Hiking in Washington

Today we’ll let the photos speak for themselves.

Greenwater Trail (off US Forest Service Road 70 in the Mt. Baker-Snoqualmie National Forest in Washington State)

peace

Random Things That Should Be Annoying, But Aren’t

You might mistake these as annoying, but you’d be wrong…

“Fireflies” by Owl City - it gets in your head and at some point you think it should start driving you crazy, but it doesn’t.

Philadelphia Phillies fans - normally after making the World Series two years in a row, they would be insufferable, but anybody that battles against the Yankees and A-Roid is a friend of the blog. Too bad they couldn’t beat those damn Yankees.

This wiener dog that keeps jumping on my lap – I put him down, but he just keeps coming back for more. Who can fault such persistence?

New TV Shows – so many new (and good) TV shows this year, you’d think that all those options and so little time would be annoying. Not so.

Zombieland – funny and surprising, and just when you think those shuffling zombies will be boring, they aren’t.

This broken clock on my wall - time is relative anyway, who needs a working clock?

Pearl Jam - if you thought they’d be past their prime, you’d be wrong. Oh so wrong.

Hiking in the rain - you might believe that getting wet in the middle of the woods would be a downer, well put on your rain jacket and take a look at the sights all around you. Not so bad after all.

Constant talk about how the BCS system is broken - all the sports pundits keep talking about how we need a playoff system for college football. Year after year, argument after argument, over and over they expound upon how the current Bowl Championship Series (BCS) system is broken. Good on them. Until its fixed the complaints and the pointing out of obvious flaws will never be annoying.

Using ‘aren’t’ at the end of a sentence – all these things should be obvious, but sometimes they aren’t.

Don’t Wine About Oktoberfest

You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here? Such a tough question demands a long-winded response. By here I mean…

Leavenworth - With the dream of doing wine tastings in a slew of wineries, we embarked to this quaint Bavarian village just a couple hour jaunt over the Cascade mountain range in Washington state. Conveniently, Oktoberfest was also in full swing, so the beer options were exponential and the revelers were out in droves. On a typical weekend, this is a nice spot for a day trip with scenery, window shopping, and good eats. We failed at typical and landed instead in the middle of chaos.

Fall foliage - the drive to Leavenworth revealed why Fall is the best time of year. Brilliant colors – reds, yellows, browns, oranges - dotted the landscape in such profusion and vividness, you could barely close your dropped-jaw from the awe of it. Or something like that. I’d show you a picture but I prefer to write a thousand words about it instead.

Silvara Vineyards - after a bit of stop-and-go traffic through downtown Leavenworth and a few miles out-of-town, we arrived at the first winery. It was an unscheduled stop, as this is a brand new place we thought deserved our patronage. We had a brief tasting (just okay), chatted with the owner (friendly) for a few minutes then continued our quest.

Apples - forget Red Delicious, if you want crisp, sweet and sinfully delicious apples, bite down on a Cameo (word up) or a Honeycrisp or savor the juicy Gala. So many varieties are waiting for you to snack on, bake, juice, sauce or hand over to your sinister teacher in exchange for a just passing grade. Even though Washington state grows an unhealthy amount of apples (for one sitting), don’t wait long or someone will eat yours. (Insert Good Will Hunting catchphrase here). We stopped at a roadside fruit stand (well, apple stand really) to stock up on apples and then had our way with apple samples and other good food options being sold from tents next door. At some point there should be more wine around here…

Icicle Ridge Winery - we strolled up towards this fairytalesque locale taking in the sights. Before us stood a stout log house (built like a ski chalet, no less), a good size pond in front, a gazebo overlooking all (too bad it was too cold to stay outside) and a variety of old-fashioned cars and machinery nearby all decorated to the nines with pumpkins and scarecrows and much more. Built by Lou and Judy Wagoner as their home, it was shared with the winery until recently, when they let the winery take over the whole house. The 5000 sq. ft. inside is filled with stuffed animal trophies (niiice bear), a huge stone fireplace and a lofty ceiling. After taking our seats at one of the many huge tables, they started serving the wine tasting. On and on it kept coming. Eleven different varieties…insane pours…and all complimentary. The Huckleberry Riesling and the Three Blondes Gewürztraminer were quite intoxicating. The bottles were a bit pricy to buy, but who cares if you don’t even have to pay for such an insane wine tasting?

Chicken heads and Brat - Oktoberfest has never been for the faint of heart. It’s a fest (parties need not apply) for the stout of constitution and eager of disposition. You gotta be willing chug beer until it flows down your red, tear streaked face. You gotta be willing chow down on bratwursts oozing with sauerkraut until the bile rises from the back of your throat. You gotta be willing to hold back that well-deserved punch to the face of those weirdos over there wearing chicken head hats like its something of a thing. Most of all, you gotta get into the spirit of revelry and debauchery. Since our mission was as the more refined, prim, and proper wine taster, we couldn’t quite walk the line between the two. That’s not to say we didn’t have our beers and our brats and our unthrown punches, we just didn’t have them to the excess required. Burp.

Other wineries - we stumbled into a few other tasting rooms in downtown Leavenworth, but only to keep the buzz alive. Really, at this point, little help was needed. Probably on their own, these would be decent places to go on a normal day, but given our previous predilections, they simply fall into the ‘other’ category.

I like ending on a high note. Out.

Five Random Books: Novel Novels

Okay, first let’s acknowledge that I haven’t read everything. It’s a big planet with millions of monkeys pecking away at millions of keyboards (including this one). I haven’t read all the classics. Not even close. No Jane Austin. No Ulysses.  No Tolstoy. (Plenty of Hardy Boys.) Yet, somehow, I’ve managed to read my share of good novels. Certainly I can pick five of my favorites. Can’t I?

With so many contenders, it’s not as easy as you might think. With the classics out-of-the-way, I don’t need to pander to expectations nor give off a whiff of pretension. I can just be me. Which leads to a different kind of whiff.

The first three novels listed are locks. They stand (no pun intended) head and shoulders above all other novels I’ve read. The last two I agonized over. I had to contemplate, compare, contrast, categorize and consequently flip a coin. With much ado about nothing, read on.

Time and Again (Jack Finney, 1970) – A simple, elegant tale of love and mystery with the intriguing idea that one can travel back to 1882 by simply re-creating, all around you, the trappings of that time long gone. And when you’ve immersed yourself completely and you wholeheartedly believe you are in the past, you are.

The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas, 1844) – Revenge may not be your favorite weekend activity (or I may have mis-judged you), but there are very few things more satisfying, more demanding of your sense of right, then Edmond Dantès executing his intricate, complex web of retribution against his mortal enemies. In the final analysis, unless you’ve had everything ripped from you and then forced to spend 14 years in a souless prison stewing it over, you should, at the very least, have a hard time condemning his actions.

The Stand (Stephen King, 1978) - I’ve probably only read a handful of books more than once. This is one. Massive in scope, epic in execution, humbling in concept, the only thing missing is time to read it once more. It’s the story of the few survivors of a devastating virus, coming together, taking sides and the ultimate battle between good and evil. As Tom Cullen would say, “M-O-O-N spells excellent!”

Battlefield Earth (L. Ron Hubbard, 1982) – I enjoy a good science fiction yarn time and again. I’ve read Asimov, Verne, Heinlein, yada yada, but this 1,000 page behemoth by the creator of Scientology (insert Tom Cruise joke here) is brilliant. It’s about a boy that overcomes incredible odds and kicks some alien butt. It’s no literary masterpiece. Its better, because the action doesn’t let up long enough to feel like homework. Never, under any circumstance, watch the movie with John Travolta. The movie adaption is so terrible, so miserable, that the title is the only thing in common with the book.

Cryptonomicon (Neal Stephenson, 1999) – It’s hard to describe this 928 page-turning, black-covered tome using actual words from the English language. It’s really a journey you have to take on your own. It’s the emotion, the sense of awe, the spectacle, and the satisfaction of an experience well enjoyed. The plot, if it has a core, is too many things to summarize in a paragraph riff. It’s multiple stories take place during World War II and ‘today’. Look it up. Take the journey.

Honorable mentions: (okay, the coin flip didn’t take. I also cheat.)

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell (Susanna Clarke, 2004), The Road (Cormac McCarthy, 2006), and Wicked (Gregory Maguire, 1995)

Random Search Engine Terms

What random search engine terms are people using to find my blog? Hmmm, let’s see…

1. dik diks in love
2. fishing mermaid
3. naked mountain skinny dipping
4. 1970 swimming in underwear
5. funny wiener dog quotes
6. eat packing peanuts 
7. nude swimming hole
8. 60 ounce plastic fishbowls
9. ghost chili
10. dad skinny dipping photo
11. bacilos taco truck idaho
12. what do kenyan people eat
13. the vegetarian beefeater
14. lion killing
15. herd wiener dogs

I don’t know whether this is an indictment of the content of my writing, or of the people doing the searching…

Editor’s Note: These searches are real, I do not jest. Though I do laugh. You can’t make this stuff up.

Ten Things I Hate More Than You

Yes, I do mean you! Today we focus on the negative and how I hate these things more than you do. If that claim angers you in any way, don’t keep it bottled up. Blog it out!

I hate…

The New York Yankees in the playoffs – somebody please beat them like a red-headed step-child already.

Sean Kingston – horrible. Stop singing. Please. ‘Dial 9-1-1, shorty’s fire’s burning on the dance floor.’ Enough.

Kanye West backlash ad nauseam - it’s over. Go buy a Taylor Swift album if you need to assuage your guilt.

Ten Oscar Best Picture Nominees instead of five- so the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences decides to wrest more dollars from your dirty, scrooge-like fists by adding five more nominees to the Best Picture race? Sham! Outrage! I predict Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen as Best Picture. Word.

Sixburgh Nation - shut up, Pittsburgh Steelers fans. No one likes insufferable blowhards. Unless we happen to be that insufferable blowhard. But today we’re not, so stop talking about winning six Super Bowls already. We heard you the first two thousand times you yelled in our ears.

Celebutards- Paris Hilton, that means you. You have no business on our TVs. Or in our pure and un-sullied tabloids. You have done nothing worthwhile, so stop wasting our time so we can focus on how much our favorite TV stars weigh…

Greed – if you have too much money, then give some to me. Stimulate me and our economy in one fell swoop!

The New York Yankees - again. You can never have enough hate for these guys. Especially when they build a stadium for $1.2 billion and then go and charge $2,600 for a single ticket behind home plate. For a baseball game. Against the Royals.

Washington Redskin’s lawyers - if you are a loyal Redskins fan and enter into a season ticket contract with a soulless, corporate greed factory, you better believe they will take advantage of you and have horn-headed lawyers slap you with a lawsuit and take your sorry ass to court if you even hint at de-faulting. Then you better believe they’ll re-sell your tickets and get twice the profit. Fight oppression!

Making lists like this one - don’t make me do it again. Although, it does feel good to rage against the machine from time to time.

Reds, Tigers and Indians

Part 3 of 3

This, luckily for you, is the final entry in my road trip trilogy of terror. Finally, we get to the root cause of why I roadtripped to begin with…baseball! Hold on for a short treatise on the highs and lows of each Major League stadium I sauntered through like a deluded dignitary. I suggest you pause now to get a hotdog and a beer. If you pause long enough, you may even escape reading this.

 

Great American Ball Park (Cincinnati, Ohio) – Home of the Reds

Highs

• A great view of the bridges spanning the Ohio River that link Cincy to Kentucky and the quaint town of Newport.
• The Washington Nationals were in town and they won 5-4. Which doesn’t happen very often…
• I inhaled a tiny Coney hotdog. It was satisfying for 4.5 seconds.

Lows

• At the 4.6 second mark, I was still hungry.
• The confusing number of mascots. One is almost too many, but four? Gapper (looks like a retarded, red Phillies Phanatic), Mr. Red (looks like a spastic baseball headed Mr. Met), Mr. Redlegs (a mustached baseball head, which tells you all you need to know) and Rosie Red (because otherwise there’d be too many dudes).

 

Comerica Park (Detroit, Michigan) – Home of the Tigers

Highs

• Tigers! Everywhere there are tigers! To say that Detroit doesn’t like its team name is to fly in the face of numerous tiger statues and leering tiger heads looking down from every direction. Very impressive. 
• A ferris wheel and other rides for the kiddies.
• The home team scored two runs in the bottom of the 9th inning to win in dramatic fashion.
• First a torrential downpour, then a rain delay, and then the clearing of the infield tarp and then the crew drying and making the infield playable again. How often do you get to see that? Kinda cool.

Lows

• A 45 minute rain delay, there is such a thing as waiting too long.
• David Aardsma gave up two runs in the bottom of the 9th inning and the Seattle Mariners lost in traumatic fashion. (errrgg!!!!!!)
• The Detroit skyline had the least interesting view of all the stadiums but it was smack dab in the middle of the city, in a relatively nice area.

