0 win over Spain, an Algeria 0-0 tie against England, and a few more stunning upsets, suddenly the countries no one gave a chance or a crap about are putting on a display. They probably won’t win it all, but they are making this tournament very interesting.
USA - a tie against England (good) and a tie against Slovenia (okay, but a good comeback), the US is poised to advance with a victory over Algeria. Go USA!
Western Hemisphere teams - the 8 countries in the Western Hemisphere are playing at a 9-2-5 pace (with Honduras as the only team to lose so far). There is an excellent chance that 7 of the 8 countries will advance to the knock out stage.
Vuvuzelas - the noise may be obnoxious and persistently annoying, but good on the fans for being passionate enough about their countries to blow on a ridiculous horn for 90 minutes.
Lows
France meltdown – What the heck? A tie to Uruguay and a loss to Mexico and suddenly players and coaches are quitting? Well, I guess its one less team for the US to have to worry about. Maybe South Africa has a chance to win a game if France doesn’t care.
Referees are a distraction – missed goals, stupid fouls, poor officiating, not explaining calls, it just proves that some of these refs need an ass-kicking.
Flopping – stop! Most of the footballers that are intentionally landing on their butts and faces to solicit sympathy from the refs for a free kick are not good enough actors. Plus everybody has a rewind button, so just play the game and stop pretending.
African teams – the 6 African countries are performing at a lowly 1-7-4 and are just not going to matter at all in the knock-out stage. Only Ghana has a realistic chance to advance. So much for home field advantage.
‘Oh, Mexico
It sounds so sweet with the sun sinking low
Moon’s so bright like to light up the night
Make everything allright’ – James Taylor
If you find yourself in Pasadena, California with the opportunity to drive your co-workers across the border to visit a project site in Tijuana, Mexico, you should take it, right? Welcome to a tale from the A Random Journey Taxi Service.
The said taxi was a 7-person mini-van procured from a very sketchy rental joint. Indeed, I could imagine even the tiniest scratch or dent leading to broken fingers or a date to sleep with the fishes. One taxi was not enough for this traveling roadshow, so we added a 15-person van-beast, driven by – let’s call him Brad.*
The odyssey became real as the brief morning dew melted. No surprise, when 21 people cram together with a shipping container’s worth of luggage into two vans at such an unsightly hour, a late start is the norm. Even as we gobbled our prepared breakfast burritos, choked down bitter coffee, and wedged together uncomfortably, little did we know repercussions for our delay were beginning to take shape.
After another delay to offload the ton of luggage at the office, the real journey began.
For some, you can imbue Mexico with certain stereotypes. I can be accused (though not proven) of having had visions of federales pouring down the hillside, horse nostrils flaring, guns blazing, Davy Crockett readying Ol’ Bessie for the last time. Or of Salma Hayek types flipping their dresses and vestidos (ole!), dancing furiously around straw somberos while an 11-amigo mariachi band warbles an epic rendition of ‘La Cucaracha’. Or a room full of wary bandidos downing tequila shots (please, not again) and painting the spittoon dark with tobacco over a tense game of Gringo hold ‘em. But I digress.
Just maybe these stereotypes exist only in the movies. How does the real Mexico compare? Your faithful taxi driver can happily report that no shots were fired nor poured down any throats. The rest we may need to tap-dance around the truth with plausible deniability.
Hours zip by and the border crossing looms. Mexico’s mysteries await. But first we need to buy insurance for the vans, which leads to another delay as the paperwork is drawn up in blood and first-born children are bartered off. Finally, our vans ease into the border-crossing lines. Inch by inch we get closer. Minute by minute we can sense the change of cabin (van?) pressure – as if we are about to land in an exotic, unknown land. Or it may have been the rolling down of windows, the concerned questions from a real federale, and the waving of us through. Victory to the taxi driver! Welcome to Mexico.
Our first destination, of course, is a Wal-Mart parking lot. Where else would you meet your hosts for the day? After exchanging greetings and receiving our Spanish-laced reprimands for being woefully tardy, we discover that our first border crossing was a mere illusion. Barbara*, our trusted host, declares that we need to pay for the privilege to enter this country and have our passports stamped with entry visas. As an American citizen under normal circumstances, e.g. every circumstance ever, I would object to such effrontery. But I set aside my ‘Ugly American’ hat, and let the situation unfold ‘gracefully’, e.g. whatever the opposite of ‘gracefully’ is. Not that I did or said anything, I just let it happen. We were 21 people from about 15 different countries, returning to the border we just crossed to exchange pesos for bureaucratic glares and angry stamping of the passports. This formula does not smack of win-win. I would gleefully regale you with every loving detail of our 1-1/2 hours of special and priceless moments with the Mexican border guards, but this taxi is on the meter and you’re paying. So let’s get on with it.
Border crossing at your own risk
We were meant to follow a goldish brown van to the project site. Immediately upon entering Tijuana traffic all rules flew out the window. There is no road rage in Mexico. There is no strict adherence to what can be considered ‘suggested’ traffic signs. It is go, go, go. Fast. If your bumper is not two inches from the car in front of you, you are not driving correctly. Once you learn that whatever you do will be accepted without complaint by other drivers, it is quite liberating. And dangerous. Of course the lead van was off like lightning and hit the freeway entrance exactly when I was in the wrong lane. And just like that, we were on our own. Cell phone calls were made. Plans were changed. All in rapid-fire Spanish.
I circled a huge roundabout and finally made it on to the freeway at break neck speed. So fast even the other drivers took notice. I was determined to catch up. After 20 minutes of mad driving, we saw the gold van in the distance! Success! Somewhat relieved, we followed the gold van for another 15 minutes until it veered off on to a random gravel road that was NOT an exit from the freeway. As soon as our tires crunched the gravel we could see that this gold van was indeed not ours. And indeed was not going anywhere we wanted to be. We had followed the wrong van too far and now we were about to be carjacked and left for dead. If thoughts were actions.
After more cell phone calls and a new set of directions, we zipped through the neighborhoods of Tijuana. Eventually, we got on a main road and had a clear idea of where we should go. Left at the stop light to meet the others at a store parking lot. The only problem was we had entered on this busy six lane road (4 going our direction) and were in the 2nd to the right lane waiting for the red light. In other words, we had two lanes of cars between us and a possible left turn.
In what would only happen anywhere but in the USA, Barbara began honking the horn to get the attention of the guy next to us. Honking and honking. Finally, he looked over and she made gestures to the effect that we wanted to get over in front of him when the light turned. Surprisingly (to me) he nodded and WAITED for us to drive in front of him, cut off the left most lane of cars (no honking) and swerve in front of all of the oncoming traffic to make what should go down as the craziest left turn ever by a gringo. I drew a map.
Traffic patterns of Tijuana
We met up with the rest of our group and continued our journey to the project site.
There are certain things that happen without fail during the summer months. Sun, cold beer on a hot day, sundresses, dogs happily rolling in disgusting things, doing outside stuff, summer movies, and on.
Clearly what does not happen without fail is writing a blog. I’ve been a bit silent this summer. Did you notice? Sometimes silence has power. You have to be away before you can be missed. In theory.
Here is what I’ve learned about the will to write:
#1 – Do it. If you want to write, then do it. Don’t make excuses. Whether your style is to use pen to paper, fingertips to keyboard, jet smoke to sky, stick to sand, quill to parchment, thumb to smart phone, spray paint to wall, chisel to tablet, marker to whiteboard, or newspaper clippings to ransom note, just write already. If you don’t want to write, then complain about how you don’t have any time. We’ll believe you, but we sure won’t be reading your work.
#2 – Have a schedule. Give yourself a deadline (even if half-hearted and fungible) and create your blahblahblah regularly.
#3 – Know why you’re writing. Me, its to amuse myself. If someone happens to read it all the better (or worse in their case).
#4 – Let creativity come to you. Don’t force it, but be open to it. Sometimes there will be crap, but let it happen (while holding your nose) because eventually those creative droppings will lead to something great. In theory.
So what does this all mean? It means that I’m about to take my advice. You’ve been warned.
(Grant Park, Chicago) - A sea of humanity ripples and sways in the baking sun. You have arrived at Lollapalooza 2010. You are not alone. You weave between 80,000 strong moving, dancing, singing, sweating, gyrating, swilling beer, gulping water, seeking shade, eating, making plans, chatting excitedly and exhaustedly, sitting, standing, dosing in hammocks, or resting on the ground. You are all in for an eternity of music. Nonstop. Unwavering. Relentless. Three days. Eight stages. 152 bands.
It was clear upon entering the 2010 version of Lollapalooza, the hot sun would be a factor. Ridiculous. Just past the North gate I entered through, I noticed an epic bottleneck to access the Playstation stage area. Craziness. It was only later, after I’d walked around and got the lay of the land, that I saw just how well-organized and easy to navigate the grounds actually were. I had simply been caught with new people like me, unsure of where to go so were just following the crowd. Not a good strategy. Once I’d mingled with the crowd a bit, I noticed the wafting weed giving me a contact high and the dizzying number of sundresses. Oy.
Grant Park is ideal to host the event. There were two main stage areas on either end of the grounds. With a solid 10 minute walk between them, you had to plan ahead. Each area had two huge stages, where they would rotate the acts. This meant there was always a band playing. After one finished, you simply turned around and walked over to watch the next band start. This accounted for four of the eight stages. The other four smaller stages sat in between, but were far enough apart that the neighboring blasts of music didn’t interfere.
The whole point of my coming to this year’s event was to see Soundgarden. Back together after 13 years. But there was much music to hear before that. I was ready with my list of bands to see and a handy chart of who’s where. It’s on.
Saturday
I arrived later on Saturday afternoon and the first act I wanted to see literally started as I walked in. Metric performed a strong set and got me energized for the evening. The only complaint, which happened elsewhere too, was that the sound would be one volume then get louder and back down at random intervals. I couldn’t tell if it was my ears adjusting after the flight to Chicago or something wonky with the sound system. I pick wonky. It wasn’t such a big deal except when they played ‘Sick Muse’ it got quieter and the lead singer’s (Emily Haines) voice cracked a bit so it was hard to hear. The volume and energy went right back up for their enthusiastic ‘Stadium Love’.
After Metric, I turned around and ambled to the opposite Budweiser stage to catch Spoon’s set. There are many songs I like from them, but overall the songs in between those didn’t grab me as much. And I was really hot and antsy. The cool thing about the Budweiser stage was that about 20 or so people could watch the show from platforms on either side of the stage. I don’t know how they got the tickets, but it would have been fun to be so close to some of the later bands.
The headliner for Saturday was Green Day. All the headliners played on the Foundation stage at the far end of the grounds. I’d seen them twice before, so there were no surprises, just a lot of energetic, loud music. After the first hour of their set, I was determined to see the last half of Phoenix’s set so I trekked all the way back to the Budweiser stage.
Phoenix is a band I’ve really enjoyed this year. There “Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix’ album is among the best I’ve heard all year. They didn’t disappoint. They ended at the proper time of 10pm after an encore of the danceable ‘1901‘. Earlier, Billy Jo of Green Day had loudly proclaimed that ‘everyone could (insert word of choice here) themselves because they were not going to stop playing at 10pm even if they (use same or different word here) cut the power’. So I had to trek all the way back over to verify his claims, and indeed I was able to catch the last 15 minutes of their over 2-1/2 hour set. I loved his enthusiasm but exhaustion had kicked in after standing and walking for five hours. And I was planning an even longer day tomorrow.
My Saturday Day 2 lineup
Metric
Spoon
Green Day
Phoenix
Sunday
I arrived a little earlier on Sunday to see Mumford and Sons on the Playstation stage. I’d heard a couple of their songs after a friend in the UK had said they were the best thing since sliced bread. I didn’t get that impression from the recorded tracks, but their live performance was brilliant. Now I need to re-listen and re-evaluate. Sliced bread still holds the edge, but it was a fun show and they would be worth seeing again when they come back to DC (I missed them the first time).
Next, I did an about-face and watched Yeasayer perform on the Budweiser stage. They played a few songs I liked and they seemed enjoy themselves. I cut out a bit early as I wanted to wander around and see everything. (http://www.lollapalooza.com/assets/images/in_the_park/map/2010_lolla_map_big.png) I didn’t have a band on my list for the next hour so I poked my head into a couple of the smaller stages and listened to a song or two of whatever was going on.
The food choices were remarkable. Quite a number of local restaurants had set up a line of booths on both sides of the grounds. There was no want for options. The first day I wanted to buy a burger at the booth called ‘Kuma’s Corner’ (my dog is Kuma!) but the cue was out of this world long. On Sunday the line was still long, but I sucked it up and got a mammoth Kuma burger just before Mumford and Sons started. Later I tried some pork belly sliders with kimchee…why? Disgusting.
Unplanned, I ventured to the Sony Bloggie stage, which had ample shade and a few places to sit – awesome!, where I listened to Frightened Rabbit, two Scottish brothers. I knew nothing about them but they put on a good show and there was the ever needed place in the shade so I lingered and enjoyed myself. This stage had the best location. I then wandered back over to the hot and crowded Playstation stage and saw the last half of MUTEMATH. They were okay. Right after their beats faded, MGMT started their set on the Budweiser stage. I listened for about 30 minutes, and enjoyed ‘Electric Feel’ but soon grew bored and began reminiscing about the shade so I made a beeline back to watch The Temper Trap, which I enjoyed much more.
Another band I was looking forward to seeing was The National. The lead singer has a very deep and hypnotic voice and while the music is somber at times, it grabs hold of you quickly and won’t let go. ‘Everyone’s Ghost’ and ‘Bloodbuzz Ohio’ (could be Johnny Cash singing) were especially amazing.
Finally, after two days of music, I began my final trek to the Foundation stage and Soundgarden. Tired, overheated and in a daze I wound my way eagerly through the throngs of happy but spent masses. I could hear the first song, ‘Searching With My Good Eye Closed’, pounding before I was halfway there. Soon the stage was only a gigantic field away and as I crept closer and closer they started playing ‘Spoonman’ and all the thirty-something white guys in my vicinity started dancing like they were smashed (they were). Even the thirty-something chicks and younger people got into it. Then it was all a blur for 30 minutes or more, as I stood entranced behind a group of rowdies waving beer cans in front of me. Finally, ‘Outshined’ throbbed in my ears, and it suddenly clicked, I watching Soundgarden! Who I had last seen in their farewell concert back in 1997! I was suddenly alive and needed a beer. As soon as I had the Bud Light can in hand, I realized how easy it would be for me to weave my way to the front of the stage while avoiding the massive crowd. I cut in edge wise and found myself a mere 30 feet from center stage. I could see Chris Cornell’s long, early 90′s hair and the sweat beading down the band’s faces. And for the next hour, Soundgarden kicked our asses with music. And it was good.
My Sunday Day 3 lineup
Mumford and Sons
Yeasayer
Frightened Rabbits
MUTEMATH
MGMT
The Temper Trap
The National
Soundgarden
Metric on the Playstation stage
Spoon on the Budweiser stage
Food!
Gut-busting Kuma burger
Lollapalooza
Soundgarden! Terrible photo but see if you can't find Chris Cornell
Here is a good starter kit for enjoying Lollapalooza 2010. I did not see all of these bands (not enough time!), but they all played at this year’s festival. In bold are the ones I did see.
After the 5th annual running of the DC Movie Club does wine tasting, here (in random order) are a few highlights. These are also reasons you should slide off of your high chair, grab your sippy cup and crawl to Northern Virginia. Now!
Wood fire pizza - sitting outside on the patio of Martella Winery with a fire-breathing wood oven is the ideal way to cook and slightly blacken the crust of your pizza. High marks for effort, but next time they could stand to avoid the frozen variety and make it fresh.
Fire!