 

Progressive Field (Cleveland, Ohio) – Home of the Indians

Highs

• Ken Griffey Jr. (Seattle Mariners) hits a homerun!
• The view of the city skyline is picturesque.
• Heritage Park is the home of the Indian’s Hall of Fame, split into two sections; those players that are actually in the official Major League Baseball Hall of Fame (in Cooperstown, NY),and those that are only good enough to make the team’s Hall of Fame. It was historical.
• A perfectly positioned food court and bar, behind center field, that allows one to enjoy the game, a brew and an italian sausage all at once. Brilliant.

Lows

• Felix Hernandez pitches terribly and the Mariners lose again, 6-1.
• There is a race during the game with the mascots Ketchup, Mustard and Onion. Original. Their kid-friendly mascot is Slider (which looks like Barney the Dinosaur on crack).
• There was a cool looking cemetary across the street, so after the game I went out and strolled through like the locals. Then I became terribly lost, and could not remember the street I was parked on, nor the name of the parking garage. 30 minutes of random city exploring later, I roared out of the parking garage just as it started to rain. Booyah!

 

Verdict: Originally, I was going to give Comerica Park the edge as the best of the three (those tiger statues!), but Progressive Field (originally called Jacob’s Field until 2008) was among the first of the new wave of retro stadiums built, and it just grows on you the more you think about it.

 

Great American Ball Park

View of Newport

Tigers at Comerica Park

Comerica Park

Rain Delay!

Clearing the tarp

Progressive Field

Ichiro!

Culinary Delight

Seattle’s lineup

 

Also see:

• Part 2: The Lake Erie Monster and an Old Leghumper
• Part 1: 2197 Miles for Rock and Roll and a Hot Three Way

The Lake Erie Monster and an Old Leghumper

Part 2 of 3

Here we explore some of the beer offerings I encountered on my road trip. Buckle up and put on a raincoat, this is about to get sudsy.

Tremont Taphouse (Cleveland, OH) – with 24 beers on tap and around 80 bottle selections, this small taphouse/restaurant would be my favorite place to hang out if I lived in Cleveland. Slightly out of the way in the Tremont district, it had cute bartenders and a neighborhoody, local vibe. They don’t brew their own, but at the time they were showcasing the Flying Dog Brewery now located in Maryland. Best Beer I had: The Old Leghumper – a porter from the Thirsty Dog Brewing Company in Ohio, with the motto ’so many legs, so little time’. I agree.

Atwater Block Brewery (Detroit, MI) - this is a good little brewpub not far from Comerica Park on the Detroit River, in an area that doesn’t seem to get much traffic. Which is unfortunate, because it had a very congenial atmosphere with friendly staff. They win extra points for the bold sign out front “Beer is Good”. Indeed. Best Beer I had: Michigan Amber

Great Lakes Brewery (Cleveland, OH) - a lively brewpub where the tasters and the pint I ordered, were…well who can remember? Seems hazy…  Best Beer I had: Lake Erie Monster- at 9.0% ABV this double IPA beast really smacks you upside the head. So potent they only give you half a taster.

McNulty’s Bier Markt (Cleveland, OH) - with around 100 beer options, this Ohio City district bar fancies itself as a Belgian Beer Bar. And rightly so, that’s about the only kind of beer available. Dark, cozy, with easy on the eyes bartenders, if you’re looking to sip a Belgian pint, this is your destination. Best Beer I had: Dilirium Tremens

Hofbräuhaus (Newport, KY) – a boisterous place that everyone in Cincinnati and Kentucky must go to, with a huge patio and live music inside, you are left to find your own seat in the multitude of picnic style tables. Once seated, you order a mammoth, gut-busting liter of beer. Then you order a sampling of Wursts, including mettwurst, bierwurst and bratwurst. Best Beer I had: In fact, the only beer I had was the Hofbräu Dunkel, Munich’s favorite beer. Another would have ended this trip early.

Grizzly Peak Brewing Company (Ann Arbor, MI) - a good place for the University of Michigan students to hang out, debate their love of Ohio State, talk politics, and hoist some serious pints. Best Beer I had: Bear Paw Porter

Arbor Brewing Company (Ann Arbor, MI) - another U of M brewpub across the street from Grizzly Peak, that can claim decent beers and good fish tacos. Best Beer I had: Red Snapper Special Bitter

Saugatuck Brewing Company (Saugatuck, MI) – located just outside a small seaside (lakeside?) town of the same name on Lake Michigan, it reminds one of an old community center turned into a brewpub with the eating part called The Lucky Stone Pub. We arrived on quiz night, but found the questions far too easy so didn’t participate. Best Beer I had: Vanilla Nutmeg Oatmeal Stout – it just sounds tasty, and it was.

burp

Atwater Block Brewery

Atwater Block taster

Great Lakes Brewery taster

Grizzly Peak

Bier Markt

2197 Miles for Rock and Roll and a Hot Three Way

Part 1 of 3

When in the course of random events, it becomes necessary for someone to embark on a road trip, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind require that said someone should declare the highlights of said road trip in writing.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men need vacation, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are attending baseball games, drinking beer and the pursuit of hot chicks. That to secure these rights, Road Trips are instituted among Men, driving their full power from the consent of the driven, and blah, blah, blah.

As is my every right, I instituted a road trip through the states of Ohio and Michigan. What did I hope to achieve? A fine question.

First and foremost, to see Major League baseball games in three cities. Second and segundo, to imbibe as much of the local beer offerings as could be reasonably stomached. More on those in later posts.

With only three games to attend over 10 days and an inability to drink beer ALL the time, I needed something else to keep me busy. So here is a sampling of the more interesting sights and tastes during this ‘epic’ 2,197 mile road trip.

Cincinnati, Ohio

Three-Way Chile

Cincinnati chili - two fluorescent yellow dishes were placed before me at Skyline Chili. As I contemplated the larger dish, a strange assortment of mile high grated cheddar cheese, spaghetti noodles and the famous Cincinnati chili (a thin meaty sauce with cinnamon) known as a Three-Way, I mildly wondered how such a thing could come to pass. The smaller dish, a tiny hot dog slathered in the same chili and grated cheese known as a Coney, seemed almost reasonable in comparison. Enterprising immigrants brought this chili recipe to Cincy and it took off with a vengeance. You can add additional ingredients, like beans and/or jalapenos, to get a Four-Way or a Five-Way. Warranty not valid if you try too many more Ways. Worth eating? Sure, but don’t stare at it too long!

Northside - a small, trendy little neighborhood with a few restaurants and pubs. I peeked into a funky little coffee shop called Sidewinder for a read and a mocha then devoured an excellent sandwich at Melt, which has been voted the best sandwiches and best vegetarian food in Cincy for two years running.

Spring Grove

 

Spring Grove Cemetery & Arboretum – a sprawling mix of huge grave stones, winding roadways, ponds, vaults, mausoleums, and statues that turned out to be a pleasant setting to drive around (and get lost in).

 

 

Newport, Kentucky – just across the Ohio River sits Newport, almost as an extension of Cincinnati. With numerous restaurants and bars with live music, its a fine place to spend an evening. A huge shopping centre across the street and some sort of annual seafood festival along the river made for an interesting afternoon as well.

Ann Arbor and Michigan

Ottawa Beach

Lake Michigan -it’s big, let’s put it that way. Like an ocean. Get out a map of the US if you don’t believe me. A 3-1/2 hour drive from Ann Arbor to walk along Ottawa Beach (surprisingly big in its own way) and to stroll through the small, quaint town of Saugatuck is a perfectly good way to get some sun.

 

Carrot cake - a small restaurant en route to Lake Michigan claimed to have ‘The’ Carrot Cake. The cake was certainly good, maybe even ‘The’ worthy, but the frosting I could eat all day.

U of M Arboretum

University of Michigan Campus - sadly class was not in session, but Ann Arbor has a small town feel with the U of M campus as the centerpiece. Beautiful landscape, unique architecture, a fine business district with good food and drink and an idylic Arboretum with a river running through it, almost made me not reminisce about the time that the University of Washington football team crushed Michigan in the 1992 Rose Bowl. Almost.

Zingerman’s Delicatessen – it took a couple mile bike ride, zipping through Ann Arbor traffic, to arrive at a ‘packed’ sandwich and cheese shop. This popular destination with the locals, though pricey, is a worthwhile lunch spot. The setting includes the main building and a large coffee house, with a huge courtyard in between. You order (after waiting in a long line), get in another line to pay, go find a seat, then the servers come outside with a tray piled high yelling your name as you wait eagerly in the courtyard. Of course, my friend had to put our name in as “Beyoncé”…

Cleveland, Ohio

Stuffed Cabbage and Pierogies

Sokolowski’s University Inn- this gets a shout out in all the guide books and even Anthony Bourdain went there for No Reservations, so why not find out what all the fuss is about? It’s a small, family-owned and run restaurant in the Tremont neighborhood that serves Eastern European food cafeteria-style. Stand in line, grab your dessert, pick up a bottle of beer (or pour a fountain drink, but why?), then order your food from the myriad of steaming options. Stuffed cabbage and pierogies! Tasty!

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum - yes, this is in Cleveland. Yes, it’s filled with memorabilia and facts and music and history and everything you could want to know about Rock and Roll. Especially interesting were the Jimi Hendrix collection and the displays showing the music scenes in different cities for different decades. Seattle in the 90’s display right next to London and New York display in the 70’s and 80’s!

Case Western Reserve University

Case Western Reserve University – a small research university just outside downtown Cleveland (about 10,000 students), this has a surprisingly picturesque campus and boasts the Cleveland Botanical Gardens nearby if you’re inclined to check it out. I wasn’t. The campus was enough for me.

 

 

Warehouse District – where all the Clevelanders seem to hang out on a Saturday night. Aside from being crowded with people, restaurants, bars and clubs, I liked that there was a restaurant called the Nauti Mermaid…I’m easy to please.

to be continued…

Three-Way Chile

Spring Grove

Stuffed Cabbage and Pierogies

U of M Arboretum

Ottawa Beach

Case Western Reserve U.

Nauti Mermaid

Rock and Roll

Lake Michigan Lighthouse

University of Michigan Campus

Zingerman’s

A Giant Rubber Stamp?

Saugatuck, MI

Top Movies To See in Fall 2009

As a long-time subscriber to Entertainment Weekly, there are two issues I look forward to and enjoy more than any other. The Summer and Fall Movie Previews. The Fall Preview arrived fantastically just in time to take on my road trip. Not that I read and drive…

Are you ready for 112 new movies this Fall? Like me, probably not, but here’s my quick and handy list of the ones I’ll try to catch over the next four months.

I barely watched any of the movies from the Summer List, but there weren’t that many good ones in the end.

Must see…

• The Informant! (September)
• The Invention of Lying (September)
• Extract (September)
• Where The Wild Things Are (October)
• Shutter Island (October – moved to February?)
• The Road (October)
• Nine (November)
• Invictus (December)
• Broken Embraces (November)
• 2012 (November)
• Avatar (December)
• Sherlock Holmes (December)
• The Lovely Bones (December)

Might see…(if time)

• The Men Who Stare at Goats
• Amelia
• Whiteout
• A Christmas Carol
• Unmade Beds

Make me see…(if you can)

• Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (really???)
• The Stepfather
• Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All by Myself
• The Princess and the Frog

The Baseball Project

As I’ve told anyone that will listen (and even those that won’t), I have goal to see a baseball game in every Major League Ballpark in North America. Why? Because I can.

It’s not a goal I can do in a year or even two, but it will build over time. As long as I go to 3-4 new stadiums a year, I’ll be happy with the progress. And with 30 Major League Baseball teams out there waiting for my dollars to line their coffers, let’s call the task epic. Or crazy. Or random. But never impossible.

I’m still a bit away from accomplishing my goal. This year I’ll do a mini-road trip to three Mid-West cities (Cincinnati, Detroit and Cleveland) to add a few more to the list.

As this is a long-term goal, I’m going to create a new page on this blog called “The Baseball Project” (see along the top) to track progress. Mostly for my own amusement. Feel free to also be amused. Or bemused. Or confused.

So if anyone wants to organise a trip to one of the remaining cities for a game, or join me on one of my trips, I’m listening…

Play Ball!

Stop Destroying My Childhood Memories!

Okay, it seems Hollywood is hell-bent on destroying all of my not-so-precious childhood memories. I say, stop it already!

My brother and I grew up in the late 70’s and early 80’s very much in tune with the toy industry. We were Hasbro’s and LEGO’s and Mattel’s best customers (well, our parents anyway). We had all the good stuff. Star Wars toys and action figures? Check. G.I. Joe toys and action figures? Check. LEGOs of all kinds. Check. Plastic Army men? Check. Transformers? Oh yes, check. If you can think of it, we probably had one. And there is a good chance it was chewed (by dog or sister) or broken or both.

The cartoon and movie industries provided sound motivation for much of what we wanted, much of what would make us cool, and much of what we just HAD to have. Our parents, with fingers poised over the purse strings, didn’t stand a chance.