Dog friendly wineries - everyone loves dogs, (believe me – you do, or we’ll have words) so what better combination then canines and wines? Seems like a no-brainer. Martella Winery sported a few resident pooches, happy to beg from you and bark at you. Barrel Oak Winery (BOW – get it?) is another such wine purveyor. Grab a dog (preferably yours), grab a table at BOW, do a tasting, eat cheese, and life will be good. The question is, what do the dogs get out of it? A nice place to nap in the grass? Easy access to a dizzying array of doggie butts to sniff? A sly piece of cheese passed under the table? No. They get nothing more than the opportunity to bask in the glow of being in their master’s presence. This concept is about the people, people.
Not a cat nap
Grapes – although many wine grapes are not so good to eat right off the vine (wait, who would have tried that?), they sure do crush, press, ferment and age nicely.
A grape time was had
The act of tasting - one of our wine tastings turned out to be a rapid fire affair with 10 unique wines to sip, swish and spit. Another was just an excuse to smile in wine induced happiness at the wine pourer/hostess. Burp.
Cupid of Wine
Mystery cases - anything could be inside! Risk it! Do it! Buy it! We did. Inside were 11 dusty Mad Dog 20/20s and an open wine cooler rimmed in red lipstick. Well, no. It was much less mysterious. Some chardonnays, a few merlots, this, that, and the other but all were actually legit bottles of wine. Score!
It's a mystery
Cheese plates – cubes, wedges, white, yellow, with or without rinds, soft, hard, with a grape, with a sip of wine, with crackers and bread – you can barely go wrong with a plate full of cheese at your fingertips.
So cheesy
Oh the beauty! - this cannot be described in any lame blog post. Get out of your seat and immediately go to Northern Virginia and get your wine tasting adventure on. In your haste, I’ll even forgive you for not commenting on this post.
Plastic water bottles - unless you are traveling in a country where the water options are of dubious and mysterious quality, there is no need to buy water in a plastic bottle. We live in the United States of America. We have everything, including tap water that the Olympic gods would be proud to dribble down their chins. And if that still isn’t good enough, we have more filtering options than Zeus has offspring. It’s ridiculous that we spend so much money polluting our planet with bottles filled in someone’s bathtub or straight from the garden hose at the bottling plant. You are not getting artisan spring water or dew drops from Eden, so stop buying water in plastic bottles. Capish? (On a Positive Note: In one scenario where you may be stuck buying bottled water, a concert, I was pleasantly surprised that Lollapalooza’s water offerings came in recycled cartons made from paper. Woo.)
Bottle service - $300 for a tiny table and a $30 bottle of liquor? Ah yes, I see your logic. I don’t blame the clubs or restaurants that charge for this service, they are only taking advantage of stupidity. I blame the fools that plop down good money to wallow in their own pretension.
Bathroom dudes - Bathroom attendant, why oh why do you exist? Why can’t a guy use the toilet in the privacy he so desires? Why do I need help turning on the faucet, applying soap and getting a towel? Frankly, I don’t. In the realm of pointless jobs, this has to be among the most unnecessary. A friend reminded me that in this time of recession, everyone needs a job. No. Not if it involves smiling knowingly at me after I’ve just finished my business and offering an array of scented soaps. No. In an age where you can’t do anything without having to tip someone for some nonservice, I choose to not hand over my hard-earned dollar bills to you, bathroom attendant. Believe it.
DC cab drivers – for every one cab driver that is decent and wants to confide in you about how crazy all the other cab drivers are, there are ten that are actually crazy. And of course the decent one is still a dangerous driver. None can drive worth a lick, most are rude, and they all charge nit-picking fees…$1.50 for a piece of luggage in the trunk? A wait time charge at traffic lights? Bah!
‘The Power of Print’ campaign - I happen to read and like a few magazines. But I cannot understand an ad campaign of full-page spreads on why magazines are still viable and will not die in the digital age. The obvious message they are trying to disspell is that print media are a dying breed. And maybe, someday soon, they will die. But why target an ad at someone already reading a magazine?!?! Why are you telling me that print is alive and well, when I’m already holding your product in my hand? I’m confused. Maybe you should try getting your message out via other media channels! Just saying.
Justin Bieber - can anyone explain why a 16 year-old Canadian kid from YouTube fame, with only a couple of questionable teen-pop hits to his credit, has suddenly taken over the world? Music, Twitter, book deals, FunnyOrDie.com videos, acting gigs on TV shows, and on. It never ends and its only going to get worse. We just live in his world. Someone please stop the madness! Whoever orchestrated this hostile Bieberesque takeover, tense up for a punch to the throat.
Cupcake Craze – $3.50 for a single speciality cupcake? No thanks, I’ll stick to two mashed together Hostess cupcakes for $.99. Enough said.
As always, my mood vastly improves when I get hold of an issue of Entertainment Weekly elucidating a comprehensive review of upcoming movies, music or television shows. So, with great anticipation I list a few of the new TV shows that look promising. No guarantee I’ll have time to watch any of them, but that’s a minor detail.
Interesting New TV Shows for 2010-2011 Season
No Ordinary Family - about a superhero family. With Michael Chiklis, the Thing from Fantastic Four and the badass cop in the brilliant The Shield.
Nikita - oh oh! Babe alert!
Boardwalk Empire - a look at gangsters in the 1920′s Prohibition era? Okay!
Outsourced – based in India, a comedy about outsourcing all of our customer service work overseas. Indeed.
Hawaii Five-O – with Grace Park (Battlestar Galatica) and Daniel Dae Kim (Lost) cast in this ‘remake’, I’m ready for the beach and The Ventures’ theme song all over again!
TV Shows to Keep Watching At All Costs
Fringe - here’s hoping season three will bend your mind as much as the first two seasons.
Mad Men – it keeps winning Emmys for “Outstanding Drama Series’ (three in a row). Could there be a reason?
Whenever I eat while traveling (a daily occurrence), I feel like I should take photos of the various foods I try.
Why? Well, when I see travel and foodie shows that flaunt their delicious and mouth-watering images like its some kind of food porn, I want to join them.
Yet, despite this, I am always somewhat embarrassed to take the actual photos. I look around to make sure no one is watching (and judging me). Some people are shameless and snap those tasty shots without thought. But not me, I always try for sly and avoid eye contact with anyone in my vicinity at all cost. The flash always gives me away.
Here is a sampling of some of my poor quality, badly lit, guiltily taken food photos over the years that represent categories of sustenance that will surely cause a heart attack. I also threw in some beer and wine shots. Because I can.
I am not responsible for any salivating or queasiness that may result.
…until I return from my trip to Kenya in a couple of weeks. Probably. Unless I find inspiration in the form of words.
In the meantime, I’ve been scouring my first blog on MySpace to determine if there is anything worth bringing over. I found nothing. But I re-posted a few anyway, to acquit my sense of nostalgia. Or to avoid writing something new. I haven’t decided which.
Now remember these were written in the Dark Ages – literally 2-4 years ago. I know, how terrible is that? Can anything retain worth after so much time? I’m not even sure these are in contemporary English. You may need to bone up on your archaic English grammar skills.
I sashayed down to the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear (October 30th) on the National Mall, wondering how many people would actually be out causing mischief. I can report that indeed a hefty number of citizens came. Either curious, confused, confident, carefree, cautious, calculating, crazy, or Colberted, they were in force to…well, to see what was going down. To be able to say, ‘I was there’.
By the time I got there, the crowds were so dense that it was impossible to get on the Mall anywhere before 9th St NW (the stage was on 3rd St NW). I got caught in the throng multiple times, but by the time I was ready to leave, it took 20 minutes of pressed-together shuffling to walk between 9th and 7th.
There are three pieces to this rally puzzle. The crowd, the show and the message.
The crowd - as mentioned, the Mall was bursting at its flabby seams with humanity. Many of these rallyers were adorned with Halloween costumes and most were carrying some type of sign, 97% of which could be considered ironic, funny or had a clever twist on not acting insane. They other 3% were from some truly crazy nutters. Do a search on Flickr or Google and you’ll find scads of them. My favorite is below. The mood was largely positive, but you could the read the furrowed brows of confusion on the many just trying to figure out where to go. It was crazy and there was not a lot of organization. Clearly more people came than expected.
The show - first things first. I heard nothing. I saw nothing. Whatever comedy and music they were doing on stage, I assume was dryly ironic or funny because it true. The sound system didn’t reach the people in the way back. e.g. Me. Whole sections of the crowd chanted, “LOUDER. LOUDER. LOUDER.” The jumbotrons were too far away to see clearly. I eventually gave up trying to see the stage, and focused on the real show; the crowd. Then I left.
The message - for anyone that is familiar with Stewart and Colbert, you knew it would be a comedy show, skewering, making fun of, and chastising the loud, the overtly partisan, and the just shy of insane pundits, media and politicians. At the end of the rally (which I watched from the comfort of my couch), Stewart gave a nice speech that I recommend you watch. He goes for a few laughs, but mostly makes his point. (Stewart’s closing speech)
The message is clear – disagree but listen, respect other’s opinions, don’t shout, believe strongly but tolerate, don’t let fear and insanity win (unless it’s wearing a beard).
There has been a spate of restaurant openings in Washington, D.C. in 2010. One of my unstated goals (at least here) has been to visit all the restaurants on or roughly near Capital Hill, whether new or old. Geographically, this includes anything south of H St NE, east of 15th NE/SE, north of I St SE, and west of 1st St NE/SE. This is a big area, and includes such destinations as Barracks Row (8th St SE between D and I Sts), Eastern Market (7th St SE between Pennsylvania Ave and Independence Ave), the Atlas District (H St NE between 9th and 15th Sts) and much more.
I haven’t finished the task as of yet, but 2010 seemed like a banner year for new restaurants on the Hill, so I thought I’d try to rank the best of the ‘new’ this year. Even of the new ones, there are a few I haven’t made it to yet. A whole crop of more openings are still on the horizon. I will be eating a lot.
16. Bistro Cacao - a French place that was just so-so for lunch.
15. Capital Diner - technically not within my ‘rough’ geographic sphere, but close enough. I came at a time when the owner was suspending one of the servers because the checks and the till didn’t add up. The burger was fine.
14. Fruit Bat - They specialize in Latin themed drinks. I only had a drink, but I hear they started a small menu so will have to go back.
13. Toyland – I didn’t eat here, only had a drink, but its a nice, cozy place.
12. Liberty Tree – the food was decent but the waiter had better things to do than serve.
11. We, the Pizza – some pretty good pizza and sodas from the guy that owns The Good Stuff Eatery, Spike Mendelsohn of Top Chef fame.
10. Ted’s Bulletin – a funky place with a pastry shop out front and a seating area in the back room. The food is good and worth trying.
9. Mi Vecindad - a new Cuban and Mexican restaurant. Oy, me gusta!
8. Dangerously Delicious Pies – a great selection of sweet and savory pies. A bit pricey for a whole pie, but the slices are big, dangerous, and (shall I say it?) delicious. Try the BBQ pork or the S.M.O.G. or any.
7. The Star and Shamrock - a fusion between a kosher deli and an Irish pub. The interior itself is unremarkable, but the food is heart attack worthy. The reuben is fantastic, the latkes and the Kosher Kornies are tasty, and the Clogger is a beast that I suggest you only tackle if you want to be rolled out the front door.
6. The Chesapeake Room – a small, yet spacious dining area with a huge fish tank behind the bar. Have the Bison Burger outside on the patio for maximum effect.
5. Zest Bistro – a nice little American bistro on Barracks Row. The burger was tasty.
4. Acqua Al 2 – a great new Italian place right in the middle of Eastern Market. It won the 2010 Hilly Awards ‘Restaurant of the Year’.
3. Ethiopic - I am no Ethiopian food connoisseur, but this is among the best I’ve had. The vegetarian sampler is huge and tasty, the injera is plentiful and all the meat dishes are delicious.
2. Ba Bay - a brand spanking new Vietnamese restaurant on Pennsylvania. Eat the spare ribs and the bok choy feverishly. I did. Skip desert and go for more off the main menu. Then have more.
1. Biergarten Haus - who doesn’t need a beer garden in their backyard? With a huge outdoor seating area with oompa bands, wood picnic tables, liters of German beer, huge TV screens (for watching the World Cup) and feisty servers, this place has taken the Atlas district by storm. They have just started a new menu and you must have the goulash.
2010 proved to be a weak year for movies. I struggled to pick my top 11, partially because I didn’t see that many that were really good. This year I managed to see 96 movies while awake. I may have seen more while I was asleep, but who knows?
Best
11. The Young Victoria – a love story about Queen Victoria. Sweet and better than expected.
10. Megamind (3D) – a whiz, bang, wow 3D movie. Clever and fun.
9. The Town - Ben Affleck does a good job of double-duty (acting and directing) in this requiem to Boston bank robbers.
8. Crazy Heart - Jeff Bridges definitely deserved his Best Actor Oscar. The story was sad and the soundtrack gave a new face to country music.
7. The Hurt Locker – I didn’t think this movie was a Best Picture, but it was a gripping look at the war in Iraq and the consequences of same.
6. The Kids Are All Right – a well-acted look at what is still seen as an unconventional family (yet was very conventional) and the pains that come with loving others.
5. The Girl Who Played With Fire - as the second part of the Millenium trilogy (see #1), it is a fast-paced story about how family and the system put in place to protect people can go completely wrong.
4. The Social Network – the ‘real’ story behind the making of Facebook. It is not a feel-good tale of overcoming great odds and succeeding at all costs, but more about how one sort-of-a-jerk leaves his friends and business partners behind because they don’t have what it takes to succeed in his world. Now when I think of Mark Zuckerberg, the creator of FB, I imagine Jesse Eisenberg. That’s good acting.
3. Inception - there is probably nothing I can say about this movie that bends the mind that hasn’t already been said. So I will just say, it is good. Watch it.
2. Toy Story 3 - our last adventure with Woody and Buzz that left many people in tears. Much ado about change, loss, redemption and love or something like that. The computer animation popped from the screen even though I didn’t see it in 3D. Pixar will win the Best Animated Movie once again.
1. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson’s epic Millenium trilogy began in movie form with this unsolved mystery about a girl that went missing 30 years ago. It doesn’t hold back in its depiction of the violence that still occurs against women. Not for the faint of heart, but definitely worth the ride. Read the books. See the movies. Wait for Hollywood to remake them.
Worst
5. Knight and Day – loud, obnoxious and not good in any way, shape or form.
4. Aliens in the Attic – a poor choice on a long international flight. No one to blame but myself.
3. The Spirit - a limp story with terrible acting and the most un-special of effects. Probably the worst superhero movie since Daredevil.
2. Greenburg – everything about this terrible movie with Ben Stiller makes me wince in pain. Hated it.
Welcome to, what has apparently become, my annual wrap-up on my favorite sports teams. I am a victim of routine, so expect to be liberally doused with many end of year lists over the next few weeks.
2010 can be categorized as ‘another’ year for Seattle sports. No riot-in-the-streets championships (although one oh-ok-here’s-a-high-five championship). No plane crashes in the Cascades where the survivors subsisted on the ‘hide of the game ball’. No Lebron James style shenanigans (although one team in particular had its share of drama). There were a few heart-stopping and heart-breaking moments, but nothing that Seattle hasn’t become quite used to by now.
In other words, just another year.
Seattle Mariners (ML B – baseball)
To say that the M’s were terrible this year (with a woeful 61-101 record), would do the word ‘terrible’ a disservice. The M’s had lofty and immediate expectations for success in 2010. They were coming off of an 85 win campaign in 2009, and acquired the brilliant Cliff Lee in the offseason (who ended up pitching for the World Series losers, Texas) and added a couple of solid hitters. Then the wheels fell off. And they sunk into a sinkhole so deep, I still don’t think they can see the way out. Brutal. Drama. I don’t even want to talk about it. Only two highlights to mention, and they were both brilliant. First, Ichiro hit 200+ hits in his 10th consecutive season, breaking the Major League record. Dude is going to the Hall of Fame. Second, Felix Hernandez won the American League Cy Young Award despite only winning 13 games. He was the best pitcher in baseball this year and won the award despite everything his team did to prevent it, like not scoring any runs during his starts. Take that New York.