So, it is with some chagrin that I look at the recent crop of movies that Hollywood is churning out, and feel a twinge of despair rather then the intended nostalgia. Okay, some of the things we liked back then weren’t worthy even then (He-Man, you’ve been warned), but some things just need to stay as a somewhat fond memory. It all started 10 years ago with the new Star Wars movies:

Star Wars Episodes I, II and III (1999, 2002 and 2005) – the most anticapted movie (The Phantom Menace), probably ever, turned out to be a whiz-bang wow shiny, noisy, turd that tried to pander to kids. Were any of them good? Nah. Boo to George Lucas. The new toys were VAST in number and so lame in comparison to the originals we abused. The new Star Wars trilogy can never replicate the joy that many of us shared oogling the original three movies (thank you, Princess Leia as Jabba’s prisoner). Or inspire us to re-stage crucial battles with our armada of toy space ships and action figures. These skirmishes always ended in tears, as my brother didn’t quite understand that I always win.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) – we really didn’t have toys from the original Indiana Jones movies, but we did have copius amounts of collectable trading cards. And lunch boxes! There are so many stories you could tell with the Indiana Jones character, and George Lucas and Steven Spielberg had to tell the lamest one in this new, uninspired movie. Indiana survives a nuclear blast! Aliens! Rebels without a cause! Boo again! It did ‘fit’ the 1950’s setting, which they both grew up in, so maybe it meant something to them, in which case maybe we should give them a pass for trying to re-live their childhood. No!

Land of the Lost (2009) - haven’t seen this re-make yet, but I can tell you that it doesn’t look at all worthy of the ultra-cheesy, poorly made original TV show (1974-76). The original Sleestacks were freaky! The original dinosaurs were laughable! We didn’t have toys for this show, but I remember watching it every Saturday. There is no justification for re-making this as a movie, it wasn’t even all that good to begin with.

Transformers (2007) and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) – explosive dreck from Michael Bay (but then again, what isn’t when he’s involved?), the two latest Transformers movies would not have compelled me to seek out the original set of toys that were so much more then meets the eye. Some of the most interesting toys available (look Ma, a fighter plane that turns into a robot!), Transformers were exactly the right kind of action for young boys. Bendable, changable, breakable, frustrating puzzles that turned into cars and random assortments of cool things (planes, guns, animals). We retired our Rubik’s Cube after this. And sorry to say, but the Decepticons were much cooler then the Autobots.

G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra (2009) – haven’t seen this movie, but it sure doesn’t remind me of the G.I. Joe I remember. Flying soldiers in suits of armor? Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander? Marlon Wayans? I hope Cobra wipes the smile right off those flying ironjoes. A real American hero, my ass. Playing with my old school G.I. army would be much more interesting.

Next movie pitch: Bring on the Smurfs!!!

99 Reasons to Drink Beer

This blog isn’t trying to emulate Cosmo, so I don’t actually need to list 99 reasons. I can get away with this because a) I’m lazy and b) I’m not smart enough to think of that many. Take what you can get, and don’t complain.

 

Reason #1 – it’s your round to buy and you’re sick of your friend’s fruity, girlie concoctions that make your tastebuds wince in pain.

Reason #8 - Olde English 800 40 ouncers are on sale.

Reason #11 - someone brought a keg to this shindig. Free beer!

Reason #22 – you are thristy for liquid gold.

Reason #29 – ’cause it’s so crisp.

Reason #44 – you are challenged to a beer pounding contest by surly Germans.

Reason #55 – the Budweiser girls are smiling and giving away their wares.

Reason #63 – the work day is over and happy hour has begun.

Reason #67 - it’s a beautiful day at the ball game, and nothing would taste better then a refreshingly cool brewsky.

Reason #76 – it’s 9:00 am and you still have a hangover.

Reason #88- one does not need a reason. One only drinks with a smile on one’s face.

Reason #92 – the bar ran out of other, less tasty liver killing options.

Reason #99 - a stately Clydesdale, galloping in slow-motion, with flowing mane and uplifting music compels you to robotically open the fridge to crack open a cold one.

The Perfect…

The perfect rush…a six-person river raft, pounded and dwarfed by class V white water rapids, rowed in heart-thumping unison to survive head-on the next crushing wave.

The perfect burger…red onions, dripping BBQ sauce, melted pepperjack cheese, thick medium rare beef, jalapeños, toasted bun, crunchy bacon.

The perfect pizza…pepperoni, jalapeños and pineapple.

The perfect afternoon…beach, shade, hammock, beer, book.

The perfect dog…20 inches long, sausage shaped, soft, reddish brown, big soulful eyes.

The perfect morning…sleeping in.

The perfect beer…ice cold, crisp and chugged mercilessly after a long-day of hiking, diving, skiing, or playing.

The perfect place…surrounded by evergreen trees and early morning fog, in view of a glassy mountain lake, wildflowers, a small meadow, a winding bustling creek, with the still hum of nature.

The perfect business meeting…no one showed up.

The perfect road trip…radio blaring heavy base, whizzing by the endless Pacific ocean, that circles around massive sea stacks thrusting up between tumultous waves, and mossy rain forests, heading towards a picturesque seaside town.

The perfect pit stop…Chick-fil-A.

The perfect evening…a clear sunny sky, the smell of popcorn and BBQ, a light breeze, sitting in the stands, with a lordly view of the baseball game inside the stadium and the city skyline outside.

The perfect late night after party snack…cream cheese hot dog.

The perfect bar…ten or more beers on tap, cute bartender, a football or soccer match on, comfortable stools, a long wooden bar, greasy food, ten lords a leaping, nine ladies dancing and a partridge in a pear tree.

The perfect hike…overcast, 72 degrees, strolling by a mix of forest, lakes, waterfalls and meadows, slightly uphill with a spectacular view at the top.

The perfect blog post…this.

Blue Blazes, President Hoover, and a Skinny Dipping World Record

Editor’s note: Okay, so you were probably enticed to read this post from all that ’skinny dipping’ in the title. Not to completely disappoint you, but no photos will be available nor was any actual nudity involved. Please continue. Or show your true colors by leaving to google ’skinny dipping’…

 

Having spent a good deal of time exploring  and hiking around Virginia’s Shenandoah National Park over the past few months, I feel compelled to share some of the highlights of the national park.

AT with white blaze

The Appalachian Trail – spanning 2,175 total miles, from Maine to Georgia, the Appalachian Trail (or the AT as it’s referred to by the serious about hiking sort)  runs through the full length of the Shenandoah. About 101 miles of trail. I’ve done a range of different hikes in the park, and most of them included chunks of the AT. The AT uses white blazes (paint on trees and rocks) to distinguish it from the blue blazes used for other park trails (for hikers only).

Camp Hoover

Camp Hoover (or Rapidan Camp) – In 1929, President Herbert Hoover needed his very own fortress of solitude. He sent his minions out to find the perfect retreat to conduct state business while fishing and enjoying nature. The Marines built it smack dab in the middle of what would soon be the Shenandoah National Park. Camp Hoover was visited by other US presidents, but Roosevelt opened Camp David because it was not wheelchair accessible (get out your hiking boots if you want to go). The buildings that remain have been turned into a museum (the Brown House was Hoover’s residence) and showrooms in the middle of idyllic nowhere.

Dark Hollow Falls – with a nice 71 foot drop and a good climb, this is a great place for a scenic lunch and a few photos.

Matthew’s Arm campsite- Up north and slightly away from the crowds that go towards the middle of the park, this campsite had good sized sites and good shade. No showers, but then again, you do need that extra special scent to repel the bears and the mosquitoes.

Cemetery

Random cemetery - Until 1929, people actually lived where Shenandoah is now, but they got kicked out in favor of the National Park. There are still a few remnants of their existence, including one particular small, stone walled graveyard off Keyser Run Fire Road. A blue memorial plaque with a short poem describing their plight has been added, giving the place an even more melancholy atmosphere. 

Trillium flowers

 

Trillium flowers - Big, white flowers (kind of like daffodils) everywhere along the trail, makes for a fine afternoon walkabout.

 

 

Stony Man Summit – One of the highest points in the Shenandoah (4010 ft elevation), this affords a startlingly, panoramic view of the surrounding countryside. The rock formations are impressive and a good place to practice not falling off of a high cliff.

Bears! – Yes, there are bears. Black bears, to be precise. One was ambling along about 10 yards from the trail, not really caring about the nearby hikers (must have already snacked on a park ranger). No one was mauled. Yet.

Little Devil Stairs – Don’t let the ‘little’ fool you. This trail is all devil, all the time. Climbing about 1500 feet in a short distance this trail, weaving over (but not under) the churning and falling stream many many times, will kick your butt. It doesn’t help  when it starts to pour down rain when you get to the top. The angry rattlesnake waiting to lunge at your ankle is also unnecessary.

South River Falls – Another waterfall (83 feet) to add to your photo collection. Or not.

Swimming hole

White Oak Canyon Trail – descending a ridiculous amount (3,200+ feet), past a series of huge waterfalls,  we finished at the bottom waterfall for a crisp, frigid dip in a  nice deep swimming hole. Standing under the cascading waterfalls, you could get a bit of a water massage. Speaking of which…

 

 

Skinny dipping world record (July 11, 2009)- an attempt to set the Guinness world record for most skinny dippers at one time happened (I suppose) on July 11, 2009 at 3pm. Was it successful? No idea. While ‘dipping’ in the swimming hole on White Oaks Canyon trail, one of the hike leaders suggested we participate in the ’skinny’ portion at 3pm. No one took him up on the offer. Besides, the water wasn’t going to do the guys any favors.

 

 

Trillium flowers

At Camp Hoover

AT with white blaze

White Oak Canyon swimming hole

Cemetery

Why the Mountains are Blue

Appalachian Trail

A view

South River Falls

Stony Man

Tackling the Big One

Elevation 14,411: Part 1

On my ‘bucket list’ or ‘life to do list’, or whatever you want to call it, the eighth item scrawled on my scrape of paper is “Climb Mt. Rainer”. At 14,411 feet, it is not necessarily the easiest thing to have on such a list.

I’m sure many people have proclaimed climbing a mountain as something to be done before the coffin lid slams shut or the urn stopper is corked, but they may not care about which mountain. Any mountain will do. For me too, I’d be interested in climbing a few different mountains, including Mt. Fuji and Mt. Kilimanjaro, neither of which are technical climbs. You basically hike to the top; not easy, but not technical.

But those mountains aren’t bucket listed, they are just things to do if the opportunity were to present itself. Not Mt. Rainer, it’s both technical and hard, and it’s the only mountain on my list.

Tackling this big one may be particular to only those that grew up in Washington State. Mt. Rainer towers above us at all times. It’s something we’ve hiked on, camped on, road tripped on, explored, photographed, built igloos and shelters on, had snowball fights on, sledded on, and generally became one with nature on. There is something ingrained deeply within us to try, not to conquer – that would be impossible, but to at least tame, if only for a brief moment, the big one that is never far from our minds.

I’ll be climbing Mt. Rainer in 2009 and as that fateful trip draws nearer, I’ll be talking about it some more. Stay tuned.

For anyone that is considering climbing a mountain and needs convincing, have a listen:

http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/area_man_goaded_into_0

The Wordle Version

Quotes for the Random Person

Only boring people are brilliant in the morning. – Oscar Wilde

Call someplace paradise; kiss it goodbye. – The Eagles, from the song “The Last Resort“

There is no correlation at all between success and hours worked. – Seth Godin, from the book “Small is the New Big“

It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission. – Grace Murray Hopper

Despite of my rage, I’m still just a rat in a cage. – Smashing Pumpkins, from the song “Bullet With Butterfly Wings“

Is Your Wiener Dog Happy To See Me?

I wanted to bring you a well researched, thoughtful exposé on climate change and the green revolution, but I realised that would involve more then five minutes of effort. So instead, let’s talk wiener dogs:

http://www.showusyourwiener.com/

 

http://www.wienertakesall.com/

 

 

Wiener Dog Chasing a Rottwieler

 

 

Wiener Dog Races

 

2008: The Worst Year Ever

As a long-suffering Seattle sports fan, I can say without hesitation or debate that 2008 was the worst year in history for Seattle sports.

Let’s look at the performance of the professional and collegiate teams that get the most interest in Seattle:

Seattle SuperSonics (NBA – basketball)

With a record of 20-62, the 2007-08 season was the worst in the franchise’s 41 year history. The Sonics hadn’t played well lately, only make the playoffs once in six years, but this drop-off in performance (11 games from the previous year) was staggering even by those lowered standards. Bad trades and a squabble about the owner moving the team probably contributed. They did have the rookie of the year, in Kevin Durant, foretelling hope in building the team back up, but this season was a complete failure.

Failure Indicator: 10 out of 10

Seattle Mariners (MLB – baseball)

With a record of 61-101, the 2008 season was the 4^th worst in the team’s history. It marked the 4^th time that they had lost 100 games in a season (a very dubious distinction), the last time being 1983 when the team was still young and terrible. In 2007 the Mariners were close to making the playoffs, but in 2008 they won 27 fewer games – an epic drop-off in baseball terms. There was high expectation to make the playoffs in 2008; in the other three 100 loss seasons, there were no expectations. That the manager quit in the middle of the season and that there was a glut of injuries did not help the situation.