Success Indicator: 0/10 for the M’s as a team. 10/10 for Ichiro and Felix Hernandez
Seattle Seahawks (NFL – football)
After two dismal seasons, the Seahawks are again in contention to win the NFC West division and a ticket to the playoffs. Under their new coach, Pete Carroll (from USC), they have become more competitive overall, but still have played some head-scratching games (explain losing two consecutive games by a combined 10-74 score?!?). At 6-6 (with four games to play), they are not a good team, but they just might be good enough for the bad NFC West. They play their bitter rivals, the St. Louis Rams (6-6), the last game of the season on January 2. Expect that game to decide the division champion. Expect elation or heart-break. I choose elation!
Success Indicator: 6/10 (I’d up it to 7 if they make the playoffs)
University of Washington Huskies (College football)
The Dawgs are going bowling!! After 8 seasons without a bowl game, the Huskies finished with a 6-6 record, winning their last three in convincing fashion, to qualify for a bowl game. They will play Nebraska in the Holiday Bowl. This is an unfortunate re-match since Nebraska crushed the Huskies early in the season. There were multiple heart-stopping, last second victories for the Huskies and after all the stress they put us through, we are finally vindicated with a bowl appearance. Jake Locker, the QB, passed up an opportunity to play in the NFL last year to give the Huskies one final chance to do something good. And it paid off.
Success Indicator: 8/10
Seattle Sounders FC (MLS – soccer)
The Sounders started the year with high hopes, but didn’t perform well out of the gates. They pulled themselves together and finished strong with a 14-10-6 record (48 points), good enough for a 6th seed in the playoffs. Sadly, they lost in the first round. They also participated in the CONCACAF Champions League tournament (this hemisphere’s equivalent to the European Champions League) with other North and Central American and Caribbean countries, but fared poorly in the group stage, only winning one game (1-5, 3 points). The bright spot for the Sounders was winning their second consecutive US Open Cup championship (a domestic tournament for all levels of professional soccer). Go Sounders!
Success Indicator: 8/10
Other teams I follow:
University of Washington Huskies (College basketball – men’s and women’s)
The men’s team (26-10) was the best of the Pac-10. They won the conference championship and went into the NCAA Tournament with high expectations. Two victories later, they were in the Sweet Sixteen. But alas, they lost to West Virginia, 69-56.
The women’s team (13-18) was not good.
Success Indicator: 8/10
Chelsea Blues (English Premier League – soccer).
Chelsea (86 points) managed to break Manchester United’s three-year strangle-hold on the EPL championship in the 2009-2010 season. Finishing just a mere 1 point clear of the damn United, they are rightfully the new champions! They have started strong again for 2010-2011.
Success Indicator: 10/10
Seattle Storm (WNBA – women’s basketball)
The WNBA is a league few people care about. It struggles with attendance and it seems like one team folds every other year. Despite that, the Storm were by far and away the best team this year. They finished with a 28-6 record and basically could not be stopped and easily won their 2nd championship (the 1st was in 2004). High five!
Success Indicator: 10/10
Washington Capitals (NHL – hockey)
I’ve never been a huge NHL fan since Seattle didn’t have a team, but I can adopt the Capitals. The Caps were the best team in the 2009-2010 regular season (121 points) but inexplicably lost in the first round of the playoffs to Montreal. WTF? Another huge build-up of high expectations, only to be dashed in traumatic fashion.
Success Indicator: 7/10
DC United (MLS – soccer)
They sucked. The worst season in franchise history at 6-20-4 (21 points).
Success Indicator: 2/10
University of Washington Huskies (Capital Alumni Network - co-ed flag football)
I have started playing flag football this year with the UW Alumni in DC. (And as fate would have it, I ended up being the ‘coach’…hmmm). This was the Huskies expansion season (1-9) into the Capital Alumni Network (CAN) league. With 51 other schools playing flag football, we didn’t expect to win right away. And we didn’t. All teams qualify for the playoffs – we put up a strong effort against Delaware but fell in the end. It’s on for next year!
In my infinite wisdom and absolute humbleness, I managed to read a bustle full of books in 2010 (don’t ask how I got my hands on a bustle). Here is my take on the best of the lot. In fact, I highly recommend you read all of these books. Or not. Either way, you’ll be okay.
If you have any books that you recommend, let me know and I’ll consider putting them on my ‘to read list’. Or not.
5. Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard (Chip Heath and Dan Heath, 2010) – a very practical and easy to engage set of tips on how to effect change, especially within an organization. It has a myriad of a good examples and vignettes that make it seem entertaining while being completely useful.
4. The River of Doubt: Theodore Roosevelt’s Darkest Journey (Candice Millard, 2006) – After his failed bid at a 3rd term as President, Teddy wanted to escape to explore and discover new and uncharted territory in the Amazon, by being the first to travel down the length of the River of Doubt. He almost met his end.
3. Dune (Frank Herbert, 1965) – I’ve been occasionally catching up on the classics of the Science Fiction genre, and thought it was about time to visit Dune.
2. The Lost City of Z: A Tale of Deadly Obsession in the Amazon (David Grann, 2010) – a fascinating look at the author’s research into the famous explorer Percy Harrison Fawcett and his fatal journey to find the city of El Dorado, which Fawcett called Z. His party went missing and their fate was unknown. Does the author discover what happened? Does he find the true fate of El Dorado? You know you want to find out.
1. The Passage (Justin Cronin, 2010) – a new take on the vampire mythology, that is parts terrifying and post apocalyptic as the world is overrun by a new kind of vampire. Not the elegant or refined versions we’ve come to know, but a savage, almost invincible kind. It is two major stories, one today that starts the tragedy and one 100 years in the future of how humanity has adapted to survive and live in the new world. It is a novel you won’t put down until you fall asleep from exhaustion. I hear it is the first of a planned trilogy.
Welcome to the beginning of another annual Christmas letter. This is like the fifth in a row. Sorry about that. There is still time to avoid any unnecessary reading of said letter. Point your curser to the ‘X’ button above, click it firmly and then go do something productive.
Still here? Hmmm, your choice…so take a load off, get comfortable (although I encourage you to leave your clothes on unless you have a webcam), grab some coffee (or tea if you’re British or confused), put on your reading glasses, and let the year 2010 flash briefly before your eyes.
I’ve decided this time you need to feel real emotion while reading this letter. I’ve set my sights as high as possible, so I’ve picked boredom. It’s the best chance you have at any intense and meaningful emotion. This letter has been treated accordingly. Wit? Excised. Rollercoasters of adventure? Simplified. Flourishes of indelible insight? Clarified. Word choice? Focused. Overall length? Increased. If you do not feel real, abject and soul-crushing boredom, then I have failed you. I apologize in advance.
Boring or more boring, let’s crack open this nut of a year and pick at the contents until we find something worth chewing on. Spit out the shell, we don’t need you choking while you wallow in boredom.
Cities – I found myself, as Alice in Wonderland might have, in many strange and mysterious rabbit holes throughout 2010. A cornucopia of cities had the pleasure of my presence. Such metropolitans as: Amsterdam, Nairobi, New York, Johannesburg, Washington, D.C., Chicago, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Cape Town, Medellin, Taganga, Las Vegas, Tijuana, Tacoma and Portland. What went down in all these cities? Remember, this is the boring letter, so you may never know.
Snow – 2010 saw record snowfall in the D.C. area. As the locals affectionately dubbed it, Snowmageddon came in February and snowed the city under 20 inches (amounts may vary) of pristine, white snow (colors may vary). It was good enough for snowball fights, snowmen, tackle football in the snow, shutting down the city for days, overdressing for trips to the local pub, and the trapped, frustrated feeling one gets when your car completely disappears. Luckily I don’t own a car. Hahahahaha. I also went skiing in the powdery snow of Pacific Northwest.
Water – I spent an unhealthy amount of time in water in 2010. Whether it was taking hot showers after playing in the snow, spelunking through a maze of caves carved by a tributary of the Rio Claro, scuba diving with sting rays along the reefs of northern Colombia, river rafting down the Rio Claro, sailing the Potomac and Anacostia rivers, boating through Milwaukee via the canals and river, taking the river taxi down the Chicago river, wading in cool streams while hiking, taking cold showers, riding swiftly through the vast Amsterdam canal system, watching the Christmas light/water fountain/musical spectacle (Los Alumbrados) in Medellin, or singing in the Pacific Northwest rain (off-key), I was moist about 22.44%* of the year.
Air – I also spent my fair share of time in the air. Whether it was paragliding (parapente) over Medellin, flying all over the world in 34 flight segments (e.g. 34 take offs and 34 landings), extracting my head from the clouds on numerous occasions, or simply gulping down my share of the atmosphere, I was high about 30.76%* of the year.
Giraffes – Minding my own business, while jogging near the retreat center we were staying at in Kenya, I found myself surrounded by 14 wild giraffes. They were all looking at me expectantly. What was my next move? Run? Hide? So I simply sat down and watched them cross the road. Boring. I was not kicked in the head (by them at least) nor battered by a swinging neck (witty comment excised). The next day we went on a safari to Nairobi National Park and saw many more giraffes, including two practically on top of our van. Eventually they bolted when our allotment of photo ops was exhausted.
Meat – I am not a vegetarian, but I can appreciate eating less meat overall should you so desire. However, if you do have the opportunity to travel to exotic places, you should by no means limit what you are willing to try. Many cultures are meat obsessed and I found myself in the thick of such obsession. Whether it’s the epic bandeja paisa dish in Colombia (including sausages, ground beef, and the not-to-be-missed chicharrón), an all-you-can-eat bonanza at the Nairobi restaurant Carnivore (including ostrich and alligator), sancocho (a soup with vast chunks of meat displacing all else), chicken mole in Mexico, burgers of all shapes and sizes (including the In N Out burger animal-style), fish soup on the beaches of Taganga, foot-long hot dogs during a baseball game, a blue crab feast on the Eastern Shore (Chesapeake Bay), bratwurst in Milwaukee, Italian beef sandwiches in Chicago (fully dunked in beef gravy), street tacos, and much else, I failed to convert to a vegetarian.
Wineries – Whether it was a day trip to four wineries in Northern Virginia, or a day trip to three wineries in the Stellenbosch region of South Africa (near Cape Town), I kept my sipping muscles busy with a (word deleted) of epic wine tastings and cheese offerings. I cannot express how beautiful and relaxing it is to explore the countryside and wineries. So I won’t.
Breweries – In my lifelong quest to consume the adult-friendly liquid of hops, barley, water and yeast, I toured and loitered in many breweries in 2010. Whether it was the Heineken Brouwery Experience (Amsterdam), Miller Brewing Company (Milwaukee), Brooklyn Brewery (New York), Goose Island Brewing Company (Chicago), Sprecher Brewery (Milwaukee) for a beer/cheese pairing, or any of the other half dozen or so brewpubs I acquainted myself with, 2010 was a banner year for beer. Much like all previous years ever, dating back to 1994.
Flag Football – I started playing flag football in Washington, D.C. as part of a University of Washington Alumni team, along with alumni from 51 other universities. Our coach quit three days before our first weekend of play, so I opened my mouth to ask ‘now what?’ and became the ‘point of contact’ for our games. This of course morphed into me as the new ‘coach’ for the whole season. Word of advice: Don’t ask questions. Luckily this was the UW’s expansion season, so hopefully I can be acquitted of our less than stellar season.
Road trips – Whether it was driving down to Tijuana, Mexico from LA; or driving around Illinois, Wisconsin and Minnesota; or taking a detour down to Portland, Oregon while in Washington state; or taking the bus from D.C. to New York a couple times; or being a back-seat driver along the coast of South Africa, I spent loads of time in vehicles listening to music, taking in the sights, or getting tickets for not seeing that stupid toll booth.
Bicycles – I haven’t been on a bike in awhile, but in 2010 Washington, D.C. started a Capital Ride Share program that lets you use bikes from dozens of stations around the city. I have taken full advantage of these Radio Flyer Wagon Red, 3-speed, adjustable seat bikes. If you almost get run-over by a red blur while crossing the street, it wasn’t me. I would have definitely (word deleted) you. I also rented a bicycle for a day in Amsterdam. I zipped along the bike lanes and cobble streets, past the medieval style buildings and canals, until my (word clarified to ‘seat’) asked for a break. Then I rode some more.
Hammocks – After liberally slipping uninvited into multiple hammocks in 2010, I finally bought my very own. (You can too: www.colorcloudhammocks.com. If you say ‘Jeremy sent you’ nothing will happen.) I spent at least 5.14%* of my time being lazy in one.
Cape of Good Hope, South Africa – If you’re interested in the wildlife or the scenery, a road trip down the coast of South Africa is not to be missed. If you want nature, you can visit the beach filled with jackass penguins braying like donkeys and mating, you can narrowly avoid running over the ballistic baboons, or you can scamper up the cliffs of the Cape while avoiding stepping on the fuzzy rock hyraxes. You can also expect stunning vistas, (phrase deleted), lighthouses at the end of the world, and sand between your toes.
Lollapalooza (Chicago) – Surprisingly, this is the first time I made to it this annual music festival. I should have gone to one way back in the 1990’s when it first started. Oh well. This new incarnation restarted about 6 years ago and the 2010 version saw over 150 bands playing over three days. I went to two of the days. My main goal was to see Soundgarden – and they rocked! I also saw such bands as Green Day, Phoenix, The National, Mumford & Sons, and many more.
Music – Not usually one to intentionally send you away, but I put together some boring music lists on my blog: A 2010 Music Retrospective
Baseball – My quest to see a game in all Major League baseball stadiums continued in earnest. I visited five new stadiums with no fanfare. Chicago (Cubs and White Sox), Milwaukee, Minneapolis and New York (Yankees) all failed to roll-out the red carpet for me. I also got no love as I watched the Washington Nationals play a bunch of times, including the Major League debut of rookie pitching sensation, Stephen Strasburg. He destroyed the competition with a record 14 strikeouts. Then he got injured later in the season, had surgery, and is out for all of 2011. Sad. The nachos at Nationals stadium, however, were not sad.
Television – Plenty of good TV shows in 2010. Fringe had a great year. Dexter ruled. Community got funnier then anything else. And The Daily Show and The Colbert Report brought us wit and an insane Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear in D.C. attended by 249,999 people + me.
Books – The best books I read were: The Lost City of Z by David Grann and The Passage by Justin Cronin.
Medellin, Colombia – I managed to storm Colombia twice in 2010. Once for a wedding where I acted surprised as the best man and once for the (phrase deleted). I spent most of my time in Medellin, avoiding drug cartels and the FARC. Aside from visiting Pablo Escobar’s hacienda (three hours away), sauntering around the city and shopping malls, climbing El Peñol, giving wedding speeches, being lazy in hammocks, eating all the food feverishly, playing as part of an impromptu band, and other things you might have read about above, I dare say I should really go back soon.
This is the end of the Christmas letter. Did it make you long to watch paint dry? Did it drop you into a deep pit of boredom? You’re welcome.
* Figure painstakingly calculated by picking a random number and typing it.
If I had a dime for every time I vowed to never put another tequila shot anywhere near my lips, I’d have enough for one more round of shots. Tequila is evil. It should not be consumed. Ever.
Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and handguns. – Mitch Ratcliffe
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. - W.C. Fields
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth. – George Burns
Women like silent men. They think they are listening. – Marcel Achard
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. – George Carlin
Bonus quote:
No way! – Me (every time someone offers me tequila, swiftly followed by me drinking it anyway)
We all need distractions. So when the Capital Bikeshare program announced their Winter Weather Warrior contest, I threw my name into the hat (snow beanie?) like nearly 800 other distracted souls. Grand Prize = free membership for 3 years + 2 free memberships to give away + other stuff.
The winner is the person that has the stamina to make the most bike rides in January and February. In the brittle cold. In the snow. In the freezing temperatures. In the blizzards and snow storms. That January and February.
My goal is to win. Even though I was going to miss the first five days of prime bike riding time, I felt confident I could compete against anyone.