Failure Indicator: 10/10

Seattle Seahawks (NFL – football)

Currently at 2-10, the Seahawks are in danger of one of their worst seasons ever. Even if they were to magically win the rest of their games (they play three playoff contending teams), 6-10 would still rank as a complete bust of a season. After five consecutive years of making the playoffs (no other NFC team has done that, not even the Giants) and a Super Bowl appearance, the Seahawks have fallen into the ranks of the worst teams this season. Naming a coach-in-waiting during Mike Holmgren’s last season is a complete crock and very likely contributed to the terrible season. Injuries to almost all wide receivers and losing Matt Hasselbeck for 5 games only added fuel to the fire of their craptasticness.

Failure Indicator: 10/10

University of Washington Huskies (College Football)

At 0-11, with one game left to play (and not winnable), the Huskies are in the nightmare state of complete and utter failure. No Huskies team in its 100 + year history has ever been this bad. Losing in double overtime to the supposedly worse Washington State Cougars only drives this point home. None of the other 119 BCS eligible schools are winless. No Pac-10 team has ever gone 0-12. Outscored 152-415, they didn’t just lose, they got destroyed by an average of 38-14. Tyrone Willingham, you’ve been served. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Failure Indicator: 12/10

University of Washington Huskies (College Basketball – Men’s and Women’s)

The men’s team went 16-17 (7-11 Pac-10) and missed the NCAA Tournament for the second straight year.

The women’s team went 13-18 (8-10 Pac-10), missed the NCAA Tournament and did nothing worth noting.

Failure Indicator: 7/10

As performance is not the only indicator, let’s look at some intangibles:

The Seattle SuperSonics are stolen from Seattle by greed and a declining and increasingly irrelevant league and re-located to Oklahoma City. The NBA is dead to me.

Worst. Year. Ever.

Musings From a Random Conspiracy Theorist

There is nothing quite like being stuck in an airplane next to a nutty conspiracy theorist that leans over and tells you matter-of-factly about the way the world really works. Don’t worry, some day we’ll all experience these things…or not…

• Did you know that our planet Earth is actually called ‘Shan’ by higher beings? You don’t say!
• Did you know that those same higher beings include some 80 reptile species; many that pose as humans? ‘V’ Alert!
• Did you know that Al Gore and George Bush are reptile beings? Gasp!
• Did you know that there are cities as big as Los Angeles underground? And that all the missing children pictured on milk cartons can be found there? Poor little Timmy!
• Did you know that not only does Earth rotate around our Sun, but our solar system rotates around a great star (it takes millions of years to make one circuit)? Use the force!
• Did you know that all life is based on frequencies and as we rotate around the great star our frequencies change? And as frequencies change the reptile beings cannot keep their human shapes? And that Al Gore must wear a vial of something to drink to stay human? Oh Gore, you sly dog!
• Did you know that bear-like creatures with donkey-like heads roam the wilds of Idaho? No!
• Did you know that the higher beings stopped nuclear events like Chernobyl and 3-Mile Island? And that the reason the higher beings are so interested in us humans is that nuclear energy is not natural and is very destructive and it needs to be destroyed? Of course, it’s all so clear!
• Did you know that the Earth has been completed evacuated over 100 times in its history? No way!

Well, if you didn’t know these things, you certainly do now! Go out and spread the word! Or do something useful!

Random iPod Playlist: The Play Count Does Not Lie

If Stephen King can use his monthly column in Entertainment Weekly to list his top songs as played by his iPod, then certainly I’ve earned the right to do so as well. No? That’s not how it works? Too bad, I’m doing it anyway!

So, according to iTunes, these are the songs I’ve listened to most and the number of plays in (brackets) since 2006:

1. “Sunrise“, Norah Jones (79)
2. “Everything I’m Not“, The Veronicas (56)
3. “Caraluna“, Bacilos (56)
4. “Old Town“, The Corrs (54)
5. “1979“, Smashing Pumpkins (54)
6. “Breakaway“, Kelly Clarkson (53)
7. “My Maria“, B.W. Stevenson (52)
8. “Love Song“, Sara Bareilles (50)
9. “Interstate Love Song“, Stone Temple Pilots (50)
10. “Between the Lines“, Sara Bareilles (50)
11. “Starts With One“, Shiny Toy Guns (50)
12. “It’s My Life”, No Doubt ( 48 )
13. “Shoot the Moon“, Norah Jones ( 48 )
14. “Time“, Chantal Kreviazuk ( 48 )
15. “Love On the Rocks“, Sara Bareilles ( 48 )
16. “Somebody’s Crying“, Chris Isaak (46)
17. “Listen To The Music“, The Doobie Brothers (46)
18. “Sugar, We’re Goin Down“, Fall Out Boy (46)
19. “Over My Head (Cable Car)“, The Fray (46)
20. “Somebody Told Me“, The Killers (45)

What can we learn from this list?

Probably nothing, but we sure had fun!

Lions, and Wahoos, and Dik-Diks, Oh My!

What, you ask, can you do with a few days in Kenya? Let’s see…

Dik-Diks

Somewhere it is written (quite possibly here) that everyone should experience an African safari. Maybe get a peek or two at the big five animals. So I did. A day-long journey through the East Tsavo National Park, no less. 

Tiny Dik-Dik

I spyed with my little eyes at least one type of animal (elephant). It took my guide, Gilbert, to spot the other 30 or so types of animals. He spotted animals that were even hidden from themselves. The baby elephants, running giraffes, antelopes, zebras and the Kenyan Express (3-4 warthogs running in single file) were all well and good, but it was the tiny dik-diks that really deserves a shout out here. Repeatly calling them baby antelopes (and repeatly being corrected), these guys are midget Bambis, always in pairs. Am I allowed to call a lion’s tasty snack as cute?

Wahoos

Plunking down $350 for a half day deep-sea fishing excursion, you’d hope that the massive predator fish would practically jump out of the angry sea, straight into the boat. Not so. A fishing pole is a must.

Fish!

Heaving and tossing against the waves, the boat soon became a hot-bed of sea-sickness for this gilligan. In between laying prone and disgorging my guts repeatly into the sea, a hefty fishing rod would be thrust by the crew into my hands and so would ensue an epic duel of man versus beast. Mostly little tuna beasts. In one long, grueling struggle, I managed to yank a great trevally from the fathomless depths of the Indian Ocean. Ugly and sharp. Another friend, who stoically pretended not to flaunt his lack of seasickness, landed a giant wahoo. So pleased was he, there are currently more photos of him with this particular wahoo, than exist of all other wahoos ever. His may have been longer, but mine had more girth. The fish, people, the fish.

Lions

A feast of kings

In true nature channel form, lions are killers. This should not come as a surprise. We chanced upon a pride of six majestic beasts gorging themselves on buffalo in a grisly feast of blood and bowels. Less then 8 metres from a flighty herd of hushed and yet furiously photo snapping safari vans, I fascinated as these massive cats plunged their heads right into the belly and came out dripping red. Get too close to your sibling’s spot? Expect a severe rebuke, in the form of snarling claws and fangs. Such a spectacle is very rare, yet alone so close to the dirt roads where tourists can feel part of the action. Coming back a few hours later, all six were bloated, fly-covered and napping in the shade. One lioness got up and limped mightily, as if injured. One can only imagine the coordinated attack and subsequent battle needed to pull down 2,000 lbs of furious and terrified buffalo. Steak tartare for breakfast anyone?

out

Top Things You Should Put in Your Mouth Without Delay

A peppermint mocha from Starbucks

A slice of pumpkin pie with extra dollops of whip cream

Fish amok in Phnom Penh

A Dick’s burger in Seattle

Sugarcane juice straight from a plastic bag

A Tic Tac – you really need it

A mango and a lychee (or two)

Bulgogi with quail eggs and kimchi from the airport in Seoul, Korea

Whatever that street vendor is selling in Siam Reap…on second thought…

Leftover turkey sandwiches

Angkor or Tiger beer in a can at sunset

Your foot

The Best Non-Required Christmas Letter 2008 (Clean Version)

Once again, I’ve found you. There is no escape from this annually joyous attempt at season greetings. Since you likely have no other distractions; give me your full attention and let’s get down to the business at hand…to put the year that was, 2008, into a little perspective.

I know that the number of Christmas letters you’ve already dismissively wadded up and chucked into the wastebasket, along with all that fruitcake and eggnog you’ve gorged yourself on, will affect your reading of this; so I’ve decided to make it easy for you. First, it’s not a letter at all, it’s an email. No extra energy needs to be expended to get rid of it. Second, it has virtually nothing to do with Christmas. Sure, the title gives you that impression, but it’s really just a dirty* laundry list of all the wackiness that was 2008. Third, stop reading this introduction and get to the good stuff below. Fourth, I try to use simple words for simple folk like you. Sure, this means extra effort on my part, but…wait a minute. Forget it, there will be no pandering to the masses. You get what you get, and like it. Fifth, it is not required reading at all, nor should it be confused with anything relevant and timely that could impact your life in a meaningful way. Sixth, seriously, this intro is over. Get on with it.

 

Hang gliding (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
Let’s get this started off with a bang. You presumably know what hang gliding is. You’ve likely heard about (or been to) Rio. You probably understand the concept of swooping over the tops of high rise hotels. You have it within you to visualize a long, graceful descent onto a white, sandy beach. You are surely capable of wrapping your head around a scene showing a short burst of sprinting with your appointed pilot and glider attached, and a brief, sudden tandem free-fall before catching air and soaring peacefully over every postcard view of Rio you’ve ever seen. Yes? Good job! I’m so proud of you!

The Game of Baseball (Worldwide)
I took in the Japanese version of baseball in Osaka with the Orix Buffaloes playing the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters (sponsored by Nippon Ham). What have they done to our beloved game? Only turned it into an enthusiastic circus of bright colors, silly mascots, and crazy slogans! Case in point, “One heartbeat, close to you”, supposedly will entice you to attend a Buffaloes game. Hmmmm…yes, I see. I also saw home games of the Toronto Blue Jays, the Philadelphia Phillies, and the Washington Nationals. And boy did my heart skip a beat when I discovered $2 Tuesdays in Toronto!

Safari (East Tsavo National Park, Kenya)
Thirty different types of animals participated in my dusty, bouncing, day-long photo shoot. And not a single one smiled. So disappointing. The closest I got to a smile was from six massive lions feasting on succulent buffalo. Oh, and a baby giraffe played coy for the camera until warming up after I offered her the cover of National Geographic. Sucker!

9:30 Club (Northwest, Washington, D.C.)
Definitely the best venue to see a concert in the city (standing room and balconies for 900), I took it upon myself to see all kinds of bands and artists while skipping between the three bars, each with different beer offerings. I witnessed Super Diamond (twice), Sara Bareilles, The Ting Tings, Cut Copy with the Pre-Sets, Hot Chip, Shiny Toy Guns, and Vampire Weekend. Although this may be the first time you’ve heard of some of these, don’t waste this rare opportunity you’ve been granted to expand your horizons. (Hint: iTunes)

Dr. Granville Moore’s (Northeast, Washington, D.C.)
Fancying itself as a Belgium gastro pub, Granville Moore’s dishes fantastic mussels and frites (as seen on the Food Network) and entertains around 60 different Belgium beers before offering them up to eager patrons. This row house turned restaurant is seemingly unfinished on the inside, with exposed dry wall, and flourishes church pews for seats. Not that anyone would notice with a face full of frites and Framboise.

Niagara Falls (Ontario, Canada)
Big and wet. You expected more?

Music
Whatever your taste in music is, remember, this is my list. So when I say that the albums from Sara Bareilles, Vampire Weekend and Coldplay are the ones you should buy (now) and listen to (again, now), then you might want to take heed. Even should you choose to ignore my expert advice, I’ll happily enjoy them without you.

Books
Yes, I read some books, but let’s not dwell on it too much. The two to buy or hold-up the local library for are: “Despite Good Intentions: Why Development Assistance to the Third World Has Failed” by Thomas W. Dichter (the title also acts as a synopsis!) and “The World Without Us” by Alan Weisman (an interesting thought experiment on what would happen to the planet if humans no longer existed – can you guess?).

Movies
Some of the best movies of the year included: “The Dark Knight” (a no-brainer), “Iron Man”, and “The Visitor”.

Food
This world is full of good food and by any means necessary, get these dishes into your salivating piehole as soon as possible! Japanese okonomiyaki (pancakes with plenty of what you like), fugu (poisonous pufferfish), Kobe beef (marbled, mouthwatering meat), Dominican mofongo (puréed plantains with pork), Khmer (Cambodian) fish amok (the name says it all), Brazilian feijoada (sizzling stew with steaming beans, pork and beef), Kenyan ugali (doughy cornmeal), Canadian poutine (frites with fromage and fancy gravy), and British cream tea (tea and scones with clotted cream and jam). Oy!