Now, after seeing the standings through January 9, I have certainly underestimated the lengths to which the distracted are willing to go to win. The leader has 69 rides in nine days. I have 7. What sort of cheating is this? I need to learn this method…
No doubt I need to modify my goal to a simple top 10 finish or something possible (and no prize – sniff), but let’s see how it goes. There are still 50 more days to go.
My progress report (includes double counts on ‘extreme weather’ days):
January 9, 2011 = 7 rides (Tied for Rank #32 – tied with 41 others) (Only 235 people ahead of me)
Updates made after January 19th
January 16, 2011 = 34 rides (Tied for Rank #20 – tie with 1 other) (Only 33 people ahead of me)
January 23, 2011 = 81 rides (Rank #13 – straight up) (Leader has 267 rides. Like really?)
If a train station is where a train stops, what’s a work station? - Author Unknown
In the dim background of our mind, we know what we ought to be doing but somehow we cannot start. – William James
When you do nothing, you feel overwhelmed and powerless. But when you get involved, you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment that comes from knowing you are working to make things better. – Pauline R. Kezer
Learning is the only thing the mind never exhausts, never fears, and never regrets. – Leonardo Da Vinci
An avalanche begins with a snowflake. – Joseph Compton
Since winter can make you blue, let’s put together a frosty playlist to ring out this frigid season.
The limited effort it took to produce this list was fueled by vanilla lattes and a healthy degree of imagination run wild. This imagination needed distraction while writing something that is theoretically a bit more interesting. That, will have to come another day. Today, this. Such as it is.
‘Winter Song’, Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson
‘Winter Winds’, Mumford & Sons
‘The Winter’, Cake
‘And Winter Came’, Enya
‘Early Winter’, Gwen Stefani
‘Black Gives Way To Blue’, Alice in Chains
‘All I Ever Get For Christmas is Blue’, Over the Rhine
‘When The Stars Go Blue’, The Corrs
‘Window Blues’, Band of Horses
‘Blue Blood Blues’, The Dead Weather
‘Bell Bottom Blues’, Derek & The Dominos
’300 M.P.H. Torrential Outpour Blues’, The White Stripes
‘Natural Blues’, Moby
Okay, that’s enough of that. Let’s skip ahead and get sunny.
The Winter Weather Warrior Contest 2011 is history. Organized by the Capital Bikeshare program and goDCgo, it included over 900 contestants and around 250 diehards that had over 50 total rides in the Jan/Feb contest. By all accounts, I did quite well.
Even though I wanted to win in the beginning, I modified my goal to finish in the top 10. Success! For my efforts, I win two free months of Bikeshare membership.
The top two finishers did a jaw dropping final week of riding to epically overtake the dude that had led the whole way. The winner recorded 421 rides in the final 8 days of February (or 52 rides per day). His grand total was 1038 rides. The runner-up recorded 495 rides in the final 8 days (or 62 rides per day). His grand total was 972 rides. By comparison, I only recorded 300 rides for the entire two months of the contest! I honestly cannot understand how they did it (apparently they do have jobs and families…).
After spending two months on a task, you’d think that one might learn something. Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.
Winter warrioring exposed:
A new perspective of DC: I have driven a car over every pothole and construction zone in DC. I have walked all about DC. I have taken the metro to and fro. I have taken the bus, mostly fro. I have survived taxi rides. But the one mode of transportation that had failed to lure me, was a bicycle. Now I’ve done it all. (Sorry – Segways do not count.)
Access to everything on the Hill in half the time: As a Capitol Hill resident without a car, the best options for getting around are few. The metro is inconvenient for traveling within the NE and SE quadrants of the city. I don’t like crazy people well enough to ride the bus. So I walk everywhere. Now with the Bikeshare I can get anywhere I would normally walk to in half the time or less. Talk about good news for you! Now I have more time to write…or sleep.
Discovering new places in DC: When walking, the distance you can effectively travel in a reasonable amount of time is small. With a bike, you can range far and wide to those far flung places you never get to. Or would never risk walking to. I needed to partake in many rides, so why not go to new places? Why not discover more secrets of DC? Some notables:
Harris Teeter (on M St NE) – the brand new mega-grocery store is a mere 5 minutes by bike. Getting groceries has never been easier.
Tynan Coffee & Tea - a new coffeehouse to sip lattes at right next to Harris Teeter.
Metropolitan Branch Trail (MBT) - an 8-mile paved bike path that runs north along the metro train tracks starting at the New York Ave Metro stop NE. Who knew? Certainly not someone that usually walks south towards Eastern Market or Barracks Row.
Catholic University – I see the large cathedral dome far in the distance every day while walking on the Hill. Always wondered about it, but never had occasion to venture through the ‘sketchy’ neighborhoods to get there. With the confidence a bike gives you to outrun pursuers and hoodlums, I decided to risk riding through the random hoods for a visit.
The Yards Park – a new waterfront park that just opened late last year along the Anacostia River, not far from the Nationals Ballpark. It is quite nice actually. If DC’s Anacostia riverfront ever takes off, this is an excellent centerpiece.
Big Bear Cafe - heard about this coffee shop but was never willing to walk up to R St NW to check it out. Definitely would bike there. Crowded every time I went.
Random places – I pedaled furiously down countless streets and alleys in neighborhoods I’d never dreamed of. Did not get shot once.
Strategy is important: To compete in a contest of such magnitude you need a strategy. The first month, I simply rode whenever I could. No plan. I started looking at the riding patterns of those riders ahead of me and decided to defeat them. Starting in February, I decided that I would ride at least 4 times a day. With two weeks to go, I made it 5 times a day. And for the last week, I upped the ante to 6 times. This worked well because I was not a crazy person (e.g. doing 60 rides a day) and it tied in with normal errands and the seeking of lunch or dinner at neighborhood locales.
The moral of the story is: Winners ride bikes. They also walk.
Update: I spent another week in Newport Pagnell in July and had a chance to take a few photos to replace the ones I lost. I added them below, so enjoy!
With church bells pealing away to the tune of ’My Country, ‘Tis of Thee’ (or more precisely ’God Save the Queen’ since the same tune – different words – is England’s national anthem), I strolled through the small village of Newport Pagnell in the borough of Milton Keynes, England. Along the way, I spied a grand church with an ancient graveyard. I spied a peaceful river surrounded by walking paths and weeping willows. I spied curry and Thai food. I spied pubs. And I spied random things. Let’s take a look*, shall we?
Bells of Peter & Paul Parish Church (http://www.newportpagnellbells.co.uk/home) – someone decided that the peals of normal church bells were not sufficient in tiny Newport Pagnell. So in comes a variety of melodies on the hour to entice the common folk to greater things. ‘God Save the Queen’ was the gift the bells gave us during our stay.
Parish Church
River Ouzel - two small rivers oozing together, with walking paths, rows of weeping willows, a cemetary and a park all bookending the proceedings. Peaceful.
Duck, duck, goose
Weeping willows
Aston Martin - back in the 1950′s, Newport Pagnell was the heart of Aston Martin. Its factory, on Tickford Street, churned out all Aston Martin cars until they moved recently. Sadly, I didn’t get to drive a DB5.
Tickford Bridge - built in 1810, it is the only iron bridge left in Britain still carrying main road traffic. While crossing, pause just long enough to take in the silhouette of the Church at sunset.
Graveyard - ancient and moss-covered with the traditional flat front, round top head stones you might see in an old Frankenstein movie.
Indian food - there are by various accounts, around 5-6 Indian restaurants in this small village. That’s a lot of curry and vindaloo. The place we chose to ingest naan was in the middle of an immigration incident. By this, I mean there were six fully riot-gear suited and armed immigration officers in the dining area, concentrating on huge piles of paper and forms, while the owner stood by sweating and pacing. We witnessed no actual arrests. And after all that fuss, the food was just average.
Frog & Nightgown pub - I’m sure the stories behind names of British pubs are rooted in something akin to humor and history, but this name is a classic. What level of drunkenness does it take to visualize a frog with a nightcap and nightgown? Oh wait, you could just look at their sign. This pub is conveniently located within the hotel we stayed at (The Swan Revived). We failed to step lively for the boisterously crowded Pub Quiz night, but did have a more sedate pint on another quiet night.