Cherry blossoms (Kyoto, Japan)
What does strolling along the meditative Philosopher’s path, exploring any of 1,800 temples, jostling through the bustling (bursting?) streets of the Gion district, cramming onto crowded buses, and meandering through countless, breathtaking Japanese gardens all have in common? In early April, you can do none of these things without a pink and white explosion of cherry blossoms (sakura) in every direction. And a vast array of sakura flavored sweets, including the cream puff that explodes pink goo onto your shirt.

Corcovado (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
Arms wide for a welcoming embrace, the Christ the Redeemer statue (120 feet high) sits atop the mountain of Corcovado, overlooking Rio and its white beaches. Considered one of the ‘new 7 wonders of the world’, the statue commands your full attention from every angle. Then, inevitably, you have to take time to be distracted by the breathtaking view. But, out of the corner of your eye, Christ is still ready to hug you.

Mt. Misen (Miyajima, Japan)
Any sorry attempt on my part to describe the majestic panorama of sights from the high temples of this island mountaintop, overlooking the red, floating torii gate (considered one of Japan’s three most scenic views) and neighboring islands; and the arduous ascent through primeval forests and fiery cherry blossoms to reach it; and the perfect warm instant noodles and crisp Kirin beer bought from the Mom and Pop café at the summit; would only pale in comparison to the real thing. Sorry to disappoint.

London, England
Over repeated trips to England without giving London its proper due, I finally decided to invest a couple of days to really take LDN in again. First lesson: Use the money you theoretically saved on that cheap hotel with a shared bathroom (60 pounds a night) on a Fuller’s London Pride beer and a greasy order of fish and chips. Then go bankrupt. Second lesson: Go see Monty Python’s Spamalot. Third lesson: Take your iPod and stroll around Hyde Park and The Serpentine lake during sunset. Fourth lesson: The village of Greenwich and the Greenwich Mean Time line is acceptable to visit in the rain.

Pub Quiz Nights (Fado Irish Pub, Washington, D.C.)
A rich winter tradition of pencil in hand, sipping from pints of frothy Guinness, nibbling on corned beef and cabbage, writing down answers to random questions, and handing them in after each round – all with the hope of out-dueling the other, lesser teams for cash money – always ended in tears as we failed to live up to our own hype. Next time…

Flight of the Conchords (Television show)
So ridiculously funny, you will surely snort milk out your nose (even if you’re not drinking any!). The title refers to a very low-rent, no gigs, two shlub band from New Zealand, who, along with their manager, get into random misadventures, and then sing about them. As you decipher the lyrics, and nod your head to the beat, keep an extra pair of underwear handy in case a laughing accident ensues.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
I’ve lived on the East Coast now for a few years and only just now made it to Philly. So to make up for lost time, we swaggered into Philly foot loose and fancy free. Philly cheese steaks, a Phillies baseball game (World Series Champs!), Broad Street, pub crawling, cheering on the Kentucky Derby while quaffing mint juleps, and a random Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination exhibit and you’ve got yourself a weekend.

Malindi, Kenya
Whether seasick while deep-sea fishing; enjoying a fine meal at the Old Man and The Sea restaurant (Hemingway did not make an appearance); staying at the quiet and cheap Cloud Nine
hotel (not in any guidebook); cooking fresh fish in banana leaves; strolling the seaweed choked beaches; or watching the resilient sailboats, made by the local boys from cast-off detritus (flip-flops for outriggers and plastic bags for sails anyone?), brave the ocean’s wind and waves; Malindi is a worthy place to unwind and pretend the world really is this small.

Temples of Angkor (Cambodia)
The Khmer empire was pretty busy between 850-1200 AD, building temples like they were going out of style. Then most of these temples were abandoned for hundreds of years and they became part of the encroaching jungle. Angkor Wat is by far the largest and most well-known, but it’s the temples of Ta Prohm and Beng Mealea that are among the most amazing. These have been allowed to stay mostly overgrown and ruined. There is a certain amount of peace and awe one feels when traversing over and around the tangled roots of giant fig strangler trees and the tumbled stones and carvings that once were grand galleries and massive buildings of ancient kings. At least it seems that way, if I do say so myself.

Blog
Can’t wait until next Christmas for another injection of insipid, indelible insights? Keep track of all the random hilarity at:
www.jeremybailey.wordpress.com

Bonus Question! (Guess correctly for a cool prize!)**

How many countries did I visit this year? (Hint: One paragraph lists them all)

 

* Clean version
** No, not really

Random Snow Play

When confronted with copious quantities of snow in every direction, one may wonder what the best ways to enjoy it are. Here are a few ideas:

Blizzard Bowl ‘08   As the New York Jets battled the Seattle Seahawks at Qwest Field, an epic blizzard waged war on the fans. We were able to fight back by throwing snowballs at each other (e.g. Jets fans) and the onto the field (e.g. Jets players). That it was also cold and wet is hardly worth mentioning as the Seahawks defeated the Jets, 13-3. P.S. I was not among the snowball throwers!

360° Pirouettes   Minding my own business on Highway 410 in Sumner, WA, while blazing through snow and ice, I suddenly found myself struggling to keep control of my non-snowmobile (car). Then I implemented a complete wild 360° and miraculously finished in the same lane, going in the same direction. But not before a big truck slammed on its brakes behind me. Fresh underwear not included.

Night Skiing   A few hours of skiing at Boreal Ski Resort in California, should relax one. Just stay on the lighted runs…they don’t like it when you stray.

Tire Chains and Mountain Passes   Spending 2-1/2 hours to cross Donner Pass, California in chains is always a good way to enjoy the snow. Or not.

Ice slipping and Photo Ops   Watch your step while trying to take scenic photographs of the pristine Emerald Bay on Lake Tahoo. Those that had come before, turned the area into an ice rink of absolute slipperiness. But, as we all know,  any good photo op entails a bit of danger.

Xmas Snowballs for Dad   Possibly the best single use of snow is the making of snowballs. The best single use of any snowball is throwing it at someone. The best single way to anger your Dad is for him to be the target of said snowballs while he tries to free his car from the deep snow. He gets anger management courses for Christmas next year.

Snow stories? Do share.

11 Best Movies of 2008 (and 5 worst)

In the year that was 2008, I managed to subliminally see 105 movies. Some on a plane. Some on a couch. Some in a theatre. Here are the best and worst:

Best

11. WALL-E – loves EVE! And the human race has a fat ass future in store. What else is new, except Pixar once again doing what they do best? Entertaining us.

10. The Counterfeiters – What would you do to survive a Nazi internment camp? Well, if you knew anything about making counterfeit dollars and pounds, probably flood the world with the perfect counterfeit money.

9. Sicko – Michael Moore’s peek into the health care industry is probably something you should care about. But what do I care?

8. In Bruges – Colin Farrell is finally in a good movie!

7. Definitely, Maybe – I’m a sucker for Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks and Rachel Weisz. Put them all together and stir.

6. Persepolis – A look at the life of a young woman growing up in Iran, then leaving and trying to re-integrate after the fall of the Shah and the new rule of the Islamic fundamentalists. BTW – it’s a cartoon.

5. The Bank Job – Could you rob a bank without messing it up? Not likely, and these guys are no exception. Best new torture instrument: a heat gun! 

4. Enchanted – Oops, I’m also a sucker for Amy Adams, cartoons and merry songs.

3. The Visitor – This guy befriends the squatters in his never used New York apartment; he learns life lessons, plays the drums, gets caught up in the fiasco that is US immigration, falls in love. That type of stuff.

2. Iron Man – Robert Downey, Jr. in a flying, ass-kicking movie.

1. The Dark Knight – Someone, somewhere is trying to write something new about this movie. Not me.

 

Worst

I saw three of these movies on an airplane…and as I ate the tasteless airplane food, my mood grew darker with each passing minute.

5. Journey to the Center of the Earth – Brendan Fraser sucks. Please stop making movies?

4. The Happening – M. Night Shyamalan is officially squeezing out turds. Mark Wahlberg is a badass, and you turn him into a wuss? Why, oh why?

3. You Don’t Mess With the Zohan – Okay, point taken. Take heed.

2. Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium – The only thing wonderful about this, is…it rhymes? Nope, not even that.

1. Meet the Spartans – Do not meet these guys. Stay away. Stay far away.

Random iPod Playlist: There’s That Word Again

1. “I Owe You A Love Song“, Shiny Toy Guns
2. “All You Need Is Love“, The Beatles
3. “You Can’t Hurry Love“, Phil Collins
4. “Power of Love“, Huey Lewis & The News
5. “You Look So Good In Love“, George Strait
6. “That’s What Love Is For“, Amy Grant
7. “Love Walks In“, Van Halen
8. “Sunshine Of Your Love“, Cream
9. “You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You’re Told)”, The White Stripes
10. “Say You Love Me“, Fleetwood Mac
11. “Hero Of Love“, Live
12. “Love Changes (Everything)”, Climie Fisher
13. “All The Love In The World“, The Corrs
14. “Only Love“, Wynonna Judd
15. “In Walked Love“, Exposé
16. “Pride (In The Name of Love)“, U2
17. “Best Of My Love“, The Eagles
18. “The Game Of Love“, Santana
19. “One Sweet Love“, Sara Bareilles
20. “Interstate Love Song“, Stone Temple Pilots

Seems pretty comprehensive. Have we left anything out?

http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/454752/Love

A Few Links From This Here Internet Thing

Read about stuff white people like

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

 

Watch (and sing along to) “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog”

http://drhorrible.com/

 

Make beautiful word clouds

http://www.wordle.net/

 

Learn Engrish

http://www.engrish.com/2008/07/i-always-wondered-where-the-grinch-lived/

 

Play the tiniest Pac Man ever (and other fun games)

http://www.guimp.com/pacman_flash.html

 

Watch random French CGI animation shorts about bugs

http://www.minuscule.tv/ or type in “Minuscule” on YouTube

Main Reasons Not to Care

…because whatever they’re talking about, it’s not about you.

…because you already swallowed all the pills.

…because it’s not on Facebook.

…because melting glaciers will drown the planet anyway, probably as early as next week.

…because it’s not yours and you wouldn’t want it even if they gave it to you.

…because your name is George W. Bush and your work is pretty much done.

…because you already figured it all out.

…because Bono didn’t organize a huge benefit concert for it.

…because it wasn’t on The Daily Show.

…because…frankly you don’t have to explain yourself… so take a hike.

…because you weren’t in on the joke.

…because this list is done.

Why Blog?

Self-importance - Who better to share the best, most creative, most useful content on the planet, than you? If not you, who is going to uncover all the intricate, comprehensive, critical and witty minutia from your daily life? Please, absolutely regale us with your crafty, well-thought out missives on life and truth and your pets and every loving detail of your two-week trip to Peru. You. Are. The. Most. Important. Person. Alive. Please share.

To keep an active mind  – As opposed to the times when you’re not blogging, and your mind is stagnating. Just don’t let it happen.

Maintain discipline - It’s hard to maintain a routine as taxing as blogging. Hit keyboard randomly, press Enter, spell check, click mouse thingy a few times, paste something here or there, click some button on the screen, wait…, wait some more, curse, click the mouse thingy furiously while waiting, curse some more…and voila – a blog is born! Now do that once a week or once a month and that’s a mean case of discipline for you.

You heard there was cake - This is a myth. Blogging is not a party. Nor are there prizes for most creative blog or best use of a cat photo. Blogging is its own reward.

To let the creative juices flow - Wait, what? Sounds disgusting.

To relieve boredom - Blogging or staring listlessly at that booger you flicked onto the wall. Either way, it accomplishes the same thing.

You could be the next ‘that guy with a book based on his blog’ - Probably you won’t be, but it’s worth a try. Actually, given that there are well over 110 million self-important blogs (plus whatever they’re doing in China) and more added by the millisecond, good luck with that. Maybe you can get a book published about your unquenched love of Mandarin duck written in Cantonese.

Chicks dig the wordplay - My telephone number is 202-253-99…wait, send me your photo first!

out

No Hooting on the Rumble Humps

So, you’ve found yourself in South Africa, somewhere near Johannesburg. Now what? Let’s take a gander…

Meat – whether it’s biltong, boerewors, sosaties, kudu, bushbuck, chicken, beef, lamb, or boring old crocodile, you will have a hard time being a vegetarian in South Africa. Unless you don’t mind a spot of pap covered in sauces usually used for meat or that bruised, forgotten piece of lettuce over there.

Villaggio italiano – to taste gelato while strolling by dozens of restaurants and shops in a quaint Italian village, or to enjoy an Italian feast with white wine in an open-air plaza with a synchronized fountain of colors and music, are great ways to…  Wait, stop! This is still about South Africa, right? Indeed, it is. All to be had at Montecasino, the friendly, neighborhood, Vegas-sized, Italian-themed casino.

Charging Elephant – a young bull elephant, when in must (heat), is something of a big deal, at least in his own mind. If it looks like you might supply a bit of competition in his bid for the ladies, shift your love van into reverse and then give it some serious gas. He’s coming!

Leopards – it’s rare to spot a leopard in the wild, so imagine my delight in seeing two in 20 minutes! Or don’t, it’s no spot off my back.

Sunrises – for some silly reason, when you go on a safari, they demand you to get up and be ready by 5:15 a.m. After washing down a biscuit with a spot of tea, the gates of the compound burst open and you’re free to drive furiously, jockeying with other cars, to be the first to find the undisturbed animals laying out on the road for your voyeuristic pleasure. Then the sun rises in full glory and you forget about the animals and the fact that it’s so damn early.

Editor’s Note:

• Humps in South Africa are known as speed bumps in the USA.
• Rumble humps in South Africa are known as rumble strips in the USA.
• Hooting in South Africa is known as honking in the USA.
• The title of this post had nothing to do with its content. Sue me.

A Great Random Sadness Envelops Me

I stand on the threshold of utter despair. A great and powerful sadness has overcome my very being, and I can barely move my fingers enough to type these words. Oh, the humanity! The agony! The woe! It’s crushing me flat, I can barely breathe. Short, incoherent gasps are all I can muster from my deflated and listless lungs. I feel flushed and hot and am spiraling down, down, down…only the pits of hell can put a stop to my unmitigated freefall. Misery, please take me! Ahhhhhhh!

So, what in the world am I talking about? Of all the random, stupid things that could come to pass in this short, somewhat tragic life, I’ve managed to accomplish one of the more stupid of what’s possible.

I dropped my iPod in the toilet, where it remained for 2.5 seconds (ish) until I could swoop down and pluck it from the encroaching waters of discontent. Now it makes feverish, gasping death noises and refuses to perform anything that could be construed as music. ‘Grinding Gears’ by Misery Loves Company (I would assume, should they decide to cut that track) is probably the best it will ever do again. The screen only displays the sad, pathetic URL: www.apple.com/support/ipod that can do nothing to fix either my trusty portable music conveyor or my very soul.

This comes after another recent bout with the dreaded toilet, where my cell phone became the victim of a deep sea, spelunking accident. There’s a reason cave scuba divers need extra certification, once you get down deep enough, you’re probably not going to be coming back.

I vow to never use the deplorable, life-sucking toilet again. Or at least not to multi-task while using it. One does need to focus.

If anyone wants to give me their unwanted, cast off iPod, my sadness will surely incrementally improve. Until I use the toilet again.

fin

Angkor Temples! A Musical

(Conductor taps stick, the orchestral music swells, then softens…a voice booms overhead…)

NARRATOR: So begins a ’short’ treatise on the temples of Angkor built by the Khmer kings a long, long time ago (790-1307 AD) in a place far, far away (Cambodia) in nine different architectural styles (trust me). Of the dozens of ruined, restored and random temples interspersed near Siam Reap, here are the ones I, the Narrator, and friends happened to visit, explore, scramble through and photograph. We begin with the best and work our way down. Break out your warm cans of Angkor and Anchor beer and settle in, this is about to get historical.

(Curtains open. The stage is a large stone temple with trees.)

NARRATOR: Ta Prohm – built by King Jayavarman VII (henceforth to be known as Jay the 7th) in the 12^th century or so, this royal monastery is most famous for the many silk cotton and fig strangler trees growing from and causing the ruins of walls and galleries. Atmospheric and grand, the site has largely been left alone, letting the trees continue to thrive towards their ultimate destructive magic. Sit and contemplate life for awhile before your photo is taken in front of a storied and massive tangle of roots. Photos cannot do the tree’s roots even the slightest justice…

(Narrator pauses, Jay the 7th enters with a flourish.)

JAY THE 7^TH: Jai Ho!

(Beautiful dancers run onto the stage and an epic rendition of “Jai Ho” from Slumdog Millionaire ensues around the roots of the giant tree. Exit all.)

NARRATOR: Beng Melea – built by some dude in the 12 century, this temple, which means ‘Lotus Pond’, could be best described as finding a lost, ruined civilization in the overgrown, unknown jungle. No inscriptions or markings were found to indicate who is responsible for erecting this site, but over 800 years of nature have not been kind. Left virtually untouched (a few walkways were added to minimize sprained ankles), you scramble, squeeze and scrap your way through, between and around the jumbled stones, mosaics and pillars. You could stop and marvel at one or two of the massive galleries that survived complete destruction, but then you would never have time to see it all.

(Conductor allows soothing orchestral music to reach a crescendo. Slowly it mellows.)

NARRATOR: Angkor Wat – built by King Suryavarman II in the early 12^th century, the name means the ‘city (that became a) pagoda’, and is among the largest religious temples in the world. Adorned by countless (by my count) bas reliefs and carvings, Angkor Wat is huge and covered in art. One such is the “Churning of the Sea of Milk” that depicts the Khmer origin story and is especially violent, given all that furious churning. We arrived just before sunrise (too early) and waited as the sun slowly crept up and up, mirroring the pyramid towers of Angkor Wat perfectly on the lotus pond. Photos were snapped. Explorations were had. Awe was struck.

(Conductor continues the orchestral music for a brief interlude. It fades…)

NARRATOR: Bayon – built by Jay the 7^th, in 1200 or so, this temple was among those used as a film set to show off Angelina Jolie’s more refined attributes (see Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, natch). Not that you care. More impressive are the 49 towers (37 still standing) loaded up with huge carved faces on each. The original number of faces is disputed but it’s safe to say there are a lot of semi-smiling dudes staring at you from every angle. As fascinating and numerous as these faces are, the temple also has a series of massive bas-reliefs that completely circle both inside and out. The outer ones, of which there are at least eight, are 35 meters long and 3 meters high and depict epic battles of the Khmer versus the Cham from long ago. Intricate and ambitious, these carvings do not seem to leave a single detail uncarved.

(Jay the 7th returns and does a mean Riverdance jig, set to Irish music. Suddenly, a loud boom erupts offstage and 10 Cham warriors rush Jay the 7th. He battles and taunts them one by one with a scimitar, as he does his masterful jig. They cannot smite him. The Cham are vanquished. Exit all.)

NARRATOR: Ta Nei – built by Jay the 7th (yes, this dude is a temple building fiend when not slaying Chams) in the late 12^th century, Ta Nei is still overgrown and far off the beaten path. We had to walk a solid 20 minutes down a random dirt road to find this place, which made it all the more exciting to finally discover, since the alternative was being lost forever in the woods with only a lonely, slow death to look forward to. The best part was getting kicked off the temple roof (rubble?) by one of the curators who was not amused by our climbing and exploring endeavors.

Bakong – built by King Indravaran I in 881, we reached this giant stone temple just as the sun was about to set, after a long road trip to Beng Melea in crazily slow tuk-tuks. Loaded up with cans of warm Angkor and Anchor beer (from roadside vendors), we sat and scrutinized the slowly sinking sun while savoring the succulent swill. A couple of local girls sat nearby, waiting patiently for us to finish the beers so they could run off with the cans (recycling plunder). As the sky darkened, we soon realized that no one else was hanging around. A group of tough looking monks soon came with flashlights and we hightailed it out of there before we were questioned and gleefully thrown into a pit of tigers.

(Conductor plays “Interstate Love Song” by Stone Temple Pilots. Jay the 7^th and King Indra enter and begin a slow swaying dance. Soon locals run onto the stage, pursued by tigers. Jay the 7^th and King Indra, run for their lives. King Indra is caught and tackled by a tiger, rolling offstage. Horrible noises ensue.)

(Curtains close.)

Intermission

(Curtains open. The action continues on a temple overlooking Angkor Wat, again during sunset.)

NARRATOR: Silence!! You in the back, sit down! Where was I, oh yes… Phnom Bakheng – built by King Yasovarman I around 907, the best way to reach this hill-top temple is by elephant. Of course, you could walk…but that’s no fun. My elephant was very laid back and received a severe rapping upside the head every two seconds by the handler’s evil hooked stick. Not sure I would have put up with that. The elephant of my friends was not as laid back and was off like a flash and out of camera range in less then 60 seconds.

(Conductor plays “Pink Elephants on Parade” from Dumbo. Enter elephant stage left. Exit elephant stage right.)

NARRATOR: Phimeanakas (and the royal palace) – originally built by Jayavarman V in the late 10^th century, and added to by others, this small temple gave a nice excuse to climb to the top and sit around. Nearby, a large man-made pond, next to where the Royal Palace once stood, gave an equally good reason to sit around and relax.

Banteay Kdei – built by Jay the 7th in the late 12^th century, we didn’t so much as see this temple as simply walk through it on the way to Ta Prohm. Looked okay, we just had other priorities.

(Jay the 7^th runs out on stage and takes a bow. Conductor plays “Don’t Be Cruel” by Elvis Presley. Hips sway. Women swoon. Jay the 7^th bows again and exits stage left.)

NARRATOR: Srah Srang – built by King Rajendravarman in the mid 10^th century, this is a massive royal bath (more like a lake) built so that King Raj over there would have a ridiculously ornate place to bathe and frolic. As the sun’s fire mirrors on the shimmering lake you can pretend you’re worthy to clean yourself in these waters. You’re not – it’s off limits to you and elephants.

Bapuon – built by King Udaya (something) around 1060 AD, this has a reclining Buddha made of bricks, that doesn’t look so much like a reclining Buddha as a brick wall. Nice try though. One of the many drawbacks of the Khmer Rouge regime in the 1970’s is they stopped all restoration and research on the temples for many years. As a result, you can still see all the hundreds of scattered stones, waiting, like a nightmare jigsaw puzzle, to be reintegrated into this pile of stones passing as a temple.

(Conductor begins to play “Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2″ by Pink Floyd. King Udaya, King Raj and three elephants enter stage and start marching to the music.)

KING RAJ: We don’t need no education!

(Exit all. Conductor ends song.)

NARRATOR: Preah Palilay – maybe built by King Jayavarman VIII in the 13^th century, this small sanctuary had great promise, at least based on the guide book, which espoused ‘its attractive forest setting’. Imagine our chagrin when we sauntered up and found that the bums had cut down ALL the trees growing around the tower! And not more then a few days before we arrived. Made me sick.

Suor Prat Towers – built by King Indravaman II in the early 13th century, these towers are supposed to have been where tight rope walkers balanced and entertained the king before he fed them to the rampaging, hungry elephants. I jest.

Now please leave quickly, we have another performance in 10 minutes. Go!

(Orchestra music fades. Narrator berates audience until last person has left the theatre. That means you.)

 

Sources:

• Direct observation by Narrator (Jeremy Bailey), Intrepid Explorer, December 2008
• Ancient Angkor by Michael Freeman and Claude Jacques
• No music rights were procured.

Proceed a Vigorous Game

Exposed below, we find a larger-than-life missive on the sport of soccer, also known as football by the hostiles, that contains a brilliant, irrefutable argument on why Chelsea (West London) will win the UEFA Champions League tournament, crushing the hopes and dreams of lesser teams like; Liverpool, FC Barcelona, and Manchester United. The argument proceeds thusly:

Because I said so.

It is flawless. It’s brilliant in its simplicity. There is no room to inject counter arguments or rebuttals. Where would you even put them?

Notice the extra emphasis on the word “I”. It appears that this tactic is being used to convey some extra level of significance to this particular word. Ingenious, this.

It’s almost as if the author (me) is calling himself out as having some superior level of knowledge and intellect. I mean really, how can he (I assume it’s a he, since it’s me) be so confident in his bold assertion? It’s likely beyond your ability to comprehend. Confused, you scratch your head, and repeat the immortal mantra aloud for yourself “Chelsea will win, because I say so.”

Yes, that’s the spirit! You’ve got it just right! The infliction. The cadence. The whole thing, just perfect. Try it again. Go ahead.

 ”Chelsea will win, because I say so.”

Ha! Brilliant! It’s almost as if the argument is self-perpetuating. It will surely spread like a reckless wildfire or a bad rash just before a first date.

The Quarter-Finals are in two weeks. Start chanting your new-found mantra every day before bed. Soon you will be correct. Chelsea will beat Liverpool. This will be the 5^th time in five years that these two clubs have met in the Champions League. Last year, Chelsea knocked Liverpool out, and rightly so. Just as they will do this year.

“Chelsea will beat Liverpool, because I say so.”

April 8, 2009 – Chelsea battles Liverpool at Anfield. Prediction: Draw 1-1

April 14, 2009 – Liverpool travels to Stamford Bridge, where they will be tossed aside by the waving blue flags. Prediction: Chelsea 1-0.

Chelsea advances with a 2-1 aggregate score! Go Blue!

 

http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/699413/Chelsea_vs._Liverpool

http://www.engrish.com/2008/11/i-know-what-i-want-for-christmas/

Five Random TV Shows: Criminally Canceled

I have little desire to be original, as a Google search will likely take you to scads of similar lists with many of the same entries. Suffice it to say, you are not reading those lists, you are reading this one. You know where the truth lies, so start now to discover the TV shows that got criminally canceled by the clueless suits that clearly hated their careers. Commence.