Frog & Nightgown Pub
Of frogs and pints
Mini-roundabouts - such a cute white circle, slightly raised, in a normal intersection that acts as the main traffic control system of the downtown streets. I can’t imagine this working too well in the USA.
Such a cute roundabout
Newport Pagnell High Street
Random stairway to…nowhere - (photo here*) this piece of architectural genius can only be seen to be believed. After a rather unfortunate remodeling venture (one assumes), there remains a small 3 step, carpeted staircase about 1-1/2 feet wide that leads into the wall behind. You could stand in it if you were so inclined. I wasn’t.
Let's hire this architect
The Cannon pub – (photo here*) with old school locals welcoming visitors and grinning into their pints, you probably can’t get more British than this. As you sipped your warm, frothy pint the game was to stop staring longingly at the paintings of epic sea battles of British ships of the line, cannons blazing, adorning its back walls. Proper pub, this.
* Author’s Note: I dropped my laptop, and as hopes and hard drives were crushed, I lost all the photos I took of this trip. So you get words only, whether you like it or not. Although, I did find some photos on Flickr that can assuage some of the pain.
Nothing quite like ‘canyoning’ in Costa Rica (e.g. rappeling down 220, 25 and 150 foot cliffs, river ‘tracing’ and cannonballing into shallow pools) to excite the liver enough to release of its own accord. Whatever else you do, do not look down before you start.
Entertainment Weekly’s annual Summer Movie Preview is staring me in the face (actually an unshaven Daniel Radcliffe, aka Harry Potter, is staring at me with what are meant to be piercing, soul-searching eyes). It’s that time to ask ‘What are my movie desires this summer?’ ‘Which popcorn-guzzling, chick-flick, action-adventure, Rom-Com, special effects driven plot will capture my attention?’ ‘Will the world end if I don’t write about this topic?’* Let’s find out.
From last year ‘s summer movie post (2010 Summer Movie Preview) I saw 11 of 14 movies I was keen for (yet only 3 of them in theaters). I saw a mere 3 of 9 of movies I was lukewarm about. And a hardy zero of 8 from the list of awful looking movies. Not bad. Not bad. Another year, another list. Get on with it.
Gonna happen!
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2
The Hangover Part II
Super 8
Green Lantern
X Men: First Class
Cowboys & Aliens
Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Captain America: The First Avenger
Cars 2 (gotta see all Pixar movies)
The Debt
The Change-Up
There Be Dragons
Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop
Page One: A Year Inside the New York Times
Might stand a chance
Thor
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (mermaid and Penelope Cruz alert!)
Mr. Popper’s Penguins
Bad Teacher
Larry Crowne
Horrible Bosses
Our Idiot Brother
30 Minutes or Less
Not even if you were cute and needed a date
Kung Fu Panda 2 (hiiii yah!)
Bridesmaids (already have my own Hangover, this is unnecessary)
The Beaver (Mel Gibson with a beaver puppet – not liking the concept)
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (oh heck, I’ll probably see it and hate every minute)
Zookeeper (ummm, no?)
The Smurfs (almost tempted because Smurfette could be hot)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (You maniacs! Ah, damn you!)
Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (yes, to do something else)
Miller time! Uggh, wrong choice. It’s time for a beer at any rate. Peace.
Most people still get scared from time to time. I, on the other hand, have found the formula* that conquers all fear.
Nothing can pierce my fear armor. All fear bounces off me like water on a duck’s back. Fear fears me. Before this superhero transformation happened, there were probably some things I might get worked up over and flee from in sheer, blind terror. So in the spirit of ‘relating to my readers’, I list a few things I would probably be terrified of, if I still had the capacity to fear anything:
…that house calling, high-on-life Mormon/Jehovah Witness knocking on my door. Should I hide under the bed? Did they already hear me moving around? WHAT DO I DO? HELP!!!
…that intoxicated, barely standing, incoherent homeless person that wants to give me scabies or look for lost coins in my pockets.
…Oakland Raiders’ fans. Any sports fan from Philadelphia. People that watched XFL (Xtreme Football League) when it existed.
…that stud-collared rottweiler that enjoys hunting the slow and weak and savours the sweet, sweet taste of my crushed windpipe.
…standing on the edge of a precipitously high cliff, without the benefit of a guard rail, a rope or me not being anywhere near the cliff in the first place.
…Lolcats.**
…those typical blood-curdling screams one hears when walking alone in the woods at night.
…those unflushed, overflowing public toilets after a particularly harrowing (but delicious) binge of unidentifiable street food in some random country.
…being the last in line for Thanksgiving desert and not getting any pumpkin pie.#
…those surely to be lurking lake sea monsters swimming right under my flailing legs as I bob helplessly after an epic waterskiing crash. Why isn’t the boat coming back faster? AHH! I CAN SEE DARK SHAPES MOVING!
…that person with the painted chest, screaming himself hoarse while I’m trying to enjoy watching my sports team beat his sports team. When he goes silent and looks in my direction, I used to run.
…Donald Trump for President.
…being left alone with someone’s grandparents that I’ve never met before. Me: ‘So…do you blog?’ (looks of confusion. silence.)Me: ‘Ah, well…Jon Stewart is hilarious, no? (Grandpa leaves.)Me: ‘Hmmm…can I take a photo of your cat? LOL.’ Grandma: ‘Don’t you come back here no more!’
* Formula: Two parts self-denial, a dash of delusion, a pinch of overconfidence, crushed ice and a splash of aguardiente. Shaken not stirred. Set to flame. Serve.
** I’m still shuttering from remembering when I used to shutter when viewing these stupid cat photos.
# I used to get night sweats and bolt upright in bed while dreaming of this terrifying possibility.
Wow, we’re in for some exciting college football bowl games this year!
How about the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl pitting unimpressive UCLA (6-7) vs. Illinois (6-6)? Top notch!
Or how about the BBVA Compass Bowl where surly SME (7-5) will clash against powerful Pittsburgh (6-6)? Not impressed?
Surely the badass Beef ‘O’ Brady Bowl tilt between fiesty Florida International (8-4) and mighty Marshall (6-6) will make your pulse race with anticipation? Not your cup of beef?
Ok, at least see how you feel about the Belk Bowl (not a typo) that gives Louisville (7-5) a chance to crush N.C. State (7-5)? No? Man, you’re tough to please. Sigh.
There are 35 bowl games ready for your enjoyment. What do you want? 70 universities (out of 120) go toe-to-toe. Are you not entertained?
Maybe you want to see #8 Boise St. (11-1) still smarting from having to play Arizona St. (6-6) in the MAACO Bowl, instead of a top-tier BCS bowl berth? Nah.
Or maybe you want to get a slice of the Little Caesar’s Bowl where Western Michigan (7-5) can punish Purdue (6-6) while enjoying pizza, pizza on the sidelines? Too cheesy?
If you’re still hungry, maybe the Idaho Potato Bowl baked between Ohio (9-4) and Utah St. (7-5) will give you enough carbs to sit through? Pass the ketchup, please.
What if I tuned you in to the Music City Bowl match-up against Mississippi St. (6-6) and Wake Forest (6-6)? Sing it loud, sing it proud!
Or maybe you’d trade a polished turd to peek at the GoDaddy.com Bowl in the titillating tussle between Arkansas St. (10-2) and Northern Illinois (10-3)? Who are these schools you ask? Don’t be coy, you know you want to watch.
Sadly, this year’s slate of bowl games is about as boring as a curling match between Krygyzstan and the Gambia (that is if you can be bothered to unpack this analogy – don’t worry, neither was I).
One thing I will do is watch the Alamo Bowl where Washington (7-5) and Baylor (9-3) will get busy. I will, of course, pull for the Huskies, but the future Heisman Trophy winner (just maybe) is the QB of Baylor – so an added bonus.
The BCS sucks…how about we just get a playoff system already?
LSU vs. Alabama in the BCS Championship? Yawn. We already saw that game. LSU won 9-6 in Tuscaloosa, AL. I hope Alabama wins, so we can have more controversy. A national champion that didn’t even win its own conference? The system is whack!