Firefly (FOX) (14 episodes + 1 feature movie) – ‘An epic spaghetti western in space’ might read the original pitch for Joss Whedon’s brilliant and tragically short-lived show, yet it’s so much more. It easily ranks among the best shows ever not to be given a chance. Scheduled on Fridays (geek night – though I watched it), only 11 of the 14 episodes were aired. The network also tampered with the story and didn’t show the pilot (the two-hour first episode!) until the end of its run. Buy the DVD. Watch all the episodes. In order. It will make the tragedy that much more palatable.

Arrested Development (FOX) (3 Seasons) – The funniest show ever that only 4.2 million people watched. Chock full of non sequiturs, asinine and idiotic characters, ridiculously complex stories and in-jokes that thread throughout each episode, and David Cross, as the most clueless character ever conceived. If only we could all be ‘never nude’ or have a fascination with the Blue Man Group like Cross’s Tobias Fünke. I take that back, compared to the Bluth family, Tobias is completely normal.

Veronica Mars (UPN then CW) (3 Seasons) – ‘A long time ago, we used to be friends but I haven’t thought of you lately at all’. As the theme song reverberates through your brain, you might want to recall how good this show was. Kristen Bell was great as a high school super sleuth and Enrico Colantoni was well cast as her private investigator father. The first season is among the best TV has yet to offer, as Veronica Mars tries to solve the murder of her best friend. If you don’t watch this show, don’t come crying to me when life no longer makes sense.

Karen Sisco (ABC) (10 episodes) – Based on the U.S. Marshall character from Elmore Leonard’s novel Out of Sight (and the movie where Jennifer Lopez played opposite George Clooney), you could tell this show was going to be good. It wasn’t given a chance to find its audience. With Carla Gugino as Karen and Robert Forester as her father, the only analysis worthy of noting is this show got a raw deal.

Futurama (FOX) (4 Seasons + 4 made for TV movies) – Much like its predecessor which continues today, The Simpsons, Matt Groening’s take on humanity 1000 years in the future is parts hilarious, ridiculous and poignant. It deserved to live on if only to hear more from the heads in jars. Al Gore on about the environment? Nixon’s head escaping and chewing on Fry’s arm? Tasty.

fin

P.S. FOX deserves some sort of kick in the ass for leading the pack in canceling good shows. Conversely, maybe not too hard of a kick since they had the foresight to give these shows at least a chance.

Please Except My Most Sincere Apology

First, let me apologize for my most sincere apology.

Second, let me profusely apologize for apologizing for my most sincere apology.

I’m very sorry to have apologized so profusely while apologizing for my most sincere apology. Sorry about that.

Why has ’sorry’ and apologizing become so common in our everyday discourse? What on earth are we so sorry about?

When we take the bus or the train or fly in an airplane, it may be the only word we  say for hours at a time. It means so many things.

• ‘Sorry.’  without looking at the person (I just invaded your personal space.)
• ‘Sorry.’ (For putting my seat back into your face.) while not moving it out of their face
• ‘Sorry!’ with eyebrows raised (I just stepped on your foot! But watch where you’re going.)
• ‘Sorry!’ while furrowing your brow (You’re out of that particular menu item, yet I had the audacity to order it.)
• ‘Sorry!’ while shrugging your shoulders and shaking your head (I wish I knew the answer to your question! But don’t waste my time if you’re too much of an idiot to know where the toilet is on this airplane.)
• ‘Sorry?’ while tilting your head (What did you just say to me?)
• ‘Sorry…’ while pointing to the guy next to you (It wasn’t me that just dropped a stinkbomb…it was that guy.)
• ‘Sorry!?!?’ while balling up your fists (Are you crazy!?!? Get out of my way, jackass!)
• ‘Sorry!!!’ while cowering (For even existing!!!)

“Sorry’ is now an accepted standby for all conversation.

I’m mournfully apologetic that I had to bring this your attention. Sorry does not even begin to describe my remorse. I lament that you will never forgive me.

regretfully yours

P.S. Powerfully Sorry, but here’s a playlist:

• “Queen of Apology”, The Sounds
• “All Apologies”, Nirvana
• “Apologize”, OneRepublic

Top Things I Wouldn’t Even Give To My Dog

Here are some unfortunate food or drink items I recently attempted to ingest. I wouldn’t even subject my dog* to these awful concoctions:

 

Those sambuca shots – pretty self-explanatory.

That dense ‘chocolate coconut cake’ thing at Ebenezer’s coffee shop – okay, it did look good in the display and I didn’t know there was coconut in it.

That chickenesque deli sandwich in South Africa – what was that? Chalk? Sadly, if that was a chicken, it died in vain.

That mummified ground beef from the freezer – surprisingly, taco seasoning mix cancels out all other potential tastes.

Those Obama cookies – did not try them, but just have to ask, why? No, we can’t.

That ”cinnamon flavored” whiskey called Fireball - I probably don’t even need to add a wry comment here.

That Mexican food in Truckee, California – the mole sauce might refer to the burrowing kind.

That ’snack’ on South Africa Airlines – 98.3% bread, 1.6% meat, .1% sauce. 100% trash bin.

That Verizon Center popcorn during a college basketball game – it might have been leftover packing peanuts from my move to DC 5 years ago.

Cyprus fruit of doom

 

That candied fruit in Cyprus – a new way to puke without being sick. People eat this for dessert? They are better people than me…

 

 

 

 

* My dog has discerning tastes, and enjoys an occasional ripe dish of cat poop tartare garnished with blades of grass. Dessert is a small swath of my bed sheet to clean out the colon.

Five Random Books: History Lessons You Didn’t Learn

Jonesing for some historical knowledge that will impress your friends at the next dinner party? Say no more. You’ve come to the exact right place at the exact right time.

Not interested in history? Don’t have any friends? Sigh…I think American Idol is on now…

Read these books at your own peril. You might learn something. Which in your case, might be a first.

The Pirate Coast (Richard Zacks, 2006)  This tells of the United States’ involvement in the Barbary Coast and the shores of Tripoli in the early 1800’s. A man leads the country’s first marines to depose the pasha of Tripoli by putting the less than deserving brother in his place. Covert affairs, the US begins. Also, it tells of the war against the Barbary pirates and the primary rationale for the early US navy.

Ghost Soldiers (Hampton Sides, 2002)  Made into an decent but not great movie (The Great Raid), this is an excellent story detailing the rescue of the surviving prisoners of war from the Bataan Death March in the Philippines. If you even remotely like epic, incredible stories or anything about World War II, make sure you read this book.

Isaac’s Storm (Erik Larson, 2000)  Even worse than Hurricane Katrina, this hurricane in 1900 rips through Galveston, Texas and kills 6000 people. The tale is recounted from the perspective of one meteorologist who didn’t know what he was dealing with.

Endurance: Shackleton’s Incredible Voyage (Alfred Lansing, 1999) Ernest Shackleton went to the the South Pole and got stuck. This is the epic tale of how he and his crew survived for 1-1/2 years and what they had to do.

Under the Banner of Heaven (Jon Krakauer, 2004)  Explores how religious fundamentalism can poison the human condition through the eyes of the Mormon faith and two brothers that killed their sister-in-law and niece because God told them to. Scary and yet true.

Random iPod Playlist: Utterly Unabashedly Unashamed

Well, maybe not completely unashamed… For some reason, I’ve decided to share my utter shame with you in the form of a freshly minted random playlist. Let’s be frank, if one were to like any of these songs, that person should not be so eager to admit it in public. Yet, I feel you deserve my trust, dear reader, so I will expose my innermost, darkest secrets and hold my head up high while doing it! Blah, blah, blah, I made that trust part up. It’s just a collection of songs, don’t get all soft on me.

If you dispute the validity and merits of any of these, well you probably have a good point, but point it in the other direction. I’m shameless.

1. “Shameless“, Garth Brooks
2. “Don’t Walk Away“, Bad English – as this list is just getting started.
3. “Jai Ho (You Are My Destiny)“, Ar Rahman with the Pussycat Dolls – sadly, yes you are.
4. “Hot N Cold“, Katy Perry
5. “Forever and for Always“, Shania Twain
6. “Hey Mama“, The Black Eyed Peas
7. “Starry Eyed Surprise“, Oakenfold – you know you’re moving to this right now.
8. “I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’“, Scissor Sisters – I want so much to hate this song!
9. “Believe“, Cher – urgghhh, Cher! Yet somehow I believe.
10. “Tell Her About It“, Billy Joel – I did and she didn’t care.
11. “I Am A Man of Constant Sorrow“, The Soggy Bottom Boys
12. “Come On Over Baby (All I Want is You)”, Christina Aguilera – alright! Now we’re talking!
13. “My Moves Are White (White Hot, That Is)”, Cobra Starship
14. “Days Go By“, Dirty Vegas
15. “Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl)“, Looking Glass – yes, yes she is.
16. “Open Arms“, Journey
17. “Dancing in the Moonlight“, King Harvest
18. “Take A Chance On Me“, ABBA – frankly any ABBA song will do…
19. “September“, Earth, Wind and Fire
20. “I’m Coming Out“, Diana Ross – and “Upside Down” too

Did we just end that playlist with a bunch of disco songs? Indeed.

Wait…I see you dancing! Don’t deny it. Now let the healing begin.

Top Summer Movies To See in 2009

Here is my handy cheat sheet on the upcoming summer movies:

Gotta see it…

• X-Men Origins: Wolverine
• Star Trek
• Terminator Salvation
• Public Enemies
• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
• Up
• Inglorious Bastards
• Brüno
• The Land of the Lost
• The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3
• The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
• Year One
• The Hangover
• Funny People
• The Time Traveler’s Wife

Slightly curious…

• G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
• Night at the Musuem: Battle of the Smithsonian
• Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
• District 9
• Battle for Terra
• Ponya

No way!

• Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
• My Sister’s Keeper
• Angels & Demons
• Orphan

The Fishbowl, the Dukes, and the Beheading

So, you’ve sauntered into the heart of London with a gleam of mischief in your eye and wallet full of pounds. While the sun is in the sky, oh why oh why would I want to be anywhere else? What to do, what to do…here’s a few things…

2nd Annual Stag & Dagger Festival - 100 bands in 20 venues! Oh the humanity! The first night in London we spent checking out some bands and wandering around the East side of the city. The Filthy Dukes at the Vibe Bar kept us entertained for a bit.

Tower of London - after multiple visits to London, the Tower had never made my excursion list. Until now. We had a right jolly Beefeater (a Yeoman Warder of the Tower) give us a tour and clue us in on bits of the sordid history of England. Best story was when Jack Ketch, the executioner, gave James Scott 5 blows with his axe before having to use a carving knife to finish the gruesome beheading. Or the time where two princes went missing in 1483, leaving Richard III as the king. The princes were found 180 years later in a wooden box behind one of the White Tower walls as it was knocked down for renovation. We also saw the Crown Jewels…

Westminster Abbey - pretty much where everyone to ever live in England is buried…even with the copious number of graves and memorials, still a beautiful and reverent place.

O2 Academy Brixton - seems to be the happening spot to see live music in London. We saw The Tings Tings one night in this cavernous and well appointed venue.

Churchill Museum and Cabinet War Rooms – the underground bunker where Winston Churchill and his cabinet planned and executed their World War II plans against the Nazis. Churchill would often go outside and watch the Luftwaffe destroy London with their biltzkrieg.  While smoking his cigar.

 

What to eat and drink…

Caipirihnas in a fishbowl - exactly what it sounds like, with exactly the effect you would expect. Fish not included.

Salt Beef Bagel – late night eating, especially when everything else is closed early on Sunday for the Bank holiday, deserves a stop for salt beef slapped on a bagel with a dollop of nasal cavity burning mustard.

Cream Tea- a spot of tea and a couple scones, with jam and clotted cream on the side. Oiy.

Indian food on Brick Lane- everywhere you walk, hawkers try to entice you into their restaurant. But choices abound. We let a Londoner pick for us.  Try the Balti lamb korma.

 

What not to do…

Tate Modern- ummmm, yes… if you like modern art in all its various motiffs, then this is certainly the place for you. But if you can do without strange movies (Blood and Feathers anyone?) and randomly weird artistic expression, than there is plenty else to do in London.

LDN out

Beefeater

Fun Fishbowls

Westminister Abbey

  

A Camper’s Delight and Other Random Recipes for Success

You’ve awakened, against your will, in the middle of a campsite. There’s a tent nearby. (Why aren’t you in it?) Someone is stoking a crackling fresh fire. A picnic table is being wiped off. Camp chairs set up. A folding camp stove transforms to life. Bugs buzz. Caterpillars crawl. Rain drizzles. It’s all in your periphery. You can sense them all. Feel them. But what is it that you see right in front of you? Where has your sleep walking taken you? To the bags and coolers full of delicious, delicious food. Time to fight off the bears, its chow time!

Camping food you cannot do without

Hobo’s stew – meat, butter, potatoes, carrots, butter, onions, butter, salt, and pepper all wrapped in tin foil, lightly coated in butter, and thrust into the coals of your blazing fire. Pull it out, unwrap and swoon.

S’mores – Hershey’s chocolate squares and gooey toasted marshmallows squished between two graham crackers. Slip in some strawberries for a new sensation.

Bacon, eggs and coffee – in exactly that order.

Beer – I cannot stress how critical the perfect beer style, in just the right quantity, is for your camping experience. Minimum of 2-3 coolers full. Can be substituted for a bottle of wine in a pinch.

Hot dogs – good for baseball games and camping trips. Add chile or cream cheese and you’re sure to be a contestant on the next season of Top Chef.

Munchies – Doritos, gummy worms, cracker jacks, granola bars, beef jerky, berries, trail mix, or whatever you so desire, as long as there are lots and lots of options for your many, many moods. You will never eat as much in life as you do when you’re camping.

Mickey Mouse pancakes – wait…your Dad didn’t make you pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse’s head while camping? That explains a lot.

Squeezable tube of peanut butter and jelly and a smashed loaf of white bread – not just for kids, this is fun for the whole family!

 

Camping food you can throw to distract the bears as you run away

Bacon chocolate – combining two brilliant things together does not equal one brilliant thing.

Freeze dried food – you are not an astronaut. You are not overnight hiking 20 miles a day. So don’t intentionally eat this crap! Ice cream sandwiches are not meant to be crispy.

Instant Top Ramen Noodles – you are not in Boy Scouts nor are you a broke college freshman anymore. You have a real job, with real wages. Now act like it and stop buying this nasty instant stuff.

Slop Soup – throw all of your leftovers into a big boiling pot. Remove from fire, hang from tree and run. The bears have lost patience.

The Enomatic Destroys Middleburg and other tales from the vine

When you gather a group of wannabe sommeliers and turn them loose in Northern Virginia wine country, strange things are bound to happen. These events are real, and the names have not been changed to protect anyone.

So begins a robust blending of the noble and the elegant from the 4th Annual Running of the DC Wine Tasters:

We are winos - much wine was consumed throughout the day. Much recovery was needed. If you read no further, at least know this.

The Enomatic Wine Serving System - this big contraption at the Boxwood Winery tasting room in Middleburg contains dozens of bottles of wine. You stick in your $20 pre-paid card, push a button for a 1, 3 or 5 ounce pour and BAM you’ve got a huge mess on your hands. You forgot to put the wine glass under the spigot. Can’t you follow instructions? The other disadvantage of this cold, shiny HAL impersonator, is that there is no human touch or detailed explanation of the wines you are tasting. Sure, you can’t complain too much with all that wine at your fingertips, but it’s all very pricey. I’ll stick to the old school tastings, thank you very much!

Mariposas and papillons- at Chrysalis Vineyards we had a good German sommelier (schmetterling) educate us on their various offerings. 12 wines, mostly reds, were tasted with much lip pursing and pinky finger raising. Given the name of the vineyard, the names of many of the wines in other languages, and the bottle label depicting a women with butterfly wings, it is clear they love themselves some butterflies.

Norton Hears a Who - did you know that Virginia has a native grape called Norton? Chrysalis grows 40 acres ands sells them to other vineyards. Because it’s native to America, they affectionately called it the “In-Your-Face” grape…

Goombas and grapes- sure the Quattro Goombas (4 friends) winery had regular crackers, but they exceeded all expectations by adding chocolate morsels to the tasting mix. We. Are. Your Friends. They get most of their grapes from California and Chile, but they thought they would get into the game for real and plant their own grapes this year (it will be 3-5 years before the vines are ready). Also try their sangria, if you dare. And the chocolate pate. And the cheese loaf and crackers. And maybe some more wine.

Breaking bread – a nice stop for lunch at Hunter’s Head Tavern broke the day up just as it was about to start pouring rain. Luckily the rain didn’t last. The warm, crusty bread served at the table didn’t last either. More please.

Not your average Swedish Bikini team – Swedenburg Estate Vineyard blasted through the tasting with little commentary and little time to savor their wines. Strictly an in and out operation. No bikini team either…sigh.

Milwaukee’s Best – nothing like an end-of-day sampling of sweets at Milwaukee Frozen Custard to jump-start a much needed suger rush.

Random Stats:

• Number of days on wine tour = 1
• Number of wineries visited = 4
• Number of bottles of wine consumed = Unquantifiable
• Surviving the Enomatic = Priceless

Random iPod Playlist: Simple Criterion

There is only one simple criterion for this playlist. It must be a song from a band or artist that I’ve seen in concert so far in 2009.

1. “American Pie” (Don McLean) covered by Garth Brooks* (at National Mall)
2. “Pride (In the Name of Love)” by U2* (at National Mall)
3. “Higher Ground” (Stevie Wonder) covered by Stevie Wonder, Shakira and Usher* (at National Mall)
4. “One Love” (Bob Marley) covered by Herbie Hancock, will.i.am and Sheryl Crow* (at National Mall)
5. “Listen to the Math” by Tokyo Police Club (at Black Cat)
6. “Stop the Show” by Scythian (at RFK Stadium – Shamrock Fest 2009)
7. “What About Everything?” by Carbon Leaf (at RFK Stadium – Shamrock Fest 2009)
8. “Great DJ” by the Ting Tings (at 9:30 Club)
9. “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” (Pat Benatar) covered by The Reflex (at 9:30 Club)
10. “I Am, I Said” (Neil Diamond) covered by Super Diamond (at 9:30 Club)
11. “The Geeks Were Right” by The Faint (at 9:30 Club)
12. “Runaway” by Ladytron (at 9:30 Club)
13. “Show Me How To Live ” (Audioslave) by Chris Cornell solo (at 9:30 Club)
14. “Song Beneath the Song” by Maria Taylor (at Rock n’ Roll Hotel)
15. “The Fear” by Lily Allen (at 9:30 Club)
16. “Messages” by Filthy Dukes (at Vibe Bar, London)
17. “That’s Not My Name” by the Ting Tings (at 02 Academy Brixton – London)
18. “4 Songs & A Fight” by The Sounds (at Nissan Pavilion)
19. “That’s What You Get” by Paramore (at Nissan Pavilion)
20. “Sunday Morning” by No Doubt (at Nissan Pavilion)

Start dancing. Sing karaoke. Make the world a better place. Anything. Just please get to it. 

* From Barrack Obama’s Presidential Inauguration celebration concert “We Are One”.

A Random Thought Experiment

If you could only pick one, which would you choose and forego all the rest? Could you give any of these up permanently? That is the question you must answer in our random little thought experiment.

Below are six categories that comprise much of our produced entertainment opportunities (I’ve skipped sports, outdoor activities, social media, etc.). The idea of this thought experiment is to pick only one of these six for the rest of your life. The ones you don’t choose, you can never do again.

First, let’s acknowledge that many of these forms of entertainment overlap, intersect and meld together. That’s inescapable. Second, if you have a problem with the exact details, write to: c/o: Nobody Here at 123 So What Lane, Nevercareville,  North Dakota. Your letter will be thoughtfully and painstakingly ignored.

So, remember you can only pick one of these at the expense of the other five. Are you prepared to take the challenge? I don’t think you can do it, quite frankly. These are all too much a part of our lives, there is too much at stake. Good luck. You’ll need it.

Books/Comics - Included:All published books in print or online; all comic books; all graphic novels; all audio books; all books on portable readers (e.g. Kindle). Not included: Books on fire at the neighborhood book burning (too hot to handle).

Stage – Included: all live stage productions (musical, drama, stand-up comedy, poetry/book readings, circus); all stage productions found on DVD/video or online. Not included: Anything just mentioned found on TV; musical soundtracks of stage productions.

Television – Included: All shows produced by and for television/cable networks (dramas, sitcoms, cartoons, reality, game shows, talk shows) either watched on television, internet or DVD; news and sports on TV; the edited movies shown on the prime time networks; made for TV movies; mini-series documentaries; music videos shown on TV; live concerts shown on TV; stand-up comedy shown on TV. Not included: Pay-per-view movies; music videos found online or anywhere outside of TV; Cop Rock (it should go without saying).

Movies – Included: All movies (foreign and domestic) and documentaries released in theatres; all direct to DVD/video movies; all pay-per-view movies on TV; all movies downloaded from the internet; all movies shown on airplanes/trains/buses. Not included: Made for TV movies; anything by Ed Wood (obviously).

Music – Included: All music released on CDs, vinyl, or internet; all music found on online music services; live concerts; concerts on DVDs/video or online;  movie or stage production soundtracks; music videos online or on DVD/video. Not included: Anything just mentioned that is shown on TV (e.g. sorry Canadians, no Much Music); audio books.

Video games – Included: all video games on gaming consoles or computers; all video games on cell phones; all video games on portable devices. Not included: Video games played on TV at home or in hotel rooms; Elf Bowling (as fun as it might be…).

Discuss..

So, which would I pick, since I started this little thinking game? I’m honestly not sure I can pick only one. First, I would exclude video games and stage. I’ve played my share of video games, but I don’t play much anymore. I’ve seen quite a number of plays and musicals, etc. but it’s something that I could live without.

So, books, music, movies or television? Yikes…to be continued.

123 Random Movies: American Film Institute

Back in 1998, the American Film Institute (AFI) released their list of America’s 100 Greatest Movies.

At that time I decided I would attempt to watch all of these great movies. I already had a bit of a head start, because a few years before I had taken up watching the Oscar winners for Best Picture. There is a good amount of overlap. So, over the course of the next 2-3 years I watched a good chunk of the 100 Greatest Movies, but my interest waned after awhile, and my task was left incomplete (on both fronts).

Fast forward to 2008, when AFI released a 10th Anniversary Edition of America’s 100 Greatest Movies, updating the original list with new rankings and 23 new movies (goodbye to the 23 that dropped off). It seems the only thing that didn’t change on the new list was Citizen Cane still at #1.

To me the AFI list now comprises 123 movies (100 original + 23 new). I’ve decided to take up the task again and finish watching all these movies. Only 25 to go. But in the meantime, here are some handy lists.

Five to watch first

• The Godfather Part 1 – (New rank = 2, Old rank = 3)
• Pulp Fiction – (New rank = 94, Old rank = 95)
• Raiders of the Lost Ark – (New rank = 66, Old rank = 60)
• Casablanca – (New rank = 3, Old rank = 2)
• Schindler’s List – (New rank = 9, Old rank = 8 )

Five originals that should not have dropped off

•  See ya suckas!

Five excellent new additions

• The Shawshank Redemption – (New rank = 72, Old rank = N/A)
• Toy Story - (New rank = 99, Old rank = N/A)
• Saving Private Ryan – (New rank = 71, Old rank = N/A)
• Spartacus – (New rank = 81, Old rank = N/A)
• The Sixth Sense - (New rank = 89, Old rank = N/A)

Random stats on 123 greatest movies

• Decade with the most movies - 1st place: the 1970’s (22 movies); 2nd place: a tie between the 1950’s and the 1960’s (21 movies each).
• Decade that added the most movies in the new rankings – the 1990’s (5 new movies for a total of 13)
• Harrison Ford sightings – 5 movies
• Katharine Hepburn sightings – 4 movies
• Biggest jump in rankings – 84 spots, The Searchers (New rank = 12, Old rank = 96)
• Biggest fall in rankings – 48 spots, The African Queen (New rank = 65, Old rank = 17)
• Highest ranked new entry – The General (say what?) (New rank = 18, Old rank = N/A)
• Biggest plummet off the list – 61 spots, Doctor Zhivago (New rank = N/A, Old rank = 39) 
• Best year – 1939 (5 movies)

You’ve been told.

Not Your Grandmother’s Cat Blog

“No one cares about you. Almost no one even knows you exist.”- Seth Godin, “Who’s There?”

On that somber note, let’s first establish that neither of my grandmothers like cats. They are dog people, through and through. Just like me.

The reason I bring up the term ‘cat blog’, is that it’s been used by the author above to describe blogs about YOU. When you share and blog about details of your life, what you ate, where you went, what your cat did yesterday, etc.  That’s considered a ‘cat blog’. As opposed to a second category of blogs that are for sharing ’ideas’ with the audience or providing them a service.

This blog is probably closer to the ‘cat blog’ realm, though I’d argue I occasionally dip into the sharing ‘ideas’ realm (as lame as they are). Before we continue, I’m dismissing the name and changing it to ‘dog blog’, because cats drool and dogs rule. And the reason I’m pontificating now is because today there can be no doubt about the fact that this particular post is all about the ‘dog blog’…

My dog’s photo was featured in the July 2009 DC Hill Rag’s (a monthly publication) Annual Pet Photo Contest! High Five! Kuma is cuter than those others dogs! Long live the wiener dog!

I know no one really cares (with all the tragedy happening on this planet), but after all this is my blog and I’ll write about whatever dog I so choose.

Was it good for you?

Winning wiener photo